Thursday, March 31, 2011

Oh, What A Wonderful World (it would be)…..

I have contemplated throwing beer, kicking seat partners and mastered the art of holding my bladder for 9 innings….  I am a Phillies fan, through and through.  Throwing beer would qualify me for an ejection from the game, and that is not cool.  Kicking seat partners, yeah, I have done that, “accidentally!”
I have been to several hundred Phillies games in my short 34yrs of life. I have learned there are a few rules of etiquette one needs to follow at a baseball game.
Allow me to educate you:

1) Why would you pay, on average, $60 per ticket, only to sit there and discuss your fantasy baseball line-up for 9 innings?  Seriously?  I do not care!

2) If your child has been up since 6am….it is probably NOT a good idea to bring them to a 7pm game.  I want the only stress during those hours to be game related….NOT subconsciously restraining myself from punching ignorant parents.

3) To my fellow female game attendees: I do not care who has what designer bag and where so-and-so bought their fantastic shoes. Oh…also, this is baseball, the Phillies colors are RED & WHITE.  Lose the pink bedazzled crap. (gag)

4) Learn to handle your alcohol. If you are a light weight, it is probably best to refrain from drinking at all.  To the drunk lady in 5 inch heels trying to shuffle sideways down the isle and falls in my lap….I will be sober and I will kick your ass.

5) No matter how loud you yell, the person on the other end of your cell phone cannot hear you.  The cheering Phillies fans reign superior.

6) If you notice the fan cams pointing in your direction…..please remember this….there are millions of viewers at home watching their TV’s, pointing and laughing at the idiot calling his friends and pointing at himself on the jumbo tron.

7) Please do not bitch about the amount of fat and calories in ballpark food.  If you want tofu and veggie crisps…..go to the ballet.

8) The Bongo Camera is ridiculous. Enough said. Idiots.

9) I am reinstating my unspoken rule. If you are seated in my row, or a row in front of me…you are limited to 3 trips to the bathroom or concession stands. That is 3 times the entire game, not per inning!

10) I am a female. I know I have nice legs. If you are not my husband, there is no need to touch them.

If I had the ability to address the pregame crowds with my rules of etiquette over the big screen, after the Phillies Ball Girls layout their rules….everyone would have a wonderful experience! Remember, I am not a bitch….just a frugal mother who is out, sans kids, and would like to get her money’s worth!!!  Play ball & Go Phillies!


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Wriz predicts 2011 (Spoiler Alert)

As the 2011 MLB season is about to get underway, the bookmakers in Vegas are getting anxious. Fantasy baseball managers are getting impatient. And maybe most importantly, the readers of this blog are frustrated as the Wriz has not let known his predictions for the upcoming season. Well fear not and read on.

As DB29 referenced in his article, the Wriz was pretty spot on last year. I’m not gonna lie, I had a few 900 phone line offers. But, alas, the Wriz never disappoints and my readers don’t get a recorded message. You get some misspelled words and poorly constructed sentences that can change a Vegas line before you reach the final punctuation mark. With that being said, I will preface this by saying I did so well last year I fully expect to shit the bed this year. So for amusement purposes only:

NL MVP: Albert Pujols, St Louis Cardinals. He’s in a contract year. He’s the best position player in baseball and he will do what’s necessary to get his due.

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, Philadelphia Phillies. Last year, I said he was the best pitcher on the planet on the best team in the National League. That may only be half right this season. I thought when Tim Lincecum won the award in 2009 it was mainly because the 2 best pitchers (Carpenter and Wainwright) split votes because they were on the same team. This year, the Phillies, Giants and Brewers all have multiple candidates. Clayton Kershaw could be a dark horse to watch.

NL Rookie of the Year: Freddie Freeman, Atlanta Braves. The NL rookie class is nowhere close to the depth of the AL. Brandon Belt, of the Giants, may be his only real competition….if he’s makes the team.

Breakout Player: (tie) Tommy Hanson, Atlanta Braves. I expect he will win at least 17 games this year.  Jay Bruce, Cincinnati Reds. If he bats .270, he’ll hit 30+ HR’s. If he bats .290, he hits 40 bombs.

Biggest Disappointment: Jason Heyward, Atlanta Braves. I believe injuries and the sophomore slump get the best of the big kid.

AL MVP: Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox. He is the definition of a professional hitter. When he’s not battering the monster with line drives, he’ll take full advantage of the Pesky Pole.

AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez is quickly gaining on Halladay as the best pitcher in baseball, but “The King” will need to wait to claim his 2nd Cy. I think after back-to-back seasons where the winner had 16 and 13 wins, the 2 fewest totals ever, it will take 18 or more wins to take it. The Mariners don’t have the line-up or the bench to support him. I was going to take Jon Lester, but DB29 did and he’s a mush. (Pu em in da bathroom!) So….David Price, Tampa Bay Rays.

AL Rookie of the Year: Jeremy Hellickson, Tampa Bay Rays. There are more than a few others who could win this award, but Hellickson got a head start when he impressed in a brief call up last season.

Breakout Player: Delmon Young, Minnesota Twins. Not everyone will forget about the bat throwing incident in the minors, but Twins fan will be talking about his numbers instead.

Biggest Disappointment: Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers. He’s the Chase Utley of the AL…except he’s hurt EVERY year. This year will be no different.

NL Playoffs: The Phillies will make the playoffs, it just may be as the Wild Card team if they can’t shake the injury bug. Joining them will be the Braves, Rockies and Brewers. The Phillies best the Brew Crew. The Braves oust the Rockies. And the Phillies return to the World Series in 2011.

AL Playoffs: The Red Sox, White Sox and A’s win their divisions. The Yankees get the Wild Card. The A’s bomb the Bronx and Red Sox best Chicago. The Red Sox dominate the A’s to make the World Series.

World Series: I’m a homer, but I’m also a jinx. Red Sox win in 5.

Miscellaneous Awards:

Best New Trend: MLB GM’s bring up 20 year olds that can get the job done. (i.e. Mike Stanton and Jason Heyward)

Worst New Trend: MLB GM’s experimenting with young pitchers and not letting them know their role (i.e. Alrodis Chapman, Neftali Perez, and Chris Sale)

Ron Burgundy Award: Josh Hamilton and Miguel Cabrera are the odds on favorites. One finishes 2nd in the MVP voting. One wins this award. One has a chaperon. One has a translator who can’t say, “Put the scotch away, the police are coming,” fast enough. Cabrera wins.

The “Who’s the Boss” Award. Named for Alyssa Milano, who dated the entire 2003 Marlins starting rotation, is now off the market and needs a replacement for most famous baseball groupie. Eliza Dushku has dated Brad Penny. Her career is in the shitter. Hopefully she’ll realize the error of her ways, dump Rick Fox and follow in Alyssa’s footsteps and give it up for Max Scherzer.

So that’s the run down. Let’s Play Ball!

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Most Interesting Predictions in the World

These are the facts:
Last December, Ruben Amaro stealthy executed one hell of a coup d'etat on major league baseball. All the talk of a "mystery" third team fed to Phillies junkies on facebook and twitter lead to one long, cold night until the confirmation was smacked down on local news and sports center (though sadly, ESPN felt the news about washed up Brett Favre was much more interesting).

"Could it be??" we anxiously asked. Could Ruben do the unthinkable, get Philadelphia their beloved pitcher Clifton Phifer Lee back? Were the Rangers going to allow themselves to lose their Ace? Were the deep pocketed, aging Yankees going to once again do what they do best - shell out a ridiculous offer impossible for any player to refuse? The answer my friends is YES. The Rangers lost an Ace, the Yanks tried to whore Lee to New York with an insane offer but unbe-LEE-vably Clifton Phifer chose to once again come 'live from the 215'.

 What Ruben Amaro Jr managed to accomplish in his short tenure as Phils' GM is ridiculous. Four of the best pitchers in the game - Halladay, Lee, Oswalt and Hamels - on ONE team? This NL monopoly (along with Big Joe Blanton, easily another teams 2 or 3 pitcher) would undoubtedly lead a team of veteran superstars - Rollins, Utley, Howard, Polanco, Ibanez - to their 5th post season, clocking 95+ wins. See ya on Broad Street suckas!

With Werth selling himself to the Nats (along with any chances of another shot at a World Series), the Phils outfield needed to fill not only a position gap but one of their most consistent batters. Uncle Chaley and the front office seemed satisfied that they could easily fill Werth's position... Maybe Dom Brown would work his way as a permanent replacement?

As the boys showed up in Clearwater, with rabid fans ready for a season that would surely extend well into fall, the unthinkable started to happen... The Phils' kryptonite, the only thing that could possibly hinder our Broad Street Parade:


Injury after friggin injury throughout Grapefruit games. Chase Utley, not playing in one game leaves me shaking in my flip flops (and I'm not talking the way he usually does when he takes the field). Dom Brown, Placido Polanco, Victorino. Frankly friends, I'm a little scared.

I'm not saying that I don't think the Phils have a shot. Hell no. What I'm saying is, originally, we were a shoo in for a World Series. We were gonna best our 2010 97-W season. I believed the hype. Shit, I LIVED the hype. Kornhole will tell ya, we talked baseball each and every day. We needed our fix, we needed it quick.  And like most of Philadelphia, I too felt that anything short of a fall classic win would equate failure.

