Friday, December 14, 2012


Hoodwink’d by cj hood


We blew it!!! The Phillies Bunts has officially become a ‘sports rag’ ala the National Inquirer. One of our senior staff member’s via a Phillies’ insider who’s close personal friends with the club’s traveling secretary heard that the acquisition of Josh Hamilton was a done deal. 4 years for $109mill!!! TAKE-IT-TO-THE-BANK-BRO! The Bunts staff was so excited there was a rumor that Kornhole was going to put his 5 fake scripts on hold to actually write a piece for this blog…crazy, I know! For about 12 hours, while the world watched the 12-12-12 Concert sponsored by Geritol, all of the Bunt-a-maniacs were on top of the world!!! RAJ finally came through with the huge off season acquisition that now has basically become an annual tradition.

But then Thursday afternoon things done changed…

The Anaheim Angels by way of Los Angeles via Compton acquired Josh ’pass the pipe bro’ Hamilton for real . Oh word?!? Our inside scoop quickly became a heaping poop scoop and we quickly had to retract our statements via the interwebs. And now my peeps, we’re vigorously wiping egg off our faces. (Except Netfather Bill…he uses the egg whites to treat the crow’s-feet around his eyes).

So where does that leave our Phightans? We needed bullpen help, but traded a pitcher for a younger version of Juan Pierre. Yeah, yeah…I know Ben Revere is supposed to be an ‘Upton in training’, but he can’t hit. And we also traded for Michael Young who’s anything but? The last time he played 3rd, Nolan Ryan was still playing. He’s could possibly be the bat we need, but only time will tell. But with Hamilton taken, the free agent pool is getting shallower than the (insert witty pun). All that is left is Swisher, Hirichio and that’s about it. Hell, at this point we might as well bring back Ibanez for a bargain basement price. And BTW folks, the deal Victorino got in Boston is ridiculous…MC Hammer spent his money more intelligently. #canttouchthis

So as of December, we went from a ‘12 Phils that was a solid C to a ‘13 Phils that’s maybe a C+. And to the sheep that think Howard is going to be back to ‘08 form because he’s had a full year off to recover, I say to you ‘come on, man!’ And don’t forget our 2nd basemen’s knees are as reliable as a campaign promise and our ace catcher is now affectionately known as Speedy Gonzales.

So Reubes…Xmas is right around the corner and the list goes a little like this: a solid bat, bullpen help, a solid bat, bionic knees for Chase, a time machine for Howard, a ‘mind eraser’ for Doc, a solid bat and a new rug for Wheels. Get on it bro! Let’s get ‘bunted!


PS Be sure to check out DB29’s piece on Bigfoot in next month’s edition of Phillies Bunts!!! #sportsrag

Monday, October 8, 2012

What a joke?

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
What a joke?

-this season was like the Hulk Hogan sex tape: quick & awkward.
-LOL @ Braves
-Phillies fans would have thrown the soft pretzel cart onto the field.
-Happy Doctober…oh wait.
-unemployment rates fell this week, but not in Philly. #perlozzo #mackanin #gross
-Oct 16th is Boss Day…I heard Ryno bought Chollie some monogrammed luggage.
-BREAKING NEWS: The Philly Phanatic was fired and replaced by the San Diego
-my fave Oktoberfest libation is Fegley’s BreWWorks Devious Imperial Pumpkin.
-the boys over at Phillies Game Chat make DB29 look like Ryan Reynolds.
-Romney celebrated his debate success by buying 4 factories and shutting them down.
-Phillies’12 MVP’s: Thome, Pence & Ibanez
-how‘bout my Eagles?!?
-congrats to Brad Pitt and that fat kid for turning the A’s around!
-f’the Gnats!
-the presidential debate would have been better if it was done on Piper’s Pit.
-where do I pick up my ‘2012 Bunter Of The Year Award’?
-congrats to all of the Baltimore Orioles fan!
-Happy Columbus Day unless you’re Native American…then sorry about all that.
-RAJ looked like Obama during that press conference. #dazedandconfused
-the NHL season might be canceled. #yawn
-throw Papp more money bro!
-you need a CF Reuben? I heard Big Bird is available.
-follow me on my sports LOL Twitter feed @ccnlive.
-I don’t know who produced less this season: Martinez or Kornhole.
-MORE BREAKING NEWS: The Red Sox fired Bobby Valentine again.
-Andy Reid’s shirt size is Tent.
-get David Wright ASAP…let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Saturday, September 29, 2012

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty - Finale'

