Monday, May 30, 2011

Kornhole's Alley: the Great Gazoo Edition

Happy Memorial Day everyone! Especially to our troops kicking ass overseas, so I can have the freedom to allow you people to enter my Kornhole!


The Mets record as of this writing is 23-28. The only reason they’re not in last place is because the Nationals are in the same division. I wanted to get to the bottom of why the Mets suck so bad, so I sat down with Mets 3rd Baseman David Wright to discuss why this team blows and the new owner.

KH – Hi David. Welcome to my Kornhole!
DW – Thanks Jim. I’m happy to be here. I love Kornholes.
KH – Let’s get right to it. Why do you blow this year?
DW – It’s not just this year. I’ve always blown. When we win. I blow. Reyes can tell you that I can suck with the best of them.
KH – Thoughts on Johan?
DW – I love the way he grips balls. You know he’s got a nasty spitter.
KH – Due tell!
DW – Let’s just say he’s an amazing pitcher and I’m quite the lucky catcher. Lucky for him I try not to eat taco bell. What amazes me is how his hands can grip my wood during our pitching and catching sessions. However, nothing ever comes of it.
KH – Tell me a little about Carlos Beltran?
DW – After each game, we go back to the locker room and play dollar dog night. It’s a lot of fun. Carlos places his wiener in-between my buns and it forces the ketchup to come out it. Sometimes it’s brown, mostly red. Depends on how much he’s into it that night.
KH – Interesting! Tell me about your new minority owner.
DW – I hate black people. Please don’t tell me we have a minority owner.
KH – Not all minorities are black you know.
DW – I hate Asians, too. I only like dark, South American men.
KH – Thank you for your time, David.
DW - Kornhole, before you go. Can you do me one favor?
KH – I’m not doing any favors for you. You’re weird.
DW – Please ask Ruben to trade for me? I really want to be a Phillie! They have some sexy guys over there, like Jose Contreas.


The pitching has been almost as good as I predicted. If you read past blogs, I ridiculed all you people for thinking that any of the so-called Big 4 or Fat Joe would be the best pitcher. I said from the beginning that the best pitcher on this team is Wilson Valdez. I told you people that he was so freaking good they named a bunch of the freaking gloves after him.

As of this writing, there are only two pitchers on this roster who have a 0.00 ERA! Yup, Valdez and Jose Contreas. Contreas is dear to us all since he used to play wiffle ball in the backyard with Jesus. How many of you can say that?
Mathension also has a 0.00 ERA but we all know that’s a sham. His WHIP is 2.33 and hitters are hitting .417 versus the stiff.

Valdez and Jose on the other hand have been magnificent. Hitters are batting only .121 against Contreas while Valdez has been even more amazing!  It’s a 0.00 batting average versus the man that Tom Hanks loved and adored so much.

Now, let’s put them up against the Phils staff:

·         Doc Halladay, you know Mr. Invincible? He doesn’t look so invincible with a 2.35 ERA now does he?
·         Cliff Lee, Mr. Cool! 3.50. Yeah, he’s soooooooo cool!
·         Cole Hamels 3.01! Whatever, go back to California.
·         Roy Oswalt 2.60! Go watch a Wilson Valdez video on how to throw a change-up.


Eugene slipped into my Kornhole last week and spoke about traveling. I have done many of the stadiums around baseball and I wanted to quickly rank the stadiums.


  1. Wrigley Field – There’s no better party, and the fans are great. I only sit in the outfield and I have a blast with the Chicago fans. I’ve been there four times now and will add a fifth at some point.
  2. Fenway Park – Okay, I know I’m doing the obvious. But, as a baseball purist, you have to rank Wrigley and Fenway as the Top 2… and I do! The fans in Boston know their baseball and love the game. You can’t say that about many places anymore.
  3. Petco – Home of the Padres. Great Stadium. Fair weather fans. I didn’t get to see them play the Phils there, but I saw a Cards-Padres game and the Cards fans over-ran the joint. It was still a really nice stadium though.
  4. Chase Field Ballpark – Home of the D-Backs. They have a pool. Nuff said.
  5. Dodger Stadium – Great views and fake fans. Who can ask for anything more? I lived out there for nine months and learned to love the stadium because that’s all the baseball I had.


  1. Shea Stadium – For one, look who plays there. Secondly, look who goes to most of the games. The Mets and their fans are one, giant dump of Turds. Though this stadium no longer exists, it still ranks #1.
  2. Jacob Field – Most overrated stadium in baseball! Not only is the city a dump times ten, but this stadium was awful! I went to an Indians-Royals game. I didn’t last two batters.
  3. Nationals Park – I went to this dump for Oswalt’s first start as a Phillie. The sightlines were okay and I liked the bar in the outfield, but the experience was depressing and rude.
  4. Old Yankee Stadium – DUMP! I don’t care about the tradition. The place was a dump with expensive beer and food. The only reason this place wasn’t second, was the historical significance the place had. I’m sure it would be in the Best Top 5 if I wrote this piece in 1975. In 2009, it was on its last legs and not an enjoyable experience.
  5. Camden Yards – Another overrated stadium. It was okay when it came out, but nothing to shoot a load over.