Right now, I'm a little more pragmatic with my 2011 predictions. We're hurt. Utley is facing a possible season ending injury (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!). At this point, its anyone’s guess as to what our lineup will be opening day.

What I do know? Our pitching rotation will need to work overtime, making up for what we will be lacking offensively (temporarily, I hope). Like others on this very blog, I think this could be Cole Hamels Cy Young year. Working alongside notorious work horses Halladay and Lee can only help Cole's focus on the mound. And the stuff he's been throwing in Clearwater? SICK. R2C2 should definitely help Big Joe too, in the same way as Hallday/Lee helping Cole. Learn by example big boy. Besides, I think it would royally suck to be the lone turd amongst 4 aces.

My predictions:
1.World Series: Phils and Red Sox
2. Phils win 93 games
3. Halladay 20 wins
4. Utley out for season
5. Sarge will wear one of those BIG ass hats those 2 dudes  in the stands wears ("what would make a guy want to wear a hat that big?" Sarge asked once...I have a feeling Sarge is gonna find out).

Keep the phaith guys. It’s not going to be as easy as we thought initially. It’s not going to be as smooth as we hoped. I'm not giving up on going to the series; I just don't think its going to be as easy as we all thought last December.
But it wouldn't be Phillies baseball if it were that easy now, would it?

Stay healthy, my friends!
Feel free to email me:

Monday, March 28, 2011

Predictions from the Kornhole

In honor of Jesse Jackson, I will dedicate this week’s KORNHOLE’S ALLEY to Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder. For those of you not familiar, the Greekster was amazingly inaccurate at picking games but he was very good at letting us know the history of the Black Athlete.

I know everyone’s picking the Phillies to win the World Series. Why would you not? This team has 4 aces and Fat Joe. This team has the most expensive singles hitter in the history of baseball. It has a leadoff hitter who reminds me of this guy who runs like Hayes, but hits like shit.

This team should rip through the NL East and the only thing stepping in their way is Dr. Andrews and the freaking knife. So, I will go out on a limb and say the Phillies will go 163-0.

This is not a typo. The Phillies will go undefeated. This team is so good they will win more games than they play. (There is a first for everything).

Now that the team prediction is out of the way, let us take a look at the individual statistics I see from this team.

Home Runs – Josh Barfield 143

Jessie… err… Josh will come in and replace the injured Shane Victorino. It’s going to happen in San Diego. The corner outfielders and the bench will all injure during the game. This will leave the Flyin’ Hawaiian to man the outfield himself. Trying to cover the outfield himself Shane-O will go down for the season with a torn ball sack.  The next day our boy Josh will get called up and he’ll hit a Homerun in every game the rest of the season.

Average - Pete Orr 1.000

Pete Orr like his long lost Boston Bruin uncle will be a force to be reckoned with. Pete’s an amazing talent and shouldn’t be overlooked. I see him coming up and replacing Placido Polanco sometime in late June. Polanco will miss the rest of the season after coming down with extreme frost-bite after a game in Florida in front of 37 fans.

RBIS – Rob Quinlann 324

Never before has one man averaged 2 RBI’s per game. Rob Quinlann is no ordinary man. Rob will replace Ryan Howard on Opening Day after Ryan Howard strikes out looking to a Brett Myers curveball. It’ll be unfortunate but Ryno will miss the remainder of the season when we learn that the he can’t blink. It’s all due to his eyes being stuck open.

WALKS – Hunter Pence 324

Hunter will come to the Phils in a blockbuster trade with the Astros at the halfway point after the team loses Ben Francisco Treat and John M(G)ayberry in the same game against the Boston Dead Sox.

Francisco will strain his eyelid after sleeping on his eye in a weird way. Mayberry will miss the season after eating too much food and eventually losing to Joe Blanton in an all-you-can eat contest at the team’s luncheon prior to the game.

In desperation Ruben will do what he always does. Allow Ed Wade to walk all over him. Ruben will send highly touted prospect Brian Schneider to the Astros for Hunter Pence. Hunter will finally learn patience and average 4 walks per game over the final 81.

WINS - Ryan Madson 81

I know! I know! Ryan’s not a starter. The Phils will have to score a lot of 8th and 9th inning runs to go 163-0.  

The entire bullpen will be lost for the season besides Adam Eaton… err… Danys Baez and Ryan Madson. The starters will go 7 strong. Baez will give up runs to lose the lead in the 8th and Madson will shut’em down in the 9th. Think people think!

ERA – Wilson Valdez 0.00

You thought Wilson only bails out the lineup and be-friends Tom Hanks? Au contraire! Wilson can do anything. That includes pitch.  He will give us seven strong every day after the entire rotation gets hurt in May.

