Friday, July 27, 2012

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Wavering

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Wavering
I wasn't sure after my last piece how long it would be before I'd do another. Well I'm still not sure of anything I'm about to write... but recent days have stirred deep, lost feelings. I won't lie I changed my Facebook profile pic from my Phillies jersey to my Eagles jersey, in essence signaling the end of baseball season for the most part. I really wish I could let go completely of Phillies playoff implications. But something in the back of my head won't let go, the actions of this week until now. If I were a blind fool winning the last 4, and 8 of 11, wouldn't be shit. What grabbed me is what I saw on espn.com the last couple of days. The Phils need to go 45-18 from here on out to win 90 games, that should get them into the playoffs.
What does this mean you ask? Welp, twice during last year the Phils had streaks of 46-19. One early and one late last season. The point? Point being that they can, it's not impossible. Now we get to the real shit. How LIKELY is it? Consider this... the Phils haven't had a "playoff worthy" lineup until a week before the all star game. Now that Hollywood is locked up the questions remaining are can the bats do it? Can the bullpen do it?
Suck This Schneider! I'm staying!
For the first time all season, this past week there has been 100% effort, chemistry, camaraderie, you name it. Eric Kratz is now, and will be, a Phillie. Sorry Schneider. Schwimer, give that pink backpack to someone else, we need your ass. Bastardo, pack your bags you can't throw strikes. Cliff, you ARE the key. Christ, I wish I was there to break down film and find that tiny imperfection that's causing you the random fuckup, because Dubee sure as fuck isn't doing it. I am by no means suggesting a comeback of royal proportions but then again, who can ignore the last week+? Take a long look at this past series, and the reactions to Rollins' walk off hits. When was the last time you saw a team meeting at the mound or out at short to mob the guy who got the game winner? They actually acted like grade school kids... true emotion. I was lucky enough to be sick enough to be home to see some. Where has this been all year?
I'm not saying buy or sell. RAJ has no clue either I don't think. I'm not offering up pieces of us nor stating Hamels should have signed for $120MIL. I will say this weekend is fucking KEY. If they can't take 2 of 3 from ATL then we should all start considering looking at Eagles camp big time. I personally would love to believe 45-18 is entirely possible. But then again I live 2500 miles away and nobody takes me seriously.

Bill S/aka netfather



Makin Their Way


Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Makin Their Way (Original original version)


I f’ed up the other day by calling my Dukes blog “Bo, Luke & Cooter.” I should have called it “Makin Their Way.” That’s the kind of ish that bothers me. I’m listening to the Nick & Artie show online while I type this so there’s bound to be a lot of errors in this piece. BTW check out the Nick & Artie show online. It’s like Hoodwink’d: Some sports, but a lot of LOLz!


Anywho…the 2nd half monsters are back!!! #amiright. We signed Cole for too much, but I approve cuz he is proven and homegrown. Wriz weighed in on this issue yesterday in Wriz Wednesday By The Way of Thursday. But like I replied to his blog (I’m sure you all read it) RAJ created this monster, so he had no choice but to pay Hamels handsomely.



CASH MONEY COLE!

We are now 7-4 with our first 3 game sweep under our belts. However, I can’t help to compare this year’s Phils to last year’s Eagles where they dominate in the 2nd half, but still come up short. So I’ll be biting my nails all the way up to September. Irregardless
(not a real word), the Brews series was nothing short of exciting. What’s even more exciting is the trade deadline is approaching and all of sudden we have a shot at sneaking in to the playoffs as a wild card. So what should we do? I have a few ideas that I’ll reiterate but are little altered now that we are winning.

In a perfect world, we’d go out and buy David Wright, but since we can’t how about Chase Headley? Let’s dump Lee and use that cash for a bat. How about Polanco and boy-wonder Kratz for a #5 pitcher so we could keep Kendrick in the pen? Like I’ve said before, the ‘pitching wins games’ theory is a bust. It’s time to make moves and back up the Brinks truck for a young bat. Mayberry has been coming thru as of late, but I’d still like to see what D*Brown could do. While we’re talking about trades, I would not dump Victorino and Pence especially unless it’s a definite upgrade!


Moreover, when we’re running on all pistons Cholly is basically on cruise-control. However, when we’re not and he actually needs to manage he seems to fall short. Leaving Bastardo in to pitch Braun is like Kornhole going to Chic-fil-A in a sundress. So, this only solidifies the fact that we need to UPGRADE before the end of the month!