I didn’t include the ‘Bank’ because we all know it’s the best stadium in baseball as of this writing. It really is! And that’s not me being a kiss-ass homer. It’s also the best stadium because that chick that used to write for her blog goes there and shows off her sexy legs. What was her name again? Kimberlee? WHO CARES!


That 19 inning game was a long freaking game. The team wouldn’t have won if it weren’t for Baez, but he is the replacement to Adam EATING. Even EATING had a good game here or there. Baez is a bigger thief than Bernie Madoff, so why the hell is he on the Phillies and not stealing from that moron Fred Wilpon? Okay, so the there went 5.1 innings of scoreless baseball. That’s the most consecutive innings of scoreless baseball he’s thrown since he snapped those photos of Ruben banging his mistress.


Looks like things aren’t so rosy, are they jackass? Werth came out and used sub-text to diss his manager last week. I guess it’s the manager’s fault that the team won one game on a nine game road trip. It has nothing to do with their 7-year, 126-million-dollar “superstar” hitting only .245 with 8 Homers and 18 RBI’s.

I’m not a Werth hater. I actually think it could have been the right move for the Nats ala Phils getting Thome. But Werth isn’t Thome. Werth seems to be a jerk-off who bangs other players’ wives. I know Jen Utley is avid about PETA and all, but did she really have to give her pussy to that werthless jerk-off?


Speaking of the Nats, the Phils opened with them today. I expect a 4-2 week. They will take 2 of 3 from both the Nats and the improving Pirates.

I wish I had more time to give you more this week, but I am very busy working on another project. So, I will try and make it up to you all next. Feel free to e-mail me at!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Put A Skirt On Them Why Don't Ya!

Did I miss a memo? When did Posey become the second coming of Johnny Bench? The National media is up to their same old tired tricks. Let's anoint the next 'Great One' with a tiny sample size. Buster Posey has played a total of 160 games of Major League ball and many would enshrine him in Cooperstown if they had their way. It's the Stephen Strasberg syndrome all over again. I actually heard Bob Costas, a true professional that I respect, compare Strasburg to Nolan Ryan. Yo! Media types, Cool your jets! You’re overreacting as usual. I not here to bash Posey and I wish he didn't get hurt. I just don't like were the conversation about changing the rules is going. Let me elaborate.

Baseball has had the fewest rule changes of the four major sports over the last 100 years. There is a reason for that, they got it pretty much right from the beginning. Why does everyone want to turn Major League Baseball into the NFL? Think about it, the NFL changes major rules almost every year. Where teams kick off, what will and won't be called a penalty, Overtime in the playoffs is now different then in the regular season, etc. Don't get me started on the NHL and their regular season overtime loss/shootout stupidity. Most of the NFL rule changes are to protect their franchise players, the quarterback. Is there anyone who doesn't think the rules designed for the quarterback’s safety isn't ridiculous? Last year we saw Trent Cole get flagged for grazing Payton Manning's helmet as he passed by. Manning probably didn't even feel it. It didn't affect the play. But NFL rule states any blow to a QB's head is a 15 yard penalty. Is it flag football, two hand touch or the NFL?

Contact at the plate is part of the game. Pete Rose played the game the way it was meant to be played. Say what you want about Pete but on the field there was never a tougher competitor. For those of you, who never saw Pete Rose play, think Chase Utley, only way more intense. Pete would and did 'truck' many a catcher. Ask Ray Fosse, Pete essentially ended his career in an All Star game with a crazy collision. To this day, Ray Fosse will tell you it is part of the game. Call me 'Old School' but I want to see baseball played the way Pete played the game. I know Bruce Bochy (a former catcher and recipient of a Pete Rose forearm shiver) has stated he would like the rule changed. Bochy happens to manage the Giants so he is most affected by the loss of Buster Posey. If it happened to Chooch, Bochy would be silent on the matter, you can be sure of that.

Listening to Tim McCarver go on and on how he "doesn't want his Grandson to catch" got me thinking. My son is a catcher. He wears it as a badge of honor. It is the toughest position on the field. Kids have to be mentally tough to play the position and I'm proud to say Cole is. Hey McCarver, there is always ballet for your Grandson.

Keep It Classy Philly!


Friday, May 27, 2011

Hood Answers your Burning Questions

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
Dear Hoody

Last week I asked you to email me some questions and I gotta hand it to the Bunt’s readers…they came Full Force MD’s!!!  I received so many emails that I might have to split this edition of Hoodwink’d up into 3 pieces like that guy who can’t hold onto a wife did.  Most of the emails were from pervs looking to hookup with Diamond Girl, while others were legitimate Q’s on baseball and the like.  I don’t know how adept I am at giving advice, but hot damn I’m the Wilson Valdez of this blog staff, so let’s dig in!!!

Hey Hoodwink’d,
Do you think Joe Blanton will be traded by the July 31st deadline with Vance Worley taking the 5th spot?
Kyle D.

