Monday, September 3, 2012

The Official Fork

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: The Official Fork
Plus Chipper
Equals season over
I knew coming into this last weekend I had to do at least one more piece this season. Until now, Sunday night, it was going to tilt positive. Then along came Papelbum, and I could hardly breathe. They should be 7 games out with 28 to play and instead, I'm so pissed off there isn't enough tequila in the state of AZ. <---- When that happens it's a sign the world may end as we know it, Obama or not.
I tried not to believe there might be some magic left, I really and truly did. Instead, all that happened was what I've said for months is true. The coaching staff sucks and must be replaced en masse. It's as much Chollie's fault as Papelbum's. Pitching to Larry was lunacy, let alone a 94mph fastball waist high in the middle of the plate. The bastid is having an all star year, and is the only real hitter on the team. And all his power is from the left side. Anybody who doesn't know this must live next door to Kuato on Mars. Oh wait, look what I found in the Mars phone book:
Manuel, Charles ... 123 Whatshisfucks St, Red Hills, Mars (next door to Kuato)
Originally I wanted to try and be upbeat and quote good shit, like the play of Frandsen(who better start at 3B next year) and Kratz(solid backup, almost no drop off when Chooch rests or maybe tries some 3B next year). Or how JMJ looks like he finally wants to play fulltime and is playing like it. Or how Freddy Galvis can backup Rollins and Utley and they can shitcan Kmart. Or how solid Chase looks if he can maintain his health. Or how much better Howard can be with a fully recovered Achilles. Or how I think they can bring back Victorino at a bargain price and how he'll play with a chip on his shoulder. Or how good Darin Ruf will look in Phils pinstripes as opposed to Reading stripes. Or... who the fuck am I kidding and I'm not drunk enough yet(it's only 8pm here).
Instead kiddies let's improve on the coaching staff. Fire'em all, cya, wouldn't wanna be ya. It's time for Ryno to get his dream shot in the Bigs. He's turned the Pigs into a solid team in less than 2 years, so what can he do with major league talent? I don't care how long he was a Cub, he was born and raised a Phil and it's time to show it. Fuck the Dubee Bros, drag the Wild Thing outa the booth and make him pitching coach. If *ANYONE* can teach pitchers how NOT to fuck up, it's him. Whatever it costs, bring back Davey Lopes as first base coach and leave him there until he can no longer stand up. For third base coach hire Michael Jack, nobody knows third better than him. And since we all know none of this shit will ever happen, then me, myself, and I should be batting coach. This is great for two reasons - 1) I swear I've always been able to hit and know how to teach and 2) it'll force me to lose 70-80 pounds to fit into a uni without looking like a beach ball, which is reason enough in itself.
I'd say let's get Bunted, but the tequila is finally kicking in and I don't know if I could go up to the plate and hold the bat correctly. But even in this state I could damn sure teach a major leaguer to bunt properly in 10 minutes. Thank God the Eagles start next week. After Vick gets hurt for the year in the 2nd quarter Nick Foles can start his ROY run and lead them to the playoffs. And short of winning 23 of 28, it's time for Fly Eagles Fly. The season is over, time for the Fork. They're done.
Bill S aka/netfather