The Night Before Opening Day ‘13
NOT BAD MEANING BAD, BUT BAD MEANING GOOD!
‘Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;
The bats were hung by the helmets with care,
In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a parade danced in their heads;
And Mom in her Young jersey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long Spring nap,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Citizen’s Bank I flew like a flash,
Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.
The ‘Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow
While Mets fans drank Piels; drowning their sorrows,
When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases,
A new jumbo tron, a Chooch and three aces,
With a stout old coach, so lively and jolly,
I knew in a moment it must have been Cholly.
More rapid than the Eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Doc! Now, Lannan! Now, Kendrick and Lee!
On, Howard! On Rollins! And a healthy Utley!”
From the dugout! To the top of the wall!
They dashed away! Dashed away! Dashed away all!”
As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricanes flew,
With mitts in their hands, and Papelbon too.
McCarthy and Sarge were calling the game
Boy we miss Harry; Oh! What a shame,
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Cole and his porn stache took to the mound.
He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,
And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;
Chipper is gone; Uggla doesn’t have pop
The tomahawk is played out; all Hudson’s throwing is slop
Three up and three down as Kratz made the calls!
Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!
The Yankees were buying like Corbett was cutting
Hamilton was drinking while A-Roid was strutting
Gnats fans went to games did not even care,
Tony LaRussa’s retired to spend time on his hair;
Ozzie’s out in Miami, Jose Reyes is too,
Polanco bats clean-up, that place is a zoo
Brown hit homeruns, Revere set it to stun,
Howard is back...hitting homeruns!!!
Chooch was drug free before it was done.
And Cole Hamels received his very first Cy Young.
Yo! We got Adams our bullpen is fixed
Bench is solid with Frandsen, Galvis and Nix.
The Phightans scored runs as Fielder got fatter,
Who we met in October did not even matter;
We took out the brooms; got them in four,
World Fuckin’ Champs, the Phillies once more.
Can’t wait til tomorrow; dress warm cuz it’s freezing,
“Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great-season.”