I’m not expecting any major moves by the deadline and I think we still have an uphill battle ahead of us. But, I don’t think we’re dead in the water. Am I saying we have a chance? Yes, Lloyd Christmas…the Phillies still have a chance of making the playoffs. Big series this weekend against the Braves…let’s get ‘bunted!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Pay Day and Bills Due



Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the Phillies signed Cole Hamels. But if they ended up trading him, I’da been ok too.

Six years and 144 million. Man that’s a lot of dough! It’s a long investment too. The first week of July was when I came to grips the Phillies didn’t have it this year so trading Cole looked like a real possibility. The prospects they would get in return could have been the building blocks for the next great run in Phillies history. My first choice was to sign him but last week it came what the offer on the table was. I thought, “God Damn! Dudes gonna get PAID!” But then the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t like it. How come he didn’t sign the contract already? And more importantly, how much loot were the Phillies going tie up in the starting rotation?

Halladay makes 20 Million. Lee 24 and Hamels ultimately gets 24. So basically with a self imposed cap limit just south of the luxury tax, you’ve got $68 million in payroll with sits on the bench 2/5 of the time. Hell, throw in Papelbon’s 13 mil and nearly half your payroll is on the bench more than half the time. No wonder, the bats go weeks without showing up. They’re probably scouting a good intersection on Roosevelt Blvd to panhandle or hock bottles of water. I could care less if the Phillies spent money like the Yankees; plundering the free agent market for their ideal team, but that’s just not the case. Amaro is the MLB equivalent of a college freshman with his first credit card. Get what looks good then worry about the consequences later.  Unfortunately, for him the bill is in the form of me and you and the rest the Phillies Nation that buys tickets. If the team finishes 4th or 5th, never making a real run, how many people will drop their season tickets or partial plans? How many tickets will be sold by the first day single games seats go on sale? Last year, the number was 3.1 million! I’ve been on the waiting list for full season tickets for 3 years. My buddy who was going to split it with me has already bailed and with the trouble I had GIVING away tickets for the game yesterday, I might not be far behind.

The reason I gave away the tickets I’ll save for another blog, but it had nothing to do with the team’s play.  But the team’s play and their roster moves and the deadline and during the offseason will influence what I do as far as tickets for next season.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight
jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Bo, Luke & Cooter


Hoodwink’d by waylon hood
Bo, Luke & Cooter


In the midst of this 2012 season you have to thank God for small favors. Utley & Howard came through last night for another come from behind win…2 days ago it was a hit from J*Roll that got us the ‘W.’ Are the good ole boys back? Uncle Cholly Jesse Spano seems to think so. Who cares…let’s celebrate with another sh*tty song parody…suck it We Might Be GM’s!!!
                      
     
SHEPARD TO LOST SHEEP…WE’RE STILL 14 GAMES OUT!


Just the good ol' boys
That’s been causin team harm
Been AWOL from the team cuz
They’re on the DL
Since the season was born
Finally back on the field


And going for yard
Someday the bullpen
Might get 'em


But the IRS never will (cuz they’re f’in rich!)
Makin' their waaaaaaaaaaaaaay
The only way they know how
Workin the count,
Getting plugged and not saying ‘Ow!’
Just good ol' boys


Wouldn't change if they could
Fightin' under 500
Another parody from CJ Hood



WIGGY & GALVIS PERPETRATING A FRAUD!

If they sweep the Brewers I’ll come back with a Glory Days parody. Until then…let’s get ‘bunted! #frosco

Friday, July 20, 2012

World F’in CHAMPS *


Hoodwink’d by cj hood
World F’in CHAMPS (of the 1st week of the 2nd half of the season)!!!!!

If the MLB season was from July 13th to the 20th the Phillies would make the playoffs…thanks Bud Selig! Irregardless (not a real word), the Phillies had a good week…it would have been better if that walk-off in L.A. happened earlier in that series (or not at all). However, it was against the sucky Rockies and a dwindling Dodgers team. This weekend will be the real test against a red hot Giants at home (where the Phils aren’t at their best). So, let’s review the positives & negatives of week 1 of the 2nd half shall we:

Positives:
-Big Daddy Shane started to hit the ball.
-Cholly actually managed (the bull pen) and stopped the bleeding for a bit.
-They finally had a come from behind win.