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty - Finale'
This has been one crazy year to be a Phillie's fan. Ups, downs, and all arounds. I don't wish to beat a dead horse but I stuck by my guns ( and today it's official. Don't get me wrong, I had some nervous times, and I admit I was hoping that I was wrong more than once. After 5 years of dominance, it hurts to be out of the real season. But, think about it, does this not make the Braves run of 11 years seem briliant? It kills me in more ways than one. I have personal issues with the Braves organization since 1968 when I was a *VERY* low draft choice of theirs. But that's not why I'm writing. I just had to get shit out.
CJ and Wriz have summarized the season and offered up MVP's and shit. I think we all have had our own ballots and both of them are pretty dead on. This year is officially gone. For my own sanity, I choose to focus on 2013, which many "experts" will probably deem as a "rebuilding" year. I don't think so. I think we have an overwhelming amount of parts to build on while staying competitive. My personal view I have stated before... the entire coaching staff must go. I could quote from the above blog on why so I won't do it again. New leadership leads to new attitudes on top of the chemistry built the second half of this season. There are one or two maybes... like Doc's shoulder. In my mind, he knows what's wrong and will work even harder over the winter to be Doc again. And Cliff Lee... he goes in 3 year cycles seems like and next year is a 3 year. :) The man can pitch, we know it. Howard's Achilles will be firmly healed next year. Chase continues to amaze me with his legs. Chooch is healed. So where do we go from here?
I offer this up for next year's opening day lineup:
Rollins SS
Victorino CF
Utley 2B
Howard 1B
Chooch C
Ruf LF
Mayberry RF
Frandsen 3B
Hamels P
???? Victorino you say? I say he comes back(WANTS to come back) at a bargain price with a chip on his shoulder... like when we got him. These guys all love each other, and playing in Philly. I know it'd make me want to play my best. I truly believe Kevin Frandsen is a major league 3B. Maybe not an all star, but was Pedro Feliz an all star? Nope, he just won a ring. Howard(if I was hitting coach lol) cuts way down on K's and up in OBP. The major hurdle in my lineup is Utley's legs. BUT... we'll have Galvis as a backup for the whole infield basically. That don't suck, he can play. I wish I could read RAJ's mind and predict the bench but... for those of you who don't follow Reading or the Iron Pigs they do have a couple other prospects who just might make the roster. If I could predict the bench I'd already be making bets in Vegas for next year lol.
So that's it from AZ. I am still taking shit about my Eagles from last week every day at work. But I have other shit to worry about. Next week, 10/1, I have to pick my vacations for next year. And this year there isn't 2 rounds of picking, only 1. So I have to force the date of the Meet ' N ' Greet even earlier, or just forget about it. I like to take the last week in March (3/25-3/29) for spring training games and my 2 oldest girls' bdays. And then 5/27-5/31, usually Memorial Day, my son's bday, and my bday. God only knows if/when Meet'N'Greet 3 happens but today it's way up in the air. And you thought it sucked to be a Phillie's fan in AZ just cuz lol. I already know I'm up shit's creek because of last year. Whatever happens I *WILL BE COMING HOME* but the dates I have no control over. So we'll see.
Ok bunters, I wish you all a good Eagles season and my very best to have Gary Bettman executed and hockey season to start ASAP. Yes, I love my Flyers and went to the very first REAL home game in 1967. This pic describes it all, it's a tshirt you can only get here in AZ:
If anyone wants one of these let me know and I'll provide a link to order. They should be roughly $20 including shipping. And with that...
Let's Get Bunted!
NetFather aka Bill S

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Hoodwink’d by cj hood
I went out with some coworkers last March to watch the first day of the NCAA tourney and enjoy some adult libations. A few hours into the outing the upcoming MLB season became the topic of conversation. It was then my friends professed to me how the Phillies would win the 2012 World Series. Being a beat writer for the most phamous Phillies blog on the planet I had the inside scoop and knew this unfortunately wouldn’t happen. I was so confident of the latter that I promised everyone in the group dinner at Ruth Chris (google it DB…it doesn’t have a drive-thru) if the Phils won it all. All I wanted if I won this wager was a 6’er of some decent Oktoberfest from each of them. Needless to say, my October morns will be spent sipping coffee while poppin’ some Excedrins. #cantwait
Moreover, when we made our predictions for the ‘Bunts blog last Spring I said:This year, I predict the ‘Nats will capture the NL East and the Phils will win the Wild Card only, again, to be knocked out in the first round. I was half right. The Phils came on strong in the 2nd half, but fell apart in a series that would have solidified that second Wild Card spot. #Houston. However, that wasn’t the case and the first half Phils reared their ugly heads deep in the heart of Texas. I also feel have they made that 2nd spot they might have made a run for it ala the ’11 Cardinals. But like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop…the world may never know!
So where do we go from here? I already said Chase at 3rd is stupid. I like Frandsen at 3rd with Galvis & Utley sharing time at 2nd. In a perfect world, we’d be able to dump Doc and/or Howard and pick up a solid bat cuz that’s what we need the most. We can’t rely on Rollins who only gives us a good half a season or Ruiz who’s bound to get more time on the DL as he gets older. Howard straight up sucks!!! The excuse ‘give him a full off season & Spring Training with a healed ACL’ is straight up bullshit! His numbers have been going down quicker than Mitt Romney’s support. Ryan Howard has been RAJ’s worst signing! Find a gullible AL team and dump his ass and his shit contract!
I think we all know the deal with our pitching. Doc’s been a bigger letdown than the new Spiderman flick. The bullpen is about as reliable as a straw bridge. I think we should bundle Kratz & Schierholtz in some sort of trade deal for some bullpen help. But chances are Lee will be on the trading block even though he had a pretty good 2nd half. I think the starting 5 should be: Hamels, Lee, Vanimal, KK & Clloyd (assuming we trade Doc).
As I write this the Phillies are still mathematically in it, but we all know the inevitable. For the past 5 years I would grow my hair out and even trim my goatee in a landing strip ala Jayson Werth style in anticipation for October baseball. However, this tradition has now ended cuz the Phils are out and Werth is an asshole. I need to call the barber…let’s get ‘bunted!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Not an Easy Choice

Every year, the Wriz does a blog where he names the Phillies season MVP. Usually, it’s pretty easy or at least to be able to narrow it down to a few worthy players. This year the pickings are pretty slim. Not just because, the team was so down this year but so many players played half a season.  Only Jimmy Rollins has the necessary plate appearances to qualify for the batting title.  A player needs 502 PA to qualify. John Mayberry is second with just 454. Then its Pence and Victorino and they haven’t donned a Phillies uniform in 2 months.

Chooch was well on his way to coasting to the team MVP when he landed on the DL. In fact the Philadelphia writers still gave him their version of the award. Can you be MVP and only play half the season? Well, guess if you a pitcher it’s possible. Or if you still end up leading your team in RBIs as Chooch may do. He’s only 1 behind JRoll. But still, it just doesn’t seem right.

Who else could win it? Well JRoll has had a decent season, his batting average is a bit low but he leads the team in homers. Cole and Paps joined Chooch on the all-star team and have had solid seasons. I knew this would be a damn near impossible decision. I saw a sportswriter say in an interview when asked who should get the AL MVP award, Mike Trout or Miguel Cabrera that they should be co-MVP’s. It got me thinking.  Fuck it. It’s my award.  First Half MVP: Chooch. Second Half MVP: Jimmy Rollins.

It pains me as much not to just give it to Chooch as it does to give it to JRoll after the non-hustling bit, but he has had a productive second half. (14 HR, 34 RBI’s 16 SB) And my personal feeling is unless a pitcher has a ridiculous season; it’s just not possible to be the MVP. Hamels had a very good year but not great. Maybe it’s me but it seems when the Phillies give him a big lead, he gives up a more runs than usual. Maybe it just hurts his personal stats but I’d still like to see him shut down the opposing team like he’s capable of doing. There are just 8 games left and no postseason and no real hopes of any of the Phillies winning a legit award, but Fan Appreciation night is tomorrow and I better feel appreciated. After all, I need a year’s supply of SuperPretzels.

See ya at the ballpark! 

Jay Wrizight

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Chances Are

Hoodwink’d             by cj hood
Chances Are…


BREAKING NEWS:  The Phils are winning!  BREAKINGER NEWS:  They’re on the cusp of being a 500 team.  BREAKINGEST NEWS:  They’re creeping up on that 2nd Wild Card spot.  But can they do it?
I think they can as long as the other teams in the hunt cooperate.  We always knew the Phillies were a second half club, but the hole created early on was a deep one.  However, thanks to unsung & unpaid heroes like Kratz & Frandsen the 5X NL East Champs are back to their winning ways.  Props also must be given to John ‘Don’t Call Him JMJ’ Mayberry Jr, Ty Wigginton & the bullpen et al.  Hell, even Martinez is hitting half of some of the games he plays in! The overpaid fat cats are contributing as well, but it’s the young blood that is keeping us alive.  As an extra bonus, Chooch is back off the DL which is a sweet bat to have off the bench. 


And what about Kyle Kendrick bka the Prodigal Son?  He might be the winner of the 2nd half MVP Award if there was such an award.  My man KK is a trooper that puts up with a lot of bulldish from this team.  But he’s hotter than any other pitcher on the team right now and maybe the NL.  He’s a great asset to this team and should be named 2013’s 5th starter today!

We still need to pursue a bat…preferably one that plays 3rd base.  Having Chase play 3rd is a stupid idea.  A better idea would be having him share time at 2nd with Galvis to preserve his knees.  Two weeks ago, I heard the rumor that Pierre was traded to the Cards and immediately put it up on the ‘Bunts FB page like a fool.  But I’ll gladly accept the embarrassment if it means we get to keep him & his speed.

I thought the 2012 Phillies were dead & buried, but then they started winning and I thought they might have a shot.  Then after Chipper Jones hit that walk off I thought the wind was taken out of their sails when they only came back to win the Reds series and sweep the Rockies.  I love this team in the Fall and I love this team’s chances to make that 2nd WC spot, but we’re going to need some help from the other NL teams. Hey look we’re winning games…let’s get ‘bunted!

***Editors note***** This post was original written on 9/11/12 but the Bunts mainframe shit the bed. Add the fact that CJ can't figure out how to add a picture and there you get a Buntless week. My bad. We will now resume our regular irregular posting ways. Thanks, MTG*********

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Charlie Manuel Band

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Charlie Manuel Band


The Phillies went down to Georgia, looking for a series to steal.
Manuel manages like he blind cuz they're way behind and this is how I feel.
When they came across this old man and he was swingin the bat real hot.
And Papp jumped on the mound and said: "Boy let me tell you what:"
"I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a major league player too."
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."
"Now you swing a pretty good bat, boy, but give this closer his due:"
"I'd bet my contract that's gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."
The old man said: "My name's Chipper and it might be a sin."
"But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."
Chipper raise your bat and swing that lumber hard.
'Cos hells broke loose in Georgia and Papp is throwing hard.
And the only way you'll win this game is if you go for yard.
But if you lose, the Phillies sweep and we might be the Wild Card.
Horst is out and Papp came in and said: "I'll finish this show."
And fire flew from his fingertips as he started to throw.
And he let his arm hang low and he made a goofy face.
Prado smacked it, Frandsen flinched, OMG what a disgrace.
Then Papp threw Jones heat, Chipper said: "Well you're pretty good ol'son."
"But throw another fast ball, right there, and let me show you how its done."
No fire on this mound, walk Bourn, walk.
Bases loaded and hope he doesn't balk.
Howard in the dugout, counting his dough.
"Cholly, does your shortstop hustle?"
"No, child, no."
Papp threw the third fast ball, bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
Then he laid that golden contract on the ground at Jones' feet.
Chipper said: "Papp, just come on back if you ever want to try again."
"cause I told you once, you son of a gun, I'm the best there's ever been."
Janish, Johnson, Prado, run boys, run.
Polly should have played D to prevent those 2 runs.
Howard in the dugout, counting his dough.
"Cholly, does your shortstop hustle?"
"No, child, no."

Monday, September 3, 2012

The Official Fork

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: The Official Fork
Plus Chipper
Equals season over
I knew coming into this last weekend I had to do at least one more piece this season. Until now, Sunday night, it was going to tilt positive. Then along came Papelbum, and I could hardly breathe. They should be 7 games out with 28 to play and instead, I'm so pissed off there isn't enough tequila in the state of AZ. <---- When that happens it's a sign the world may end as we know it, Obama or not.
I tried not to believe there might be some magic left, I really and truly did. Instead, all that happened was what I've said for months is true. The coaching staff sucks and must be replaced en masse. It's as much Chollie's fault as Papelbum's. Pitching to Larry was lunacy, let alone a 94mph fastball waist high in the middle of the plate. The bastid is having an all star year, and is the only real hitter on the team. And all his power is from the left side. Anybody who doesn't know this must live next door to Kuato on Mars. Oh wait, look what I found in the Mars phone book:
Manuel, Charles ... 123 Whatshisfucks St, Red Hills, Mars (next door to Kuato)
Originally I wanted to try and be upbeat and quote good shit, like the play of Frandsen(who better start at 3B next year) and Kratz(solid backup, almost no drop off when Chooch rests or maybe tries some 3B next year). Or how JMJ looks like he finally wants to play fulltime and is playing like it. Or how Freddy Galvis can backup Rollins and Utley and they can shitcan Kmart. Or how solid Chase looks if he can maintain his health. Or how much better Howard can be with a fully recovered Achilles. Or how I think they can bring back Victorino at a bargain price and how he'll play with a chip on his shoulder. Or how good Darin Ruf will look in Phils pinstripes as opposed to Reading stripes. Or... who the fuck am I kidding and I'm not drunk enough yet(it's only 8pm here).
Instead kiddies let's improve on the coaching staff. Fire'em all, cya, wouldn't wanna be ya. It's time for Ryno to get his dream shot in the Bigs. He's turned the Pigs into a solid team in less than 2 years, so what can he do with major league talent? I don't care how long he was a Cub, he was born and raised a Phil and it's time to show it. Fuck the Dubee Bros, drag the Wild Thing outa the booth and make him pitching coach. If *ANYONE* can teach pitchers how NOT to fuck up, it's him. Whatever it costs, bring back Davey Lopes as first base coach and leave him there until he can no longer stand up. For third base coach hire Michael Jack, nobody knows third better than him. And since we all know none of this shit will ever happen, then me, myself, and I should be batting coach. This is great for two reasons - 1) I swear I've always been able to hit and know how to teach and 2) it'll force me to lose 70-80 pounds to fit into a uni without looking like a beach ball, which is reason enough in itself.
I'd say let's get Bunted, but the tequila is finally kicking in and I don't know if I could go up to the plate and hold the bat correctly. But even in this state I could damn sure teach a major leaguer to bunt properly in 10 minutes. Thank God the Eagles start next week. After Vick gets hurt for the year in the 2nd quarter Nick Foles can start his ROY run and lead them to the playoffs. And short of winning 23 of 28, it's time for Fly Eagles Fly. The season is over, time for the Fork. They're done.
Bill S aka/netfather

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Working Stiffs

Its kinda funny that when I was mulling over ideas to use for my blog today, I thought about comparing rooting for the 2012 Phillies to going to work. You go to work to you HAVE to and in many respects if you’re still watching and rooting for the 2012 Phillies its because you HAVE to because you’re a “lifer.”

JRoll’s AB in the second inning was like the Phillies season in a nutshell. He hit a pop-up which went foul that David Wright could have caught. Then he hits a pop-up to the first base side foul that Daniel Murphy should have had. Then he hit a pop-up to very shallow center.

Not much has gone right this year, and there’s not much to look forward to. One of the few bright sports had been Chooch but he’s hurt. Or Galvis but his 50 game suspension for PED’s took away any excitement I had about the kids future. It looked like the most likely September call ups would be mostly ho-hum names like Valle, Gilles, Hernandez and not who everyone wants to see as in Darin Ruf AKA Babe Ruf or Tyler Cloyd.
Ruf after he tied Howard's single season HR record for Reading

Ruf has dropped more bombs than a Real Housewives reunion show. (What up, Hood?)  He’s 26 and still only in AA but fuck it 37 homers is 37 homers. Cloyd is 15-1 with an ERA of 2.26 overall this year with the majority of the work in AAA. The big knock on the kid is he has “no stuff” but fuck it Vincente Padilla had the best stuff on the Phillies staff for 6 years. He was never more than 3 games over .500. I’ll take intestinal fortitude over “stuff” any day.

Which reminds me, speaking of work, Hamels called out sick today. Cloyd got the call and will be on the bump tonight. I got to see him pitch a few weeks ago in Lehigh Valley. I thought he came as advertised he did what he needed to do. He did give up 2 homers. Moon shots to be precise. But both solo shots. It’ll be interesting to see what his “stuffless” repertoire can do in the bigs.

Tonight, will be like casual Fridays. Yeah its still work just a little less dreadful.

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

Monday, August 27, 2012

Journey 2

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Journey 2
Just a small town girl…livin in a looooonely world. She took the midnight train going annnnywheeeere! Is it time to put the rally caps on? Or have you ‘Stopped Believing?’ The bandwagoners seemed to have Escaped their seats at CB Park, while the Faithfully still show up with Open Arms. The only sellout CP Park will see in the near future is when the Boss hits the stage Labor Day weekend (despite what Wheels & T*Mac tell ya). On the plus side, you can get Phils tickets off of StubHub for less than $5. The only cheaper show in town is a live reading of one of Kornhole’s screenplays in Fairmount Park.
Besides tickets going for cheap…merch sales have also suffered. When I was my sons’ age it was the Schmidt, Rose & World Series era. Phils gear was abundant in my hood (2 hrs outside of Philly). Then their gear disappeared quickly when they started to stink only to make recent resurgence.
It’s also tough to write a blog about a team that’s stinkin up the joint. Doesn’t J*Roll know his pop-ups directly effect Phillies Bunts FB ‘likeability?’ The last time Diamond Girl wrote a blog Lance Armstrong was 7 time Tour de France champ. It’s tough to peddle a blog about a team that’s in last place.
But the good news is they’re back…sort of. They’re in 3rd place and few wins away from being 500. It’s tough to be excited when we’re used to them being the champs of their division. Still their recent success might mean more asses in the seats, an increase in merch sales and more love for this fine blog.
A few ep’s ago, I compared this Phillies season to last year’s Eagles where they came on strong a little too late. Their play since going Separate Ways from Blanton, Vic & Pence has been reminiscent of season’s past. Irregardless (ya, you know…) this team has been fun to watch. They’ve dominated the Gnats all season even when they were sh*ttier than a Todd Akin apology. The only team to really have their number this season has been the Braves. The Mets are more of a hot mess than Snookie’s baby and the Rockies never bounced back from those June wild fires. We’ll see both those squads this week. That’s a good thing. #amiright
I love Kratz & Frandsen #nohomo. And I like D*Brown (Not like-like, but like). They’re just a couple of kids who hunger for playing time and some MLB success. Hell, even John Mayberry Jr is bringing it! BTW don’t use JMJ when you’re talking about Mayberry. There’s only one JMJ #rundmc #rip Even the fat cat overpaid veterans are getting it done. I’m still not sold on Jimmy at lead-off, but what’s the alternative?
We know they’re not going to win the NL East, but can they make the wild card? That’s the Cliff (finally won @ home) hanger that’ll keep most of us interested until it’s mathematically impossible. Although I buried this team weeks ago, I think there might be a chance of a resurrection with the right voodoo..the right mojo. As long as they continue to phight…I will continue to watch. The bullpen is finally coming through…let’s get ‘bunted!

Friday, August 17, 2012


Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Last week I read the Phillies Eulogy and despite winning almost every series they’ve played since All Star break they’re still dead. No chance of coming back and getting jiggy wit it ala 2Pac or Biggie. They’re not necessarily dead in wins, but dead in ‘heart.’ And once the heart goes it’s over bro…peace out homie. Just ask Elvis.

J*Roll should be renamed Keiser Roll cuz Netfather Bill with his pacemaker & walker could give more of an effort than Jimmy (see Wriz article J-Walk) can. On Tuesday, the bullpen produced more runs than a Taco Bell breakfast. Last night was no different, when the bullpen ‘got scared of the guy in shades – oh yes’ and Hart went for yard scoring 4. 

But like I said last week, it seems that our beloved Manuel would have difficulty managing in the WWE where the moves are all scripted. There’s a reason they call them managers and not coaches in the MLB. IF AN ACE IS DEALING, LET THEM GO TIL THE 8th AND THEN BRING IN PAPP! Should we trade Cholly & RAJ for a box of urinal cakes? Well should we?

I think most Philly headz have switched gears to Eagles mode (I have…sorta). While others are replacing their Jesus’ statues with Bynum bobbleheads. (That press conference was embarrassing…get a grip kids.) Which leaves the ‘Buntamaniacs crying and babbling like Tra Thomas at a noon showing of Bambi. Ya I said it.

With a decent bullpen and some Triple A managing our team could easily be a Wild Card contender. Brown, Kratz & Frandsen have been producing as well as expected. Halladay & Lee started coming around. Utley’s back…Howard’s good for one hit a week. We’re in there like swimwear! But alas…that’s not the position we’re in.

I guess in hindsight, the Blanton move was the one that hurt the most. With KK out of the bullpen we’re exposed like DB29 in a medium sized Incubus tshirt. Blanton as well as Pence & Vic are gone and we got little in return. Which obviously means more major moves must be made (how’s that for alliteration?). We need to get back into autopilot mode, so the biggest decision Manuel has to make is Hubba Bubba or Bubble Yum? Wait til next week when the Big Red Machine comes to town. We used to be Reds killers #Hamels. But now, the cast of Reds (Beatty, Hackman, et al) could give us problems. At least we’re winning series…let’s get ‘bunted!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

That’s how I J-Walk

I understand the baseball season is a marathon and not a sprint. I get it. It’s not how I ever played or will ever play. Not baseball. Not hockey. Not fucking tiddlywinks. If it’s a competition, I’m in it to win it. This is the reason I like Chase Utley more than Jimmy Rollins. Don’t get me wrong I’m a JRoll Fan. He’s silky smooth with the leather and has an arm like a bazooka. There’s never been a better fielding shortstop in the National League since he’s been in the majors. Dude should have at least 8 Gold Gloves by now. But…..he’s stubborn with how he wants to swing the bat which I could live with…. if he wasn’t being such a lazy piece of shit!

Its all over (Facebook, TV, sports radio) today how Rollins not once but TWICE gave less than sufficient effort running out a ground ball yesterday verse the Marlins. 97.5 played the Marlins radio call of the first (lack of) effort. The announcers initially assumed JRoll was hurt but then realized he was dogging it and mentioned that “Rollins will probably be sitting down with Charlie Manuel to discuss his effort.”

Frequently when Jroll hits a routine grounder, he will not give maximum effort down the first baseline, but enough that if there is a bobble or errant thrown he’ll be easily safe. I’ve always been willing to let that slide, but this is different. It’s like he’s given up on the season. The game was still in doubt when both instances happened. I know it’s been a tough season only the SweatHogs have had a tougher year, but they still have a chance. It’s slight but still a chance. $14 million should buy enough effort until you’re mathematically eliminated. Even more important with the number of rookies and players with minimal ML experience Rollins is SUPPOSED to be a leader.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, when he was called out by a fan on Twitter, he got awful cocky:

I mean he could have tried to offer an explanation or hell just ignored it, but really? Its insult to injury. Borderline “For Who? For What?” type shit. For Jimmy’s sake, I really hope it was just a bad day otherwise we are in for a long rebuilding process.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

***PS-- Back to School luch bag day was cancelled after Parents made know their fear their children would lallygag to school

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Eulogy

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
The Eulogy

I’d like to thank everyone for coming today in this most difficult time. It’s nice to see the Bunt’s family in attendance: Netfather Bill in his beautiful powder blue tux; Diamond Girl looks lovely, and yes the wine is not for parishioner consumption. Of course the Wriz is here with the widow DB29. I hope I could keep my composure as I honor the deceased.

(Pulls out paper, unfold it, wipes eyes & clears throat.)

To tell you the truth I had a difficult time putting all the Phillies ’12 season highlights into writing. No matter how hard I try, I can never do justice how much this team stunk. I know we are all grieving today for this lost season. But I know wherever they are now (Philly or LA) they’re laughing at us and counting their cash.

This team meant something special to all of us. I’m sure each and every one of you here today has something to share on how last year’s National League East Champs touched your life. There are some good memories, especially with me, the Bunts Meet & Greet II. We shared lots of things together through Kurt & Robin’s excessive Facebook posts. I don’t know if I can still be the same person I was now that the season is (seemly) over. I can remember the last series sweep; I thought it was the start of something good. As some of you already know we had a lot of injuries this year. Although Chase & Howard returned, they still came up short.

Ruben Amaro Jr is a very stron willed person. You overpaid for a 1st baseman who's about as reliable as a strw bridge. Then, you continued to pass out contracts like you were using Monopoly money. Solid pitching is obviously important, but bats win games. When we were at out peak, Cholly was on autopilot. But when we're playing MLB ball with Triple A players, Charlie would be out managed by Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.

Although they didn’t get to the playoffs, at least we’ll have the Eagles to watch (until Vick gets hurt in Wk 1). We may not see them in October but we’ll always have these special moments we shared with them. The Phightans will always have a special part in our hearts. Let’s just be thankful that we had 2008. Amen.

BREAKING NEWS: Ruben Amaro Jr arrested on the murder of the ’12 Phillies. Eugene & Kornhole are on the scene with an impending report.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

All Good Things Must Come To An End.


After watching the Phillies get smacked by the Braves again, I needed something to take the edge off. The Rockies/Dodgers game was just starting. What better way to chill on a summer's eve than to hear Vin Scully call a game? His voice is pure baseball, think Harry the K without stupid Wheels adding his worthless two cents. Scully does all Dodgers home games solo. He doesn't need help, he is a baseball encyclopedia, plus the best play by play guy in all of sports. There was a controversial call on a possibly trapped fly ball. Jim Tracey went absolutely bat sh!t crazy when the umps reversed the original call of a catch. Watching the super slow mo instant replay, Jim Tracey was right. The funny part was how Scully translated Tracey's tirade. Tracey said, "F'in horse sh!t!", Vin saw it as "Bleepin' fertilizer!". Classic Scully. I also got to see Shane Victorino end a Dodgers loss with a pop out in the infield. Ahh, the memories. I get carried away with my praise of Vin Scully. Something else during that game caught my attention, it was Fernando Valenzuela bobble head night.

The Phillies sell out streak ended last night at 257. Let's all give each other a round of applause. But, that's over now. I'm interested to see how the Phillies Promotion staff steps up their game next year. They have been on a 5 year vacation. Other than bobble heads what is the last good giveaway night you can remember? I haven't got a decent hat on Father's Day since the bucket hat, that was like 2007. WB Collectable Truck night? It's plastic and made in China. I have been to a handful of road games and got better giveaways. An umbrella at New Yankees stadium. A seat cushion and sunglasses at Citifield. A very nice replica batting practice cap at Nationals Park. A very wearable visor at Fenway Park. I have been a partial season ticket holder since CBP opened. The giveaways are lame and this year they screwed up the only decent giveaway night they have, bobble head night.
Here is an idea. Instead of having 2 bobble heads of current (or possibly traded prior to) players, how about an alumni bobble head night? The Phillies Wall of Fame night is pretty lame. What if the Phillies gave out a bobble head of this year's inductee? At this point I would rather have a Mike Lieberthal bobble than a Hunter Pence. Maybe more fans would get into Wall of Fame night with a decent giveaway. God knows no one is going to put up that lame ass print they give away. The Phillies Promotion Department should just steal ideas from other teams at this point. If the Phillies stink as bad next year at least spare me from the Charlie Manuel Baseball Tin.

