Been a Lonnnnnnnnng Season

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Been a Lonnnnnnnnng Season

 

I've spent a couple of weeks thinking about this, my last piece of the year. I actually started out three different times to write it, and each time drew a blank on the direction it would take. Earlier CJ nailed a good way to end, with awards. Seeing as how that's no longer available, I'd like to accept my Globetrotter trophy by thanking Southwest Airlines for *NOT* cancelling my flight this year after I had to book my vacation seven months in advance and pray the M'n'GIII would fall during my stay. I don't think I'll be making it back home in 2014 so that pressure is lifted. Next year it's time for my family (and anyone else interested) to trek to AZ to see me. So if anyone who reads this decides to brave the desert just PM me on Facebook and I'll do what I can to accomodate. Something to consider: the Phils are in town here April 27-29(Fri-Sun) and our annual Scardefield outing will be that weekend. My kids seems to enjoy me spending $300 on tickets so they can sit around and bullshit and up some pics to Facebook. I usually have to guess who's going to fork up the $11 for a hot dog and beer but I digress.

 

So now, what's left to hash out? I think it's a foregone conclusion that Sandberg will be made the perm manager. To me he's shown signs he has a plan. Now if only RAJ had a plan this coming winter could be productive. If I had my druthers there would be some way for the Phils to rid themself of Howard's contract and Chris Wheeler in one fell swoop. That alone would brighten the horizon and bring hope to a disenchanted franchise and it's fans. But with neither being reality let me offer a few moves to be made. First, re-sign Chooch at a hometown rate. We need him one more year for a lot of reasons. Second, someone needs to review all the video on Kendrick... to note how he went from bum to dependable and now seems to be returning to his former self. That same person can also research Hamels video for mostly the same reasons, but in opposite directions. Cliff Lee has earned his annual trek to Arkansas no problema. But third, this is one that will make me very unpopular... I think we part ways with Doc. His desire and effort are not in question, but I personally think he may just say phuckit because he can't perform to his own standards. He doesn't need to prove to anyone, in Philly or anywhere, what he has accomplished. But I also don't think there's enough left for his pride to let him continue as a major league pitcher on the elite level. I know I couldn't do it when I threw my arm out and lost any hope of a major league career. But I still played another five years, just never pitched again because I could hit as well as anyone. I know, I know, nobody cares but it *IS* my opinion lol.

Now for the kids. I'm excited to see Ruf and Asche start next season as major leaguers. I'm excited for the return of Ben Revere. I want to see Dom Brown come back and be as consistent as he was this year. I want to see Bunts CEO The Wriz become excited for another new season and anticipate more contributions from him <ducking>. I think Galvis has to start the year on the roster as well. If we can perfect his relief pitcher technique I can finally let go of Wilson Valdez. I wish Maikel Franco was ready, boy we could use his bat. I hope Tommy Joseph is free of concussion symptoms and they decide where he should play, cuz the boy has talent. Rupp looks like he can be capable but we stick with Chooch and Kratz. I'm definitely planning on following Jesse Biddle as best I can from out here, he's the next order of intrigue.

Ok now, any moves to be made? I think we fire RAJ before he gives away too much for Mike(I refuse to call him Giancarlo) Stanton. I feel much better now about Chase returning than I did 2+ months ago. Rollins we're stuck with, I say move him down to 6th in the lineup. Maybe then he'll wake up when he realizes he's no longer an offensive threat. Once again I offer my services to the Phillies to teach Ryan Howard how to hit. Sitting in FL in his $7MIL mansion he isn't learning shit except how to collect a guaranteed pay check. Now, I wish I had an answer for the bullpen. At least Diekman and Rosenberg have shown some improvement. But it's going to take more work than the Seaside Heights boardwalk and I don't have answers. Sad to say my expectations for next year = 3rd place NL East.

So there you have it sports fans, the ranting and ravings of a crazed old man who resides 2500 miles from CBP. I wish it was better, but in some weird way this piece seems to mirror the Phils season. In, out, lucid, incoherent... we got it all. Once again let me thank all the peeps I met at M'n'GreetIII, it was a blast. Wriz, I know I've done better and hopefully, like the Phillies, it'll show next year. CJ you get Bunter of the Year hands down. As of today, 9/13/13, I turn my attention and hope to Chip's offense and the opening of Flyers training camp. But that's for a different piece. My hat's off to all you Bunters who keep the Phaith. May we continue to exchange views on Facebook. Chow til 2014.