I think that could have been a possibility before he hit the DL, but now he’s damaged goods.  Plus we all know that Fat Joe is at his best during the 2nd half of the season.  I think Worley should continue honing his skills in Lehigh to possibly be the 5th starter next year or be used as trade bait for a bat!
Dear CJ, 
I read on MySpace that Diamond Girl’s into married guys w/kids who still sleep in Empire Strikes Back bed sheets.  Any truth to that rumor?
Truly Yours,

yo NOTDB29:
I’m not sure what diamond girl looks for in a guy, but my advice to you would be to wash those sheets and stick to the Cinemax After Dark flix (not necessarily in that order).
hola cj, 
¿cuáles son sus pensamientos sobre el juego de la liga inter? 
del sur de Filadelfia 

not sure what you’re askin, but I hope you’re not dissin!
hey cj…
I constantly hear that long toss is the best way to improve velocity. Although I'm not trying to disagree, I have had very positive results through weight lifting. Probably not the conventional method, I chose to lift without throwing much, and still have been able to increase my velocity quite a bit. Now I think I'm ready to add long toss to keep my arm from becoming too tight. I understand the concept of long toss, but I'm unsure of how to start a program. How far ? How many throws? How many days a week? And even maybe a specific program that has work for others. Thanks.
Ed via Facebook

Can I write for the Phillies Bunts?  Do you provide a meal plan?
J. Blanton

yo J,
sure and no…
Dear Mr. O’Reilly:
I would take a bullet for you….Sean Hannity, not so much.  Don’t be serendipitous…LOL.
Hopelessly Devoted,
Elmer Potts
Jupiter FLA

yo Elmer….wrong website ‘mang!!!
This question came in via YouTube:

yo partner:
u mad bro?

Mr. Hood,
Can you please get me a date with Diamond Girl?
@chriswheeler on Twitter

hey wheels:
take a number bro!

Well that's Part I of Dear Hoody.....keep the emails coming kids!!!  Utley & Contreras are back....let's get 'bunted!!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Stars & Stripes....put a Lid on it!

Sometimes, every once in a while someone comes up with a great idea, so great, they know they shouldn't keep it to or for themselves. They share it so everyone can enjoy it. Oddly enough, the specific idea I am referring to was spawned by Fred Wilpon. Yes, THAT Fred Wilpon who owns the New York Mets. 

Four seasons ago, Wilpon decided he wanted something to show support and generate donations for the Welcome Back Veterans organization which was "created to inspire Americans to give back to our returning heroes and their families." Wilpon got New Era, the official cap of MLB, involved and thus the Stars and Stripes collection was born. Each of the past 4 seasons, New Era has released a new Stars and Stripes hat. Basically, the hats are a variation of the teams regular hat but have had a red white or blue base with the teams logo in red, white and blue. (Toronto is the only exception. The Blue Jays is only red and white to pay homage to Canadian Armed Forces.)

Some of the Wriz's family and friends have served or currently serve in the military. What better way to show thanks than showing support on Memorial Day, the Fourth of July and September 11th? How about a portion of the proceeds go to Welcome Back Veterans. Very nice! Wait, WHAT? A portion? Really? New Era can't donate all the proceeds? Ahh, that’s ok its still for a good cause.

 Honestly, I can let it go. The Phillies official on field cap retails for $35.99. The Stars and Stripes retails for $36.99. The cynic in me says the donation from each hat is $1.00. Neither MLB nor New Era loses a dime. In essence, the consumer is doing the donating but New Era gets the tax benefits. I could be wrong. I am assuming. We could just ask them, right?

Well, Paul Lukas of Uniwatch did just that. the following is his account how his question during the Q&A session at the initial unvieling went:

All the materials related to this promotion say that “a portion of the proceeds” from the cap sales will go to the charity program. Can you tell us what percentage that portion is? The reason I ask is that some fans — including many who have already expressed their opinions to me as news of this initiative leaked out over the weekend — may view this program as just another merchandising program to move product and generate revenue. So what portion of the cap proceeds will go to the charity? And if it’s not 100%, why not?
And man, you could practically hear them crossing my name off their Christmas card lists. MLB PR czar Rich Levin glared at me like I’d just hocked a loogie in his cappuccino or something. “The answer is that that hasn’t been determined yet,” he growled. “But this is a charity initiative — it isn’t about generating revenue.”
“I’m not suggesting otherwise,” I responded. “But there’s a certain level of cynicism out there among some fans, so I was giving you a chance to clarify…”
“We reject that,” he snapped. “We reject the cynicism.”
And that, my friends, was the end of that. No more questions, cue the photographers for glad-handing pics. Afterward, two gentlemen who were involved with the vets’ program (i.e., not MLB employees) approached me and said, “I thought it was a very good question, and I don’t think you got much of an answer.”
I don't mind overpaying for something when it is going to charity, but the hats don't even look that good anymore. The 1st 2 were nice. I should qualify that by saying some of the team’s hats whose team colors don't include blue or red, like the Giants or Marlins, look horrendous. But the last 2 just seem like the just pumping them out to make money....or raise funds. You decide. I'll give at the office.

Special shout outs go to my nephew, CW2 Michael Brent who deployed with the 3rd Infantry Division in 2003 during the initial invasion of Iraq. He deployed again with the Pennsylvania Army National Guard's 56th Stryker Brigade, the only Stryker Brigade in the Army National Guard in 2009 and also friend, Heather, who just joined the Navy although I question her choice as to which branch to enlist in. (Absolutely nothing against the Navy, the Wriz just thinks anyone with the last name of Swallow never, EVER, needs to be refered to as Seaman)  Happy Memorial Day. Stay safe and THANK YOU for keeping us safe.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

You had to know THIS was coming

What’s up Bunters? Congrats on surviving Rapture Hysteria 2011. I KNEW the world wasn’t going to end last Saturday. Everyone knows God is a Phillies fan. He wouldn’t end the world with the CLEVELAND INDIANS having the best record in baseball now, would he?

