Friday, August 10, 2012

The Eulogy

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
The Eulogy

I’d like to thank everyone for coming today in this most difficult time. It’s nice to see the Bunt’s family in attendance: Netfather Bill in his beautiful powder blue tux; Diamond Girl looks lovely, and yes the wine is not for parishioner consumption. Of course the Wriz is here with the widow DB29. I hope I could keep my composure as I honor the deceased.

(Pulls out paper, unfold it, wipes eyes & clears throat.)

To tell you the truth I had a difficult time putting all the Phillies ’12 season highlights into writing. No matter how hard I try, I can never do justice how much this team stunk. I know we are all grieving today for this lost season. But I know wherever they are now (Philly or LA) they’re laughing at us and counting their cash.

This team meant something special to all of us. I’m sure each and every one of you here today has something to share on how last year’s National League East Champs touched your life. There are some good memories, especially with me, the Bunts Meet & Greet II. We shared lots of things together through Kurt & Robin’s excessive Facebook posts. I don’t know if I can still be the same person I was now that the season is (seemly) over. I can remember the last series sweep; I thought it was the start of something good. As some of you already know we had a lot of injuries this year. Although Chase & Howard returned, they still came up short.

Ruben Amaro Jr is a very stron willed person. You overpaid for a 1st baseman who's about as reliable as a strw bridge. Then, you continued to pass out contracts like you were using Monopoly money. Solid pitching is obviously important, but bats win games. When we were at out peak, Cholly was on autopilot. But when we're playing MLB ball with Triple A players, Charlie would be out managed by Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.

Although they didn’t get to the playoffs, at least we’ll have the Eagles to watch (until Vick gets hurt in Wk 1). We may not see them in October but we’ll always have these special moments we shared with them. The Phightans will always have a special part in our hearts. Let’s just be thankful that we had 2008. Amen.

BREAKING NEWS: Ruben Amaro Jr arrested on the murder of the ’12 Phillies. Eugene & Kornhole are on the scene with an impending report.


  1. I am in mourning but will continue to EXCESSIVELY post my love for our beloved Phillies.

    Phillies Bunts.....YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!


  2. I guess I can go back to the drawing board now that my funeral idea is toast. Good job CJ except I don't see any hint of powder blue on my suit anywhere. Maybe a piece on beyond the grave...

  3. :Dabs eyes with hankie: Thank you for that beautiful eulogy.