 

                                Bill S/aka netfather

da Bunters

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
da Bunters

Now that the season is basically over I figured I’d spend my last blog of the season focusing on the positives of the year.  Sports, tv, movies, hell even porn, has their own annual awards gala…so why can’t we?  So today, on the thirteenth day of September, two thousand and thirteen in the year of our Lord I present to you the 1st Annual Phillies Bunts Awards bka da Bunters.

ELECTRIC SEX HAS NOTHING ON DA BUNTERS!!!

Rookie of the Year Award:
Darin Ruf.  Ashe may be hot as of late, but I think Ruf was more solid overall.  He’s got the swing and the power to become a heavy hitter in the league.  I’d love to see Howard get his walking papers and Ruf get the 1B job.

Humanitarian Award:
The Wriz for using his entanglement of a beard to house lost & abandoned kittens. Well deserved.

Don’t Call It A Comeback Award bka Pill Poppin Player of the Year Award:
Tie: Chooch & Galvis. I never understand your post game interviews (and either does Murph), but I do understand solid at-bats.  Unless we could get a key piece in return, I think we should re-sign Chooch.  I think Galvis should start next year, maybe at 3rd, if we trade Asche for lets say Giancarlo ‘don’t call me Mike’ Stanton.

Kornhole Blogger of the Year Award:
DB29.  He still sports our swag but pens in invisible ink
(Honorable mention: Diamond Girl)

Michael ‘King of Pop’ Jackson Bunter Vanguard Award:
Jimmy Rollins.  Stop swinging at the first pitch bro.  At lease Sandberg had the bells to sit your ass down.

 

AND YOU THOUGHT I GOT HIGH LAST SEASON!!!

F’ed in the A’ Award:
Sir Charles Manuel.  Your time may have been up, but the organization still didn’t have to treat you like a Canadian coin in a Pepsi machine.

Napoleon Complex Award:
Ruben Amaro Jr.  You straight up clowned this team and as a result on slow decline since ’09.  You doled out cash like it was Monopoly money and we got fat cats like Howard riding the pine.  Manuel is gone and you’re next if you don’t get some bats up in here and mend the bullpen. So do it!!!

Globetrotter Award:
Netfather Bill.  He missed his flight last year (but at least tried), so he tried again this year with much success and attended M&GIII.  Although he was out of uniform he did attend and traveled across the country to be there.

Turn Around Bright Eyes Award:
Ryno Sandberg.  Manuel got pushed out faster than an Octomom baby, but irregardless (not a real word) the Phils have somewhat turned it around in their last 60 games.  Whether this was just one of those baseball trends or not we’ll never know, but my vote is to retain him for 2014.
Side note:  I hope the organization holds a Charlie Manuel Day so we can properly say goodbye.

Bench Player of the Year Award:
Kevin Frandsen.  My man hits walk-offs, can play any position and has a dirtier helmet than Peter North.  I hope he sticks around for a while.

 

“THANK YOU FOR THIS PRESTIGIOUS AWARD.”

Mad Bro? Award:
Big Pun C. Dude, we appreciate your input…we really do, but why you so mad?  Every time there’s a light hearted LOL post on FB you gotta get all ‘Moody Judy’ on us.  Lighten’ up mang…Howard will be back next year.

Buntamaniac of the Year Award:
Despite the shitty season, our fine little organization blew up in 2013.  And as we welcome all to our family there are a few Buntamaniacs who are always supporting our cause.  So this accolade goes out to a few peeps: Robin, Timmy ‘the leg’, Lori, Sue, Missy, Robert, Joe, Mary and Al.  Thanks for making this season somewhat tolerable. 

Phillie of the Year:
D*Brown was a baller for the first half and earned his first all-star game, but it’s not him.  Lee was also an all-star but he didn’t cop bling either.  Cole? You would think, but nope.  Then who could it be you ask???
Ben Revere:  He’s a positive influence on and off the field and was a solid bat up until he got injured in a game that shouldn’t have gone as far as it did.  He’s back now in Clearwater and I think he’ll be a stud for us for years to come.

And there it is kids, if you’re not happy with the results than comment below or on Spacebook.  And if you didn’t get an award, like Pee Wee Herman would say, ‘I meant to do that.’  Have a good off season kids: Say your prayers & eat your vitamins.  Hopefully my last blog next year will be in late October after a Phillies WS win! Catch me Fri; Oct 4th headlining the END OF SUMMER COMEDY TRAIN REK show at Daly’s Irish Pub in Northeast Philly @ 8pm…let’s get ‘bunted!