Negatives:
-John Mayberry should have been demoted to Lehigh 2 days ago. Cholly should have benched him after that weak attempt at a catch.
-Papp is not earning his $50mill+ as of late. You had a 2 run lead bro!
-bullpen #blahblahblah
-weak bats contine #rollinsutleyhoward

Suggestion Box (for 2nd Half):
-sign Cole ASAP
-pull a Fred Willard (with Mayberry): pull out & release.
-bring up D*Brown…why not?
-trade Lee & get Chase Headly.
-keep Kendrick in the bullpen (if possible).
-bat Chooch 4 & Howard 5
-reread my last blog (Dice tribute) cuz it was f’in hilarious!
-the Phils need to stop playing for Andrew Luck. #hesalreadytaken


I IMAGINE HIS RUG SMELLING LIKE FRENCH CHEESE. #OBLIGATORYWHEELSDISS
I’m off to see the new Batman movie. If anything happens to me DiamondGirl will pen Hoodwink’d from now on…let’s get ‘bunted!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Rolling the Dice!





Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Rolling the Dice!

 
THE ’12 PHILS ARE MORE REPULSIVE THAN THIS!!!

Our bullpen blows….they needed the money…A DUUUSCHE!!!

Little Shane Victorino, you’re not the Great Bambino,
Waiting to get traded away.
He waited a day & tomorrow, along came Amaro
And said , “you suck… I wouldn’t get a bag of sunflower seeds for you bro!”

Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That’s more than John Mayberry ever did!!!

Coach Cholly Manuel, went to the bullpen, to get his losing team a reliever,
He looked around once, looked around twice and thought about calling Tom Seaver.

Bad, bad, Hunter,
Have you any D?
No sir, no sir,
But look at those other 3!!!

Rueben and Montgomery went up the hill,
both with about $50 mill
Cliff Lee came down with all that cash and a fist full of psychiatric bills!

Juan be nimble, Juan be quick,
Everyone knows you’re going to f’in bunt…stop it already!

Humpty Rollins whiffed at the ball,
Humpty Rollins popped up the ball,
All of the years and all of that cash,
Couldn’t stop Humpty from swinging at trash.

Hickory dickory Doc! (If you don’t know what this one’s about then leave now!!!)
The balls flying out of the park,
Realize that your older and have a bum shoulder,
But you need to start finding your mark!

Ole King Cole was a merrier old soul,
And a merrier old soul was he,
He called for respect,
He called for the years,
And more cash than those other three!

-The 2nd half is here…do or die…let’s get ‘bunted!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Turning Points



At first, I was going to do a Phillies “mid-term grades” piece, but it have more F’s than a Chase Utley interview. Plus everyone one and their mother were doing them. Only the 3 all-stars (and I would have made a case for Schwimer) deserve a grade higher than a “C.”

It seems like every time, I read anything on the Phillies lately, its people trying to pinpoint the season’s turning point. Guess what? It ain’t happening. Even I did it. Back on June 28th, I went to the game the previous night and for the first time all year it was like no matter what they were going to find a way to win and they did. I thought that was “the night.” Since then, they have gotten back Chase and Ryan and have manage to go a whopping 1-10 which includes sweeps by the Braves and Marlins, who went 4-1 against the Floppins in June and 4-17 verse everyone else.

People want to point to previous years and say they can do it again or that the Cardinals made up a similar margin in just the final month. But this team has no heart, no desire to win. Victorino wants to throw a temper tantrum because he’s batting 7th? Fuck You. Jason Pridie did more in that one game than he’s done in a month. For reals! He’s got one extra base hit in the last month. ONE! I wish MLB would edit him out of the commercial when he says he will lead the league in triples. It’s embarrassing. There are 64 more major leaguers with more triples than him including AJ Pierzynski who’s a catcher…and 35 years old and has a mind boggling career SB total of 20. You’d better start embezzling from the Nicetown Y because you ain’t getting paid this year bro.  Then there was the Vance Worley AB when he just gave up. I’ve seen Natalie Gulbis take harder practice swings. (Funbags. Don’t judge.)


The bullpen stinks. You got Papelbon then your next 2 best options are Schwimer and Raul Valdez????  

The addition from within theory wasn’t exactly panned out so far and now you just waiting on Doc, Nix and Schneider. How much can they possibly do at the trade deadline to improve? It won’t be enough. I’d much rather see the fire sale begin so the Phillies can retool the minors and reload in the offseason.

See ya at the ball park! I’ll be the one wearing the paper bag!

Jay Wrizight
jaywrizight@yahoo.com


Friday, July 6, 2012

There’s Nothing To See Here…yet



Hoodwink’d by cj hood
There’s Nothing To See Here…yet



PLEASE DISPERSE…CLIFF LEE ONLY WON 1 GAME.


