Do We have a Chance?

I’ve been asked a few times why I haven’t written anything for the blog (at least twice I swear.) The answer is quite simple. I got burned out. I won’t put out garbage work. And I’m not getting paid or trying to impress a teacher so if it’s not fun it’s not worth it. But not only on the blog but also on the Phillies. They had gotten close last year. Close enough to send out playoff invoices and then they got manhandled by the Astros…who has a triple A line-up. Swept! And poof went their chances.

Even pitchers and catchers and Grapefruit action didn’t get me feeling up to writing. People dissecting every pitch of Spring Training like it was game 7, really who cares? You know who had the best record this spring? Kansas City followed by Seattle. Anyone wanna bet neither one makes the playoffs? It’s just one year? Well, last year Toronto went 24-7 and promptly went on to miss the playoffs and completely overhauled their team.

But alas, The next pitch is for reals and the Wriz has the old familiar feeling so lets hop to it. I’m not sold on the Phillies are a playoff team but they are in the mix but to return to the dominate team they once were seems unlikely as too much would need to go right.  The most important things for the Phillies are health, Dom Brown, Kyle Kendrick and Ben Revere in that order.

If one less guy got hurt last year they would have made the playoffs. Or if one more did and that guy was Chad Qualls they would have been there too. But basically every starting IF must play at least 130 games. And the rotation must basically remain intact which is a longshot given Doc’s predicament. It would have been nice to have Aaron Cook as insurance but the $100,000 bonus he would have made if he was assigned to the minors nixed that idea. Fucking cheapskates.

Dom Brown had a phenomenal spring, but if you have to take Spring pitching stats with a grain of salt then so too with hitting stats. Maybe the best thing that happened to Dom was Delmon Young not being ready for the start of the season. That ensured Brown, at the very least, a platoon job. But the Darrin Ruf had more boots in the outfield than an Uggs factory and Brown moved up to full fledged starter. I’ve been drooling over the guy since he first came to town, but the Phillies handled him so so badly. What I liked the most from him this spring wasn’t his production but his confidence and his acceptance that’s he’s a big leaguer. Is it too much to ask that he goes .290 25HR 85 RBI?  I don’t. In fact, the RBI total could be higher depending on when he settles into the line-up.

KK. Kendrick was 9-4 with a 2.87 ERA in the second half. Numbers like that over a full season will get you CY Young votes. Do I expect that from KK? No, but 15-16 wins and a low 3 ERA would be nice. Last season, KK was either really good or god awful. Lets hope the god awful KK pitched his last game yesterday.

Ben Revere. He’s got a youthful exuberance and seems a tad immature, but fuck it I like what hes all about and that’s getting on base and causing havoc. Let him take all the selfies he wants if he can up his on base percentage.

I’m looking forward to see that the boys can do now that their not the top dogs anymore. I’m pegging them for 84 wins and just missing the playoffs, but if Halladay can find a way to compete its on!

Other things I’m looking forward to:

-CJ Hood’s song parody of the Beasties Paul Revere called Ben Revere

-Cole Hamels making fools look stupid on his way to a monster season
-Darrin Ruf’s first cleanly fielded ball in the OF
-Bunts Meet & Greet 3—June 2^nd in the Linc Lot—Don’t say you didn’t know
-Netfather making his flight this time
-The Big Piece’s return to form
-Delmon Young’s blow up

Things I’m not looking forward to:

 

-3^rd place

-Being playoff-less again
-DB29’s suspension appeal hearing AKA Hamilton gate
-See Doc look like the Walking Dead when its hot
-finding out the dirty secrets Amaro has hid all offseason

I’ll post my awards predictions early next week. Once I figure out who’s on what team. I kid. Does Hubie Brooks still play?

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Kornhole's Alley: Mr. 3000 edition

Hello everyone and thanks for yet again coming inside my Kornhole. Let’s get to the bidness.

CLIFF LEE vs JAYSON WERTHLESS

It was the talk of the off-season! Are the Phillies better off with the Right-handed protection behind Ryan Howard or yet another BLEEPING ace? The Phillies offense has sucked balls for the better part of the 2011 season, so we all know the production lost when Werth hit the jackpot in DC is evident. His replacement in Right Field a rookie phenom has not come close to the protection that Werth had provided for this team in the past.

With that said, the player who replaced Werthless, one Clifton Phiffer Lee has fit in well offensively.

Now for all you Werth Lover’s (Not you Jen Utley) this may hurt your feelings but Phiffer has a better batting average in 2011 than the white Jose Reyes aka Werthless. Phiffer as of this writing was hitting .220 to Werthless .217!

