Monday, August 1, 2011

Kornhole's Alley: Hunter vs Carlos Edition

Thanks for coming into my Kornhole. The aroma inside the Kornhole fumes of awesomeness. The Phillies went out and got Jayson Werth 2k11, so let’s get to bidness.

Pence vs Beltran

First and foremost I HATE Carlos Beltran! He is a scumbag Met as far as I’m concerned. I wanted nothing to do with this guy. I understand he’s having a good year but to me he’s a Met. I know some of the greatest ex-Met’s turned Phillies have become some of our favorite Phillies heroes like Lenny, the Tugger and MTV Rock and Jock superstar Roger McDowell but I hate this batch of Mets more than any other. If Jose Reyes got anal cancer tomorrow and died of a poop over dose I would be happy.

With that all said I do believe the Phillies got the better player for this team. Hunter Pence to me is exactly what this team needed and he’s under club control for the next two years.

I know it’s to early to tell since Pence debuted on Saturday but here are the numbers for the two players since acquired.

Beltran 2-19, 1 run, 1 rbi, 6 k, 1 bb, 11 lob
Pence  3-9, 2 run, 1 rbi, 1 k, 1 bb, 6 lob

That’s not including the 23 million dollar real estate mogul actually learning how to hit to the opposite field the other night and single handily destroying the Pirates. The aqusition of Pence makes pitchers think twice about walking Howard to get to the next stiff in line. Pence is a solid player and perfect for this team. I actually like him better than Werthless and think this deal could be the deal that is the difference maker.


JK – Hi Joe. Welcome to my Kornhole!
JB – Thanks Kornhole. It’s my pleasure to be in Kornhole’s Endzone!
JK – It’s Kornhole’s Alley, kinda like Ashburn Alley. Get it?!
JB – Nobody cares about Ashburn alley. Phillies won a world series people got excited for a bit, but this is an Eagles town. Don’t believe me? See who get’s higher ratings when we go head to head.
JK – The Phillies actually beat you in head to head ratings last year.
JB – That was last year. It was a fluke. We went out and got Babin, Vince Young, the guy from the Raiders who wants to act, this is our town.
JK – Um. Yea. Since this is a Phillies blog, I wanted your thoughts on the Phillies chances now that they have Hunter Pence in Right Field.
JB – I hope they lose every game from here on out. This is our town. E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
JK – Thanks for screaming that in my ear. Now tell me, do you think the Phillies arms can take them to the next level?
JB – The only arms Philadelphia fans are concerned about, are those belonging to Vince Young and Ron Mexico.
JK – Who?
JB – Next question!
JK – Huh?
JB – Learned that from an agent I know.
JK – Thanks for coming into my Kornhole.
JB – E-A-G… (Punches him in head knocking him out)


The Phils embark on the final west coast swing of the season. They face the Rockies and Giants.

I like 2 of 3 from the Rocks and then splitting with the Giants. The Giants have our number right now, but I do feel by the time we get to the playoffs the Phillies will have the Giants number.

Thanks for coming into my Kornhole. Talk to you next week. Pop my email cherry at


  1. i think the Giants get into the Phillies heads...hope i'm wrong this wknd.

  2. Everyone is all of Beltrans jock. He sucks camel dick. Joe Magrane is the only analyst that doesn't like the move I don't get it

  3. I love how the Phillies stole the Eagles thunder with the Pence trade. You know Laurie & Banner were pissed. They probably ditches ruddered each other to take the sting out of the whole second fiddle thing.

  4. *dutched* f'in autocorrect!!!