Friday, June 24, 2011

Dear Hoody Part Deuce

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
Dear Hoody Part Deuce

A few weeks ago I asked the faithful Buntamaniacs to submit some mail and I’d try my best to respond to each and everyone.  I received so many queries that I decided to split this piece into 3 parts…a trilogy if you will.  See here for Part 1 cuz you won’t understand Part II unless you read Part 1 (ie Star Wars/Empire Strikes Back and not Caddy shack I & II). Enjoy.                                          
Dear CJ:
Polanco’s batting average has taken a dip as of late.  Do you think he still has a shot at making the All Star team?
Frank R.

Frank:  Polanco’s still has a solid lead at the 3B spot for the NL.  I’m glad it was his hand that got plugged 6/21 and not his bionic elbow.  Regardless, despite the dip, I feel the fans will push him through and you’ll see him in AZ come July.
Yo Hoodlum:
I’m very tense and need to relax.  How do you personally unwind?
Ozzie G.

Blizzard of Oz:
I’ve seen your handy work and I concur that you‘ve ‘done gone crazy.’  Here’s an easy 3 step process that may help you from going AWOL!
a.  jim beam
b.  self pleasure
c.  repeat
Where the hell have I been?
J. Blanton

Fat Joe:  
I’ve been wondering the same thing myself.  They don’t mention you or even show you in the dugout.  You should start wearing that old XFL jersey “HEHATEME.”
Hi Hood:
What’s grosser in your opinion: passing around a turkey leg in “King’s Court”, the Card’s bullpen or being inside Kornhole’s alley?
R. Smith
Cherry Hill, NJ

I’d have to say the turkey leg.  You’d think the people of Seattle with their Starbucks & fancy raincoats would have enough sense not to pass around Hepatitis via a bird’s leg.  Besides, that 43min 8th inning was just a fluke and Kornhole’s alley has wall-to-wall shag carpeting and serves those black corn chips and red pepper hummus…I love that ish!
I need to get something off my chest and since not a lot of people read this blog I thought this would be the perfect place. You in?
Orenthal James S.
Up In The Mountains

spit it son!
Mr. Hood,
I sent Diamond Girl a lock of my back hair…do you know if she got it?
@chriswheeler on Twitter

that’s gross bro!

Self plug:  If any Bunters are from the Allentown area I’ll be doing standup at the Wisecrackers inside of the Ramada on Sat; June 25 @ 9pm.  Also, starting Sun; June 26th (and every other Sunday) I’ll be co-hosting an internet radio show from 8pm-10pm @ …let’s get ‘bunted!!!


  1. Good point CJ Hood. They update all the injuries all game & never mention Blanton. Could Tommy John be in his near future?

  2. all i know is Oswalt is done. he was done when he made those comments about how 'pitching is 3rd on his list' or whatever.