Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A New Dope

Hoodwink’d                by  cj hood
A New Dope

I decided to do a Star Wars parody in honor of the Phillies 1st Annual Star Wars Night this Friday; Aug 22nd.  I planned on taking my family to this, but I’ve decided not to waste the money.  Jabba the Hutt cares more about his weight than the Phils care about winning.  Word to Salacious B. Crumb!  Irregardless (not a real word), the team sucks and Emperor Montgomery said today that he has no plan on firing Darth Amaro which means we’ll suck til Star Wars 9 is released.  So pop some popcorn, grab some Rolos and get ready for a space opera Philadelphia style…


A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....

It is a period of a terrible season.
The Phillies are on there way to a second
consecutive losing season while fans are
rebelling against the evil Ruben Amaro Jr.

During the season, fan spies managed
to steal secret plans to RAJ’s
ultimate weapon, his wallet, a
blank check with enough power
to field a team with 25 has-beens.

Pursued by RAJ’s sinister agents,
Princess Cole races home aboard his
starship, custodian of the stolen plans
that can save his team and restore
freedom to the NL East...

the cast…

Darth Vader:  Ruben Amaro Jr (half cyborg/half idiot)
Princess Leia Organa:  Cole Hamels  (pretty & fare)
Luke Skywalker:  Chase Utley (beloved hero)
Han Solo:  Paps (loud, brazen & fearless)
Obi-Wan Kenobi:  Cholly (just the ghost cuz Darth Amaro killed him)
Chewbacca:  Ryan Howard (should be a beast but really a push over)
C-3PO:  Domic Brown (tall, lanky, talks a good game)
R2D2:  Chooch (short but takes care of biz)

sequel characters…

Emperor Palpatine:  David Montgomery
Lando Calrissian:  J*Roll (can’t trust that smile)
Jabba the Hutt:  Joe Blanton (f’ it)
Boba Fett:  Marlon Byrd (mad skillz/fan favorite)
Wicket the Ewok:  Ben Revere (small but carries his own)
Yoda:  Netfather Bill (wise and old)

Phillies Star Wars is different from the real Star Wars in which Darth Amaro runs wild til a legion of Buntamaniacs run him out of town.  However, this will take 9 installments as well…which kinda sucks.  Hey, we won a series (Mariners) today…May the Bunts be with you!!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Time Will Tell

As I listen to the supposed experts, they keep telling the Wriz over and over that the Phillies have 4-5 years before they have a legitimate chance to contend. Well, anyone who actually reads this blog know theres only one true expert and that's The Wriz and he says that's horse shit. The Phillies can be contenders in 2 years. Yep, by the 2016 the Phillies could be back in the mix. I said "could" not "will" because there are several things that must take place before its even a possibility.

#1 Fire Amaro. I've said all along Amaro was a piece of shit and now everyone agrees with me. The fact he hasn't be canned already leads me to believe he'll be here at least into 2015, which automatically pushes back when the Phillies could be competitive. Unfortunately, its not as simple as if hes here another year it will take one year longer for the Phils to return to prominence. The Phillies tradable pieces are aging the time to move them is NOW. I said I would have trade Ruiz, Utley and even Hamels when they were in the last year of  contracts. And its no different now.

#2 Trade/Cut/Retire the vets. Sure Howard, Rollins and the aforementioned 08 core brought us some of the memories we will never forget but that was nearly six years ago. Its time to move on and necessary to be competitive sooner rather than later.

#3 The Phillies must keep spending money. The Phillies had for years operating like a small market team trading success for profits. The new Comcast deal infuses the team with a boatload of cash but the kid who for years watch the Fightins bring in has beens and retreads on the cheap says the faceless owners pocket that moolah and live the high life in the shadows.

Ok, so lemme piece it all together for you. The Phillies fire Amaro and bring in a competent GM. I'd like to see them bring in David Forst, the assistant GM from the A's. He learned under Billy Beane and if he can combine Moneyball with actual money who knows what could happen. You trade whatever veteran players you can and get prospects. Get as many blue chippers as you can but I'd rather see "high ceiling" prospects who are 19 and 20 than suspect major league talent who are ML ready now. The reason for that is because by trading Lee, Utley, Rollins etc you'll have all that money to bring in free agents and thus retain the ability to be competitive.

