Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
24. My wife could finally catch up on the “Real World Challenge Teen Moms of Jersey City." #mindlessbullshit
23. Chooch could finish up his Rosetta Stone course on English. #kingsenglish
22. T*Mac will finally be able to pose for that Moobs magazine centerfold. #selfbreastexam
21. Cholly could now get good use out of his Ed Hardy shirt collection. #actyourage
20. J*Roll could be courted by other MLB teams. #fiveyearsmyass
19. Doc could plan his fly fishing trip with Carpenter. #drownthefucker
18. Oswalt could pack up his storage facility. #acetoass
17. Big Daddy Shane could get fitted for a truss. #carriedoffense
16. NetFather could start dating again. #morewivesthanlarryking
15. Lee could watch his buddies on the Rangers win the World Series. #fml
14. Ricky Bo could take some anger management classes. #umadbro
13. Madson could go Brink’s truck shopping. #wererichbitch
12. Kornhole could get his tv/radio/movie career up and running. #dreamweaver
11. CJ Hood could read Blogging for Dummies and post his own work #computerilliterate
10. Cholly could finish up his wrist tattoo: Rollins, Victorino, Utley, Howard & Pence, just in case he forgets. #f'eduplineup
9. Blanton could finally finish those 3 sit-ups he started last off season. #souse
8. Sarge will be able to finish his Bangin Pootytangin’ World Tour. #wheredawhitewomenat
7. Wheel’s will finally get to AMS Salon to match the carpet w/the toupee. #graypubes
6. Amaro will get his new website up and running:
5. DB29 will be able to spend more time on his first love: Bedazzling! #diamondcrustedballs
4. Chase could finally accept Diamond Girl’s offer for tea and roofies. #daterape
3. Pence could take Pat Burrell’s junior college course: Single Guy’s Survival Guide of Philly. #dontgetclap
2. The offense could watch & pray the Eagles don’t win another game. #pressuresoffus
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Are there are any more dollars Reuben Amaro, to sign a bat
Thinking about next year, Amaro
Makes me nervous and filled with sorrow,
Is J*Roll done?
Our lineup is old, it’s cold and moldy
Howard is hurt and Madson wants cash
Ohhhhhhh. We need hitters who work the count, Amaro
Can we put our trust in Reuben Amaro,
Come what may
Amaro, Amaro, you signed Doc Amaro
And gave the finger to the Blue Jays
Is Chase washed up, Amaro
Pence kinda sucked in the playoffs, Amaro
Come what may,
Amaro, Amaro, you brought Lee back Amaro
Don’t want to go the Eagles way
Amaro, Amaro, I luv ya Amaro
But not in a homo way.
Amaro, Amaro, I luv ya, Amaro
Spring Training is a 100 some, days, awaaaaay!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I know. I know. The Wriz should have definitely written something by now. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t put even one sentence together that explained how I felt, what the Phillies did wrong or where they should go from here.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I don't know about you, but I'm REALLY pissed off.
My heart was broken into a million little pieces on a beautiful early October Friday evening. Like any normal stalker does after a nasty break up, I went through my Bunts blogs and reminisced on the season that should have been. I cried, I laughed, I threw blunt objects at my wall. I dreamt of Chase, Roy, Clifton and Jimmy scoring like no one's business (not all at once dirt balls... haha). I started to call my cat "Sebastian Le Toux", as it seems that the Philadelphia Union may go further in the playoffs than our beloved Phillies (DOOP!). And now I simply have nothing but sadness to spread to my faithful readers.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
So here I sit, Sat morning, 11am, getting bunted. Alternating between rum and coke, vodka and iced tea, and Michelob Ultra... wondering if my little white lie is the root cause of my feeling like shit... or if the baseball gods actually have a plan. All I can say is if they do have a plan, I can tell you it sucks royal azz, and after each drink I have to change my screen resolution to finish this. Let's all get bunted, and go Flyers!
- Chooch - B. His defense & handling the Aces was superb as per usual. However, his injuries prevented him from being a solid hitter. On any other team, he’d be an A.
- Polanco - B+. Polly’s first half of the season was an A. While the second half was a B. His defense is second to none, but not his bat. However, like Weird Al, he was ‘living with a hernia.’ His manager should have started Valdez during the playoffs and used Polly if we needed the ‘D. You’ll hear more about that later.
- J*Roll - B. Stellar defense, but plagued with injuries. His bat came around when it counted, but it was a little too late. I think he should be re-signed, but at a much lower rate.
- Chase - B. I didn’t think Chase would start til after the All Star break, but I was wrong. Like his teammates, he had stellar D but a weak bat. Your base running during the playoffs was piss poor. Does ‘daddy’ need to phinally let go of his Prodigal Son?
- Raul - B+. Although he’s streaky, he still played above everyone’s expectations. He’s gets the grade he does cuz he‘s 39 and doesn‘t have the huge contract. Re-sign him as a PH and drop Gload!
- Big Daddy Shane - A. Thank Shane for your 102 wins! Solid D AND solid bat! That debacle of a play in St. Louis was his only blemish. Shane’s one of 3 guys I would actually keep on this team (if possible).
- Pence - A-. The spark & hunger the Phils needed to finish the season. His playoff performance was subpar, but I think the future of this team should be built around him.
- Mayberry - A. Won the game on opening day. Your future left fielder and clean up hitter. Eventually, he’ll be everything we hoped Howard would be.
- Doc - A+. I’d feel bad for you if you weren’t a multimillionaire. You’re a true professional that was worth every penny! I hope your colleagues could get you your ring before you retire.
- Lee - A. A class act that had a great season. Your manager should have taken you out during your shaky outing in the playoffs, but it is what it is. Keep on keeping homie!