Let’s forget about all that Rapture BS anyway… well, at least until 12/21/2012.

I’m sure by now you know this already, but I just have to shout it from the rooftops:
“He’s baaaaaaaaack!!!!!! J

And as the self appointed Phillies Bunts “Chutely” welcome back committee, I thought I’d  share the encouraging words I sent to him on behalf of this wicked ass staff:
Dear Chase:
Welcome back. Philadelphia certainly has missed you! Personally - I really, really missed you. You probably don’t remember me, but we ‘met’ a few weeks back. It was opening day and I had the luck of getting to be a part of the pre-game ceremony. You marched into CBP with the rest of the team but none of them mattered to me. You were what mattered. This was a moment I had been waiting for since you were called up in 2003. I was going to come face to face with Chase Utley.

 I hope your ear is doing OK; I can only imagine how uncomfortable it must have been when I screamed your name right in that handsome face of yours… at the top of my lungs. It’s funny how one of the most exciting moments of my life can also be one of the most embarrassing :-/ I’m sure you understand, though the look on your face at that moment didn’t exactly show that.

Anyway, let’s get down to some business.

I’m sure given the current state of the Phillies offense you were eager to jump back into the line up. The NL-leading Phillies hold an impressive 28-18 record as of Monday evening (1.5 up on the 26-19 Marlins) while getting set to start a 3 game series with the 25-22 “Sweepinatti” Reds (cute, Kornhole). What’s unsettling to me, darling, is the offense’s 12th ranked NL positioning. DB29 will undoubtedly tell me to “Relax; we don’t need no stinking offense”. But with the formidable pitching of both the Marlins and Braves (26-23, 3.5 back) I think the offense needs a little jolt. I hope you are the one to do it, as your presence and leadership amongst the Phillies is well known.

Another thing that is well known: your love to play the game. Trust me, I love NOTHING more than seeing you play at 2B. This is why I am asking you to PLEASE not over extend yourself. You are recovering from an injury that has the potential to come and go throughout your career now. I trust Uncle Chalie to make the right decisions on your playing time; I trust you to be honest about any pain or soreness you feel. Being pragmatic about your return to the field is necessary. Reality check: you’re 32 now Chase. We don’t bounce back as easily as we used to. You have the potential for a long HOF career. Go easy on yourself… and stay healthy, my friend.

Welcome back, Chase Utley.

PS: Let’s just say for shits and giggles that maybe you have peaked (oh-God-please-no-because-you’re-a-Phils-fan-too-i-know-it). In the words of Bruno Mars: “You’re beautiful, just the way you are.”

PPS: The above statement is not on the behalf of the Bunts. It’s purely mine.

Holla back Bunters! WOOT WOOT!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Road Trip!

Welcome to another week of Kornhole Alley. I wasn’t able to put together something this week due to a personal matter so I found somebody who writes better articles than me anyway. Below is Eugene’s guest spot for this week’s Kornhole’s Alley.

As Phillies fans we get to watch the majority of our team’s games at Citizens Bank Park. After a few seasons, we’ve all become accustomed to where our favorite vendor spots to hit up are at. If I want a Yuengling I know where to go for it, and when the mood strikes I know exactly where to go for a Schmitter. I know where I like to park and I know where I like to sit. What about road games? That gets a bit more difficult due to the fact that we’re unfamiliar on another team's turf.
I haven’t travelled as much to see the Phillies as I have to see the Flyers, but I’ve done some good trips and whether they’ve won or the lost most of the time I’ve had a good time. As a visiting fan, you have to be prepared if the Phils lose you’ll get some trash talk, and if they win the home fans will automatically pull out the "Philly fans are the worst" cliché. I’m going to go over a few of the places I’ve traveled. I’ll even throw in a few things I would recommend about the city to try so if you ever find yourself in one of these places you might have an easier time then someone without any recommendations.

The first Phillies trip I ever took was to see the Phillies take on the Cubs at the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. Prior to the trip, there was a slight chance the series was going to be shifted to U.S. Cellular. This was because part of the stands had concrete falling from them posing a danger to the fans below. Fortunately for us, the city of Chicago deemed it safe and as a precaution the Cubs put safety netting throughout the stadium.

This was my first time in Chicago and on the way to the stadium I was lost and several people realized who I was and instead of giving me directions simply said "Good luck finding Wrigley Field," but I was able to find my way and before walking in I walked around the stadium to take in the sights and heard a lot of trash talking from the roof tops. It was nothing severe it was just "You Suck" and other simple things. During the game, I remember the fans in my area being polite and showing good baseball etiquette so I won’t go into trashing the fans.