The phenom the fans love to hate, the one and only, Captain Lazy; Domonic Brown is hitting.239 which is 19 points better than the 127 million dollar stiff.

Werthless has 10 dingers in 87 games while Doo Doo Brown has 5 in 42. I’ll take the brand new brother in town and his rookie contract over that stiff any day.

THE ALL-STAR GAME IS POINTLESS ANYMORE

Before Cable TV, Internet and the 24-7 media circus we live in today, baseball was the slow sport that captured the nation. It had 2 leagues with separate presidents, umpires, and rules. It was special when once a year the stars from both leagues would face off in a must-watch game.

There was no interleague play back in the day, so it was the only chance you’d get to see how well our beloved Mike Schmidt would do against a rookie phenom like Roger Clemens. It was important to not just the fans, but the announcers, the players and everyone else involved.

In order to vote you had to actually go to a game and punch a hole in a ballot, not vote online as many times as you’d like. Guys like Ryan Howard who promote the game with their amazing display of offense made the team regardless. It promoted the game watching people like Ryno face off against the best pitchers in the American League.

Free agency was still in its infancy so players were still loyal to their teams. Each year when you turned on the game you knew that Cal Ripken would have his O’s cap and that George Brett would sport his Royals gear, etc.

Today with all the transactions that include money dumps and free agency, you may see a team on the NL one year and playing for an AL team on August 1^st. It’s just not the same.

What was once a game of pride is now an exhibition narrated by two annoying announcers in Joe Fuck and Tim McCarvme!

Supposedly the players want to win so their respective league can win homefield advantage during the World Series. Hmmm!? If I’m whatever jerkoff representing the Orioles why would I care to help my bitter division rivals the Yanks or Sox get the chance to win another World Series.

I’m not against inter-league play. I’m also not against Free agency, but this game for those two reasons is no longer a must watch game, so most likely I won’t watch and it sucks but then again it hasn’t been the same since the league mandated that every team must be represented during the game.

Yeah, seems fair to me knowing that the rest of the country would rather see the Marlins represented by Gabby BLEEPING Sanchez than power hitting Ryan Howard.

MLB wonders why the All-star game’s ratings have been in the tank the last few years!

POST ALL-STAR ROTATION

#1 Doc Halladay for obvious reasons! He is the best pitcher in the game. The guy has more complete games than entire team staffs. Doc is a throwback and a poor performance for him is giving up 4 runs. He’s the ace without question!

#2 Cole Hamels is better than Lee. The surfer has the best ERA on a staff of aces. If it weren’t for the city performing oral sex on Lee 24-7 we would realize that the ONLY WORLD SERIES MVP on the staff is the much better pitcher.

#3 Cliff Lee gets the third slot. On most teams he’s the ace, or at the very least the #2. On this staff he is the #3. That’s how special this rotation is. It’s like a sore dick you can’t beat it.

#4 Vance Worley has earned the 4^th spot for now. I’m not sold on him one bit. I sniff a little Garrett Stephenson/Kyle Kendrick in this kid, but he has pitched well. With the rotation banged up thanks to injuries to Fat Joe and the animal activist himself Roy Oswalt; Vance has pitched very well and he’s earned this spot the rest of the season or until he gets banged up and I rip him in a future piece.

#5 Fat Joe/KK! I like Fat Joe. The fat ass pitches well in the second half of the season, but we need to make sure our long reliever in the playoffs is healthy down the stretch so skipping starts here and there may not be a bad idea. Of course, when Lil’ Wayne… err… Roy comes back both of these guys may be picking splinters out of their asses.

IF SOME JERKOFF FROM THE M’S GOT #3000 WOULD ANYONE CARE?

I love the tradition of baseball. I don’t hate the Yankees like everyone else in the world. But, I don’t remember this kind of hype for one Ichrio Suzuki when he was making a run at 3000 (combined Japan and MLB). Nothing drives me more insane then the bias New York media who all work on the National level now throw in our faces.

Okay, I get it! No other Yankee ever had 3000 hits. I get it Jeter hit a freaking homerun to hit that milestone and I also get it that only 29 guys have 3000 hits.

It is amazing and believe it or not I am a Jeter fan but if you’re going to give this guy the media hype machine then you should do the same for our buddy from the far-east. Ichiro is the better player on a shitty team run by shitty owners.

I don’t prefer one over the other I’m just saying, if you’re gonna blow one guy then blow the other. If not, take your knee pads shine them up real good and shove them right     up your candy ass.

INSIDE THE KORNHOLE WITH DOMONIC BROWN

JK- Hi D. Brown and welcome inside my Kornhole

DB- Thanks Kornhole!

