Hoodwink’d by cj hood
It’s Spring Again
THIS IS THE TIME FOR FALLING IN LOVE!
The 2013 Phillies open up Spring Training this week with more questions than answers. Will Halladay return to form? Who is starting at the corners in the OF? Will Kornhole write more than 1 blog for the ‘Bunts? These and other questions plaguing the Phightans this season could all be addressed with the same answer: Time will tell. Our preseason ranking is 16, with the Gnats being #1 and the Braves coming in at #2. Needless to say, the NL East is going to be as competitive as a ‘bobbing for roids’ contest between ARod & Ryan Braun.
So let’s break the ’13 Phils on down like an old schoolbreakdance sesh. So grab some linoleum and put on your Keds: Let’s kick it!
New Edition: Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike, Ralph & Johnny to…
Mike Adams – The best acquisition of the off season. No more throwing-up Dollar Dogs during the 8th while some scrub blows our 1 run lead. Grade: A
Delmon Young –Fat, anti-Semitic and hurt? Where do I sign?D*Yizzy makes Blanton look like Slim Whitman. Word to UnaPaloma Blanca! Moreover, you won’t catch Young at the Seder table anytime soon. Philly hasn’t seen this much of a train wreck since Kornhole was cut off at the Walnut Street Starbucks! Irregardless (not a real word), this acquisition should provide more drama than a Real Housewives ep. I’ll be watching! Grade: B (Got him for cheap.)
Ben Revere – Michael Bourn Jr? Really? He’s fast, but can’t throw or hit. RAJ says he’s a ‘work in progress’, but so isknitting an afghan. He’s starting…so there’s no looking back now! Grade: C
Michael Young – In baseball years, Michael is everything but young. He might as well have done the Charleston at the Speakeasy with Netfather Bill. Nevertheless, I back this acquisition and feel that Young has a lot to prove since getting bumped by the Rangers. I feel that he has the skill and drive to make his old team regret giving him the ole hucklebuck! Grade: B+
John Lannan – We used to smoke Lannan when he was a Gnat and now we have him. WTF? Grade: C-
Not Ready for Prime Time Players: Live from Philly, it’s …
John Mayberry and/or Dominick Brown – IMO they are one in the same. The experiment has failed. Demote them, trade them or cut them…I don’t care.
Kevin Frandsen – I am a Frandsen fan. His D’s not the best, but his bat came through for us more than once last season. He’s a good bench player to have. Plus he gets the flame in Robin’s old coal stove burning again.
Darin Ruf – We gave Mayberry & Brown more chances than the Prodigal Son. It’s time to give Ruf his due. Start him at left and Brown at right til/if Young’s ready to roll!
Phab 5: I gotta ticket to CB Park and I don’t care…
Ole King Cole (Hamels) – Will he start Opening Day or not? Stop that ish!!! He’s your Opening Day pitcher…you paid him remember?!?!?! Cole #1…Iran *hak put*!
Cliff Lee – If your Fantasy League awards points for ‘quality starts’ then Cliff Lee’s your mellow! If he gets any run support this season he might beat Hamels in wins. Plus our 2 left-handers need to be split up. He’s your #2!
Doc Halladay – He’s not your parent’s pitcher anymore. Granted he’s better than most out there, but he’s getting old. I hope he returns to form, but it’s highly unlikely. I got Doc at #3.
Kyle Kendrick – Phillies fans love him and hate him and that’s all in the same inning. Kendrick was last year’s MVP. He was more reliable than the 2nd pair of undies your mom packed! I’m counting on him to have a great season this year.
John Lannan – see New Edition.
OG’s: Posse up!
Ryan Howard – Howard’s been on a steady decline since winning the World Series. Pitchers have figured him out and could afford to pitch around him if need be. Fans who think he’s going to return to his glory days are the same people who think wrestling is real. Howard will have an average season at best.
Chase Utley – Ladies love him, girls adore him…I mean even the ones that never saw him. But, his knees are about as reliable as Fox News. Utley’s Spring Training is going better than last year’s ie he’s not playing 2nd from a chair. So, is he healed? Ah, no. If Chase plays 100 games this year I’ll be happy. Galvis is back (get it? Back!), so the D shouldn’t be an issue, but the bat will…both Chase’s & Freddy’s. If Chase is on point that’ll make pitching around Howard more difficult. But again, when it comes to Utley, there are more questions than answers.
Jimmy Rollins – J*Rolled into camp early this year (because he’s playing in the World Classic). Still it’s nice to see him. Last year, was a typical Rollins year, where his D was stellar, but he still remained the King of Pop. I think if Revere gets hot,Cholly needs to replace J*Roll at lead off.
Carlos Ruiz aka Chooch bka Speedy Gonzales – Chooch is the man!!! But, is that because he was more doped up than a hippieselling PB&J’s in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead tribute bandshow??? Well??? The 25 game suspension hurts, but Kratz got this. I just hope that Chooch was/is the real deal. We’ll see…
Well this is my review…love it or leave it alone. I’ll be back in a week or so with my season predictions. Leave some comments below and share this noise with your friends onSpacebook! Until next time…let’s get ‘bunted