Rumors

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Rumors

 

PHILLIES BUNTS NEW LOGO!

We blew it!!! The Phillies Bunts has officially become a ‘sports rag’ ala the National Inquirer. One of our senior staff member’s via a Phillies’ insider who’s close personal friends with the club’s traveling secretary heard that the acquisition of Josh Hamilton was a done deal. 4 years for $109mill!!! TAKE-IT-TO-THE-BANK-BRO! The Bunts staff was so excited there was a rumor that Kornhole was going to put his 5 fake scripts on hold to actually write a piece for this blog…crazy, I know! For about 12 hours, while the world watched the 12-12-12 Concert sponsored by Geritol, all of the Bunt-a-maniacs were on top of the world!!! RAJ finally came through with the huge off season acquisition that now has basically become an annual tradition.

But then Thursday afternoon things done changed…

The Anaheim Angels by way of Los Angeles via Compton acquired Josh ’pass the pipe bro’ Hamilton for real . Oh word?!? Our inside scoop quickly became a heaping poop scoop and we quickly had to retract our statements via the interwebs. And now my peeps, we’re vigorously wiping egg off our faces. (Except Netfather Bill…he uses the egg whites to treat the crow’s-feet around his eyes).

So where does that leave our Phightans? We needed bullpen help, but traded a pitcher for a younger version of Juan Pierre. Yeah, yeah…I know Ben Revere is supposed to be an ‘Upton in training’, but he can’t hit. And we also traded for Michael Young who’s anything but? The last time he played 3rd, Nolan Ryan was still playing. He’s could possibly be the bat we need, but only time will tell. But with Hamilton taken, the free agent pool is getting shallower than the (insert witty pun). All that is left is Swisher, Hirichio and that’s about it. Hell, at this point we might as well bring back Ibanez for a bargain basement price. And BTW folks, the deal Victorino got in Boston is ridiculous…MC Hammer spent his money more intelligently. #canttouchthis

So as of December, we went from a ‘12 Phils that was a solid C to a ‘13 Phils that’s maybe a C+. And to the sheep that think Howard is going to be back to ‘08 form because he’s had a full year off to recover, I say to you ‘come on, man!’ And don’t forget our 2nd basemen’s knees are as reliable as a campaign promise and our ace catcher is now affectionately known as Speedy Gonzales.

So Reubes…Xmas is right around the corner and the list goes a little like this: a solid bat, bullpen help, a solid bat, bionic knees for Chase, a time machine for Howard, a ‘mind eraser’ for Doc, a solid bat and a new rug for Wheels. Get on it bro! Let’s get ‘bunted!

 

HARD COPY OF THE LATEST PHILLIES BUNTS BLOG!

PS Be sure to check out DB29’s piece on Bigfoot in next month’s edition of Phillies Bunts!!! #sportsrag

What a joke?

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

What a joke?

 

PHILADELPHIA’S OWN ‘RICH UNCLE PENNYBAGS’

 

-this season was like the Hulk Hogan sex tape: quick & awkward.

-LOL @ Braves

-Phillies fans would have thrown the soft pretzel cart onto the field.

-Happy Doctober…oh wait.

-unemployment rates fell this week, but not in Philly. #perlozzo #mackanin #gross

-Oct 16th is Boss Day…I heard Ryno bought Chollie some monogrammed luggage.

-BREAKING NEWS: The Philly Phanatic was fired and replaced by the San Diego

Chicken.

-my fave Oktoberfest libation is Fegley’s BreWWorks Devious Imperial Pumpkin.

-the boys over at Phillies Game Chat make DB29 look like Ryan Reynolds.

-Romney celebrated his debate success by buying 4 factories and shutting them down.

-Phillies’12 MVP’s: Thome, Pence & Ibanez

-how‘bout my Eagles?!?

-congrats to Brad Pitt and that fat kid for turning the A’s around!

 

 

 

‘PHILLIES GAME CHAT’ MEET & GREET

 

-f’the Gnats!

-the presidential debate would have been better if it was done on Piper’s Pit.

-where do I pick up my ‘2012 Bunter Of The Year Award’?

-congrats to all of the Baltimore Orioles fan!

-Happy Columbus Day unless you’re Native American…then sorry about all that.

-RAJ looked like Obama during that press conference. #dazedandconfused

-the NHL season might be canceled. #yawn

-throw Papp more money bro!