I wrote a Hoodwink’d on Monday (Seller Dwellars) that was so depressing that I couldn’t even add pictures to it…Wriz did that for me. It’s been a terrible June…yada, yada, yada..you know wassup! Then all of sudden, Howard’s starts hitting in Lehigh Valley (it’s Triple A mind you) & Cliff Lee gets his first win, and fans are acting like it’s 2008 all over again. Y’all acting like you’re part of an Oprah Winfrey live studio audience. Calm the f’ down kids…get a grip! We didn’t even win this series yet (it’s 1-0 us in the top of the 2nd). If we do win it’s a small step in the right direction…if we lose it’s another huge step back.

Fans are bewildered how Cole Hamels could pitch so well in this time of uncertainty. UNCERTAINTY??? He’s on the cusp of a HUGE payday…he’s not going to Afghanistan. There’s no way RAJ will pull a ‘Cliff Lee trade debacle’ again. Hamels WILL be a Phillie . A rich Phillie…with a hot wife, so stop worrying about him.


DB29 wrote an interesting piece about ticket sales and how Pinocchio McCarthy needs to stop it with that ‘consecutive sold out’ noise. Before the season started I dropped a hot dime on 5 tix behind the Phils dugout for Camp Hood (cuz it’d be the only game my kids would see this season, so I wanted to spoil them) for an Aug game when I knew Howard & Utley would be back. Now, I’m questioning that decision. But it doesn’t even matter cuz those 5 tix are now probably worth a fraction of what I paid for them. And I paid face value!!!

Word is Victorino’s gone, but what do we get in return? Who’s going to take his place? Shane seems to be the new King of Pop since MJ’s gone. He’s not playing like a guy in the last year of his contract. Is the devil you know better than the devil you don’t know? I say yes. Low ball him and don’t budge…if we lose him, oh well.

We’re used to being pissed when they didn’t sweep a series…now, we’re going ape sh*t when they win a game. Things done changed! I’m not being Debby Downer, I’m just being honest. Maybe we’ll win this series and women will be throwing their panties on the field like Tom Jones is in the house. But until then, let’s keep our team in check and stay grounded. Let’s get ‘bunted…

PS Congrats to Chooch #finally, Hamels & Pap for being All Stars…well deserved.


PSS I don’t think bringing Howard back this weekend is a good idea. Give him another series at Triple A.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: So you say it's All Star time


Its been announced that the Phils have 3 all stars... Chooch, Hollywood, and Pap. Congrats to all three, it's hard to be recognized when you play on a JV team with others dragging you down. Is it just me or does this season seem to be whizzing by because we have nothing to cheer about? It seems like I just wrote about all the possibilities coming out of spring training and am now disgusted almost beyond words.

Are you all as disgusted as I am? Is this why DGirl and Kornhole haven't written jack? (I know better on half of it, but had to lol). I'd like to know why, after this 5-6 year run, does it seem like the only players giving 110% every game are the above named 3, along with Utley? When I played I only knew one way, balls to the wall, like them. Too bad this is what got Chase into his current situation. If I was 33 again(sigh) and were in his boat I'd prolly do the same thing he's doing, but at the same time be thankful for all I've had including the ring. After his first series in rehab Howard is 5-8, albeit as a Blue Claw but still. I seriously am hoping Doc gets right soon, giving us another player giving 110%. The rest... bah humbug.

Remember me saying if I had 2 weeks I could fix Howard's swing and help Cliff Lee get the killer pickoff move? Howard's not the problem, Lee needs a shrink... or someone to convince him to forget about the first 3 months entirely. I'm sure given the time and film, I could find out where he's fucking up, if even it's only on 8-10 pitches a game and losing concentration. Would $120MIL in your pocket tell you "fuck concentration?" I'm sure some of you will say so. I think it's something else, but can't put my finger on it. But I'll tell you this, Rich Dubee *SHOULD* be able to do that. The last quote I heard from him about Lee was something to the effect of "that's not your concern" to the interviewer. Yet, he still continues to do  jack shit to try and fix Lee. How the fuck can someone forget how to pitch, something they did their whole life?

This is my last rant on the coaching staff. Charlie has seen better days. His guessing games do not work anymore with the talent in the dugout. I think Dubee believed the hype last year that all he need to do to manage the pitching staff was to lay in his recliner and let the "Aces" sort it out and still hasn't made it out of his LazyBoy. Samuel and Perlozzo suck ass as base coaches, and have cost us at least 5 games. Go get Davey Lopes back at any cost! We've lost all our aggressiveness and leading the league in SB percentage. Damn I'm never gonna get to sleep tonight.

