Hoodwink’d by cj hood
Who’s Who?!?
When I was in high school I’d
get these Who’s Who letters in the mail that with a small fee I would be able
to join their elite list of academic all stars. They must have sent these letters to
everyone cuz in high school I was saddling a steady B- average at best. Needless to say, that’s why I ended up going
to the same college as the Wriz. Anywho,
the ‘Bunts blog has been desolate since last June after our Phillies decided to
give themselves the sleeper-hold and tap out.
However, enter Andy McPhail (that name still scares me) and his boy
wonder Matt Klentak and exit First Base Coach aficionado Ruben Amaro Jr and all
of sudden we’re knee deep into a rebuild.
I wouldn’t compare this Jenny Jones makeover to slapping a wig on the
middle child and calling her the ‘new Jan Brady’, but it definitely has the
phans & bloggers taking notice.
This takes us to the title of
this episode of Hoodwink’d, ‘Who’s Who.’
Since last year’s trade deadline I find myself asking ‘who’s this?’ or fellow
‘Buntamaniacs asking me ‘who’s that?.’
And truth be told, I’m a little confused myself. For years, we knew every Phillie and their
position like our own children, but now it’s as challenging as finding a
Republican volunteer at a soup kitchen.
Now, all 2 of our steady readers
know that I’m the clown prince of this organization, Netfather Bill’s our
historian and the Wriz is the X’s & O’s guy. And DB29 (when available), can tell you which parts of CB park are safe
to pick food up off the ground (after being dropped) and still eat it. Irregardless (not a real word), I’m going to
attempt to break these new faces down for your…especially the ones worth
watching.
I’ll start
with some familiar faces from last season…
Maikel
Franco 3B: My personal fave is a player
you should already know. He came up last
summer and was a wonder at the plate. He was coasting along til he got beamed in
the wrist by new Phillies pitcher Jeremy Hellickson. Mike Schmidt thinks Franco will be an MVP
someday while Mackanin thinks he’ll be a homerun king. I reluctantly dropped Franco from my fantasy
keeper league, but hope to draft him again.
Odubel
Herrera CF: Infielder by nature (not cuz
I hate ya), El Torrito was a Rule 5 pickup and another shining star in this
rebuild. Even though he can’t speak the
King’s English I’m still down with this workhorse.
Cesar
Hernandez 2B: I don’t know how to put
that funky slash over the ‘e’ so deal.
Anywho, Cesar came into take golden boy Chase Utley’s spot when he was
traded to LA. He might lose his job to
Freddy Galvis when JP Crawford comes up to play SS in July, but time will tell.
Cameron Rupp
C: Every time I see this dude I think, ‘he’s
too tall to be a catcher.’ Anyway, with
a stronger bat and healthier knees, Rupp saw more time at the end of the season
than phan favorite Carlos Ruiz. However,
with Jorge Alfaro waiting in the wings Rupp’s days are sure to be numbered.
Darin Ruf OF, 1B, Restroom Attendant: Ruff is like
the girl you called every weekend at 2am, but ignored during daylight
hours. Ruff is killing it at the plate
compared to Howard (which isn’t saying much) so put Howard out to pasture as
well as the term ‘platoon.’ As I write
this, McPhail is on record saying that there’s no guarantee Howard will make
the roster.
Aaron
Altherr OF: Imagine Bizarro Domonic
Brown. This homegrown talent was
supposed to be the second coming of Jayson Werth til he got hurt diving for a
ball in Spring Training. He could be
back by late July if at all. This injury
was the first major blow to this rebuild.
JP Crawford
SS: Philadelphians haven’t been this
excited over a young African American athlete since Adonis Creed. Crawford is putting balls in orbit all over
the minors something the Phils desperately need. Bowa is comparing Crawford to J*Roll on
steroids and when this golden child is ready either Galvis or Hernandez will be
packing their bags.
Jorge Alfaro
C: Acquired from Texas in the
Hamels/Diekman trade, Alfaro is supposed to be the best catching prospect in
all of baseball. Alfaro is sure to be
the heir to Chooch’s thrown and a worthy one to boot.
Tyler
Goeddel OF: Forgot about this guy til
the Wriz reminded me. Goeddel is the result of our piss poor effort in
2015. Our 1st round pick in
the Rule 5 draft hopes to be the right handed bat that the Phils have been
looking for.
New to the
bump…
Charlie
Morton P: Acquired by the Pirates,
Morton will be part of the new starting 5.
I’m cool with that as long as his name is Morton and not Harrang. And that’s
all I have to say about that. #gump
Jerad Eickoff: Also acquired from Texas, Eickoff was billed
as major league ready and is sure to make the starting rotation.
Jeremy
Hellickson P: Former Arizona
Diamondback, Jeremy (spoken) is a reliable arm at a bargain basement rate. He’ll help eat up innings for our bull-less
pen.
Vincent
Vasquez P: Acquired from Houston on the
Giles trade, Vasquez is the pitcher I fell most phans are excited to see. With Nola, Morton, Hellickson & Eickhoff,
the final spot is Vasquez’ to lose.
David
Hernandez P: Pap out! Giles out!
Hernandez in? Diamond Dave thinks
so. Another banged up athlete has
stumbled into the City of Brotherly Love thinking he could get the job
diz-one. We all know Philly wasn’t his
first choice, so if he doesn’t want to become Pap 2.0 (as far as phan favorites
go) then he better bring it!
Aaron Nola
P: AKA the ‘new Jan Brady’ BKA the ‘new
Cole Hamels’. We saw this rook represent
the second half of last season and although he’s had a slow Spring, Nola’s tapped to be the Opening Day starter
and our new #1.
PotPourri
for $500 Alex:
-Frenchy’s
gone. Already miss him.
-Cody Asche
is hurt and might be traded.
-David
Buchanan is back. Not a big fan.
-Nick
Williams (OF) was invited to ST, but sent back
-Pete
Bourjos (OF) formally of St. Louis may take Altherr’s spot.
I’m sure I
missed some ish and made a few blunders, but I needed to get this done for my
own sanity. BTW, the Wriz and I have a
wager for how many games the Phillies will win this year. If they win 69+ then I’ll be enjoying a case
of some high octane road sodas by the end of Fall. I don’t think this team will make the
playoffs just yet, but they’re definitely going to be better than what
everybody’s predicting. And teams that
play like they have nothing to lose always seem to find a way to win. Needless to say I am excited over our new team and feel that Batman &
Klentak have done a great job thus far.
I’m also excited to see my first On Deck Series on April 1st
(no joke). Meet & Greet VI is June
18th….let’s get ‘bunted!!!
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