-you need a CF Reuben? I heard Big Bird is available.

-follow me on my sports LOL Twitter feed @ccnlive.

-I don’t know who produced less this season: Martinez or Kornhole.

-MORE BREAKING NEWS: The Red Sox fired Bobby Valentine again.

-Andy Reid’s shirt size is Tent.

-get David Wright ASAP…let’s get ‘bunted!!!

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty - Finale'

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty - Finale'

 

This has been one crazy year to be a Phillie's fan. Ups, downs, and all arounds. I don't wish to beat a dead horse but I stuck by my guns (http://philliesbunts.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-official-fork.html) and today it's official. Don't get me wrong, I had some nervous times, and I admit I was hoping that I was wrong more than once. After 5 years of dominance, it hurts to be out of the real season. But, think about it, does this not make the Braves run of 11 years seem briliant? It kills me in more ways than one. I have personal issues with the Braves organization since 1968 when I was a *VERY* low draft choice of theirs. But that's not why I'm writing. I just had to get shit out.

 

CJ and Wriz have summarized the season and offered up MVP's and shit. I think we all have had our own ballots and both of them are pretty dead on. This year is officially gone. For my own sanity, I choose to focus on 2013, which many "experts" will probably deem as a "rebuilding" year. I don't think so. I think we have an overwhelming amount of parts to build on while staying competitive. My personal view I have stated before... the entire coaching staff must go. I could quote from the above blog on why so I won't do it again. New leadership leads to new attitudes on top of the chemistry built the second half of this season. There are one or two maybes... like Doc's shoulder. In my mind, he knows what's wrong and will work even harder over the winter to be Doc again. And Cliff Lee... he goes in 3 year cycles seems like and next year is a 3 year. :) The man can pitch, we know it. Howard's Achilles will be firmly healed next year. Chase continues to amaze me with his legs. Chooch is healed. So where do we go from here?

 

I offer this up for next year's opening day lineup:

 

Rollins SS

Victorino CF

Utley 2B

Howard 1B

Chooch C

Ruf LF

Mayberry RF

Frandsen 3B

Hamels P

 

???? Victorino you say? I say he comes back(WANTS to come back) at a bargain price with a chip on his shoulder... like when we got him. These guys all love each other, and playing in Philly. I know it'd make me want to play my best. I truly believe Kevin Frandsen is a major league 3B. Maybe not an all star, but was Pedro Feliz an all star? Nope, he just won a ring. Howard(if I was hitting coach lol) cuts way down on K's and up in OBP. The major hurdle in my lineup is Utley's legs. BUT... we'll have Galvis as a backup for the whole infield basically. That don't suck, he can play. I wish I could read RAJ's mind and predict the bench but... for those of you who don't follow Reading or the Iron Pigs they do have a couple other prospects who just might make the roster. If I could predict the bench I'd already be making bets in Vegas for next year lol.

 

So that's it from AZ. I am still taking shit about my Eagles from last week every day at work. But I have other shit to worry about. Next week, 10/1, I have to pick my vacations for next year. And this year there isn't 2 rounds of picking, only 1. So I have to force the date of the Meet ' N ' Greet even earlier, or just forget about it. I like to take the last week in March (3/25-3/29) for spring training games and my 2 oldest girls' bdays. And then 5/27-5/31, usually Memorial Day, my son's bday, and my bday. God only knows if/when Meet'N'Greet 3 happens but today it's way up in the air. And you thought it sucked to be a Phillie's fan in AZ just cuz lol. I already know I'm up shit's creek because of last year. Whatever happens I *WILL BE COMING HOME* but the dates I have no control over. So we'll see.

 

Ok bunters, I wish you all a good Eagles season and my very best to have Gary Bettman executed and hockey season to start ASAP. Yes, I love my Flyers and went to the very first REAL home game in 1967. This pic describes it all, it's a tshirt you can only get here in AZ:

 

 

If anyone wants one of these let me know and I'll provide a link to order. They should be roughly $20 including shipping. And with that...

Let's Get Bunted!

 

NetFather aka Bill S

Hoodfucious

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Hoodfucious

 

 

REACTION TO THE PHILLIES BEING ELIMINATED FROM THE WILD CARD.