The more astute the GM is at signing free agents will determine what's next. Either you are ready to contend and can flip the prospects for major league level help or if the teams not ready let them develop in the minors, but yeah its all 3 criteria or its the long haul before we're talking about Red October again.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

P.S. # 4 Keep Paps! 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Midterm Report

Hoodwink’d                       by cj hood
Midterm Report
I have to apologize in advance my fellow Buntamaniacs.  This edition of Hoodwink’d will not spit fire like yesterday’s Wriz Wednesday piece…oh wait.  Anywho, the All Star break is just about over so let’s assess our Phightans (or lack thereof) before they kick off the second half in Atlanta on Friday.
Chooch:  C-  He had a good May, but got hurt.  I wouldn’t mind if he was moved.

Cody Asche:  B-  Also saw the DL, but I like this kid.  Needs to work on his D.
J*Roll:  B  I thought he’d mail it in after breaking Schmidt’s record, but I was wrong.  Like Stella, he got his groove back and he seems more pissed off when he’s not doing well.  He’s gotta ‘new attitude’ like Philly’s own Patti Labelle and I like it!
Chase:  A   He’s the man and a Phillie for life.  Don’t trade him and stop asking him about being     traded. Trading Utley would be like trading a heart for 2 good thumbs.  Drop it bro!
D*Brown:  D  Send him back to Lehigh.  His game is about as reputable as Malaysian Airlines.
Sizemore: B?  Too early to grade, but I like what I see.  If Netfather Bill backs him then so do I!
Byrd:  A    I haven’t loved a bird this much since I hit puberty.  I’m gonna hate to see him go.
Ben Revere:  B   Only because you have the highest batting average on the team.  He still lacks some fundamentals though (ie  fielding & base running).
Bench:  C-  Mayberry & Gwynn Jr are ok.  The rest of them aren’t worth mentioning now that Frandsen  is gone.
Cole:  A-   I feel for you bro.  It’s like you own a record company and your biggest act is Leif Garret.  #zerohits
Lee:  B+   Last year’s Cole.  Hope he could bounce back from his injury.
AJ Burnett:  B    He’s seemed to come around after a few shaky starts.  Hope we could get some offense for him.
KK:  C   You’re the Dominic Brown of pitching.  I won’t be mad if he gets traded.
Buchanan:  B+  I like this guy! I don’t like him like DB29 likes the Real Housewives of New Jersey (He doesn’t read the blog anymore), but I think he’s going to be a great 4th or 5th starter for us.
Hernandez:  D+  (This grade exists…I got it in college)  Dude’s like KK with a nicer tan.  Not impressed.
Bullpen et al:  B+    Shaky start, but really came thru for a team with zero offense.  F’ Papelbon & can’t wait to see him leave. With names like Ken ‘My Angel is a Centerfold’ Giles Band &            Jeff(erson) ‘We Built this City on Rock N Roll’ Manship , this pen is bound to get more interesting.
And last, but definitely last…
Ryan Howard:  F-  You had 2 good years and got paid handsomely by a GM who has no business being a GM.  I cannot understand how in good conscience you can continue cashing your paycheck.  NFL players redo their contracts for the good of the team all the time.  Why can’t
 you?  I say cut him like the Eagles cut DeSean Jackson.  I know the circumstances are different, but F’ it…take the loss.  I recommended a $3 surcharge be added to all tickets so the fans could buy out his contract.  As long as Ryan Howard is a Phillie, this team will continue looking back at 2008 instead of focusing on the future.  The organization needs to show the fan base that they are serious about winning.  Getting rid of Howard is step one!!!
I predicted in April that the Phillies would cop the 2nd Wild Card.  That is obviously not going to happen, but there’s a slim chance that they could still win this division.  That of course depends on a gaggle of things coming together.  Time will tell I guess.  I hope they don’t shit the bed before Aug 22 cuz it’s their first annual Star Wars night and I’d really like to take the family to that game.  However, there’s no way I’m dropping a few hundred dollars to watch a team implode like the Death Star.  So may the force be with you and here’s hoping that Pap goes out like Jabba the Hutt.  Hey, we got new Phillies Bunts stickers in stock……let’s get ‘Bunted!!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

