Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Mayday! Mayday!

Is it time to panic?

We are a month into the season and what have we learned? Not much. The lineup is still inconsistent, but is just now taking its intended shape. The starters will have strong outings and then an Andy Ashby-esque outing. We know the bullpen blows. That’s for sure. We know Durbin can do a spot on Chad Qualls impression. I know Wheels still likes to say “middle in” and “no doubles defense.” Howard looked like garbage but is starting to be the beast in the middle of the lineup. We know Uts looks like Uts of old but we don’t know if he’s to sustain this production and stay healthy the whole season.

The Wriz knows that the Indians are supposed to be shitty but fucking absolutely TROUNCED our boys last night. They lit up the Phillies pitchers for 7 home runs. SEVEN. Nobody on the Phillies have 7 for the whole year. Even Yuniesky Betancourt even has 6 and the Phillies cut his ass at the end of Spring Training.

I also know that the Phillies are supposed to get a big infusion of cash from a new TV deal but if they are so coveted why do they keep putting games on the Comcast Network. I can’t even get that shitball station in HD. I mean, they were getting bumped for Sixers games and they were probably the most unwatchable TV since MTV ran Silent Library.

I know every time a Phillies player does a commercial he turns to shit. See Hamels circa 2009 (ESPN the Magazine amongst others) Howard (Subway 2011) Pence (Liscio’s 2012), so fuck Kratz and Godshalls although turkey bacon is ok in my book.

We know many of the Johnny Come Latelys have found better things to do than hit up CBP, but that’s cool with me. The line at Alley Brewing is long enough. The Wriz recommends anything from Troegs. (Can I get a sponsorship deal?)

So, Is it time to panic? No, but the Wriz seems to think the 2013 isn't much more than a 3rd place team, but is still holding onto the fact he doesn't KNOW that.

See (a couple of) ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight



  1. I was wrong, they may NEVER reach 2nd place this year.

  2. This Phils team is like the old lady's Sunday gravy, they ain't terrible, but they ain't winning any awards either. Bada boop.

    - the big Ragu