Monday, April 4, 2011

Kornhole's Alleys: I heart NY Edition

Welcome to Kornhole’s Alley. In case you didn’t know The Mets are coming! The Mets are coming! Some of you new to the Phillies experience might not believe this but there once was a time when the Phillies were the Washington Nationals.

Head down to a game at the Vet and there’d be plenty of room to relax. The place was empty.
Well, most of the time! The place would fill itself out when the big bad bully from the North would come in with their obnoxious jerkoff fans.

It didn’t help that the Phillies owners would buy advertising in New York newspapers and radio stations. But, the ownership had to make a buck so they did what any smart business owner would do.

The Nationals are now the Phillies of the Vet era. They suck, the stadium is always empty and they only sell tickets when the big bad bully from the North comes in. Yes, for once the Phils are the bully. Not only to the Nats, but the Mets too. But I’ll make fun of the Nats next week.

This Phillies team is now the Mets and as stated above the Nats are the Phils of the late 90s, and 00’s. It’s the only time I will ever compare us to that sad franchise. The Mets suck and will continue to suck for the foreseeable future. It couldn’t happen to a better fanbase.

Fred Wilpon is a moron. He was one of the many folk ripped off by Bernie Madoff. I am a huge Madoff fan because of that. The Mets are dumping salary at an incredible pace. If I were the mayor of Philadelphia, I would give M(G)adoff  a key to the city.

Phillies Bunts do not endorse the Braves, but love this kid's passion for hating the Mets

I hate the Mets! I hate them more than al queda.  I hate them more than that hot female prostitute I met on South Street. She had a hot adams apple that I stroked but she wouldn’t let me go down her dress. Anyway… that’s a story for another time.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing that jerkoff Jose Reyes talk trash and then back it up with a 90 loss season. I couldn’t have been happier when I read their jerkoff closer had beaten his father in law. I couldn’t have been happier knowing that Carlos Beltran was a bust and his partner in crime in the outfield Jason B(G)ay is aiming to one-up him.

I love turning on the TV to a Mets home game and seeing an empty stadium. I pop a three inch erection hearing players say they want to play in Philadelphia. The Mets suck. They will end the season in last place. They will fire their manager and I hope that stupid Mr. Met gets Donkey Punched by the Phillie Phanatic.

Actually, I would like to see the San Diego Chicken and the Phanatic take Mr. Met into the bullpen and bloody him.

I won’t predict the Phils will sweep the Mets this week. I will predict that the Mets will end the season in last place. So, when you see those jerkoff Mets fans down here this week make sure you let them know that they suck, their owner is as a sharp as a bowling ball and their team is irrelevant and their mascot is gonna get his ass whipped by a chicken and a green bird like creature. The Mets suck, the Phils are the team to beat and life couldn’t be better.

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  1. I love a good Mets bashing. Thanks Kornhole!

  2. HouseofFunkhausersApril 4, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    Never did I look forward less to something then when the great unwashed, mustachioed, obnoxious horde from Queens would descend upon our fair city for the Phils/ Mets series, bringing they're boyfriends and husbands in tow. They would descend upon the Vet like a plague of locusts. Locusts with even worse accents than ours.

    The Funkhausers have taken great solace in the Met's irrelevance in the MLB the last few years. I'm glad that you are making sure that our newer Phillies fans know just what unbearable douchebags Mets fans were and still are. They're just quieter douche bags these days. They are to be shown no mercy, because mercy does not exist in this dojo, does it?

  3. Put em in a body bag, H.o.F.!

    BTW I got an email from MLB to travel to NY to see the Phillies. I'm sure the one for Washington is coming soon and then I'm guessing Pittsburgh.

  4. You gotta get HouseofFunkhausers to write a 'Spot Starter' piece, Jay Wrizight. Funny stuff.

  5. HouseOfPhunkhausersApril 5, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Why thank you. Funkhauser is always happy to contribute and has been enjoying the blog immensely.