I went out with some coworkers last March to watch the first day of the NCAA tourney and enjoy some adult libations. A few hours into the outing the upcoming MLB season became the topic of conversation. It was then my friends professed to me how the Phillies would win the 2012 World Series. Being a beat writer for the most phamous Phillies blog on the planet I had the inside scoop and knew this unfortunately wouldn’t happen. I was so confident of the latter that I promised everyone in the group dinner at Ruth Chris (google it DB…it doesn’t have a drive-thru) if the Phils won it all. All I wanted if I won this wager was a 6’er of some decent Oktoberfest from each of them. Needless to say, my October morns will be spent sipping coffee while poppin’ some Excedrins. #cantwait

 

Moreover, when we made our predictions for the ‘Bunts blog last Spring I said:This year, I predict the ‘Nats will capture the NL East and the Phils will win the Wild Card only, again, to be knocked out in the first round. I was half right. The Phils came on strong in the 2nd half, but fell apart in a series that would have solidified that second Wild Card spot. #Houston. However, that wasn’t the case and the first half Phils reared their ugly heads deep in the heart of Texas. I also feel have they made that 2nd spot they might have made a run for it ala the ’11 Cardinals. But like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop…the world may never know!

 

   

So where do we go from here? I already said Chase at 3rd is stupid. I like Frandsen at 3rd with Galvis & Utley sharing time at 2nd. In a perfect world, we’d be able to dump Doc and/or Howard and pick up a solid bat cuz that’s what we need the most. We can’t rely on Rollins who only gives us a good half a season or Ruiz who’s bound to get more time on the DL as he gets older. Howard straight up sucks!!! The excuse ‘give him a full off season & Spring Training with a healed ACL’ is straight up bullshit! His numbers have been going down quicker than Mitt Romney’s support. Ryan Howard has been RAJ’s worst signing! Find a gullible AL team and dump his ass and his shit contract!

 

I think we all know the deal with our pitching. Doc’s been a bigger letdown than the new Spiderman flick. The bullpen is about as reliable as a straw bridge. I think we should bundle Kratz & Schierholtz in some sort of trade deal for some bullpen help. But chances are Lee will be on the trading block even though he had a pretty good 2nd half. I think the starting 5 should be: Hamels, Lee, Vanimal, KK & Clloyd (assuming we trade Doc).

 

As I write this the Phillies are still mathematically in it, but we all know the inevitable. For the past 5 years I would grow my hair out and even trim my goatee in a landing strip ala Jayson Werth style in anticipation for October baseball. However, this tradition has now ended cuz the Phils are out and Werth is an asshole. I need to call the barber…let’s get ‘bunted!

 

 

HE HATE ME!

Not an Easy Choice

 

Every year, the Wriz does a blog where he names the Phillies season MVP. Usually, it’s pretty easy or at least to be able to narrow it down to a few worthy players. This year the pickings are pretty slim. Not just because, the team was so down this year but so many players played half a season.  Only Jimmy Rollins has the necessary plate appearances to qualify for the batting title.  A player needs 502 PA to qualify. John Mayberry is second with just 454. Then its Pence and Victorino and they haven’t donned a Phillies uniform in 2 months.

Chooch was well on his way to coasting to the team MVP when he landed on the DL. In fact the Philadelphia writers still gave him their version of the award. Can you be MVP and only play half the season? Well, guess if you a pitcher it’s possible. Or if you still end up leading your team in RBIs as Chooch may do. He’s only 1 behind JRoll. But still, it just doesn’t seem right.
 

 

Who else could win it? Well JRoll has had a decent season, his batting average is a bit low but he leads the team in homers. Cole and Paps joined Chooch on the all-star team and have had solid seasons. I knew this would be a damn near impossible decision. I saw a sportswriter say in an interview when asked who should get the AL MVP award, Mike Trout or Miguel Cabrera that they should be co-MVP’s. It got me thinking.  Fuck it. It’s my award.  First Half MVP: Chooch. Second Half MVP: Jimmy Rollins.

It pains me as much not to just give it to Chooch as it does to give it to JRoll after the non-hustling bit, but he has had a productive second half. (14 HR, 34 RBI’s 16 SB) And my personal feeling is unless a pitcher has a ridiculous season; it’s just not possible to be the MVP. Hamels had a very good year but not great. Maybe it’s me but it seems when the Phillies give him a big lead, he gives up a more runs than usual. Maybe it just hurts his personal stats but I’d still like to see him shut down the opposing team like he’s capable of doing. There are just 8 games left and no postseason and no real hopes of any of the Phillies winning a legit award, but Fan Appreciation night is tomorrow and I better feel appreciated. After all, I need a year’s supply of SuperPretzels.