There you have it. My individual and team predictions for your 2011 Phightin Phils! This will be a team like no-other. I read somewhere that 116 wins was an unattainable record.  They’ll smash that record at Dodger Stadium on August 10th in their 117th game. Below is the boxscore for the Phils.

       CF Dykstra 2-6
                    1B Quinlann 2-6, 2 rbis
                 2B Young 2-6, 11 sbs
3B Orr 9-9
                 LF Barfield 2-6, 3 hrs
     SS Young 2-6
    RF Pence 0-0
C Ruiz 2-6
   P Valdez 4-4

I know some guys may seem out of position but trust me; they can do whatever is needed to win. Check out the pitching lines.

Valdez 7IP, 0ER, 21SO, 0H, 0BB
  Baez 1IP, 12ER, 0SO, 12H, 36BB,
Madson 1IP, 0ER, 3SO, 0H, 0BB

It’s going to be a fun season Phils F(ph)ans. So don’t sweat the fact that we’ve already lost Utley, Dombo, and Lidge… we’re going to lose everyone else too… but not a game. That includes an extra 11 wins in October.

Thanks for reading Kornhole’s Alley. Now go vote on the 2nd Round of the Most Ridiculous Phillies contest.

You can Email me at if you’re dumb enough to disagree with me and think the Phils will lose a game this season.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

It's Crystal Ball Time!

I knew when the world famous Jay Wrizight was starting this blog he would require a predictions piece. Last year, he wrote one for another blog and it was scary accurate. Some of the nuggets he dropped were:
- Roy Halladay would win the NL Cy Young Award. Not going out on a limb there but he got it right.
- Felix Hernandez would win the AL Cy Young Award. Much more impressive.
- The Boston Red Sox would stink up the joint and miss the playoffs. The whole world pencils in the Sox and the Yankees every year. I guess he knew they would be decimated with injuries.
- The truly scary predictions, the Texas Rangers would win the AL West and the San Francisco Giants would win the NL West. We go way back Wriz, the PowerBall and Mega Millions are way up there, can you help a brother out? Lay some winning numbers on me!

I don't expect to come close to that kind of clairvoyance. So for what it's worth, here are my 2011 predictions.

- NL Cy Young, Cole Hamels. Cole had a nice bounce back year last year, this year he takes a huge step to become an elite pitcher. 20-7 with 232 strikeouts with a 2.78 ERA.

- AL Cy Young, Jon Lester. Lester will be the other 20 game winner in the Majors this year. He will check in with 22 wins.

- NL MVP, Albert Pujols. It's his contract year, plus he's Albert Pujols.

- AL MVP, Robinson Cano. He had a career year last year, but if he comes close to the same numbers this year the NY media will find a way to give him this award.

- AL playoff teams, Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Anyone else think that's a stupid way to market that team?) The New York Yankees will take the Wild Card.

- NL playoff teams, Fightin' Phils, Milwaukee Brewers, San Francisco Giants, St Louis Cardinals will take the Wild Card.

- World Series, Phillies vs. Angels, with the Phillies winning a 7 game classic.

One thing I do know is the Citizens Bank Park experience, so here are a few stone cold mortal lock predictions.

- Someone sitting near to you will say "Where is Jayson Werth?"

- More than 1/2 the people in attendance will not realize the Jumbo Tron is new.

- A visiting team home run ball will be thrown back on the field. A ball girl will pick it up and hand it to a kid who has better seats than the idiot that threw it. It's a Wrigley field tradition people, let's stick to our traditions like Taser boy.

- The Mets fans will slither out in the 7th inning when they are getting a beat down.

The over/under for TastyKakes I will consume at the park is 19...You should probably take the over.

Keep It Classy Philly!


Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Spot Starter: The Real Field of Dreams

Twice in the first few times I brought my son to a Phillies game, something happened at both games.  I'll explain at the end what I mean in case you don't figure it out during my rambling.  The first game was against the Washington Nationals.  My wife and I arrived at the game with our son, Aidan.  We walked around prior to the game and a few pitches into the first inning.  Eventually, we decided to hang out above the bullpens out in Ashburn Alley.  In between innings, the bullpens send a player out to toss with one of the outfielders.  This game, it was Saul Rivera tossing with the outfielders.  After the first inning, he came back from the field and saw us standing there with a baby and pointed to him.  He lightly tossed to ball up to us for Aidan.  The ball was headed right towards me. In all my twenty-seven years, I've never caught a ball or a puck at a sporting event, and here I was with a baby in one hand and a baseball headed towards me. I was ready.  The ball didn't take as long as I'm making it seem to get to me, but I have my hand open awaiting its arrival and BOOM, my wife sticks her hand in front of mine and knocks to ball into a flower pot above the visitor's bullpen.  Rivera laughed, smiled and shook his head.  Fortunately, one of Philadelphia's finest was standing above the bullpen and was able to get a Phillies security guard to hop over the gate and get the ball and hand the ball directly to me.  As soon as I got the ball, I left because I know people were thinking we were foolish for dropping a lightly tossed ball.

