Friday, December 30, 2011

Resolution Time

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
Resolution Time



2012 New Year's resolutions for the Phightans (& the like) are:
-Chooch will brush up on his English.
-Howard will not make the last out of the season.
-Utley will take it one base at a time.
-J*Roll will earn his $33 mill EVERYDAY of the season.
-Polanco will stay healthy (cuz there’s 3 bench players foaming at the mouth for 
 his spot).
-Thome will make it 630.
-Blanton will lose 10 lbs.
-Pence will come thru in the playoffs. 
-Big Daddy Shane will keep on keeping.
-Mayberry will quiet his critics permanently.
-D*Brown will play his heart out (so he could be traded away in July).
-Doc will win his 3rd Cy Young.
-DB29 will finish that sit up.
-Hamels will (stop shaving) have a mustache by September.
-Blanton will gain 7 lbs.
-Raul will re-sign for less money and become a leader in the locker room.
-lil Roy will put his tail between his legs, re-sign, and ride the bullpen.
-Papelbon will be like ‘08 Lidge (and not ‘09, ‘10 & ‘11 Lidge).
-Wheels will see boobs ‘in real life.'
-the Phillies Bunts FB page will get 500 ‘likes.’
-Tommy Mac will take his shirt off in the booth.
-Vanimal will find the cure for rabies.
-As a result of Hoodwink’d, I will be hired by CSN to do a weekly Phils
 show with Amy Fadool.
-Amaro will finally get the bat we so desperately need!
-Diamond Girl will get her restraining order against Utley lifted.
-Is It 7:05 Yet? will stop running stories on Pat Burrell.
-the Wriz and the Phanatic will makeup and then make out.        
-Madson will follow suit with lil Roy.
-Blanton will gain 5 lbs.
-Lee will keep on keeping (even in the playoffs).
-Valdez will close out at least 2 games.
-Kendrick will know his role.
-Herndon will produce more runs than a midnight meal at Denny’s.
-Cholly will speak a complete sentence.
-the ‘Bunts will have their own float on Parade Day in October.
-Finally, more phans will get ‘bunted in ‘12 than ever before!