See ya at the ballpark! 

Jay Wrizight

 jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Chances Are

Hoodwink’d             by cj hood

Chances Are…

THE PHILS WILL MAKE THE WC BEFORE LLOYD GETS SUM!

BREAKING NEWS:  The Phils are winning!  BREAKINGER NEWS:  They’re on the cusp of being a 500 team.  BREAKINGEST NEWS:  They’re creeping up on that 2^nd Wild Card spot.  But can they do it?

I think they can as long as the other teams in the hunt cooperate.  We always knew the Phillies were a second half club, but the hole created early on was a deep one.  However, thanks to unsung & unpaid heroes like Kratz & Frandsen the 5X NL East Champs are back to their winning ways.  Props also must be given to John ‘Don’t Call Him JMJ’ Mayberry Jr, Ty Wigginton & the bullpen et al.  Hell, even Martinez is hitting half of some of the games he plays in! The overpaid fat cats are contributing as well, but it’s the young blood that is keeping us alive.  As an extra bonus, Chooch is back off the DL which is a sweet bat to have off the bench. 

JUST LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON I RETURN!

And what about Kyle Kendrick bka the Prodigal Son?  He might be the winner of the 2nd half MVP Award if there was such an award.  My man KK is a trooper that puts up with a lot of bulldish from this team.  But he’s hotter than any other pitcher on the team right now and maybe the NL.  He’s a great asset to this team and should be named 2013’s 5th starter today!

We still need to pursue a bat…preferably one that plays 3rd base.  Having Chase play 3rd is a stupid idea.  A better idea would be having him share time at 2nd with Galvis to preserve his knees.  Two weeks ago, I heard the rumor that Pierre was traded to the Cards and immediately put it up on the ‘Bunts FB page like a fool.  But I’ll gladly accept the embarrassment if it means we get to keep him & his speed.

I thought the 2012 Phillies were dead & buried, but then they started winning and I thought they might have a shot.  Then after Chipper Jones hit that walk off I thought the wind was taken out of their sails when they only came back to win the Reds series and sweep the Rockies.  I love this team in the Fall and I love this team’s chances to make that 2nd WC spot, but we’re going to need some help from the other NL teams. Hey look we’re winning games…let’s get ‘bunted!

***Editors note***** This post was original written on 9/11/12 but the Bunts mainframe shit the bed. Add the fact that CJ can't figure out how to add a picture and there you get a Buntless week. My bad. We will now resume our regular irregular posting ways. Thanks, MTG*********

Charlie Manuel Band

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Charlie Manuel Band

WHAT, ME WORRY?

The Phillies went down to Georgia, looking for a series to steal.

Manuel manages like he blind cuz they're way behind and this is how I feel.

When they came across this old man and he was swingin the bat real hot.

And Papp jumped on the mound and said: "Boy let me tell you what:"

 

"I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a major league player too."

"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."

"Now you swing a pretty good bat, boy, but give this closer his due:"

"I'd bet my contract that's gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."

The old man said: "My name's Chipper and it might be a sin."

"But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."

 

Chipper raise your bat and swing that lumber hard.

'Cos hells broke loose in Georgia and Papp is throwing hard.

And the only way you'll win this game is if you go for yard.

But if you lose, the Phillies sweep and we might be the Wild Card.

 

Horst is out and Papp came in and said: "I'll finish this show."

And fire flew from his fingertips as he started to throw.

And he let his arm hang low and he made a goofy face.

Prado smacked it, Frandsen flinched, OMG what a disgrace.

Then Papp threw Jones heat, Chipper said: "Well you're pretty good ol'son."

"But throw another fast ball, right there, and let me show you how its done."

 

No fire on this mound, walk Bourn, walk.

Bases loaded and hope he doesn't balk.

Howard in the dugout, counting his dough.

"Cholly, does your shortstop hustle?"

"No, child, no."

 

Papp threw the third fast ball, bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.

Then he laid that golden contract on the ground at Jones' feet.

Chipper said: "Papp, just come on back if you ever want to try again."

"cause I told you once, you son of a gun, I'm the best there's ever been."

 

Janish, Johnson, Prado, run boys, run.

Polly should have played D to prevent those 2 runs.

Howard in the dugout, counting his dough.

"Cholly, does your shortstop hustle?"

"No, child, no."