The second game was against the Atlanta Braves, which by the way I got the tickets from the author of Kornhole's Alley.  Anyway, I had to work early and my son was being watched by my mother-in-law.  I raced home from work down in Delaware County up to her house in the Olney section of Philadelphia.  From there, I went to pick up my own mother who I was bringing with me to the game.  We arrived to the game with about twenty-five minutes to spare.  I did the same thing I always did when I go to a Phillies game.  I head out to the left field gate and get myself a Schmitter.  So I eat my Schmitter and we decide since I have the little guy let’s go hang around above the bullpens and hope for another ball.  As we start to walk away from the seating area, my son is holding my hand and he starts kicking his leg.  I have no idea why, but I figure he's just uncomfortable.  A few steps later he kicks some more and his diaper falls out from the bottom of his shorts.  I couldn't stop laughing so fortunately we were outside of a ladies room and my mom was able to change him and we were able to move on.  The reason his diaper fell out is because my mother in law didn't change him, and because I was racing to make the game we never took him out of the car seat until we arrived at CBP.  So after we changed him, we headed to the bullpen where Eddie Perez was kind enough to give us a ball which, fortunately this time, I caught without interference.

The reason I mention this is we're currently living though the best Era in Phillies baseball.  Not just of our lives, but of every Phillies fan since the 1880's.  The Phillies have made the playoffs every year since my son was born in 2007.  Going to Phillies games with my son has given me memories when he was two, and no doubt will when he's twelve, twenty-two, and thirty-two.  I'll cherish every memory of going to the games with him.  Even if I'm embarrassed by something that happens, but especially every ball he gets.  He's four, and he's already gotten three balls.  I'm twenty-nine and my total stands at ZERO.


Thanks for sharing, Eugene. Neither picture is of Eugene nor Aiden. If you'd like to share a story, post a gripe or revolutionize the way we think about baseball send your submissions to:

Friday, March 25, 2011

Predictions from the Hood

Hoodwink'd  by cj hood
thoughts & predictions for 2011

-Lee, Halladay, Oswalt & Hamels must BELIEVE THE HYPE!
-Howard will need to have more hits than Vanilla Ice & MC Hammer (combined).
-Michael Jack wants J-Roll to be more like Pete Rose and that doesn't mean taking the Reds 5 times and the under.
-Why did Amaro break kayfabe and sign Castillo?
-Many Trillo might see more time at 2B this season than Chase Utley!
-Chooch needs to maintain his MVP status (deserved it twice so far) and keep those 4 Aces under his sleeve.
-JC Romero needs to stay inside the bullpen.
-The Mets will continue to be a bigger disappointment than Tron 2.
-Mayberry & Gload need to stay loose during the 7th & 8th respectively. 
-Polanco's elbow needs some of that 6 Million Dollar Man type bionics.
-And we’re not the Yankees of the NL.  CBP’s beers are at least $2  cheaper…believe me I know!
-Howard needs to realize he doesn't get paid $121 million to 'look for the walk.'
-The Nats buying Jayson Werth was about as smart as Mel Gibson buying his girlfriend an answering machine.
-Like Rod 'the bod' Stewart swooned, Raul Ibanez needs to 'Stay Forever Young.'
-Ben Francisco needs us to say ‘Jayson who? ’ about 180X this year!
-No need to get Mad-son, cuz Ryan will continue to be so-so-so 'Solid As A Rock' in '11.
-Shane Victorino needs to step up at lead off cuz I don't think Jimmy will be there to long!
-Myers vs. Halladay on Opening Day will be like watching Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Hulk Hogan circa ‘84.
-Hey Lidge:  The entire MLB got the memo on your slider.  Change that ish up!
-Do you think Werth & McNabb met up at the local 5Guys for burgers & fries?
-D*Brown won’t be getting up todaaaaaaaaaay...cuz he'll be playing here in Allentown.
-Amaro needs to justify his 4 year extension and go get us a hitter!
-Wilson Valdez needs to continue to be the 10th man for 180 odd games.
-Cholly needs to keep his 'mind on his money & his money on a line-up' that'll deliver with RISP!!!
-Finally, when you see BB in the box score this season it’ll stand for Band-aids & Bubble wrap cuz that’s what the Phils will need to make it to October!

I love Cliff Lee, but the Phils needed to sign a bat…not another ace.  All the Phightins' would need to do is score 3 runs/game all season in order to win a World Series.  However, with Werth gone and not a solid bat to replace him I am optimistic about any destiny being fulfilled.  With that being said I predict the Phillies will 5peat as NL East Champs, but the chances of them winning it all are about as real as Glen Beck's tears.  Let get bunted!!!    

