Thanks for coming into my Kornhole. As you know, there’s nothing I enjoy more than random strangers entering my Kornhole to have a good time. This week we’ll sit down with Phillies color analyst Chris Wheeler to discuss his amazing technique behind the stick, and much more so let’s dive head first into my Kornhole.
THE PHILS OFFENSE IS A CONFUSED BI-SEXUAL
I know people who one day think they’re gay and bang someone of the same sex, then the next day they realize they are homophobic and bang the opposite sex. I call these interesting cats a Confused Bi-Sexual.
I know a baseball team that one series loves to hit the ball as hard as Lexington Steele rams white cracker women, then the next series they hate hitting the ball so much… so they don’t.
This baseball team I speak of I call the 2011 Philadelphia Phillies. Yes, the Phillies are Confused Bi-Sexuals! Too hit or not too hit!? That should not be thy question. It should be thy obvious.
I understand the M’s have good pitching. I can also understand that Safeco isn’t exactly the Bank, but to allow Jason Vargas to 3 hit you is pretty bad. I know Vargas has become a good pitcher. Last season he pitched well, and this season he has pitched just as well but we’re not talking about Sandy Koufax here, we’re talking about Jason Vargas, the long lost cousin of the over annoying former Fox 29 sports Anchor Bill Vargas.
I am impressed with your knowledge on Surfing Racism. I own a few boards of my own and I love riding the waves when the off-season…. Err when I am on vacation. My wife is a former reality star who married me for my money… err Realty she sells houses and married me for all the money she makes. Anyway, I agree with you on the fans. They are a bunch of ingrates when it comes to surfers. What happened to the good old days of making fun of Black people? They still eat fried chicken don’t they? I know I seen Jimmy Rollins in the dugout with a chicken bone hanging from his mouth… on TV of course. I have never been in the dugout or the locker room. I also want to thank you for realizing that I err Cole will command a lot of money and that I err Cole Hamels is the best pitcher on the staff and will not come back because of the racists and the lack of offense all these years. I know Cole wants to tell these fans to BLEEP themselves because it was I, err Cole Hamels who delivered to those jerkoffs a World Series and an MVP to go with it.
INSIDE THE KORNHOLE
JK – Are you glad Harry died?
CW – If I had to hear that Piece of BLEEP sing High Hopes one more time I was going to take him out myself.
JK – Wow. Harsh words for a legend.
CW – Legend? (Laughs) Harry was no legend. He didn’t know anything about the game. The only thing he cared about was his stupid cigars and perfecting his dumb voice. It was me who kept the people informed.
JK – Who is the greatest announcer of all-time?
CW – Is this a joke?
JK – I’m serious. Dead serious.
CW – Who do you think is the best announcer?
CW – No, you’re an asshole. It’s obvious it is me and only me. I make Tom McCarthy sound good. I make Sarge look great in those hats. I am a student of the game you jerkoff. I know the ins and outs. I know when a balk is a balk. Do you? Does anyone? No. Not even the BLEEPING umps.
JK – If you were to build a team around one person from this current Phillies team who would you choose?
JK – Thoughts on David Montgomery?
JK – Is that why you still have a job?
CW – That’s the dumbest question I’ve ever heard. It is all about talent, Kornhole. Maybe if you had some you’d get more than one comment from someone who doesn’t work for the website you write for. Loser! WHEELER OUT!
THIS WEEK IN PHILLIES FUTURE