MG4 Wrap-Up & the like

Hoodwink’d               by cj hood
MG4 Wrap-Up & the like
Another successful Phillies Bunts outing has passed and with World Cup type attendance it did not disappoint.  Meet & Greet IV: The Search for Diamond Girl definitely lived up to its hype because she was nowhere to be found.  Irregardless (not a real world) of an anemic ball club , surprise graduation parties & lack of Timmy ‘the leg’ cuisine: DB29, Wriz & myself entertained legions of ‘Buntamaniacs with cold beer& quick wit.  Like Adrock crooned in Professor Booty, ‘I’d like to thank the people for just showing up.’  So with that I’d like to give a shout out to our old friends as well as our new compadres.  Until we meet again at MGV….stay cool.
Now to the Phillies…
Dear Phillies:  It’s tough to write weekly blogs, generate hype on our FB page and attract new ‘Buntamaniacs when all you do is suck!!!  So start hitting the ball and win some games.
I’m going to make this short & sweet cuz it’s been beat like a comatose Mr. Ed.  THE PHILLIES CAN’T HIT!!!  That’s the main issue.  If 5 out of the nine could put the ball in play then they could easily overcome weak pitching and a sketchy bullpen. Everyone says Ruben needs to go (agreed) and we should sell.  Sell what?  We only have 2 guys who could hit: Utley & Byrd; no one wants Howard’s contract and we only have 2 pitchers and one of them is hurt.  So, sell Pap (DeFratus can close); Burnett, J*Roll (if he agrees) and Chooch (if anyone wants him), but only if you’re getting some offense in return.  If you’re not getting bats in return then you might as well keep the team you have.  Getting rid of Victorino, Pence, & Blanton hasn’t helped us put runs on the board.  So don’t sell just to sell…it’s stupid.  Moreover, I often wonder if we should have just paid Victorino & Werth and called it a day.  Although Vic has been hurt they’re a much better option than Brown, Revere, Mayberry et al. 
On a lighter note, Mike Schmidt got to meet me last weekend….lets get ‘bunted!!!

No Words

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Got No Words
Bill needs a hug
I sit here this Sunday staring at my screen, wondering where the words will come from. While most of you were at the Meet N Greet downing beers, I was doing laundry. While you were busy snapping pics and then going into the game, I was just getting home from the grocery store. I figured at least it was game time, just *MAYBE* it might be worth watching. But then, in 6th inning, the stream broke and I never got it back. No matter, the game ended with us losing 3-2 so I missed nada. Why does this make sense?
As this season has worn on it was pretty much the same roller coaster as last year. Win a few, lose a few more, rinse and repeat. 2 weeks ago I had a glimmer of hope, sweep ATL @ ATL then win the first two in STL. I allowed myself to start thinking cool, Cliff will be back soon and Asche is hot. Then reality set in... lose 8 of the next 10 and get swept 4 at home by ATL. This season is just about over in Philly and I can't get by that thought. So this piece may well be my swan song.
Before you throw things at me, let me say the Phillies are my team now until I die. They have been since 1958. But after 56 years I've seen the entire gamut with them. My only regret is never seeing them in a World Series game. After today, I have to wonder if I'm going to live long enough to see them in another World Series, because the prospects appear dim at the moment. We are old, slow, and rangeless in the field. At the plate.... BAH HUMBUG! Howard has been up 97 times with runners in scoring position and is batting a cool .232. This inspires greatness NOT. Rollins, since passing Schmidt for the all time lead, has returned to king of the popup. Even Utley, after April he can't be hitting more than .260 because he's barely at .290 now. Don't get me wrong, he should still be the all star 2B and always gives 110%. But people, without these guys in their heyday, and role players like we *USED* to have, we are exactly where we belong... at the bottom of the division. The farm is pretty much bare, with one of the brighter hopes leaving baseball apparently because of his mental state. Seriously where do we go from here? It's getting more difficult to watch them every day, even without streams breaking mid game.
Wriz and CJ, I apologize for lack of production this year. It's just that for every slight glimmer we see, it's followed by a deep dark storm of insanity... both on the field and in the front office. Even the most novice fan can see we're fuct with our pants up, the worst possible way. I don't know if or when I may be able to write another piece of substance again this season. It's gonna take a big turn of events for that to happen, and at this moment I have no more words either way.
                                                                Bill S aka/netfather
Bet Howard doesn't need Bill to hit that!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014


Hoodwink'd  by cj hood

Top 10 Reasons to go to Meet & Greet IV: The Search for DiamondGirl

10. Phils swept the Braves in Atlanta last week. So the chances of them probably winning are pretty good.
9. Asche's back!
8. Games for the kids including 'Pin the beard on the Wriz'
7. Oily Sausage
6.  Dom 'former All Star' Brown jersey giveaway.
5. Live entertainment from DB29 (His impression of a Bunts blogger is spot on).
4. CB Park anticipates at least 2500 fans on Sunday so there'll be plenty of leg room.
3. The first 100 Buntamaniacs to show up to the K lot @ the Linc get a free 8x10 glossy of CJ Hood.
2. Timmy 'the leg's' cooking!
1. Robin won't be there!!!

