Monday, April 18, 2011

Tribute to #42

Welcome to another chapter inside the rectum of Kornhole’s Alley.

 


APRIL 15TH Every player in baseball wears #42
 I totally forgot everyone celebrates "DON CARMAN DAY" every year. Thanks to my main man Chris Walker this all important day would have blown right by me. How can we not be honored by the man who had an astonishing 12 hits and a .057 batting average over the course of his career. This guy was no joke and I don’t blame anyone for honoring this amazing hitter. Not only could Don hit but his slugging percentage was a whopping .057 so it makes total sense that we would celebrate this legendary hitter.


FATHER ROGERS STOPS BY TO DISCUSS HIS FAVORITE PAST-TIME
Hello Little Boys and welcome to Father Rogers church. Today we will discuss my favorite past-time… Baseball on Palm/Easter Sunday. There is something about taking my favorite Altar Boys each year to the game on Palm Sunday. This year we went to the Phillies/Marlins game.
Little Ricky was a good boy on this day as we watched Cole Hamels pitch seven strong innings. Little Ricky was bummed that Dollar Dog Night was the next night but Father Rogers covered his crotch with his robe and made it Free Weiner night for Little Ricky.
The Philies are my favorite team and I enjoy bringing little Ricky to the game so he can enjoy some fine wood… connecting with balls.
The Phils high-powered offense is amazing. Ryan Howard knows how to swing the bat. J-Roll is the leader and the Bat Boy he is yummy. This team has averaged 3 runs a game this week for a reason. The Bat Boy!
Next week is Easter Sunday . The Phillies will play the Padres in San Diego. I will bring little Mikey this time. Mikey enjoys watching the domination of the two Roys just like all of you. He also likes playing a game with me. The game usually has a count of no stikes, and always two balls… in the face.
Thanks for letting me take the time out to discuss how we Priests watch baseball games with our altar boys now back to Kornhole.

Kornhole's Response
I am highly offended and unlike the church I will not defend Father Rogers.

What’s a honky gotta do to get a comment?
I find it fascinating that I get no comments each week. I guess if I kiss the Phillies ass more maybe I’ll get some people to actually post something. So, here we go.
The Phillies can do no wrong. Nobody will beat them. I am the greatest female fan ever because I said I am. I am a chick who likes Diamonds that writes lists about Wriz. Can I get a comment? Geesh!

Do we really want Lidge/Utley back?

Chase is running the bases. Lidge starts throwing in two weeks. The good news keeps a coming. Not! Last year I may have been excited. This year! Not so sure! The Phils have too many lefties in the lineup as it is. They’re playing small ball. They’re not worried about adopting animals or dudes with cool beards banging player wives.
I know Utley is god to some of you folk but I think he may be Eric Lindros 2011. This team is beating such high powered teams like the Nats and Marlins. That’s a tough task. The Nats are perennial winners.
Wilson Valdez had a glove named after him. Enough said.

This week in Phillies Future
FAT JOE-DOLLAR DOG NIGHT= BREWERS WIN

This is not going to be a pretty night in Philadelphia. First, many fine folk bought tickets to see Halladay pitch now they get Blanton. Second, it’s going to be a long night. Fat Joe is gonna be stuffing his face with wieners all night it’s going to cause a gas build up and odds are he won’t pitch a fast game. I’m also under the impression that he will not keep his head in the game instead it’ll be focused on some dude Dick Johnson selling those Dollar Wieners. I feel if the Phils bats don’t come to life this will be worse than a Japanese earthquake. Too soon?! Ok, fine. A Haitian one!


Looking into my obnoxiously small two crystal test… err… balls I see a promising week for the Phils. I think the Phils go out west and dominate (I want comments). The only game they lose is on Dollar Dog Night. You know why. Don’t be mad at me. Be angry with Mother Nature canceling Saturday’s game.
 
Thanks for stopping by this week and checking out my thoughts. I’d like to congratulate Don Carman for having his own day. And, special thanks to Father Rogers for sharing his "Father-Son Baseball moments". As gross as they are. I’d say leave a comment but either you don’t know how too or just don’t care enough to do so.


You can also e-mail me at kornhole@philliesbunts.com. Have a great Easter, apparently our Priests will. GO Phils!

5 comments:

  1. I love a good Kornhole rant. I think the Phils take 2 of 3 in San Diego & sweep the D-Backs.

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  2. Phillies Bunts is the worst blog I have ever seen. Flush this shit down the toilet.

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  3. Must be a Priest or a Mets fan.

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  4. Harsh. Maybe its the "poop" guy and he's having a crappy day.

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