Thanks for coming into my Kornhole as you know it’s always a pleasurable experience for me. On this week’s edition of the alley we’ll talk to the wife of Phillies 2nd Baseman Jen Utley. I am publishing an email sent to me from Clifton Phifer Lee, update the Most Ridiculous Phillie contest and much more. So let us begin!
A BETTER WEEK FOR THE PHILS
If I never see the Pirates play the Phils again I will be a happy man. Unfortunately they come in for a three game sweep at the end of July.
With that said the team played better this week. They even scored some runs. How about 7 on Friday and Saturday? What the hell is going on here? Is the offense finally back? Utley went yard and had 4 RBIS on Saturday. Polly’s hitting Slams and they did all this with great pitching from their Top 2 dogs.
This is what the team is SUPPOSED to look like. Score 7 runs and give up 1 or 2 and go 162-0!
I took more money PER YEAR to come to Philly so you people would continue to kiss my ass and like me more than Roy Halladay. Who cares that Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball!? I am CLIFF BLEEPING LEE!
CLIFF BLEEPING LEE!
INSIDE THE KORNHOLE
JK: Hi Jen welcome to my Kornhole.
JU: It’s so wonderful to be here. Something about the odor in the air. It smells quite freshing.
JU: I can see that.
JU: I have never been happier. We know I love animals but to have a baby of my own. It’s going to be so beautiful.
JK: That’s almost impossible.
JU: No, it’s not at all. It’s the Father’s genes.
JK: Chase doesn’t come off as a facial hair heavy guy.
JU: So how about Chase. He seems to be playing better.
JK: He has. I’m more into Chase’s beard. So you’re telling me that…
JU: Not to interrupt but do you think it would be weird if I had moved to DC?
JU: No reason. I’m into politics and fighting for the animals ya know.
JU: I just want the baby to be close to his or her father.
JU: How about Chase up to .242! He’s starting to get hot.
JU: Did I ever tell you how I love animals.
JK: Is Chase the father?
JU: I am getting worried about the Braves. Seems like they’re making a run!
JU: Oh look at the time. I have to go scout the Nationals game for Chase. See ya.
THIS WEEK IN PHILLIES FUTURE
The Phightins end their homestand with a 4 game series against the Florida Fish before heading out to
to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and face the Seattle Mariners. Seattle
Against the M’s, I like the Phils taking 2 of 3. So we’ll say the Phightins go 4-3 this week!
YOU BETTER START LOVING SURFERS
Don’t look now but the Surfer that you people boo for sneezing, is a better pitcher than the son, father and Holy Spirits himself Phifer. The Surfer has been nothing less than awesome this year. He’s had one bad start which was the infamous evening of “Boo’s” at the Bank against the Braves.
Hamels currently stands at 8-2 with a 2.58 ERA. He has a career ERA a 3.45 which is better than Phifer’s 3.82 career ERA. Phifer will AVERAGE 25 million a year. Does Hamels deserve more?
The off-season will be here sure enough and assuming Ruben doesn’t sign Cole during the year it may come down to the same fans who Phifer decided he wanted to play in front of, that makes that same decision for the Surfer. Long term, I feel more comfortable with Cole “World Series MVP” Hamels than I do Phifer. So, maybe it’s time you anti-surfers get over your Prejudices’ and show Cole the love you showed Phifer.
BYE BYE MADSON
I think it’s safe to say that the two best candidates for the closers role are Bastardo and Stutes. Both can look dominating at times. Both are young and both seem they can come in pressure situations and do their job.
MOST RIDICULOUS PHILLIE CONTEST
#8 Toby Borland 57-43 #9 Jeff Manton
#4 Bruce Ruffin 64-36 #13 Joe Boever
#5 Randy Ready 64-36 #12 Darren Akerfelds
#2 Dale Sveum 79-21 #15 Tom Nieto
#10 Todd Frohwirth 57-43 #7 Ricky Jordan
#14 Brad Brink 71-29 #3 Marvin Freeman
#6 Sil Capusano 71-29 #11 Stan Javier
Thanks for checking out my Kornhole this week. Don’t forget you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org