See you kids on Sunday...let's get 'bunted!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A Formal Affair

Hoodwink’d  by cj hood
A Formal Affair Part I 

What up kids?  BREAKING NEWS:  Our team blows!  But I’m not one to yell, curse and kick the dog over this pathetic excuse for a ball club.  Instead, I light a candle, put on some slow muzac and put my anger onto the pages of my marble notepad.  Like Chuck D of Public Enemy once crooned, ‘When I get mad, I put it down on a pad…give you something that you never had.’  So based on that shiz, I’ve decided to class this blog up and share with you some of the tasteful pieces I’ve penned while watching this atrocity.  I’m a start it off with a funky-ass haiku…

I don’t know this team
Who the hell is Reid Brignac?
Sounds like a porn name


Ode to Chase:
Without Chase
we’d have no wins.
No heart on the team.
No team.
No heart.


There once was a man named Amaro,
who lived for today, not tomorrow.
He mortgaged the farm,
gave out contracts that harmed,
And now the city just sulks in its sorrow.


Pop up, pop up, pop
Ben Revere can’t bunt for shit
Take a lead off third


B is for the Balls every first batter gets
A is for your Ass that children try to pet
S is for the Strikes I think you had a few
T is for the Times you threw at batters shoes
A is also for your Ass cuz it’s big as hell
R is for the Runs you produce like Taco Bell
D is for Down Lehigh Valley that you have to go
O is for On as in ‘get back on the drugs bro’

I’ll be performing at Philly’s Phunniest Contest at Helium ( 2031 Sansom St., Philly) on Sun; June 22nd @ 10pm.  Round 1 winners are determined by the audience so I need your support.  I have a few free tickets left…get at me thru Facebook.  Otherwise, tickets are 2 for the price of 1 (tickets are $10).  Please call the box office at 215-496-9001 to make a reservation.  Make sure you mention my name (cj hood) to receive the discount.  I’m funnier than the Phillies defense…let’s get ‘bunted!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Trout Season


As if I needed a reminder on how far the Phillies have fallen since their glorious run from ’07 to ’11, I realized I was looking forward to yesterday’s game more so than any other game I’ve attended the past year and a half and it had nothing to do with the Phillies whatsoever.

For the first time since bursting on the MLB scene Mike Trout was “coming home.” It’s not like I was one of the legions in attendance rocking an Angels cap or a Trout shirsey. I just wanted to see him play. Live and in person. I’m sure even if you had no idea who he was a week ago you know now. Trout grew up in Millville NJ And in his only 2 full ML seasons finished second in the AL MVP voting twice. He finished behind a guy who won the Triple Crown and still managed 5 first place votes. He’s the one that’s making people say “Bryce Who?”  The fact he’s local really had only a small influence. Simple said, Trout is the games present and future.

My only fear heading down was that Trout would be given the day off after the night game on Tues, you know, because that’s my luck. I went to see Ken Griffey Jr when he first came to the Reds. The Phillies sucked ass that year (finished with 65 wins) but managed to throw up a 6 spot in the first and before you knew it, it was 9-0 and Griffey was out of the game in the 4th inning. But as I headed towards the gate with former Bunts staffer DB29,  I could hear Dan Baker announcing he starting lineup and Trout was playing. He has a pretty mediocre series 2-9 but did have a triple that I got to witness his speed rounding the bases. I thought for a second he might test noodle arm Revere but no dice. But it still beat watching Ryan Howard have one of the worst AB’s I’ve ever seen in my life. He swung and missed for strike 2 and wasn’t even within a foot of the ball. He shoulda saved face and taken strike 3 but decided it be better it miss that one by a foot and a half.

I can now add Trout to the list of the many great players I’ve seen over the years and I can go back to begrudgingly going to the Phillies games just for the love of the game not because I’m expecting a win.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

No REAL Philly kid would peddle this garbage!

