Hoodwink’d by cj hood
THE NIGHT BEFORE OPENING DAY ‘12
AT LEAST HE'S NOT ON THE D.L.
'Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;
The bats were hung by the helmets with care,
In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a parade danced in their heads;
And Mom in her Pence Jersey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long spring nap,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Citizens Bank I flew like a flash,
Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.
The Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow
while Mets fans drank Schlitz; drowning their sorrows,
When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases,
A new jumbo tron, a Chooch and four aces,
With a stout old coach, so lively and jolly,
I knew in a moment it must have been Cholly.
More rapid than the Eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Hamels! now, Worley! now, Blanton and Lee!
On, Galvis! on Rollins! and hopefully Utley!
From the dugout! to the top of the wall!
They dashed away! dashed away! dashed away all!"
As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricane fly,
The Pirates an obstacle? now that is a lie,
So onto the diamond the coursers they flew,
With mitts in their hands, and Papelbon too.
McCarthy and Sarge were calling the game
Boy we miss Harry; Oh! What a shame,
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Doc Halladay, emerged, and took to the mound.
He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,
And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;
AJ’s eye in a patch; McCutchen’s hair like a mop
We Are Family no more; all Karsten’s throwing is slop
Three up and three down as Chooch made the calls!
Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!
The Yankees were buying like Corbett was cutting
Hamilton was drinking while A-Rod was strutting
Braves fans went to games did not even care,
Tony LaRussa retired to spend more time on his hair;
Ozzie’s in Miami, Jose Reyes is too,
But so is Lebron, that place is a zoo
Pence hit homeruns, Polanco looked great,
Howard returned before the AllStar break
Chooch was an AllStar before it was done.
And the Doctor repeated as this year's Cy Young,
Bastardo delivered and so did Worley
As did Shane and Pierre and Jimmy Thome.
The Phightans scored runs as Fielder got fatter,
Who we met in October did not even matter;
We took out the brooms; got them in four,
World Fuckin' Champs, the Phillies once more.
Can't wait til Thursday; dress warm cuz it's freezing,
"Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great-season."