The games while I was there is a different story. I had tickets to the Friday and Sunday games. Saturday was a day to see the city. Friday, the Phillies jumped out to a quick lead on home-runs by Bobby Abreu and Pat Burrell. Both would go on to hit two homers each, but the Phillies would drop the game by a score of 10-7 in a game that had eight home runs hit. So yes, the wind was blowing out that day at Wrigley. The next day was the MLB trade deadline and I didn’t have tickets to the game so I called my family and spent the day with my cousins watching the game that the Phillies won across the street. The rubber match was another Cubs win by a score of 6-3. This game was also Nomar Garciaparra’s first game with the Cubs after being dealt there the previous day.

The following season, I did see a game at U.S. Cellular in a game between the Sox and Dodgers. It doesn’t have the same aura as Wrigley, but I like the environment better there. Unless you count being herded to our seats like cattle to prevent people with upperdeck seats from walking around the lower concourse after highly publicized incidents of fans attacking players and umpires. The concessions I remember getting were hot dogs and Chicago’s Old Style beer. If you go to Chicago I recommend you check out the bar scene if that’s your thing. The bars are open ridiculously late and I remember getting in at five and being annihilated.

Last season after the Phillies got Roy Oswalt in a trade with the Astros, I called up a few friends, including Kornhole’s Alley writer, Jim Korhan, to go down and welcome him to the red pinstripes. We weren’t the only ones making the trek down there as hundreds of Phillies fans made the drive down south to Citizens Bank Park Jr, or CBP South in Washington D.C. The game sucked and the prices were too high. The fans had no etiquette and we missed half the game as fans were continually walking up and down during at bats. They don’t have a please wait until the at bat is finished policy, and it was very frustrating. Add that to the fact that the Phillies were playing a terrible game it made for a bad night.
Korhan and I decided to walk around the stadium and see what they had to offer. Quite honestly, it’s nothing in my opinion. Don’t let this persuade you not to go though. If you do buy the cheapest tickets and just go out into the bar in center field. The beer selection is better than the rest of the stadium and it’s the best environment in the stadium. We stood there for two innings and no one said anything to us. If you find yourself attending a game in D.C., I recommend finding the exit as quickly as possible and leaving. Just kidding. I suggest you take a ride up New York Avenue and check out the Kentucky Fried Chicken we stopped at.

By far the best trip I’ve been on was the trip I took to San Diego last year. The Phillies won both games I was at and the stadium was full of Phillies fans. It was like Citizens Bank Park South West. There weren’t many Padres fans there that would trash talk since it was mostly a family affair out there. After the game, we found a few fans who would yell things about our reputation, but nothing serious. The stadium, in my opinion, is awesome. I know some who don’t agree, but I loved the palm trees out there and the park out in center field was great. One of the games, I attended people were allowed to bring their dogs and it was quite a site to see a parade of dogs on the field prior to the game.
The games were both Phillies wins. The tickets we bought were OK for the first game considering we walked up to the box office. We were put in the second deck in right field, but it was a good view. The next day was an afternoon game and I decided to try Stub Hub and found great tickets for a great price. We sat just below the Western Metal Supply building in left field and it shaded us very quickly after we got there. The section for the second game was almost all Phillies fans. We were the first to arrive and Padres fans said we picked a bad section to sit. For the next half hour, Phillies fans were piling in until the Padres fans were outnumbered and were upset there were so many of us. The one downside of the stadium is that you can’t walk around the lower level without having to go up and down steps a few times. The outfield is a lot lower than the rest of the stadium so therefore you have to walk down the steps. It’s really only an issue if you’re drunk though, so I guess it’s not bad.

I’m partial to San Diego since I was stationed in the area while in the Marine Corps. The city has so much to offer. Beaches, bars, restaurants, Sea World and of course the world famous San Diego Zoo. The zoo was amazing. There was too much to see in one day. The nightlife is great if you’re in the gas lamp. We ate at a place called Brian’s 24 and the portions were enormous and were so good. Also if you want to drive, in Carlsbad California which is forty minutes north there’s a good night life also. For breakfast, we did the Broken Yolk which also has ridiculously large portions and was featured on Man vs. Food.

After those trips, I still see CBP as home sweet home. I could go further into it, but this is already long and I want people to actually read it.
To view more of the San Diego photos click here

Thanks Eugene. I have traveled to many parks around the league myself. Living in California for a year I had the priviledge of visiting many on the left coast.

Quick tidbits for the week from Kornhole:

-- Last week’s article I discussed the Phillies offensive woes and screamed not to worry. I believe I also guaranteed an offensive explosion. I was wrong about the explosion but I still feel people are panicking.

This team is trecking out there Mike Martinzez, Pete Orr, a freaking Sardine, Wilson Valdez amongst others night after night. Fear not my friends. Chase Utley returns tonight. He may not come out hitting like Ichiro but he will help this offense. Let’s see what happens over the next two months. I believe that the Rube will make a move.
The Phightins embark on a four game homestand with the Sweepinati Reds. It’s the return of everyone’s favorite Phillie. The Icon of Philadelphia the one and only Vance Worley. Vance fills in for Fat Joe Tuesday and will pitch a dominating 6 innings but it won’t be enough.
I think the Phils actually split with the Reds this week and take 2 of 3 from the Mets. A 4-3 record. I honestly believe the offense will continue to struggle until next week when they bombard Washington and the official "Hitting Season" that Charlie speaks of officially begins.
I’ll be back in full swing next week. Thanks Eugene for another great article. And don’t forget to e-mail me at Peace out Cracka’s! Go Phightins!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

How I Hate The American League...Let Me Count The Ways!