Monday, May 12, 2014


  View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Disappointed          
Through Sunday, 5/11, Mother's Day, I pretty much still don't know how to take this team. Physically, everyone seems to be ok. I am duly impressed with Rollins and Utley and have no issue with the play of either. While Howard also seems healthy I AM disappointed in his play a bit. The best way to describe him is inconsistent. Maybe that gets you Howard freaks off my ass, but I expect more. I know he's capable of MUCH more... if only the Phillies had a batting coach who was worth a shit. Yes, his hustle yesterday was noteworthy, but that eyelash play at first with E Young Jr could have been averted with 1) Asche not crow hopping and 2) Howard giving a full stretch. The man makes $25Mil/year, he is fair game and I don't care what happened last year. There are too many days in between "good games" and I don't mean 4 hits etc. In 34 games he is hitting .256 with 7HR and 21 rbi. Hardly MVP or $25MIL numbers either. Doesn't even equate to 100rbi/yr.
Shhh! Maybe no one will notice my stats
That's not all. As stated Utley(.333, way down from .486) and Rollins .274 no issues, performing as well as could be asked to. Same for Chooch at .279. Cody Asche is coming back from the dead, back up to .240 from just over .100 a month ago. Marlon Byrd has been steady all year between .275 and .300, thank god for him. Brown is back to pre 2013 numbers at .234 with 1 HR. Plus,

he is an average fielder with an average arm. I love Revere to death, but there is no defensive position for a spaghetti arm outfielder unless he hits .450 with 70 steals a year. All of this backs up their record at 17-19. Color me disappointed.
Gwynn is showing why he didn't play least year. Nix... meh nuff said. Mayberry .143, SMH. At least Nieves is earning his keep. I see nothing to make me excited for warm weather. Even given Howard's history of a slow start, nothing points to a possible 10 game winning streak anywhere in the lineup. I see .500 wherever I look realistically, although the talent level should dictate more and recently there have been signs of progress.
Lest we forget pitching.... Cliff has mostly been an ace. Burnett, even with his physical status, has exceeded expectations. Cole has shown signs of possibly being a top of the rotation guy lately, even though he mostly hasn't done shit since he hit the lottery excluding today's game. Kendrick has teased us with both good and bad, just like 2 years ago. Fausto has surprised me, even being up and down. And herein lies the problem... bullpen. Ryno has very few guys he can trust. Adams is a bust, Diekman can't throw strikes. Bastardo same, and when he does he sometimes get lit up. And those are the best. Papelbum gets a pass after coming back strong from his first outing. The rest of the pen is "who dat" and bleh.
I so wanted this piece to be positive after my last one. Certain points in the last week or two had me hopeful. Now I can best describe the season as disappointed, and not looking like anything better than last year. I'm getting too old to be looking at what I see and not being happy. If history holds my kids will be my age before we win another World Series unless big changes are made. Who's going to make them is the biggest question, and one I cannot answer.
                                                Bill S aka/netfather

Friday, May 9, 2014

Terror in Toronto

Hoodwink’dby cj hood

Terror in Toronto
I haven’t been watching a lot of baseball the past few weeks.  This is a busy time of year in Casa Hood, my kids play softball & baseball and I of course coach.  (Note: I’m the only Bunts staff member who’s coached against a former Phillie).  Anywho….I didn’t see much of the left coast run…I gotta job bro!  However, I did see the Mets game when Cole got shellacked, then there was the rainout and a day off.  So it wasn’t until the ‘Gnats rolled in last Friday that I got to see the Phightans play for the first time in weeks.  So, where we be?
As I write this, the Marlins are leading the division in the NL Least. Our division is like Kelly Taylor, everybody gets their chance on top…except for the Phils of course.  Our team has been hovering around .500 and last place all season.  I predicted the Phillies would make the 2nd Wild Card team and I still think that’s possible.  However, certain things have to change.

