I have contemplated throwing beer, kicking seat partners and mastered the art of holding my bladder for 9 innings…. I am a Phillies fan, through and through. Throwing beer would qualify me for an ejection from the game, and that is not cool. Kicking seat partners, yeah, I have done that, “accidentally!”
I have been to several hundred Phillies games in my short 34yrs of life. I have learned there are a few rules of etiquette one needs to follow at a baseball game.
Allow me to educate you:
1) Why would you pay, on average, $60 per ticket, only to sit there and discuss your fantasy baseball line-up for 9 innings? Seriously? I do not care!
2) If your child has been up since 6am….it is probably NOT a good idea to bring them to a 7pm game. I want the only stress during those hours to be game related….NOT subconsciously restraining myself from punching ignorant parents.
3) To my fellow female game attendees: I do not care who has what designer bag and where so-and-so bought their fantastic shoes. Oh…also, this is baseball, the Phillies colors are RED & WHITE. Lose the pink bedazzled crap. (gag)
4) Learn to handle your alcohol. If you are a light weight, it is probably best to refrain from drinking at all. To the drunk lady in 5 inch heels trying to shuffle sideways down the isle and falls in my lap….I will be sober and I will kick your ass.
5) No matter how loud you yell, the person on the other end of your cell phone cannot hear you. The cheering Phillies fans reign superior.
6) If you notice the fan cams pointing in your direction…..please remember this….there are millions of viewers at home watching their TV’s, pointing and laughing at the idiot calling his friends and pointing at himself on the jumbo tron.
7) Please do not bitch about the amount of fat and calories in ballpark food. If you want tofu and veggie crisps…..go to the ballet.
8) The Bongo Camera is ridiculous. Enough said. Idiots.
9) I am reinstating my unspoken rule. If you are seated in my row, or a row in front of me…you are limited to 3 trips to the bathroom or concession stands. That is 3 times the entire game, not per inning!
10) I am a female. I know I have nice legs. If you are not my husband, there is no need to touch them.
If I had the ability to address the pregame crowds with my rules of etiquette over the big screen, after the Phillies Ball Girls layout their rules….everyone would have a wonderful experience! Remember, I am not a bitch….just a frugal mother who is out, sans kids, and would like to get her money’s worth!!! Play ball & Go Phillies!