This started out as an all star piece, let's give props. Chooch is a no brainer, MVP type and leading MLB in batting avg by far. Why are people voting for Posey? SMH. Hollywood... 10-4 but should be 13-2 or 14-1. No support mostly but another no brainer. Pap... 19 of 20 saves for a JV team, hardly getting any opportunities. I'll save my closer rant for another time because I believe like several prominent writers that the save stat should be changed. Read a ton last week about it and it intrigued me.

So okay Bunters, where do you stand... on anything? I am having difficulty this season finding much to be pleased or happy about. Do any of you out there have any opinions at all? If so, email the Wriz, and maybe you too can grab a spot start. Hell, can't be any worse than things are right now. Let's get Bunted!


Bill S aka/netfather

Monday, July 2, 2012

Seller dwellars




Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Seller dwellars


What’d you sell ‘em, buy ‘em, sell ‘em? Thome’s gone…I guess we’re sellers. I was excited to see Thome come back to Philly, but then I was pissed cuz he was constantly whiffing (I’m a dick). But then I remembered what a great person he is not only for the Phillies (hot bat in June), but for baseball and I’m glad he’s getting another opportunity in Baltimore.



However, is the Thome move a sign of things to come at the end of the month? For the CP Park/Cholly/NL East Champs era we’ve been big buyers #blanton #lidge #lee #oswalt #leeagain #halladay and last season #pence. But now what? That ‘it’s a long season’ bulldish is getting old…the window is closing slowly, but it is closing. So do we continue to sell #victorino #pence #hamels? Is it time to build for next season? Our farm is more baron than Mrs. Sandusky thanks to the RAJ’s idea that ‘pitching wins games.’ Yet in reality, it was a pretty good offense, that got us to 2 consecutive World Series. This season is like a 3 Stooges short: if it’s not Moe (starting pitching) screwing up it’s Larry stupidity (bullpen) or Curly’s hijinks (lack o’ offense). Different actors/same script. We got 99 problems, but paydays aren’t one!



Desperate times call for desperate measures, so off the top of the dome I would say:

-demote Mayberry

-teach Pence to play 1B

-if you do re-sign Victorino make sure it’s not for a bulldish J*Roll deal!

-demote Kendrick

-trade Hamels for a SOLID bat & a pitcher.

-trade Blanton

-send Lee to a psychiatrist

-PAY Chooch!

Amaro and the farms best prospects

I’m not a GM, so I don’t know the in’s & out’s of the biz. But when I’m at the gym and a guy starts bitching to me about the Phillies and I don’t even have any Phils gear on you know it’s getting bad! No LOLz in this ep…I can’t muster any up. Let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Great Ticket Market Crash of 2012




Our fearless leader, Jay Wrizight recently posted on Face Book..."When you offer away a free ticket to a game and someone asks 'Where's the seat at?' the correct response should always be 'it’s in the stadium, douchebag!'. The Wriz' post speaks the truth. Since 2007, Phillies tickets have been white hot. This season it’s like you're asking someone to attend a root canal. In 2009, the response to the question, "Do you want to go to the game?” was greeted by, 'I'm getting married that day but my fiancĂ©e' will understand'. Ask someone now? 'Yeah, I gotta do anything else.' Where has everyone gone? If they do attend a game, they are not still in the park when the Phillies are down by a run after the 7th inning. I know the Phillies couldn't beat a high school JV team right now, but it’s still a fun place to be, right?
Another question, what do the Phillies consider a 'sell out'? There are many open seats most nights. I figure roughly 2 to 3 thousand a night. How do they still announce 44,571 when there are clearly fewer than 40,000? T-Mac can't wait to tell the world, 200 blah, blah, blah sell outs in a row. It makes me want to punch that big titty, apologist right in his man boobs. I think the sell out streak ended during the Dodgers series in early June, tell me I'm wrong.

With having a decent amount of tickets, Stubhub became a nice source of income. I could easily get double face value for any game. Red Sox games, the sky was the limit. Now, face value is too much. When I try to give them away it's like I'm asking people if they want tickets to the WNBA. It shouldn't take 20 phone calls and an open Face Book invitation to give away 2 lower level seats. Thanks for stepping up, Joe Craig. Maybe Jimmy Rollins was right when he called this fan base 'Bandwagoners'. If I see you at the ballpark in September when the Fightin' Phils are out of it, I'll buy you a beer. I'll be the only one in section 103.

Keep It Classy Philly!
DB29