Insert Funny Photo Here
Howard – You went from an F to a D+.  It’s like a 300lb guy standing to a 500lb guy…you’re still a hot mess.
Utley -  I love you more than the Real Housewives of Media…please don’t let up!
Rollins – Rollins scores; team wins! Get on it bro!
Asche/Nix – You guys are one in the same like Joe Derita & Curly Joe…don’t matter; y’all stooges.!
Dom Brown – You might not be getting All Star numbers like last year, but you’re on your way!
Revere – You seem like a nice guy.
Byrd – ‘DA MAN! Sneeze on the team and spread that ish around!
Chooch  the toilet of this team. No flash, no big check….just workin hard to get rid of this shit.
What about the pitching staff?  Well Cole’s been on the decline since becoming a trillionaire.  He’s got his ring, MVP & paycheck.  Where’s his motivation?  The fans that are saying ‘he’ll be fine’ are the same type of people who stayed on the Titanic with a mop and a roll of Bounty.  
We’re all familiar with the pic of Cliff Lee all pissed off at last year’s All Star game in Citifield.  For some reason I think he feels that away a lot with this team.  Except for ‘pitching BP in Toronto’ (Wriz), it’s been another stellar season for Clifford.  However, his stats don’t reflect this cuz a Dollar Store bra offers more support.  
I dropped AJ Burnett in Fantasy after he got smoked in Chicago and was diagnosed with a hernia.  Like Weird Al crooned he’s ‘Living with a Hernia’ and is doing great.  Groundball biz!
KK is like hiring a teenager to wash your car…he might do a really good job or you might end up with ‘POOP’ keyed on the driver’s side door.
Roberto Hernandez…I like you.  Not like how the Wriz likes to put the free pantyhose on this hands at the shoe store and ‘do puppets.’ But, like how you handle your biz!  Keep on keepin bro!
And the bullpen…it’s a pigpen.  ‘Nuff said! #bringupGiles
Irregardless (not a real word) of this spot on assessment, it’s the same ole same ole.  If it’s not the offense, it’s the pitching.  If it’s not the pitching, it’s the bullpen. And if it’s not any of that jazz then it’s Galvis!  Our 4th Annual Meet & Greet is a month away…let’s get ‘bunted!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

expletives deleted

  ***EDITOR'S NOTE**** This was submitted yesterday 

 View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  <expletives deleted>
Inspired by the Phils/Rockies game 4/19. I will try very hard to keep this at least PG rated, but no promises. First rant... the phucking Ole' swipe tag crap at home plate. MLB has already once called the Phillies saying they blew a call at home plate costing us a run in a crucial situation. Tonight was a blatant bullshit call saying Chooch blocked the plate. The runner was not impeded and had a clear path to the plate between Chooch's spread legs. At least 3 feet. The runner slid, the ball arrived, the tag applied and runner called out. No problem, real baseball, good call. AND THEN THE WHINING TO THE UMPS and call to NY. Called out for blocking the plate. I am this -><- close to quitting watching baseball for the rest of the season. WTF are they seeing? Why don't they hire me? SMFH.
Second rant... damnit Ryan Howard why can't you slide your feet two feet to your left and block the ground ball, instead of waving at it and having it bounce off your glove for a "hit"? Phucking lazy ass, no defense, don't give a shit play. This, on top of constantly bailing on inside pitches and rolling them over into outs, is unacceptable. That is when you're not striking out. I don't care how much he makes, sit his ass down. He gets paid if he plays or not, so play somebody who gives you a better chance(can you spell Ruf, or even Franco).
And for the hell of it, Cody Asche can't hit a wiffle ball. I love him, but boot his ass down and give someone else a shot. Whooo, the name Franco comes up yet again. Ryno the margin for error this season is slim. We can't afford to be 8-10 games out come May. If that happens I say sit everyone and blow this team up to hell. Give Stub Hub a chance to make some money because there won't be much to be made if they implode. After this piece it's possible not many people will want to read me. But at the same time they may not want to watch crap baseball either. I calls'em as I sees'em folks, and I don't see much positive other than Cliff Lee or Chase Utley(who is coming back to earth) or even Rollins. It's 4 days until Hamels pitches his first game, but by then it could possibly be a fairly long losing streak. UGH.
                                                Bill S aka/netfather

Wednesday, April 16, 2014



I’ve always said the being a MLB closer is the most misunderstood job in sports. The job definition is easy. You take the mound, get outs and your team wins. It’s not any easy proposition. Closers, for the most part, don’t get the benefit of being put in a beneficial situation like the rest of the bullpen. They face whoever’s sent to the batters box. They’re typically “a little off” but I guess it comes with wanting to be the man in a do or lose situation all the time.

It goes beyond that. Being a closer doesn’t lend itself well to statistics especially when you have a bad game or two. He comes in gives up a bloop hit and then a home run it could take weeks for his ERA and WHIP to just look pedestrian again especially this early in the season.

I had thought about writing this piece last week, but it just felt better to make CJ Hood wait. I figured I missed my opportunity. Then, Paps is given the night off after 3 straight days of work. Jake Diekman loads the bases and blows the save when he serves up a grand salami to Dan Uggla. Phillies fans torture was compounded by the fact the team scored 5 in the 8th to take the lead. Obviously from twitter and Facebook feeds the loss is on Papelbon because he didn’t pitch. GTFO! I love people saying he makes 14 million blah blah blah. I don’t know about you but I’d rather have him on the mound come September (if Lord willing, the Phillies are still in contention) than to have to find out if Diekman or Hollands or whoever is capable then.