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Five Guys & A Ball…..

With much anticipation over the upcoming 2011 baseball season; it is with great honor that I present to you, my 2011 Philadelphia Phillies season predictions. 

There are many aspects I take into consideration while making my predictions.  It is a finely tuned recipe. Part intuition mixed with part statistical analysis and a dash of common sense.  My handicap is typically (+/-) 3 games. (ie..for 2010 I predicted 96 wins, they finished the regular season with 97)

We have an amazing rotation, thank you Captain Obvious!  We are coming into what will be a historical season. I am betting on each of the Aces to carry a 20+ win season and each to maintain a < 2.61 ERA. Allow me to break the pitching down:
Halladay: Two time Cy Young winner, the man is a machine. Everyone worries about his stamina after pitching 250 innings last season.  Please!  Have you seen this guy?  The only reason he broke a sweat during his perfect game in Florida was because of the humidity.  Meanwhile, winter 2011, the outdoor temps in Philly read 5 degrees.  This man is outside in shorts and a t-shirt running wind sprints. In 2010, he actually managed to be better than everyone anticipated.  Roy H. is precise, consistent and continually blows us away.  

Lee:  2008 Cy Young winner. I believe his biological parent’s are Jesus and Nolan Ryan. He is so fluid. So graceful. His form is nearly flawless. Chin to the plate consistently. He can make a grown man cry, and a grown woman need to change her panties.  He makes me say, “Werth who?”  Lee has played the roll of  the pitcher who got away, involved in a love affair with a legion of phaithful phans. Lee is a strike thrower. When the ball comes to the plate, he is always to the corners and down. That is skill.

Oswalt: Roy O. has voiced his consideration of retirement at the end of the 2011 season.  He has finished in the top five Cy Young noms, five times in his career. Well seasoned on the mound.  Roy is confident, accurate and ready to prove his worth. He is also a new fan favorite after his outfield performance last season in Philadelphia!!

Hamels: My pick for 2011 NL Cy Young. Hamels has gone from a little monster in a children’s fairytale to a mystical four-pitch beast. He shows up to spring training and throws his first session in mid season form! Cole is also only 27yrs old. He will continue to feed off of his mentors….and remember, his best days are yet to come.

Blanton: Ah. Joe. Yeah, he has a WS Ring. Yeah, he must feel like Jesus’ less successful brother.  He does have talent.  Joe can go deep. He was very inconsistent last year, and an early season injury delayed his development. I feel he will benefit greatly from the four horseman leading Charlie’s Disciples. It will only make him stronger.

The Bullpen:
2011 is the year we rebuild the previously named “Bridge To Lidge.” Mad Dog is a fantastic set-up, and promises no temper tantrums this year. Lidge came to spring training 100% healthy for the first time since 2008.  He has since experienced some soreness in his bicep and shoulder. If he can remain healthy, this will be a near perfect season for Brad. He has his confidence back, which is the hardest to regain after an injury.  The middle relievers are all average….which is all that we need when you have the starting rotation we have!

Offense: Really needs to step it up this season.  Everyone has a slump somewhere in their offensive stats.  Let’s just hope the Phillies had synchronized slumps. JRoll is the key.  When he brings the swag, everyone follows.  Let’s get those bats swinging….good pitching does not score you runs!

I predict the Phillies to finish with 116 wins this year, reminiscent of the 2001 Seattle Mariners, only…. we take it all. The Phab Phour will each carry 20+ wins.  Why, you ask? Since they won 97 games last year with 4/5 of the pitching talent they have this season and ¾ of the team on the DL at one time or another….I’m looking forward to a strong year all around.  I am anticipating the offense riding the wave of excitement and feeding off of the pitching induced high.  The Phils could hold many NL/MLB records this season. The rest of the NL East is mediocre at best.  The only ones who can beat these guys are themselves.  They have proven they are mentally vulnerable. On the other hand, they have proven their resilience. I am banking on a parade down Broad Street this fall.  We have the team to beat. Anything less would be an epic failure.

~ KimberLee

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Let’s get Personal!

Male, 37, college graduate with wonderful sense of humor seeks males and females who enjoy talking, dreaming and LIVING Phillies baseball. I am looking for a strictly platonic relationship as my last Phillies relationship ended badly.

