Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Wriz predicts 2011 (Spoiler Alert)

As the 2011 MLB season is about to get underway, the bookmakers in Vegas are getting anxious. Fantasy baseball managers are getting impatient. And maybe most importantly, the readers of this blog are frustrated as the Wriz has not let known his predictions for the upcoming season. Well fear not and read on.

As DB29 referenced in his article, the Wriz was pretty spot on last year. I’m not gonna lie, I had a few 900 phone line offers. But, alas, the Wriz never disappoints and my readers don’t get a recorded message. You get some misspelled words and poorly constructed sentences that can change a Vegas line before you reach the final punctuation mark. With that being said, I will preface this by saying I did so well last year I fully expect to shit the bed this year. So for amusement purposes only:

NL MVP: Albert Pujols, St Louis Cardinals. He’s in a contract year. He’s the best position player in baseball and he will do what’s necessary to get his due.

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, Philadelphia Phillies. Last year, I said he was the best pitcher on the planet on the best team in the National League. That may only be half right this season. I thought when Tim Lincecum won the award in 2009 it was mainly because the 2 best pitchers (Carpenter and Wainwright) split votes because they were on the same team. This year, the Phillies, Giants and Brewers all have multiple candidates. Clayton Kershaw could be a dark horse to watch.

NL Rookie of the Year: Freddie Freeman, Atlanta Braves. The NL rookie class is nowhere close to the depth of the AL. Brandon Belt, of the Giants, may be his only real competition….if he’s makes the team.

Breakout Player: (tie) Tommy Hanson, Atlanta Braves. I expect he will win at least 17 games this year.  Jay Bruce, Cincinnati Reds. If he bats .270, he’ll hit 30+ HR’s. If he bats .290, he hits 40 bombs.

Biggest Disappointment: Jason Heyward, Atlanta Braves. I believe injuries and the sophomore slump get the best of the big kid.

AL MVP: Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox. He is the definition of a professional hitter. When he’s not battering the monster with line drives, he’ll take full advantage of the Pesky Pole.

AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez is quickly gaining on Halladay as the best pitcher in baseball, but “The King” will need to wait to claim his 2nd Cy. I think after back-to-back seasons where the winner had 16 and 13 wins, the 2 fewest totals ever, it will take 18 or more wins to take it. The Mariners don’t have the line-up or the bench to support him. I was going to take Jon Lester, but DB29 did and he’s a mush. (Pu em in da bathroom!) So….David Price, Tampa Bay Rays.

AL Rookie of the Year: Jeremy Hellickson, Tampa Bay Rays. There are more than a few others who could win this award, but Hellickson got a head start when he impressed in a brief call up last season.

Breakout Player: Delmon Young, Minnesota Twins. Not everyone will forget about the bat throwing incident in the minors, but Twins fan will be talking about his numbers instead.

Biggest Disappointment: Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers. He’s the Chase Utley of the AL…except he’s hurt EVERY year. This year will be no different.

NL Playoffs: The Phillies will make the playoffs, it just may be as the Wild Card team if they can’t shake the injury bug. Joining them will be the Braves, Rockies and Brewers. The Phillies best the Brew Crew. The Braves oust the Rockies. And the Phillies return to the World Series in 2011.

AL Playoffs: The Red Sox, White Sox and A’s win their divisions. The Yankees get the Wild Card. The A’s bomb the Bronx and Red Sox best Chicago. The Red Sox dominate the A’s to make the World Series.

World Series: I’m a homer, but I’m also a jinx. Red Sox win in 5.

Miscellaneous Awards:

Best New Trend: MLB GM’s bring up 20 year olds that can get the job done. (i.e. Mike Stanton and Jason Heyward)

Worst New Trend: MLB GM’s experimenting with young pitchers and not letting them know their role (i.e. Alrodis Chapman, Neftali Perez, and Chris Sale)

Ron Burgundy Award: Josh Hamilton and Miguel Cabrera are the odds on favorites. One finishes 2nd in the MVP voting. One wins this award. One has a chaperon. One has a translator who can’t say, “Put the scotch away, the police are coming,” fast enough. Cabrera wins.

The “Who’s the Boss” Award. Named for Alyssa Milano, who dated the entire 2003 Marlins starting rotation, is now off the market and needs a replacement for most famous baseball groupie. Eliza Dushku has dated Brad Penny. Her career is in the shitter. Hopefully she’ll realize the error of her ways, dump Rick Fox and follow in Alyssa’s footsteps and give it up for Max Scherzer.

So that’s the run down. Let’s Play Ball!

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight


  1. I also predict the Phillies will be underdogs according to the Vegas line less than 32 times this year. Chooch will be an All-star. Even if i gotta vote 3 million times. And the Bunts will become the premier Phillies blog.

  2. a potpourri of baseball know-how and LOLZ....delicious again Wriz!

  3. COME ON KRYPTONITE! I hope I didn't mush the Phils by picking them.

  4. I like this post. Well thought out and Eliza Dusku. I'll pretend she sent me that picture to seduce me.