Scapegoat

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Yard Sale Days Revisited

Hoodwink’d                       by cj hood

Yard Sale Days Revisited

 

 

 

Coming out of the All Star break I commented on Broad Street Misery’s FB page that in order to be legit buyers we need to sweep the Mets and win either the Cards or Tigers’ series.  That did not happen…not even close. What’s worse is the Gnats & Braves aren’t setting the world on fire by any means.  The NL East is weaker than Ryan Braun’s interest in the truth. If we did what we were supposed to do we’d only be a few games out of first right now.  So now what?

 

Every time the Hood Ranch has a yard sale my boys rummage thru the goods, stumble upon their stuff and say “Are you selling this?”  That’s how I feel about the Phillies right now.  Yes we should sell, but the bigger question is ‘what do we sell?’  Another yard sale staple is when these hustlers show up and try to clock a name brand item for fitty-cent.  Which leads me to the next questions my fellow Buntamaniacs: If we do sell how much should we expect back?

 

I posted on the ‘Bunts FB page today that we should re-sign Utley…he’s our best hitter.  Seconds later our favorite heckler, Big Pun, referred to me as a ra-tard.  Thank God someone with a little more panache added that we shouldn’t sign him for more than 2 years.  That’s what I meant yo!  Of course we’re not going to blindly sign LL Cool Chase to a 5 yr/$25mill deal.  If he wants to be a Phil for life then he needs to play ball and so do we.

 

Once again, we are playing as a M*A*S*H unit. Ben Revere’s accident never should have happened, D*Brown who was weak in the 4-hole (told you…lolz) is out til Friday, Howard (who cares) and Doc are all illin.  Moreover, their replacements need to catch the next bus to Lehigh: Mayberry, Ruff and now Martinez (again) aren’t cutting it.  Young & Young Associates defense is mad weak, Rollins is still the King of Pop & Chooch needs to get back on the dope which leads me to my original concept: RE-SIGN UTLEY!

 

I think the turning point for this team was in 2011 when Lee blew the game against the Cards during the pennant race.  The Cards aren’t the same team that won it all that year.  However, their management was slick enough to retool the club with some great talent.  Which leads me to my final thought kids: FIRE RAJ! Before yesterday’s game Amaro told Murphy that we are still buyers, but by the end of the convo he said we might sell.  Whatta ya sell em’, buy em, sell ‘em? He doesn’t know which end is up.  He should have been fired after trading Lee away.  He tried to build a team around our aces by shopping at a yard sale and now we’re looking at Brian Wilson.  I’m sick of seeing these no-name has-beens wear the red pin stripes. 

 

Although the fans yelling ‘SELL! SELL! SELL!’ may be right they need to be more specific…just in case Rubes (or whoever) is listening.  Let’s get ‘Bunted!

For the Love of the Game

Its often been said that and publicity is good publicity.

But not so says the Wriz. MLB attendance has been in a tailspin as has its ratings. The major problem the MLB has holding its fans is its failure to deal with adversity or scandals. Steroids and PED’s have basically crippled the sport. But why just baseball? Its not like other pro athletes didn’t/don’t use steroids or PED’s. For Christ’s sakes Ray Lewis was alleged to have taken deer antler spray. The story broke the week of the Super Bowl and by game time it was no longer an issue. Its because Bud Selig and the MLB just drag it on and on and on and on.  Its so in the forefront of all baseball fans minds that as soon as someone plays well, “they must be on something.”

First was the Mitchell Report, the investigation took 21 months and then the names were withheld but every so often a name got leaked and then another one  and another one. Then so and so was supposedly on it because what’s his name heard if from Joe Schmo.

The players who were the focal point of the Mitchell Report and the Balco controversy are become eligible for the Hall of Fame so it becomes a story again.

Now, we have the BioGenesis malarkey. And again MLB is dragging the shit out. The story broke before spring and there were 20 players on the list. I understand that it needed to be investigated, but its now nearly August and Ryan Braun and only Ryan Braun has gotten suspended. Not 50 games for a first time offense but 65 or the rest of the season. Funny that the Brewers are out of it. Funny that Braun is willing to take his suspension without pay now…before his salary increases next year.