First off, let me say I usually don’t do these things. My friends put me up to it. I can find companions without resorting to the internet, but the bar scene is oh so tired. So, I will give it my best shot. (No pun intended)

  • A well timed double steal
  • Knee buckling 3-2 curveballs
  • 6-4-3 Double plays
  • 5 tool players

  • Runners who don’t take the extra base on a play at the plate
  • Multiple mound visits during the same batter
  • Missing the cut-off man
  • Batters that don't move the runner by hitting to the opposite field

I am a true student of the game. It’s not necessary to be up to my level as I can teach you. And I’m hoping I can learn a few new things from you also. I recently started my own blog and I’ll expect your encouragement and input as well. If things progress I hope one day we can share the intimacy of the best thing ever, a perfectly executed suicide squeeze.

I hope to see you around the ballpark and the blog this year.

Jay Wrizight, but you can call me “The Wriz”

Monday, March 21, 2011

“Crying? There’s no crying in BASEBALL!!!”

I was turning 14 the summer “A League of Their Own” was released; I had just graduated 8th grade (Labrum Middle School, Northeast Philly HOLLA!) and was anxious to start my freshman year roaming the pink marble hallways of Philly’s Girls High School that upcoming September. The summer would be long, it would be extremely hot, and there wasn’t much to NOT cry about when watching baseball in Philadelphia that year.

Whoever wrote that famous line for Tom Hanks’ character Jimmy Dugan was clearly NOT a Phillies fan back in those days; There were far too many seasons endured in the late 80’s and 90’s where many a “Sillies” fan did nothing BUT cry. We were, after all, the first professional sports team to reach the 10,000 loss milestone. And in true Philly fashion, we celebrated it. What else did we have to do?

Growing up, I spent many a summer eve within the concrete jungle of Vet Stadium. I suffered some of the worst sunburns upon my fair Irish skin NOT while at the Jersey shore - Nope, I would come home red as a fresh cooked lobster from sitting wayyyyy up in the infamous 700 level with my dad, usually. It was funny, the games back in the 80’s and 90’s I went to were NEVER sold out (maybe they would get close on the coveted family games during the 4th of July holiday), yet we always wound up sitting around the same section in the nosebleeds as my dad did with my Pop in prior years.

Nothing would ever come close to satisfying all of my senses as nights with my family at the ballpark did. Pop would smoke his cigars and quietly watch with such deep intensity. My dad would holler and curse at the umps call after call (more intensely as the beers would go down faster and faster). Back then I ate hot dogs (the real ones! Not the veggie ones I eat today), and a dog at the game would taste as good as any meal my Italian grandmother could make from scratch. The Phanatic would dart out from some cave in the outfield on his little scooter and do the most hilarious things to visiting players, and I would stare at this green furry monster from the Galapagos Islands (who knew?!) with such excitement!  

Today, my heart still skips when the Phanatic comes out - I am SO part of his posse (quite possibly one of the coolest shirts EVER). I don’t get to go to games with my dad too often, as he now lives in the sunny, beautiful city of Tampa, FL. How sweet it is to have my dad now living a mere 25 minutes from Clearwater’s Bright House field J It’s funny how things work out.

My Pop passed in March of 2009. He was suffering from an incredibly long bout with Alzheimer’s, but you could say the word ‘Phillies’ or ‘Connie Mack’ and his eyes would STILL light up. When that final out was thrown in the fall of ‘08, and ‘Lights Out’ Lidge fell to his knees as Chooch rushed the mound, I called my dad and literally CRIED.
Hearing Harry Kalas calling the Philadelphia Phillies the “World Champions of Baseball” overwhelmed my heart with tremendous joy, and I couldn’t help but to cry because my Pop had lived to see another world series win. It was the first time I experienced World Championship (at 2 years old, I was too young to remember the Phils’ win in 1980) and nothing made me happier than knowing that my grandfather, my father and I were finally able to experience it together, though I was over 900 miles north (and they were living in the city whose teams’ ass we just kicked. How poetic!)

Baseball is ingrained in me - It’s what I do from early March through the fall. I have started to travel to other ballparks to catch a game, only to come back to Philly more appreciative of Citizens Bank Park and fans that not only love their team but actually KNOW the game. We get a lot of shit, us rabid fans of Philadelphia. But no matter how good – or how bad – our teams are, we are always supportive and we are always making our presence known.

I look forward to giving you my insight into all things Phillies over the course of the season. I will admit – I have a slight obsession with Mr. Chase Utley… in fact, my 4 ½ year old cat is named… Chase Utley!!  I will keep my bias to myself about that oh so handsome beast as best as I can… oh and I will do what I can to not dominate conversation about our gorgeous 2B either. HAHA! I look at it this way: I am a die hard, life long fan, I know the in and out’s of the game as well as how to spell my very own name and I’m a girl who is quite appreciative of what I think is the hottest team in baseball (talent AND looks wise). Don’t judge!

I welcome all comments, suggestions, questions you guys may have! I have a pretty silly sense of humor, and I think it will come across in my writings. I am a Philly girl through and through after all!

