This is not a typo. The Phillies will go undefeated. This team is so good they will win more games than they play. (There is a first for everything).
Now that the team prediction is out of the way, let us take a look at the individual statistics I see from this team.
Jessie… err… Josh will come in and replace the injured Shane Victorino. It’s going to happen in
. The corner outfielders and the bench will all injure during the game. This will leave the Flyin’ Hawaiian to man the outfield himself. Trying to cover the outfield himself Shane-O will go down for the season with a torn ball sack. The next day our boy Josh will get called up and he’ll hit a Homerun in every game the rest of the season. San Diego
RBIS – Rob Quinlann 324
Never before has one man averaged 2 RBI’s per game. Rob Quinlann is no ordinary man. Rob will replace Ryan Howard on Opening Day after Ryan Howard strikes out looking to a Brett Myers curveball. It’ll be unfortunate but Ryno will miss the remainder of the season when we learn that the he can’t blink. It’s all due to his eyes being stuck open.
WALKS – Hunter Pence 324
Francisco will strain his eyelid after sleeping on his eye in a weird way. Mayberry will miss the season after eating too much food and eventually losing to Joe Blanton in an all-you-can eat contest at the team’s luncheon prior to the game.
WINS - Ryan Madson 81
The entire bullpen will be lost for the season besides Adam Eaton… err… Danys Baez and Ryan Madson. The starters will go 7 strong. Baez will give up runs to lose the lead in the 8th and Madson will shut’em down in the 9th. Think people think!
CF Dykstra 2-6
1B Quinlann 2-6, 2 rbis
2B Young 2-6, 11 sbs
3B Orr 9-9
LF Barfield 2-6, 3 hrs
SS Young 2-6
RF Pence 0-0
I know some guys may seem out of position but trust me; they can do whatever is needed to win. Check out the pitching lines.
Baez 1IP, 12ER, 0SO, 12H, 36BB,
Madson 1IP, 0ER, 3SO, 0H, 0BB
It’s going to be a fun season Phils F(ph)ans. So don’t sweat the fact that we’ve already lost Utley, Dombo, and Lidge… we’re going to lose everyone else too… but not a game. That includes an extra 11 wins in October.
Thanks for reading Kornhole’s Alley. Now go vote on the 2nd Round of the Most Ridiculous Phillies contest.
You can Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’re dumb enough to disagree with me and think the Phils will lose a game this season.