Friday, May 9, 2014

Terror in Toronto

Hoodwink’dby cj hood

Terror in Toronto
I haven’t been watching a lot of baseball the past few weeks.  This is a busy time of year in Casa Hood, my kids play softball & baseball and I of course coach.  (Note: I’m the only Bunts staff member who’s coached against a former Phillie).  Anywho….I didn’t see much of the left coast run…I gotta job bro!  However, I did see the Mets game when Cole got shellacked, then there was the rainout and a day off.  So it wasn’t until the ‘Gnats rolled in last Friday that I got to see the Phightans play for the first time in weeks.  So, where we be?
As I write this, the Marlins are leading the division in the NL Least. Our division is like Kelly Taylor, everybody gets their chance on top…except for the Phils of course.  Our team has been hovering around .500 and last place all season.  I predicted the Phillies would make the 2nd Wild Card team and I still think that’s possible.  However, certain things have to change.

Insert Funny Photo Here
Howard – You went from an F to a D+.  It’s like a 300lb guy standing to a 500lb guy…you’re still a hot mess.
Utley -  I love you more than the Real Housewives of Media…please don’t let up!
Rollins – Rollins scores; team wins! Get on it bro!
Asche/Nix – You guys are one in the same like Joe Derita & Curly Joe…don’t matter; y’all stooges.!
Dom Brown – You might not be getting All Star numbers like last year, but you’re on your way!
Revere – You seem like a nice guy.
Byrd – ‘DA MAN! Sneeze on the team and spread that ish around!
Chooch  the toilet of this team. No flash, no big check….just workin hard to get rid of this shit.
What about the pitching staff?  Well Cole’s been on the decline since becoming a trillionaire.  He’s got his ring, MVP & paycheck.  Where’s his motivation?  The fans that are saying ‘he’ll be fine’ are the same type of people who stayed on the Titanic with a mop and a roll of Bounty.  
We’re all familiar with the pic of Cliff Lee all pissed off at last year’s All Star game in Citifield.  For some reason I think he feels that away a lot with this team.  Except for ‘pitching BP in Toronto’ (Wriz), it’s been another stellar season for Clifford.  However, his stats don’t reflect this cuz a Dollar Store bra offers more support.  
I dropped AJ Burnett in Fantasy after he got smoked in Chicago and was diagnosed with a hernia.  Like Weird Al crooned he’s ‘Living with a Hernia’ and is doing great.  Groundball biz!
KK is like hiring a teenager to wash your car…he might do a really good job or you might end up with ‘POOP’ keyed on the driver’s side door.
Roberto Hernandez…I like you.  Not like how the Wriz likes to put the free pantyhose on this hands at the shoe store and ‘do puppets.’ But, like how you handle your biz!  Keep on keepin bro!
And the bullpen…it’s a pigpen.  ‘Nuff said! #bringupGiles
Irregardless (not a real word) of this spot on assessment, it’s the same ole same ole.  If it’s not the offense, it’s the pitching.  If it’s not the pitching, it’s the bullpen. And if it’s not any of that jazz then it’s Galvis!  Our 4th Annual Meet & Greet is a month away…let’s get ‘bunted!

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