- Hamels - A. Home grown talent that was lucky enough to get more run support this year. I’d love for you to stay a Phillie, but we need a bat. I hope Amaro does the right thing.
- Oswalt - B. Your season ended when that tornado ripped up your town. I’m a family guy, so I can relate. Although you came on strong at the end, I feel your heart wasn’t in it.
- Worley - A+. You came through when we needed you and showed the poise of a veteran. Glad he’s a Phil!
- Bastardo & Stutes - A-. Things WILL get better. Looking forward to your progress.
- Madson - A+. Self explanatory. We need bats and we can groom Bastardo to close. Good luck wherever you end up.
- Valdez - B+. You did everything, but park cars! You should have seen more time in the playoffs.
- Martinez - C. You’d be a valuable player if you learned how to hit.
- Francisco - N/A. Howard owes you his check.
- Uncle Cholly - B+. When LaRussa used his bullpen in Game 2 the way he did I thought to myself ‘that is what managing is all about.’ I love Charlie, but feel that he relies too much on the talent and not on his ‘chess play.’ Case in point, not pulling a double switch in St. Louis resulting in Madson having to bat. Also, not playing Valdez for Polanco or using Mayberry. And leaving Lee in too long. It’s not ‘08 anymore, you need to use the talent you have in a better way.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I don’t want to see any of these homegrown heroes go, but enough is enough.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
|Squirrel "I told you there be hell to pay if you squirmed"|
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
SOUND THE ALARMS! THE CARDINALS GOT A WIN!
Ok, so it wasn’t just any ol’ WIN for the St. Louis Cardinals, it was a win in Sunday’s game 2 of the NLDS… against our beloved Ace Clifton Phifer Lee. It was a win despite the Fightins having a four-run lead early on. It was a win in a best of 5series, a win in Citizens Bank Park, a win that sealed the deal for a sucktastic day in Philadelphia sports history (unless you’re Kornhole, who rather enjoyed the Eagles losing to the 49ers early Sunday afternoon).
It happens, right? A loss in the playoffs isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility here and there, no matter how beastly your pitching staff may be. However - I don’t think anyone ever expected it to happen with ‘The Clifton’ pitching against a short-rested Chris Carpenter and Cards relievers. I also don’t think we may have expected it happening at CBP this early in the postseason, and I definitely wasn’t expecting Jimmy Rollins (or so say the media) to call out disappointed fans-in-attendance for ‘not being loud enough’.
Whatever the hell happened Sunday night, let’s fucking hope it doesn’t happen again tonight (pardon my French). Blame who you want until you’re blue in this face (this goes for both players and fans). Hell, I even got into the blame game personally after touting Lee on my FB page for “dealing”… only to have him fall apart 38 minutes later in the 6th inning (just as I jumped into a quick shower). Go ahead, Blame ME if it makes anyone feel ANY better. When it comes to sports I can be pretty superstitious like most fans; I also have an awful reputation as a Phillies ‘Mush’ so maybe I did have something to do with the epic failure that begun in the 6th inning. Regardless, ‘The Clifton’ did not piss excellence Sunday evening and the bats went silent precisely at the worst time possible. This can again invoke the season long debate of whether the Phillies can win a World Series with their usually stellar pitching squad and an on-again/off-again offense. I think the answer was given on Sunday loud and clear: No.
The pressure on the pitchers right now is extreme and definitely warranted BUT the bats need to stay awake if we intend to continue this journey through October. You may not have realized this but Lee lost his third straight postseason decision Sunday night. No man/pitching stud is immune to a bad outing once in a while. Yet when that poor outing happens in the postseason, that pitchers’ team needs to get their shit together quickly because every single out counts… hopefully in enough time where it doesn’t lead to an all too early final out of the season.
With momentum naturally moving into the Cardinals favor tonight, the Phillies need to get an offensive burst going early as a showdown between lefties Cole Hamels (14-9; 2.79) and Jaime Garcia (13-7; 3.56) squares off in St. Louis at 5:00.
As the MLB postseason commercials say, “Legends are born in October”. Without *CONSISTENT* offensive support by the Phillies for their pitching staff, the road through October (when the legends are supposed to be born) could come to an abrupt stop.
It’s NOT time to sound the alarms, there’s really not one person to put the blame on. But playoff baseball is contingent on the efforts of an entire team. It’s simply time for the bats to wake the hell up – and stay that way.
I EXPECT to be back with you next week getting my NLCS on.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
On a totally different subject, why does it seem like some people attending playoff games are watching the Phillies for the first time. Or attending their first baseball game ever? There was a woman behind me that thought the game was over after the 1st inning because the Phils were down 3-0. Can't people grasp the concept that's its OK to be down early? Then I heard, "Throw strikes Halladay", after he walked Pujols on 4 pitches in the 1st. How do you explain the 'Unintentional, Intentional walk' to this nit wit? Thank God, Halladay settled in to his best performance as a Phillie. He went on to retire 21 straight batters after a shaky start. Truly amazing. Ryan Howard shut up all the doom and gloomers with a titanic blast. Maybe they kept babbling on but after Raul launched a homer of his own I couldn't hear them the rest of the game. Another point for first time attendees, if someone needs to get by you need to stand up. Why do they think my 265 pound, fat ass can squeeze by if they just move their legs? Serenity Now!
Let's end on a positive note. Charlie Manuel is a freakin' genius! He only trotted out last night’s lineup 7 times before last night. They were 7-0 in those games. This lineup is sick. He kept it under wraps for the playoffs. Brilliant. Keep doing your thing Charlie. The guy in the other dugout may think he invented baseball managing, but you perfected it. Let's hear it for the most valuable person in the Phillies organization. CHARLIE! CHARLIE! CHARLIE!
Keep It Classy Philly!