Sunday, July 5, 2015

Bad Biz

Hoodwink’d                         by cj hood
Bad Biz
I gotta be honest, I thought my life would be a helluva lot better when Pete Mackanin took over last week:  Air would be fresher, beer would be free-er & the Phillies would be winning.  Kind of the same way I thought I felt when Ryno took over for Chollie a few seasons back.  However, that is definitely not the case.  As a collective phanbase of ‘Buntamaniacs we all the share the same depression over this ballclub, the disdain for Ruben and the rich love for more free-er beer.  Yet, this excrement that trots out onto the diamond day-in and day-out also represents something else that only a few of us could understand.   For the Phillies bloggers all over the world including the #1 blog, these Phillies Bunts, this team also represents bad biz.  It’s like when superstore Pails & Nails nearly ran Cunningham Hardware out of business.  It’s difficult to sell a hammer to someone who’s not interested in hammering, but in this case the ‘hammer’ is positive news about this team.  Hence, when the Phillies franchise suffers…so does this blog.

The truth is, this blog started 2 years too late.  The World Series win & appearance were long gone when our faithful CEO Wriz contacted the original group about starting a blog.  That crew (Wriz, DB29, Kornhole, DiamondGirl & myself) came together like Voltron and took over the City of Brotherly Love with informative and (might I say) witty retort about our Phightans.  However, as the Phillies started to fall so did our bloggers and hype over this fine institution.  Despite the fact that DB29 came out of retirement and wrote a blog that only makes sense if you’re drunk or high, output from this corporation has been weak at best.  Yet, it isn’t our fault.  Do our legion of ‘Buntamaniacs want to read how our team sucks every week?  I doubt it.  The truth is if it wasn’t for Erik the ‘Bunts might have folded months ago.  Besides running a successful blog & Facebook page, we also manage Twitter& Instagram accounts.  We now use Twitter to do play-by-play instead of the FB page.  The Instagram is mainly used for posting embarrassing pics of the Wriz.   Irregardless (not a real word), none of these outlets generate much heat cuz the Phillies suck and when they suck it’s bad for the blogging business.  Case in point, I run an Eagles FB page (Ray Didinger Superfans) that get’s 5-7 Likes a week  AND IT’S NOT EVEN FOOTBALL SEASON.  And because it’s not football season I only give it a tenth of the attention I do the ‘Bunts, but it’s still getting mad love.  Why?  Cuz the Eagles are good (as of today).  I know older fans like Netfather Bill are more patient than I am because they’re used to these waves of shittiness, but those waves happended BB (before ‘Bunts).
One thing that really ‘grinded my gears’ is when I shared the story of the Dad who took his son to the Gnats doubleheader which coincidently took place the same day as Meet & Greet V.  Sure it was a good story, but the amount of views, comments & shares on that one post trumped most of what we posted all season.  Just like Cunningham Hardware, Phillies Bunts is a business that was built from the ground up….blood, sweat & tears bro!  It’s hard work!  Try breast feeding twins and writing a blog every 4 months…don’t believe me, ask Wriz!  So if it’s sappy my fellow ‘Buntamaniacs want, then sappy they will get.  Break out the tissues wussies for the sappiest Hoodwink’d ever sapped……
-We bought new brown rugs for our kitchen that perfectly camouflages doggy doodoo.  I stepped in poop twice.
-Billingsley, Correia, Harang, O’Sullivan
-Robin brought pretzels to Meet & Greet V that she originally bought for Meet& Greet 1.
-Our manager quit on us.
-DB29 tips 9%.
-DiamondGirl’s cat Chase had the sniffles.
-I'm not as hot in my online pics as I am in person.
-Some people thought Galvis and Herrera were All Stars.
-The dad that took his kid to the double header thinks Jim Korhan is funny.
-Timmytheleg hasn’t been seen since he got married.
-Wriz promised my friends and I Hall Of Fame seats & then we got denied at the elevator.
-Not only does Harang sound like Orangutan, but he looks like one too.
-Netfather Bill broke a toe when he dropped his high school yearbook on it.  (It’s made of stone)
-RAJ saw his shadow in a Schmitter which means 3 more years of incompetence. 
-The Phillies are now selling tickets with gift receipts.
-With a name like McPHAIL how could anything go wrong?
-Meet & Greet VI might take place at a Union game…let’s get ‘bunted!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment