Friday, December 30, 2011

Resolution Time

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
Resolution Time



2012 New Year's resolutions for the Phightans (& the like) are:
-Chooch will brush up on his English.
-Howard will not make the last out of the season.
-Utley will take it one base at a time.
-J*Roll will earn his $33 mill EVERYDAY of the season.
-Polanco will stay healthy (cuz there’s 3 bench players foaming at the mouth for 
 his spot).
-Thome will make it 630.
-Blanton will lose 10 lbs.
-Pence will come thru in the playoffs. 
-Big Daddy Shane will keep on keeping.
-Mayberry will quiet his critics permanently.
-D*Brown will play his heart out (so he could be traded away in July).
-Doc will win his 3rd Cy Young.
-DB29 will finish that sit up.
-Hamels will (stop shaving) have a mustache by September.
-Blanton will gain 7 lbs.
-Raul will re-sign for less money and become a leader in the locker room.
-lil Roy will put his tail between his legs, re-sign, and ride the bullpen.
-Papelbon will be like ‘08 Lidge (and not ‘09, ‘10 & ‘11 Lidge).
-Wheels will see boobs ‘in real life.'
-the Phillies Bunts FB page will get 500 ‘likes.’
-Tommy Mac will take his shirt off in the booth.
-Vanimal will find the cure for rabies.
-As a result of Hoodwink’d, I will be hired by CSN to do a weekly Phils
 show with Amy Fadool.
-Amaro will finally get the bat we so desperately need!
-Diamond Girl will get her restraining order against Utley lifted.
-Is It 7:05 Yet? will stop running stories on Pat Burrell.
-the Wriz and the Phanatic will makeup and then make out.        
-Madson will follow suit with lil Roy.
-Blanton will gain 5 lbs.
-Lee will keep on keeping (even in the playoffs).
-Valdez will close out at least 2 games.
-Kendrick will know his role.
-Herndon will produce more runs than a midnight meal at Denny’s.
-Cholly will speak a complete sentence.
-the ‘Bunts will have their own float on Parade Day in October.
-Finally, more phans will get ‘bunted in ‘12 than ever before!



Sunday, December 11, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is JRoll Signed

All I Want for Christmas is JRoll Signed

Seasons Greetings Bunters! What has RAJ got everyone for Christmas this year? Last year, we had Clifton Phifer Lee under the tree. He went above and beyond. RAJ did something no Phillies GM had ever done. He signed the biggest free agent pitcher that was available. Remember the time Bill Giles was asked why the Phillies don't sign big time pitchers? His response was, "Pitchers break down, we don't want to commit that kind of money". Translation, "We are cheap, we are happy to spend like a small market team". Those days are, thankfully, long gone. The Phillies are now a major player anytime someone good lands in the free agent market. 

So glad to see Jim Thome back, even if it will be in a supporting role. Big Jim started it all. He was the first big time free agent to sign with the Phillies since Lance Parrish. He gave us some great years. We got to see his 400th Home Run at CBP. The Phillies started to contend for the first time in over a decade. I have heard the negatives for bringing Thome back, "He can't play the field", "He may not be a good pinch hitter since he is used to being a DH." I don't care. If the Phillies were ever going to take a chance on a guy I'm glad they picked Thome. He is total class. During this whole steroid era, his name has never come up. The guy did it the right way. If you can't root for a guy like that, who can you root for?

That brings me to Jimmy Rollins. I'm the biggest JRoll fan there is, he's my guy. Its Jimmy and the 'Big Piece' for me. I'm like those Kardashian sluts, I like me some athletic black men. Jimmy is the best shortstop this franchise ever had. He is a huge reason for this sweet run that started in 2007. He flipped the bird to the Mets to get this run going. Why no love for JRoll? When did fans start thinking of the game as a business? Everyone discussing money and years like it's their money. I want to see Jimmy flashing the leather, hitting with pop, going from 1st to 3rd in a flash.  I don't care how RAJ does it, I want Jimmy on the field playing for the Fightins. When Jimmy is doing his thing the Phillies win, pure and simple.  Isn't that what it's all about?