I look forward to tears of joy falling once again… In November, on
Broad Street


Welcome to Kornhole’s Alley.

We here at Kornhole’s Alley will focus not just on your Phightin Phils, but we’ll also focus on the enemy.

Who is this enemy I speak of? There are many! We have the media who are all so hard up to break a story first, that they’ll report un-truths. We have the dumb Mets fans that come down on buses thinking it is 1986 still.

I’m sure everyone reading this remembers that 1986 Mets team well. If you don’t, I know some people who do. The crack dealers of New York City! If it weren’t for them then Dr. K(rack) and right fielder Daryl Dinglberry would have been in a Heep (not Danny) of trouble that season.

You know what really amazed me about those two? Each day they would sell their bodies to some random drug lords, still make it to the game, and play as well as they did. Imagine if they weren’t high, and taking it in the ass all night. The 1987 team may have been just as Amazin’.

I remember my sadness when our ‘86 Phils were finally knocked out of contention with 22 games to go. Those stinking Mets and their fans thought their asses didn’t stink but we all know Dr. Krack and Dinglberry’s stunk like semen.

Moving on! This blog is about keeping people honest. I will track the media throughout the country. I will “converse” with the opposing teams’ fans. I may even “converse” with the opponents themselves.

I’ve been to many stadiums around the country and this year will be no different! I will travel and I will report. The only place I won’t go to is Washington. They scare me down there!

Speaking of Washington! What the hell were they thinking!? Why would you pay anyone that kind of money? His entire career he had protection in front of him and you’re gonna throw all that money at him? No wonder this team is a cellar dweller year after year!

Who in their right mind would pay Jesus Flores that kind of money to play behind I-Rod? If you’re going to take Jesus, take the one who can walk on water. You gotta go with Christ. Jeez!


The experts say our closest rival is the Braves. You know the same team that shows their racist ways by dressing up like Native Americans and tomahawk chopping to death. The same franchise which supports a wife beater as its manager.

I live by certain rules in life and if you’re going to have a wife beater in uniform he needs to be a jerk off pitcher not a manager. Just a rule I live by!
The so-called up and coming team is the Marlins. Going to a Marlins game is like playing “Where’s Waldo” with the fans. They announce an attendance of 4,000, but I think the real attendance is somewhere around 23. I think more people would go to a Sixers-Wizards game at the Wells Fargo Center in 24 inches of snow, on a cold night in December, than to a Marlins-Rays game combined.

Their ownership led by Jeffrie Lurie(a) conned the local government and the South Beach citizens (Sorry Lebron, hate to see a few extra bucks come out of your check) into building a stadium that nobody will go to.

Each week I will look at the Phils upcoming schedule and learn the truth about the teams we face, their city, their media, and whatever else I can dig up. I will report only the facts as I see them.

Now for a trip into the archives! Each week I will go into the time machine and bring back a Phillie who I feel could help this franchise today.

I will break down what he/she can do to help hit better, pitch better, and whatever else it may take to get us off a losing snide.

It could be a player, owner, mascot, manager, negro league player, fan, or Al Meltzer. Who knows what we may need, but I promise I will find that right guy.

This week I think the Phillies organization, fans, media everyone knows that this team can be lacking some fire power. Losing Jason Werth and Chase Utley takes close to 60 Homers out of your lineup.

    I personally think that Ben Francisco can play everyday. I also think that Wilson Valdez can fill in for Utley, even if it’s only a few months. But we still have to worry about the power numbers.

Ryan Howard needs protection in front and behind him. Pitchers already throw slop at him… wait till you see what they throw now. So, I have found the right guy the team should call to fill in as a power bat.

This man has crushed the ball. He has power. He’s done things that most players can only dream about. I talk about the one and the only Robert Person.

Below is an excerpt from the always truthful Wikipedia page of the amazing power hitter Robert Person.

Person's most memorable feat came with the Philadelphia Phillies on June 2 2002. He not only threw five strong innings in which he allowed three hits and one unearned run while striking out five, but he also hit two home runs against the Montreal Expos. The first home run was a grand slam to left field off Masato Yoshii with two outs in the first inning; the second was a three-run home run to left field off Bruce Chen with one out in the fifth inning. In between those home runs, he came up again with the bases loaded and drove a ball far enough for a second slam, but it was foul and he ended up striking out.

If Ruben would take a second from bringing in Aces all the time, he would realize a pitcher like Robert Person is what’s needed not just every fifth day as a 5-inning Cy Young Candidate, but the other four days also to keep pitchers honest against our 25 Million Dollar Singles Hitter.

Wondering what Robert’s been up to? He’s been keeping busy.

Thanks for stopping by Kornhole’s alley. Feel free to email me at or follow me on twitter at Kornhole Alley.