Papelbon looked like dog shit in the one game he blew a save verse Texas, but it was ONE game. In his other appearances, he has 5IP no earned runs, one hit and one walk. I know he blew a bunch last year. Yeah, Yeah. He had 7 blown saves last year. You know who else had 7 last year? Mariano Rivera, the greatest closer of all time. Paps was also dealing with a hip injury. An injury he went out and battled thru until the offseason even though in reality it was over in August.

Call me a Papelbon apologist if you want, but for as goofy and as dim witted as he comes off, I don’t think there is anyone on this team except Utley who wants to win more.
See ya at the ballpark!
Jay Wrizight

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Report Card

Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Report Card
Kool Moe Dee used to grade other rap acts on the back of his albums back in the day.  Hence, the line from Beastie Boys’ Intergalactic, ‘Got an A from Moe Dee for sticking to themes.’  Piggybacking on that, I’ve decided to gradRyno and his club for their first week of work. Check it!
Offense:  B+
The Phightans are finally scoring runs.  Chase is reppin’ hard, Howard is hitting off of lefties (although still striking out…A LOT!) & J*Roll quieted down his critics (for the time being)with a Slam on OD.  Moreover, the bench came thru as well ie Mayberry.  However, they couldn’cut Sunday’s deficit in half and finished Week 1 with a .500 record.  Irregardless (not a real word), this is a promising start and feel we’ll score more runs this year than previously thought.  However, the latter hinges on the health of this aging team.
Defense: B
Chooch had a nice catch in the ‘Windy City’ & Byrd had 2 really great grabs as well. So, this grade should have been the highest on the card.  However, with a few errors in Chicago including Revere’s debacle in center yesterday, this grade slid to a B.
Starting Pitching: B
Lee was shaky on Opening Day, but got the win & came back hard in Chicago.  KK was ‘dependable KK’ and did his thing.  Roberto Hernandez bka Enrico Palazzo looked great!  AJ Burnett was decent in Texas and horrendous in Chicago.  He looked like the Burnett of old that New York put on subway headed south to Pittsburgh.  We would have been better off with Carol Burnett yesterday.  I think AJ’s going to be the weak link in the chain this year.  Plus, he’s the reason I lost my first Fantasy matchup on the last day of competition.  F’ him & Darvish!
Bullpen: B-
PapelblownPapelbomb, the screen door on Dorothy Gail’s house ‘closed better.’ We’ve heard all the jokes and they’re pretty much spot on.  The only thing moving more than 90mph with Jonathan is his mouth.  Put some movement on the ball son!  The rest of the pen is holding it down and they’re making a fraction of what you’re getting paid!!!
Ryno:  B
Shaking up the lineup & interesting bullpen moves have made Ryne more unpredictable than his predecessor.  Cholly would never put Chooch in the 2 hole even when he was all hopped up on pills.  He lost his first challenge and the .500 record speaks for itself, but I’m remaining optimistic.  Sandberg’s no-nonsense attitude and willing to switch things up will keep this complacent team on it’s toes.  I was leaning towards a B+ here, but I want to see how Week 2 goes first.
Overall:  B
I don’t think this team is going to be the ‘doom & gloom’ that everyone thought they’d be.  If they stay healthy, I think they could make the 2nd Wild Card…ya, I said it!  This will only happen if they continue to score more than 3 runs per game. I’m putting the 2014 Phillies at 87 wins.  Tell me where I’m wrong?  Come at me bro and let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Color Me Hopeful

              View from the Left Coast by a Lefty: Color Me Hopeful
After CJ's post last week, I knew I couldn't come close to what he wrote. That one alone should get him Bunter of the Year 14. Besides, being so far away all I get is box scores until the season starts so that brings me to the end of Week One. Right now, we are