Keep It Classy Philly?

DB29 likes his Phillies like he likes his coffee: Black and Strong!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Miami Vice

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood

Miami Vice


-Jerry Sandusky touched more balls than Joe Blanton last season.
-The Miami Marlins spend money like my wife.
-Bunts Meet & Greet Part Deuce in the works!
-I finally broke down and joined Twitter…@therealcjhood
-The new Marlins uniform features a cancer ribbon with Reyes written on it.
-Bernie Fine will get 5 years before J*Roll will.
-The Phils are taking on more washed up athletes than the WCW.
-Diamond Girl renamed her Cabbage Patch Kid Benjamin Cooper.
-now Raul knows how Ace felt when Tommy Thayer put on the Spaceman makeup.
-Is Howard still laying on the ground?
-Buehrle would have been a nice pickup for Miami if it was 2009.
-Noogie was my boy back in the day!
-maybe we shouldn’t have won that last Braves series.
-Jose Reyes’ The Decision was aired on ESPN DEPORTES.


-MLB told Wheels the winter meetings were in Dallas, Pa.
-LIKE our other FB pages:  Papelbon’s Posse & Ray Didinger for Eagle’s Head Coach
-the Marlins are the new ‘dream team’….good luck with all of that.
-order your Bunts tshirts now before DB29 snatches up all the XXXL’s.
-If we end up with Madson then the Papelbon deal was a waste of money.
-Tony LaRussa’s still pissed.
-You know Ozzie Guillen’s talkin sh*t on us in Spanish.
-In other NL East news, the Mets just picked up a case of balls…slightly used.
-Kim Kardashian’s wedding was longer than the Phils/Pujols talks.
-word is, Andy Reid recommended to Cholly hiring Juan Castillo as their pitching coach.
-congrats to the Beastie Boys for making the RNR Hall of Fame.
-hey Miami, Herman Cain will see more action next year than Reyes will.
-we’re in the same position as we’ve been the past 2 years unless we pick up a solid bat.
-Thanks Angels.
-BREAKING NEWS: Marlins signed LeBron James & Dwyane Wade.
-60 some days til pitchers & catchers report…..let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Naughty or Nice?

If you or someone on your Christmas shopping list is like the Wriz, there isn’t much Phillies related items you don’t have already, but here is some last minute ideas if you’re still struggling to find that perfect Phillies gift.

For the impossible to buy for: Phillies posters and prints. They are done in military propaganda style. Pretty Bad ass.

For the Ladies: Something from the Victoria’s Secret Pink collection. They have some nice Phillies attire that’s not too manly for the ladies and not so ridiculously girly the true fans will snarl.

For the Kids (or adults with ADHD)  Get you favorite Phillies as a hand puppet. The look very life-like. In fact, the Halladay will stare right through you if you do it wong.

For someone who was an extra 5 grand in their pocket: Phillies Phantasy Camp. For $4,895 bucks you get to find out what its like to be a real pro baseball player. Well, almost. You have to pay for your own airfare, which sucks and you don’t get groupies which is a deal breaker.

For the incredibly stupid: Phillies season tickets. Nah, season tickets aren't dumb but paying $56,000 just to have the right to buy them is. It’s not even for next year. It’s 2012. and the douchebag still has the balls to charge $7.99 for shipping.

For my lawyers: Phillies Bunts Cookies. The cease and desist order has already been FedEx’d. Mother Fuckers won’t even give me a free sample and the Wriz loves cookies.

For the Phillies fan who has all the Jerseys and player tees: Dollar Dog tees from Phanatic Wear. While your there you can pick up a number of other tees including the coolest one on the planet right now the Philly Irish tee (Obviously, I’m excluding the Phillies Bunts tee). I’m told if like the Bunts and you spend over $50 you automatically get 20% off at checkout.

For the Phillies fan who needs all the on field authentics: Phiten necklaces. They have the Tornando one all the Phillies wear but I like this one much better and it’s cheaper too.