Saturday, August 6, 2011

Buffalo Soldier

The Wriz was thinking about surprising you with some bonus Phillies knowledge, but then Shane Victorino thought UFC 133 was in San Fran and he was the main event.

The Flyin Hawaiian and more specifically Ramon Ramirez, completely ruined my piece which was going to be about I find it odd why so many people are acting like the Giants are the worst thing since un-sliced bread. I know they beat the Phils to get to and ultimately win the World Series. Then, you have Lincecum who looks rather feminine and smokes dope. Wilson who makes Hulk Hogan’s shoe polish beard look cool and Cody Ross who decided to be Babe Ruth for 2 week in the playoffs last year. But for the most part, it just seems like sour grapes; Phillies fans just upset because the lawn chair they left on Broad Street to save their parade spot isn’t returnable to Target because some bum thought it was his own special port-a-john.

 The Wriz hates the Mets and the Yankees and everything they stand for. The Wriz hates not the Boston Red sox but their fans. If ever there was a nerd convention I’m sure it be held at Fenway. The Wriz hates the Mets and Jose Reyes. His worst fear is that this coming off-season the Phillies let Jimmy Rollins walk so they can bring Reyes to town. The Wriz hates Hong-Chih Kuo. He doesn’t really have a reason, but really wants to punch him in the face. And oh, did I mention the Wriz hates the Mets?

But the Giants? Mehhhh, who cares…well until last night.

In these situations you’ll never get a straight story on why Ramirez hit Victorino. Maybe he was pissed he was getting hit around. Memo to MLP Pitchers: The Phillies are stacked. Get used to it. Maybe because the Giants thought the Phillies were running up the score. Yo dudes, if you think six runs is running up the score spend some money on a bat for the lineup. Maybe he’s mad Shane has his own UFC type shirt. C’mon Shane hangs with BJ Penn, UFC royalty. Don’t be jealous. Maybe he did it to fire up his struggling team. They lost 7 of 8 and are now only a half game up in the West. FYI, the west blows. Only the D-Backs have a winning record outside the division.

So what do the Phillies do in response? Nothing? Plunk Cody Ross? Continue to dominate them on their home turf? Well ideally, The Wriz would bring up the hardest throwing minor leaguer they have and start Scott Mathieson on Sunday. When Lincecum comes up to bat I bring in the flamethrower and have Brian Schneider (No need to risk Chooch getting suspended) call for an inside fastball. A REALLY inside fastball.

Ultimately, I know that’s a pipe dream and I also don’t to run the risk of a lengthy suspension for any of the Phils’ regulars or Charlie Manuel. So, just do your thing Fightins and win ball games!

See ya near the ballpark at UFC 133!

Jay Wrizight

@CJ Hood, Yeah he mad bro!


  1. If Cole wants to lose his Surfer/McGreevy vibe he will plunk someone today.

  2. I like what Doug said, but also the Mathieson has some merit. Either way plunk the fuckers, that's the game I played and grew up with. And guess what peeps, it only gets better from here on out. The Phils are PHINALLY playing like the Phils I expected this year. Shit, I may have to write another piece soon.

    Bill S aka/netfather