Thursday, July 17, 2014

Midterm Report

Hoodwink’d                       by cj hood
Midterm Report
I have to apologize in advance my fellow Buntamaniacs.  This edition of Hoodwink’d will not spit fire like yesterday’s Wriz Wednesday piece…oh wait.  Anywho, the All Star break is just about over so let’s assess our Phightans (or lack thereof) before they kick off the second half in Atlanta on Friday.
Chooch:  C-  He had a good May, but got hurt.  I wouldn’t mind if he was moved.

Cody Asche:  B-  Also saw the DL, but I like this kid.  Needs to work on his D.
J*Roll:  B  I thought he’d mail it in after breaking Schmidt’s record, but I was wrong.  Like Stella, he got his groove back and he seems more pissed off when he’s not doing well.  He’s gotta ‘new attitude’ like Philly’s own Patti Labelle and I like it!
Chase:  A   He’s the man and a Phillie for life.  Don’t trade him and stop asking him about being     traded. Trading Utley would be like trading a heart for 2 good thumbs.  Drop it bro!
D*Brown:  D  Send him back to Lehigh.  His game is about as reputable as Malaysian Airlines.
Sizemore: B?  Too early to grade, but I like what I see.  If Netfather Bill backs him then so do I!
Byrd:  A    I haven’t loved a bird this much since I hit puberty.  I’m gonna hate to see him go.
Ben Revere:  B   Only because you have the highest batting average on the team.  He still lacks some fundamentals though (ie  fielding & base running).
Bench:  C-  Mayberry & Gwynn Jr are ok.  The rest of them aren’t worth mentioning now that Frandsen  is gone.
Cole:  A-   I feel for you bro.  It’s like you own a record company and your biggest act is Leif Garret.  #zerohits
Lee:  B+   Last year’s Cole.  Hope he could bounce back from his injury.
AJ Burnett:  B    He’s seemed to come around after a few shaky starts.  Hope we could get some offense for him.
KK:  C   You’re the Dominic Brown of pitching.  I won’t be mad if he gets traded.
Buchanan:  B+  I like this guy! I don’t like him like DB29 likes the Real Housewives of New Jersey (He doesn’t read the blog anymore), but I think he’s going to be a great 4th or 5th starter for us.
Hernandez:  D+  (This grade exists…I got it in college)  Dude’s like KK with a nicer tan.  Not impressed.
Bullpen et al:  B+    Shaky start, but really came thru for a team with zero offense.  F’ Papelbon & can’t wait to see him leave. With names like Ken ‘My Angel is a Centerfold’ Giles Band &            Jeff(erson) ‘We Built this City on Rock N Roll’ Manship , this pen is bound to get more interesting.
And last, but definitely last…
Ryan Howard:  F-  You had 2 good years and got paid handsomely by a GM who has no business being a GM.  I cannot understand how in good conscience you can continue cashing your paycheck.  NFL players redo their contracts for the good of the team all the time.  Why can’t
 you?  I say cut him like the Eagles cut DeSean Jackson.  I know the circumstances are different, but F’ it…take the loss.  I recommended a $3 surcharge be added to all tickets so the fans could buy out his contract.  As long as Ryan Howard is a Phillie, this team will continue looking back at 2008 instead of focusing on the future.  The organization needs to show the fan base that they are serious about winning.  Getting rid of Howard is step one!!!
I predicted in April that the Phillies would cop the 2nd Wild Card.  That is obviously not going to happen, but there’s a slim chance that they could still win this division.  That of course depends on a gaggle of things coming together.  Time will tell I guess.  I hope they don’t shit the bed before Aug 22 cuz it’s their first annual Star Wars night and I’d really like to take the family to that game.  However, there’s no way I’m dropping a few hundred dollars to watch a team implode like the Death Star.  So may the force be with you and here’s hoping that Pap goes out like Jabba the Hutt.  Hey, we got new Phillies Bunts stickers in stock……let’s get ‘Bunted!!!


  1. I hope Paps gets a fucking insane extension! BOOM!

  2. Howard should get an INCOMPLETE and no score. He got paid and he's laying down.

  3. I do read your stuff...And Teresa Giudice is just misunderstood. It's a Jersey thing.