Friday, April 6, 2012

Fortune Teller

Predictions are kinda like that broken clock thing. Eventually, you’ll get something right.  My 2010 predictions were pretty spot on which inspired my best 2011 prediction which was that my 2011 predictions would “shit the bed.” Not too far off, but I did nail a few things. I said Tommy Hanson and Jay Bruce would breakout. Bruce did. Hanson was well on his way (10-4 at the break) until he got hurt and only managed 26 IP in the second half. I correctly said Hellickson would win the AL CY and that Heyward would be a huge bust. Check and Check. I said Kershaw was the dark horse candidate if the Phillies aces split votes. That was some Nostradamus type shit right there as Halladay and Lee finished second and third respectively.

But enough about last year, the Wriz proudly presents his 2012 best guesstimates:


Chase Utley games played-- 81. UNDER

Ryan Howard games played-- 81. OVER

Vanimal wins—12 ½. UNDER

Papelbon saves – 40 ½. OVER

Pierre bunts for base hits—7. PUSH

Hamels deal—5/130 mil. OVER WAY OVER

Pence avg--.310. UNDER

Young John’s HR—19. OVER

Doc’s W’s—19 ½. OVER

Lee HR’s 1 ½. UNDER

Polanco’s New Era size—8. TOO EASY

Fat Joe’s ERA 4.25—UNDER

I believe the Phillies season hinges on 3 things: small ball, John Mayberry Jr. and Joe Blanton. Small ball to compensate for the lack of power. JMJ to protect Pence. And Blanton well to show he’s no Bob’s Big Boy but the legit ML pitcher he’s capable to be. If 2 of the 3 produce, the Phillies will win the East for the 6th consecutive time. If one produces, they win a Wild Card spot. Zero and we will remember what Flyers training camp is like.

NL Predictions:

MVP: Hunter Pence, Phillies. Maybe I’m just being a homer, but he produced in HOU with nothing. So being the man here should be a piece of cake.

Cy Young: Halladay, Lee, Hamels. I can’t pick a Phillie for both MVP and CY.  Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers.

ROY: Yonder Alonzo, Padres. He can flat out hit.

Biggest Bust: Ryan Braun, Brewers. He has something to prove. Sadly, without PED’s he won’t be able.

AL Predictions:

MVP: Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. He’ll have a year bigger than his waistline. Fielder won’t that’s impossible.

Cy Young: Felix Hernandez, Mariners. The King will retake his throne.

ROY: Yu Darvish, Rangers. Darvish and Matt Moore will be neck and neck all year but the Rangers will be better than the Rays giving Yu the W. (I wouldn’t be at all surprised if one or both are in the Cy Young discussion come September.)

Biggest Bust: Yoenis Cespedes, Athletics. He’s not MLB ready... yet.


-Nyjer Morgan won’t finish the season so he can play Pookie in New Jack City 2.

-Brewers games at CBP will be dominated by “U took steroids” chants.

-Josh Hamilton will be sober…..during games. He’s no Darryl Strawberry nor a Red Sox reliever.

-The Marlins are a powder keg, but Jose Reyes is too lazy to light the fuse. Thankfully, Ozzie and Hanley will fight over who gets to do it.

-The WS Champion Cardinals would finish no better than 4th in every division, but their own. The NL Central cellar dweller should be relegated to AAA.

Phillies Bunts

1. 2012 is the year the Bunts explode so tell your friends about us so you seem extra cool because you’re in the know. (Vegas won’t take odds on that prediction because is more of a known fact!)

2. CJ Hood uses the blog as a launching pad, gets a Comedy Central special but misses the gig to wait in line when tickets finally go on sale for the Beastie Boys next tour.

3. Kornhole will write ONE blog without bashing the Mets. It will get him fired.

4. DiamondGirl will have her belts and shoelaces taken away when Chase retires mid-July

5. Bill S will meet the love of his life at the Bunts Meet and Greet, get married and move back east. She however was hoping for a long distance relationship and will serve him papers before Red October.

6. Bob Ross will paint a new back round for the blog in honor of the House of Funkhousers return to commenting on the Bunts.

** No DB29 predictions as he’s on suspension for stealing The Wriz material spoiler alert material. (See Wriz 2011 prediction piece and DB29 2012 piece)

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. 7. Wheel's wig will fly off his head and into a vat of cheese whiz

  3. Over/under on your prediction on me.... WAY UNDER. I like my bathroom just the way it is... one bar of soap, one bottle of shampoo, and one towel.

  4. It was totally unintentional Wriz. What can I say? You inspire me.

  5. I will pay BIG money to see Wheel's wig go into a vat of cheese wiz.