Interleague play started this weekend...Yawn. The natural rivalries are ok, Yankees/Mets, Cubs/White Sox, Giants/A's. But do we really need a Toronto Blue Jays/Houston Astros matchup? Really? This is the best MLB can come up with? I know more Interleague games are to come but 75% of them make no sense. It's a decent novelty at best, the less American League I see the better.  Here is why.

The f'in DH! How do the National League and American League have different rules? How did this happen? The American League adopted the ‘Cheater Rule’ in 1973 to increase offense in the hope of increasing attendance. Imagine if the NFL instituted a rule were when a quarterback decided to run everyone froze and the QB was replaced with a running back. You know, they could protect their franchise player with someone who could also run the ball better. That's exactly what the DH rule is, stupid. The game was over 100 years old at the time, why did it need to be fixed? It didn't. The last two Phillies victories were very entertaining, Halladay and Lee doing their thing. Who can't appreciate great pitching? The designated hitter takes all the strategy out of the game. Forget small ball, the American League style is, 'Play for the 3 run bomb'. Situational hitting, sacrifice bunting, pitchers helping themselves, all out the window. I hate the DH, always have, and always will. If Bud Selig ever institutes the DH in the National League I will personally pull a 'Navy Seal Team 6' on his ass.

Why does it seem like all the douche bags in baseball play in the American League? Ok, Jose Reyes still plays in the National League for now, but still. A-Roid, Jorge Posada, Kevin Youkilis, Milton Bradley, oh sorry the Mariners released his angry ass. Speaking of Posada, where does he get off crying about where he is in the lineup with a .160 batting average? Why does he feel the Yankees owe him a spot in the lineup when his numbers make Wilson Valdez look like an All Star? I know what his problem is, he can't adjust to the DH position because he can't talk to the pitcher after every pitch from the bench. So glad his catching days are over, I actually saw this ass clown go to the mound 9 times in one inning. He needs to go away. Maybe he can take the DH rule with him.

My biggest problem with the American League is the National Media thinks it's a superior league. They point to that stupid exhibition in July for proof. What counts most in sports? Championships? In the last 10 years the National League has won five World Series, same as the American League.

I can't wait till June. We get to see the Pittsburgh Pirates take on the Baltimore Orioles. I'll be on the edge of my seat...ZZZZZ!

Keep It Classy Philly!


Saturday, May 21, 2011

What if.....?

As a fan of Philadelphia sports have you ever wondered what if…..? What if the Giants never picked up Cody Ross? What if the Phillies didn’t come back in 2007? Here’s one I’m sure someone thought of, but I never heard. What if the Phillies were the ones who left town in 1954. What if the Phillies moved to Kansas City and later Oakland? What would they be called? The Oakland Oakies, Oakland Californians? Or would they name it something different altogether? What and who would we have missed? What have we missed?
The Philadelphia Athletic’s played fifty-four seasons in Philadelphia before moving due to Kansas City. The Athletic’s were a charter members of the National League. They were also a charter member of the American League. In the first thirty years of their franchise they won nine pennants and five World Series Championships. Even today that makes the Philadelphia Athletic’s the most successful sports team in Philadelphia sports history. The last twenty-four years weren’t as kind to the A’s as the first twenty-nine. Due to a decline in interest the A’s were sold and moved to Kansas City leaving only one baseball team in the city, our beloved Phillies.
  • 1954 – Athletic’s play their last game in Philadelphia on September 19, 1954 in a 4-2 loss to the New York Yankees.
  • 1954 – A’s last win as the Philadelphia A’s on September 26, 1954 in an 8-6 win over the Yankees at Yankee Stadium.
  • 1955-1967 – The A’s call Kansas City their home during this time, and literally nothing exciting happened during their time. The only notable thing to mention was that the A’s became a major league farm team for the New York Yankees as the A’s owner made ridiculous trades to the team whose stadium he owned prior to owning the A’s
  • 1968 – The A’s move to Oakland which to this day is still their home. And to this day they still play in the same shitty stadium.
  • 1968 – Catfish Hunter throws a perfect game against the Minnesota Twins.
  • 1970 – Vida Blue throws a No-Hitter against the Minnesota Twins.
  • 1972 – The A’s win the first of three World Series titles in the 1970’s.
  • 1973 – Win their second world series in as many years.
  • 1974 – Win their third consecutive World Series Title.
  • 1975 – The A’s have a four pitcher effort in another no-hitter against the California Angels.
  • 1979 - The A’s turn two triple plays in a matter of four days.
  • 1980 – Rickey Henderson steals 100 bases
  • 1982 – Rickey Henderson steals a Major League Record 130 bases.
  • 1983 – Mike Warren throws a no hitter against the Chicago White Sox.
  • 1986 – Jose Canseco wins Rookie of the Year
  • 1987 – Mark McGwire wins Rookie of the Year and belts out a rookie record 49 Home Runs.
  • 1988 – A’s win AL Pennant losing the World Series to the L.A. Dodgers in five games.
  • 1989 – A’s win World Series in a 4 game sweep of the San Fransisco Giants in what is known as the Earthquake World Series.
  • 1990 – Dave Stewart throws a no hitter vs. the Toronto Blue Jays.
  • 1990 – A’s win AL Pennant, but lose in the World Series to the Cincinnati Reds.
  • 1991 - Rickey Henderson becomes the all time steals leader when he steals his 939th stolen base against the N.Y. Yankees breaking Lou Brock’s record. Afterwards he callously says he’s the "greatest of all time" He would have been cheered forever if he said that in Philadelphia. And if you think I’m wrong, think of the reception Jimmy Rollins received when he said the Phillies were the team to beat.
  • 2010 – A’s pitcher Dallas Braden tosses the franchise’s 2nd perfect game. Only the 19th in Major League History against the Tampa Bay Rays on May 9 and first ever against the team with the best record in the majors at the time of the game.