Keep It Classy Philly!


Friday, July 27, 2012

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Wavering

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Wavering
I wasn't sure after my last piece how long it would be before I'd do another. Well I'm still not sure of anything I'm about to write... but recent days have stirred deep, lost feelings. I won't lie I changed my Facebook profile pic from my Phillies jersey to my Eagles jersey, in essence signaling the end of baseball season for the most part. I really wish I could let go completely of Phillies playoff implications. But something in the back of my head won't let go, the actions of this week until now. If I were a blind fool winning the last 4, and 8 of 11, wouldn't be shit. What grabbed me is what I saw on the last couple of days. The Phils need to go 45-18 from here on out to win 90 games, that should get them into the playoffs.
What does this mean you ask? Welp, twice during last year the Phils had streaks of 46-19. One early and one late last season. The point? Point being that they can, it's not impossible. Now we get to the real shit. How LIKELY is it? Consider this... the Phils haven't had a "playoff worthy" lineup until a week before the all star game. Now that Hollywood is locked up the questions remaining are can the bats do it? Can the bullpen do it?
Suck This Schneider! I'm staying!
For the first time all season, this past week there has been 100% effort, chemistry, camaraderie, you name it. Eric Kratz is now, and will be, a Phillie. Sorry Schneider. Schwimer, give that pink backpack to someone else, we need your ass. Bastardo, pack your bags you can't throw strikes. Cliff, you ARE the key. Christ, I wish I was there to break down film and find that tiny imperfection that's causing you the random fuckup, because Dubee sure as fuck isn't doing it. I am by no means suggesting a comeback of royal proportions but then again, who can ignore the last week+? Take a long look at this past series, and the reactions to Rollins' walk off hits. When was the last time you saw a team meeting at the mound or out at short to mob the guy who got the game winner? They actually acted like grade school kids... true emotion. I was lucky enough to be sick enough to be home to see some. Where has this been all year?
I'm not saying buy or sell. RAJ has no clue either I don't think. I'm not offering up pieces of us nor stating Hamels should have signed for $120MIL. I will say this weekend is fucking KEY. If they can't take 2 of 3 from ATL then we should all start considering looking at Eagles camp big time. I personally would love to believe 45-18 is entirely possible. But then again I live 2500 miles away and nobody takes me seriously.

Bill S/aka netfather

Makin Their Way

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Makin Their Way (Original original version)

I f’ed up the other day by calling my Dukes blog “Bo, Luke & Cooter.” I should have called it “Makin Their Way.” That’s the kind of ish that bothers me. I’m listening to the Nick & Artie show online while I type this so there’s bound to be a lot of errors in this piece. BTW check out the Nick & Artie show online. It’s like Hoodwink’d: Some sports, but a lot of LOLz!

Anywho…the 2nd half monsters are back!!! #amiright. We signed Cole for too much, but I approve cuz he is proven and homegrown. Wriz weighed in on this issue yesterday in Wriz Wednesday By The Way of Thursday. But like I replied to his blog (I’m sure you all read it) RAJ created this monster, so he had no choice but to pay Hamels handsomely.


We are now 7-4 with our first 3 game sweep under our belts. However, I can’t help to compare this year’s Phils to last year’s Eagles where they dominate in the 2nd half, but still come up short. So I’ll be biting my nails all the way up to September. Irregardless
(not a real word), the Brews series was nothing short of exciting. What’s even more exciting is the trade deadline is approaching and all of sudden we have a shot at sneaking in to the playoffs as a wild card. So what should we do? I have a few ideas that I’ll reiterate but are little altered now that we are winning.

In a perfect world, we’d go out and buy David Wright, but since we can’t how about Chase Headley? Let’s dump Lee and use that cash for a bat. How about Polanco and boy-wonder Kratz for a #5 pitcher so we could keep Kendrick in the pen? Like I’ve said before, the ‘pitching wins games’ theory is a bust. It’s time to make moves and back up the Brinks truck for a young bat. Mayberry has been coming thru as of late, but I’d still like to see what D*Brown could do. While we’re talking about trades, I would not dump Victorino and Pence especially unless it’s a definite upgrade!

Moreover, when we’re running on all pistons Cholly is basically on cruise-control. However, when we’re not and he actually needs to manage he seems to fall short. Leaving Bastardo in to pitch Braun is like Kornhole going to Chic-fil-A in a sundress. So, this only solidifies the fact that we need to UPGRADE before the end of the month!

I’m not expecting any major moves by the deadline and I think we still have an uphill battle ahead of us. But, I don’t think we’re dead in the water. Am I saying we have a chance? Yes, Lloyd Christmas…the Phillies still have a chance of making the playoffs. Big series this weekend against the Braves…let’s get ‘bunted!