Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Report Card

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Report Card
Kool Moe Dee used to grade other rap acts on the back of his albums back in the day.  Hence, the line from Beastie Boys’ Intergalactic, ‘Got an A from Moe Dee for sticking to themes.’  Piggybacking on that, I’ve decided to gradRyno and his club for their first week of work. Check it!
Offense:  B+
The Phightans are finally scoring runs.  Chase is reppin’ hard, Howard is hitting off of lefties (although still striking out…A LOT!) & J*Roll quieted down his critics (for the time being)with a Slam on OD.  Moreover, the bench came thru as well ie Mayberry.  However, they couldn’cut Sunday’s deficit in half and finished Week 1 with a .500 record.  Irregardless (not a real word), this is a promising start and feel we’ll score more runs this year than previously thought.  However, the latter hinges on the health of this aging team.
Defense: B
Chooch had a nice catch in the ‘Windy City’ & Byrd had 2 really great grabs as well. So, this grade should have been the highest on the card.  However, with a few errors in Chicago including Revere’s debacle in center yesterday, this grade slid to a B.
Starting Pitching: B
Lee was shaky on Opening Day, but got the win & came back hard in Chicago.  KK was ‘dependable KK’ and did his thing.  Roberto Hernandez bka Enrico Palazzo looked great!  AJ Burnett was decent in Texas and horrendous in Chicago.  He looked like the Burnett of old that New York put on subway headed south to Pittsburgh.  We would have been better off with Carol Burnett yesterday.  I think AJ’s going to be the weak link in the chain this year.  Plus, he’s the reason I lost my first Fantasy matchup on the last day of competition.  F’ him & Darvish!
Bullpen: B-
PapelblownPapelbomb, the screen door on Dorothy Gail’s house ‘closed better.’ We’ve heard all the jokes and they’re pretty much spot on.  The only thing moving more than 90mph with Jonathan is his mouth.  Put some movement on the ball son!  The rest of the pen is holding it down and they’re making a fraction of what you’re getting paid!!!
Ryno:  B
Shaking up the lineup & interesting bullpen moves have made Ryne more unpredictable than his predecessor.  Cholly would never put Chooch in the 2 hole even when he was all hopped up on pills.  He lost his first challenge and the .500 record speaks for itself, but I’m remaining optimistic.  Sandberg’s no-nonsense attitude and willing to switch things up will keep this complacent team on it’s toes.  I was leaning towards a B+ here, but I want to see how Week 2 goes first.
Overall:  B
I don’t think this team is going to be the ‘doom & gloom’ that everyone thought they’d be.  If they stay healthy, I think they could make the 2nd Wild Card…ya, I said it!  This will only happen if they continue to score more than 3 runs per game. I’m putting the 2014 Phillies at 87 wins.  Tell me where I’m wrong?  Come at me bro and let’s get ‘bunted!!!

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