Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Opposite Day

The Wriz has some pretty fucked up dreams. Seriously, most I can’t even tell you about without fear that I’d be institutionalized. Most of the time, I need to consult Urban Dictionary just to be able to explain them. Anyhow, it could have been the Marlins beat down had the Wriz in a mood or maybe I just started dreaming about “blinding the marlin” (see the aforementioned Urban Dictionary for clarification, if necessary.)  Who knows? But I had this crazy vivid dream.

It was Opposite Day. Everything was basically backwards. Good was bad. Up was down. You get the idea. It started at Phillies Bunts head quarters. CJ Hood was writing in complete sentences in the Queen’s English. The Wriz was reading Drunk Phils Fans. DiamondGirl’s cubicle was decorated by photos of DB29 and was allowed within 100 yards of Chase Utley. Bill S. was happily married.

Of course, the Phillies made an appearance. Kyle Kendrick was a fan favorite. Fans were trying to run Cliff Lee out of town. Mick Billmeyer and Larry Andersen were sober. Ruben Amaro Jr. always told the truth. A chair kicked Ryan Madson. (I told you the Wriz had fucked up dreams.)  Wilson Valdez had human hair growing from his chin. Ryan Howard couldn’t pull the ball and admitted he preferred Tony Luke’s cheesesteaks. Charlie Manuel didn’t stutter when he tried to use an adjective other than “good.” Brad Lidge was walking around with a letter from the team doctor which said he’d never be hurt again.

Roy Oswalt was the media’s go-to-guy for sound bytes and quotables unlike Placido Polanco who couldn’t field a reporter’s question let alone a sharp hit ball down the line.  Tom McCarthy didn’t need a bra. Joe Blanton was a model in the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue.

But not everything was completely opposite; JC Romero threw 2 strikes before he walked the left handed batter he was brought into face. Due to the fact he has been unconscious on the mound, Cole was unaffected, but Heidi Hamels was. She was completely sane. Roy Halladay wasn’t the best pitcher on the planet, but then again, he was between starts. Jimmy and Shane stilled popped up a lot. I guess some things will never change.

Obviously to make up for the A&F pic

See ya on the basketball court! (Damn, I gotta wake up.)

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight


  1. "Joe Blanton was an Abercrombie and Fitch model."

    OMG I love it.

  2. real quick...did amy fadool friend me on FB in this dream?

  3. Have you ever seen DiamondGirl's cubicle? I could be all over it, you never know. LMFAO! Nice piece Wriz.

  4. CJ- Yeah she did but almost immediately unfriended you because of the company you keep.

    DB- Yes and you are nowhere to be seen.