3-3. That is pretty much my expectations of this team this year. None of this they should be 5-1, talkin bout what is. Having a chance to see them a couple times this week I see things I like and shit I hate.
Let's start with the batting order:
Revere CF - no complaints, I love the man. Picking up where he left off, always giving 110%, thumbs up.
Rollins SS - forget spring training, Jimmy is as Jimmy does, and he does well so far. No complaints at all... did I really say that?
Utley 2B - A+, he is the man. Gives 110% as usual, so far so good.
Howard 1B - yes he is hitting, but the way he's started I still see 175-200 K's. I still want 2 weeks with him to tweak his stance and straighten him out.
Byrd RF - good acquisition, he will outplay my expectations of him. Overpaid a tad but I can live with it.
Brown LF - so far so good as well. He's guessing well to start, the HR's will come. Don't press. But whoever said he has a good arm is full of shit. Average fielder.
Chooch C - as expected will not disappoint. Almost wanted to see him in 2nd spot but don't think he can handle it. Always 110% again, good signing.
Asche 3B - a letdown so far, I can see him pressing already even though he's the starter. I love him as well but if he doesn't wake up soon gimme Franco.
As a core group Rollins, Utley, and Howard ok but remember, we're only 6 games in. Health is a whole nuther ballgame and cannot be predicted.
Bench - I like Nix over Frandsen, Mayberry solid so far, Hernandez will shine in next year or two, Gwynne is tolerable for now, Nieves I believe is an upgrade over Kratz
Cliffy - Ace
Burnett - good signing, a tad overpaid, but necessary
Cole - the X factor, our hopes ride on him
KK - still after all these years an enigma. Flip a coin as to which KK starts a game.
Fausto Carmona - yes to me he is Carmona, if only he can pitch like Fausto did.
The Cuban Fucker they signed - total wild card, no clue at this point. Why can't Cuba just let their players go when they don't want to be there?
Manship - wow could he give us a lift... if only
Wildcard for me so far. Unfortunately this has been a main problem for years. I like Lincoln, Hollands, Diekman, and De Fratus. Bastardo stil scares me. Papelbum is a POS and needs to go. Rosenberg is a step below Papelbum.
For a change this year I have no problems with base coaches or the hitting coach. Ryno and Bowa can and should do good things for this team. Just one man's opinion lol.
Don't know what else to tell you. 1 week is hardly a sample to make a seasonal decision on. But for my money I swear by the above. But what the hell do I know, I live across the country and am old school... which is why I trust Ryno. Yeah yeah, I can hear all of you lol.
Lastly, as it appears right now I won't be coming home this year for the MNG4. Fucking plane tix are through the roof. Only way for me to make it is win the powerball... which we all know will happen right after I give birth to triplets. So carry on for me, bitch at high speed to RAJ. Speaking of him, if the core of Utley, Rollins, and Howard were to go back to 2008 stats and we make the playoffs, imagine how hard it will be to get rid of RAJ then.
                                                Bill S aka/netfather

Sunday, March 30, 2014

'Twas the Night Before Opening Day '14

‘Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;
The bats were hung by the helmets with care,
In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a parade danced in their heads;
Mom in her Utley jersey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long Spring nap,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Citizen’s Bank I flew like a flash,
Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.
Phillies Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow
While Mets fans drank Piels; drowning their sorrows,
When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases,
A huge jumbotron, a Chooch and three aces,
With a Hall of Fame coach, so lively and kind,
I knew in a moment it must have been Ryne.
More rapid than the Eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Hamels! Now, AJ! Now, Kendrick and Lee!
On, Howard! On Rollins! And a healthy Utley!”
From the dugout! To the top of the wall!
They dashed away! Dashed away! Dashed away all!”
As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricanes flew,
With mitts in their hands, and Papelbon too.
Moyer and Stairs were calling the game
Boy we miss Harry; Oh! What a shame,
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Lee with his game scruff took to the mound.
He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,
And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;
McCann’s now in New YorkUggla’s straight up dirt
The tomahawk is played out; all your pitchers are hurt
Three up and three down as Chooch made the calls!
Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!
Around the league all the teams were conspiring
Braun is still juicing and Jeter’s retiring
Gnats fans went to games did not even care,
What about Miami? They still play baseball there?
Don’t sweat the Rangers, their pitching staff’s poo
Fielder is fat; F’ Beltre and Choo 
Brown hit homeruns, Revere did his thing,
Howard is back...the RBI king!!!
Chooch is back on the pills; this should be fun.
And Cole Hamels received his first ever Cy Young.
Spring Training was rough; could not get much worser
Ruff hurt his ribs and Galvis got MRSA.
Still the Phightans fried teams just like pancake batter,
Who we met in October did not even matter;
We took out the brooms; got them in four,
World Fuckin’ Champs, the Phillies once more.
Can’t wait til tomorrow; dress warm cuz it’s freezing,
“Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great-season.”