.500 OR BUST
‘Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;
The bats were all hung by the helmets with care,
In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a parade danced in their heads;
Mom in her Franco jersey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long Spring nap,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Citizen’s Bank I flew like a flash,
Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.
Phillies Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow
With a new outfield to get rid of our sorrow
When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases
With our young core plus some new faces
Mackanin is back, another year on the scene
With a patch on his sleeve, RIP Dallas Green
More rapid than the Eagles his courses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted and, called them by name,
“Now, Nola! Now, Eickhoff! And Hellickson too!
On Vinnie and Clay how well will you do?
From the dugout! To the top of the wall!
They dashed away! Dashed away! Dashed away all!
As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricanes fly.
Herrera got paid, the rest expendable guys.
Kruky and T*Mac were calling the game,
‘Boy we miss Harry’; Oh! What a shame,
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Jeremy was set and took to the mound.
He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,
And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;
The Mets overrated; the ‘Gnats playoff is slop;
The Marlins are played out like the Braves tomahawk.
Three up and three down as Rupp made the calls!
Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!
We got Franco protection thanks to one Howie Kendrick
Who blasts balls out the park like a busted appendix
Michael Saunders has joined us, he’s good for twenty
And speaking of homeruns, Tommy Joseph is money
We might not be kings of Major League Baseball,
But soon we’ll contend, just need to wait y’all
Trust the process and attend all our mixers
Our pharm team is juiced with stars of tomorrow,
From Crawford to Moniak and Jorge Alfaro
Made a bet with Wriz, he owes me a case
We’ll strive for .500 and maybe 3rd place
But tonight we’re in first, like the rest of the teams
And all we can do is have positive dreams
Can’t wait til tomorrow; dress warm cuz it’s freezing,
“Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great season.”