Hall of Famers who played for the A’s
Bold were inducted as A’s players
Kansas City A’s
Tommy Lasorda
Luke Appling
Lou Boudreau
Whitey Herzog
Satchel Paige
Enos Slaught

Oakland A’s
Orlando Cepeda
Rollie Fingers
Catfish Hunter
Willie McCovey
Billy Williams
Dennis Eckersley
Goose Gossage
Reggie Jackson
Joe Morgan
Don Sutton
Rickey Henderson
Dick Williams


As a fan of the Phillies have you ever wondered what it would be like if they weren’t here anymore? We wouldn’t have had 1980 or 2008, but we would have had the Oakland A’s four World Series titles. Does that make you wish the A’s stayed in Philadelphia and the Phillies left town so you had a team with nine World Series titles in 110 years as opposed to the Phillies two titles in 128 years?
Philadelphia fans hate to lose more than anything else, but we are all loyal to the all time losing team in the history of sports. Our team is the first team to reach the 10,000 loss milestone, and as much as we hate to lose did we dread it? Um…oddly enough we celebrated it? Were Phillies fans actually rooting for them to lose to reach a milestone that no other team was within a few hundred losses of catching up to? It’s not as if they were going to give up the lead to the Atlanta Braves who currently have 278 losses less than the Phillies, and played seven more seasons than the Fightins’. The Phillies are currently 1097 games below .500 in their history. Teams that have been in the Major Leagues for 18 less seasons have more wins than the Phillies.
Despite the Phillies history of losing this is about the Phillies from the time that the Athletic’s left the city leaving the Phillies the only team in town. Since the A’s left town the Phillies have finished at .500 or better 28 times, and finished with a losing record 27 times. Their overall record during this time is 4391-4493. The A’s on the other hand have had 30 seasons with a losing record and only 25 at .500 or higher. Their overall record is 4384-4504. So throughout the 55 season the Phillies have won only seven more games than the A’s. The A’s have lost eleven more games than the Phillies.