JK- I know it must get boring playing baseball all the time. What else do you do?

DB- Nothing really.

JK- So, you do nothing?

DB- My mom asks me to do chores but I get out of it. Who wants to do that?

JK- Do you workout on your off time?

DB- I just lay around watching TV.

JK- What’s your favorite past time?

DB- I love to lay down and do nothing.

JK- Do you do anything productive?

DB- No.

JK- Is baseball a chore to you?

DB- I like the money, but I hate getting out of bed or off the couch to go play it.

JK- Where would you like to be in five years?

DB- In my bed.

JK- Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

DB- I’m going back to sleep.

THIS WEEK IN PHILLIES FUTURE

Five Phillies on the all-star team and only two will play. With that said, I think the AL spanks the NL 77-3.

The Phils return from the all-star break with the “resurgent” Mutts. It’s a scam, they’re not resurgent it’s just something the media wants you to believe. They still blow and won’t have Reyes for a couple of weeks.

The Phils will take 2 of 3 from these turds, winning Friday and Sunday. This gives the team a 2-1 record for the week but more importantly some much needed rest heading into the 2^nd half of the season when this team usually turns it on.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for coming inside my Kornhole and I’ll see you next time. Remember I’m looking for my FIRST email from one of you. Kornhole@philliesbunts.com

What Can Brown Do for You?

So many times in my baseball life, I’ve been let down. I suppose it comes with the territory in being a die-hard of the only team that can give the Washington Generals a run for money in the loss column. But its times like these I persevered. The four-straight NL East titles makes watching the likes of Stan Javier and Tom Nieto bearable. The Back-toback NL championship flags makes the two dreadful tours of duty by Adam Eaton and Andy Ashby which were interrupted by productive, if not GOOD, stints in other cities nothing short of comical.

Time after time over hyped prospects came to town and if they managed to stick with the team, their legacy wasn’t broken records and all-star appearances but broken dreams and blooper reel highlights. Wes Chamberlain, Pat Combs and Carton Loewer just to name a few. I can look at my 2008 World Series ticket stub and forgive them, the coaches who let their talents go unmotivated and potential untapped, and the general managers and scouts who were responsible for drafting them. Well, all except one: Ron Jones. If you are unaware Ron Jones died in 2006. I assume he is buried somewhere in Texas where he was born and returned to after his baseball career was over. It’s a good thing because if it were any closer I’d make it part of my regular routine to piss on his grave. I know it’s not right to speak ill of the dead but Jones had no heart so was he ever really living?

This might seem like an odd rant but something during Saturday’s game made me cringe at the mere thought of Jones. Back in 1990, the Wriz was younger but no less handsome when he watched Jones hit a routine grounder to the shortstop. After the ball left the bat, it became anything but routine. The shortstop booted the ball. He managed to pick it up and make a hurried throw to first. In his haste, he threw the ball into the dirt cut out at first. The first baseman almost made a great dig but dropped the ball. He did, however, manage to pick the ball up and step on the bag to get Jones by a stride and a half. I don’t know for sure but I’d imagine the Wriz and each of the other 23,000 in attendance could have beaten it out.

Saturday, Domonic Brown’s grounder to the A’s Jamile Weeks had a similar outcome. With his speed, Brown should have beaten it out EASY once Weeks struggled with the grounder, but instead it went down 4-3 on DB29’s scorecard. I can understand that players might lose focus from time to time over the long baseball season. I’m not saying right or excusable, but you’d think they wouldn’t let it happen again, let alone the same game. That’s right, Brown lally gagged after a ball in the gap when he was in the field too.

The worst part is I have defended him time and time again. I felt the Phillies handled him terribly last season by keeping him on the roster. He went weeks without seeing the field instead of playing everyday in Lehigh Valley. Going into the Red Sox series, he is batting .208 this season. His lifetime stats averaged over 162 games are: .208 15 HRs 58 RBI’s and 10 SB. I’d say very Jones-like but Jones average was much higher at .272.

What can Brown do for me?

 Hustle, Domonic, just hustle.

See ya at the ballpark! (I’ll probably make it there before Dom.)

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

***I felt it was only right to let Domonic preview this story before I published it. Coupled along with Kornhole's trashing of CBL I think its now the Phillie Bunts duty to trash every Phillie to increase performance. Brown went 2-3 with  2 runs, a homer and 2 RBIs. The funniest was when Sarge said something to the effect,  "when you hit it like that, then, you can time your time on the bases." In the post game interview Brown said "I had a rough couple of days." I hope that was his way of acknowledging he screwed up and learns from it.***