What we would have missed
  • 1964 – Jim Bunning throws the first perfect game in Phillies history.
  • 1964 – The Phillies had a 6 ½ game lead over the St. Louis Cardinals with twelve games to play. The Phillies go on a ten game losing streak and finish one game behind the Cardinals losing the pennant. The Cardinals won the World Series that season.
  • 1971 - Rick Wise throws a no hitter against the Cincinnati Reds.
  • 1972 – Steve Carlton earns 27 wins, a 1.98 ERA and became the first Phillies pitcher to have over 300 strike outs. This during a season the Phils only won 59 games. Carlton wins the Cy Young award as the best pitcher in baseball.
  • 1977 – Steve Carlton wins his second Cy Young Award.
  • 1978 – The Phillies add what is quite possibly the mascot in all of sports history on April 25,
  • 1978 the Phillies introduce the Phillie Phanatic to the city.
  • 1980 – FINALLY! After 97 years of losing and heartbreaking losses the Phillies have finally won a World Series defeating the Kansas City Royals in six games.
  • 1980 – Steve Carlton wins his third Cy Young Award.
  • 1982 – Steve Carlton wins his fourth Cy Young Award.
  • 1983 – The Phillies lost to the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series losing the series four games to one.
  • 1983 – John Denny wins the Cy Young Award.
  • 1987 – Michael Jack Schmidt hits his 500th career home run off the Pittsburgh Pirates Don Robinson.
  • 1987 – Steve Bedrosian wins the Cy Young after posting 40 saves.
  • 1990 – Terry Mulholland throws a no hitter against the San Fransisco Giants.
  • 1991 – Tommy Greene throws a no hitter versus the Montreal Expos.
  • 1993 – The Phillies win 97 games and beat the Atlanta Braves to win the Pennant and eventually lose to the Toronto Blue Jays in a six game series remembered for Joe Carter’s walk off home run.
  • 1997 – The Phillies Scott Rolen wins Rookie of the Year.
  • 2003 – Kevin Millwood tosses a no hitter against the San Fransisco Giants.
  • 2004 – The Phillies begin play in their brand new state of the art stadium Citizens Bank Park. That seems to have tuned this era of Phillies baseball into the best in franchise history.
  • 2005 – The Big Man Ryan Howard wins rookie of the year after belting out 22 home runs in only 88 games.
  • 2006 – In only his second MLB season Ryan Howard earns NL MVP honors after hitting 58 home runs and driving in 149 runs.
  • 2007 – With 17 games remaining the Phillies trailed the NY Mets by seven games. The Phillies won 13 of those 17 games to pass the Mets and win the NL East for the first time since 1993. The Phillies would go on to be swept by the Colorado Rockies in the playoffs.
  • 2007 – For the second consecutive season a member of the Fightin Phils was named NL MVP. This time it was Jimmy Rollins bringing home the honors.
  • 2008 – After making the playoffs on the final day of the regular season the Phillies went into the playoffs on a high not and went on to beat the Milwaukee Brewers three games to 1, and then took on the LA Dodgers in the NLCS knocking them out in five games. The Phillies next faced the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series where they beat them in five games in a series that saw the clinching game delayed for two days before the Phillies could taste champagne.
  • 2008 – Shane Victorino and Matt Stairs home runs in the 8th inning of game four of the NLCS that put the Phillies up two runs and gave them momentum to close out the series against the Dodgers.
  • 2008 – Game three of the Fall Classic was delayed for two hours and the game didn’t start until after 10 o’clock eastern time. The game was won off a dribbler by Carlos Ruiz at almost 2 o’clock in the morning.
  • 2008 – Game four of what is shaping up to be a memorable World Series sees the Phillies starting pitcher Joe Blanton hit a home run into the left field seats and seems to give the Phillies their final push before claiming the title of champions.
  • 2008 – Cole Hamels is named World Series MVP.
  • 2009 – This season got off to a tragic start as long time Phillies Hall of Fame Broadcaster Harry Kalas died in Washington D.C. while preparing for an afternoon game between the Phillies and the Nationals.
  • 2009 – For the first time in Phillies history they reached the Fall Classic in consecutive seasons. This time it wouldn’t be as magical as 2008 was with the Phillies losing to the NY Yankees in six games. Game one however was one of the best playoff performances in Phillies post season history in a game pitched by newcomer Cliff Lee.
  • 2010 – On May 29, 2010 Phillies ace Roy Halladay pitched the second perfect game in Phillies history in a 1-0 shutout of the Florida Marlins.
  • 2010 – Yet again the Phillies are the NL East Champions, in fact the fourth consecutive season standing atop the division. The Phillies won 97 games and were primed to go deep into the playoffs riding their three headed monster rotation. The first playoff game gave Phillies fans exactly what they thought they would see as Roy Halladay threw his second no hitter of the year and only the second no hitter in MLB post season history against the Cincinnati Reds. The Phillies would dispose of the Reds in a three game sweep and would be knocked out in six games by eventual World Series Champion San Fransisco Giants.
  • 2010 – Roy Halladay wins the Cy Young Award.
  • 2011 – Heading into the season with what many in baseball to consider one of the best rotations in baseball history. Led by last year’s ace Halladay, and bringing back Cliff Lee to go with Roy Oswalt and 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels the Phillies hope to bounce back after last season’s early departure from the playoffs.

Since the A’s left:Phillies have had 28 seasons at .500 or higher to the A’s 25.
A’s have had 30 seasons below .500 to the Phillies 27.
Phillies have won 4,391 games since than to the A’s wining 4,384. That’s is only seven more wins in 55 seasons of baseball. Which was overcome last season.
A’s have lost 4,504 to the Phillies 4,493. A’s have lost eleven more games
A’s have four World Series Titles to the Phillies two.
A’s have won six Pennants to the Phillies five.

The Players we would have missed.
Robin Roberts
Richie Ashburn
Jim Bunning
Rick Wise
Ruben Amaro (not quite as significant, but it paved the way for Ruben Amaro Jr. who is the man behind Cliff Lee x’s 2, Roy Halladay and Roy Oswalt. Not officially, but, my opinion.
Steve Carlton
Mike Schmidt
Pete Rose
Larry Bowa
John Kruk
Tug McGraw
Danny Tarta…BULL SHIT.
Ryan Howard
Chase Utley
Jimmie Rollins
Charlie Manuel-not a player, but he’s uncle chalie
Cliff Lee
Roy Oswalt
Roy Halladay
Cole Hamels

Regardless of World Championships the Phillies are the team that Philadelphia chose in the 50’s to be their hometown team. Philadelphia isn’t big enough for two MLB teams. Yeah, it would be great to say that our baseball teams has nine World Series titles, but since I’ve been born it would be tied at 1. Going my entire life without seeing a championship made 2008 so much more worth it. I remember just before they closed Market and Broad for the Parade I drove down with an air horn just to get the crowd going. We love our Phillies, and if we had the A’s right now, we’d have one of the cheapest teams in the majors. CBP might not exist if it wasn’t for the A’s leaving town. Hell, the Phillie Phanatic might not be our beloved mascot. If the A’s stayed in town and we had a mascot it would be an elephant. Imagine a baseball team having an elephant for a mascot when it’s zoo doesn’t even have elephants.

I know in the 90’s the Phillies were known to be cheap, but the Phillies have turned the page and now it’s a love story between the Phillies and the fans. The Phillies captured everyone’s hearts a little over two years ago, and the fans are showing their appreciation by showing up every game. So, I for one am not disappointed that the A’s left town. It happened twenty-seven years before I was born. All I’ve ever known and loved has been the Fightin’ Phils.