 

I’ve said from the beginning that had Braun’s and Aroid’s not been part of the scandal it would have gone away way sooner. It’s a which hunt for the 2 biggest names with PED’s connections, still playing who’ve never received any sort of punishment even tho both had been caught. Rumors are now floating around that Afraud may face a lifetime ban. As much as I hate the man, it’s still bad for baseball because it’ll drag on for decades like Pete Rose’s ban has.

I hope that the MLB and Player’s Union can get this mess straightened out sooner rather than later for our sake and for the sake of the game we love.

See ya at the ballgame!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Zig Zag, Up Down, Left Right

   View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Zig Zag, Up Down, Left Right

 

Heading to All Star festivities I'll admit this past week has put me on all of the emotions in my title. Taking 3 of 4 from the Gnats had a small part of me almost hopeful of 2007 happening all over. The records were similar(eerily within  a game) and the recent winning ways were almost blinding. And then came the rainout and Game 1 on Saturday. I predict that was the pit that swung the pendulum for the season. We should have won that game in the 9th, 2nd and 3rd nobody out. Yet Charlie chose to let people swing away(no surprise he loves guys who can swing and hit) instead of trying something nobody expected... SQUEEZE. He had the perfect opportunity to blindside Robin Ventura, a 2nd year manager, yet stuck with his traditional thinking and got zero for it. Maybe this is why the Phillies lead the universe in runners LOB, more succinctly in scoring position. So we end up not winning and losing 2 things in the 11th... 1) the game and 2) our hottest hitter Revere with a broken foot. Had they won in 9 Revere would be playing right now, which he's not. And I contend, as I have since 4/12, that Charlie's time is damn near done.

 

I truly wanted this to be a positive, constructive piece. However, I agree with Wriz it's time to sell off the people who can bring the most return that will help in the long run. I can see Chooch and possibly Michael Young to the Yankees, especially with Jeter going dormant again. But do they have enough in the farm to make it worth our while? I can see Utley possibly to the Dodgers for the same. Kratz, Frandsen, and Galvis are the immediate fill ins but Reading and the Iron Pigs have some good kids who are ready to explode. If you haven't been following either team let me suggest now you brush up, it's worth a read. If it were humanly possible to unload Howard, without having to eat more than $10MIL/year, then go for it. Many may not like this either but I've been preaching it for weeks... Papelbum to DET for Castellanos. If you can't win enough games to make the 2nd wild card why do you need a $12MIL closer? His recent exploits have also been less than stellar to boot. Yet I digress... lastly Charlie must go too.

 

I wish I had more knowledge to drop on you but the current state of the NL East numbs me. At this point, whoever wins is out first round. Not even the fireworks tonight can sway me. But I do have this for Cliff and Dom... Good luck in NY and have a great time. I'm glad Dom didn't get into the HR derby and can just have fun and learn by osmosis. Not sure how many more pieces I have left in me for this year when my material is so up in the air. So let's get bunted.

 

                                                Bill S aka/netfather

Ssshhh…we’re winning

Hoodwink’d                       by cj hood

Ssshhh…we’re winning.

 

 

WATCH THIS WHIFF BRO!

 

So rumblings of the Phils being a ‘selling team’, a lil pow-wow courtesy of Cholly & Rubes and all of sudden we win the series against the Pirates, Braves and (maybe even the) ‘Gnats! Oh snap!  Is this for realz or just fool’s gold?  Time will tell I guess, but as of now we’re winning and all of my ‘Buntamaniacs have their own opinions on what’s behind the surge.  So, what does the H*Double think put the Phight back into our Phightans?  Like my Italian uncle would say….tree tings!

 

3.  Ryan Howard to the DL:  A lot of people only believe in God when bad things happen.  This is similar to the relationship the Phils organization has with the Big Piece.  We have to start him (no el platoono) and bat him clean-up or bad stuff will happen.  Well, the sacred cow is on the DL, so we could all breathe a sigh of relief.  He’s dead weight bro and I guarantee whoever takes his spot in the lineup (Ruff, Mayberry, Frandsen) will not (consistently) strike out as much as Howard did.  Based on the latter alone this team has already improved.  Plus, Downtown Dom Brown now gets to bat clean-up and rightfully so.

 

2.  Ole King Cole:  Cole is on a FI-YUH!  Well sort of, but he has won 2 in a row.  His game against the ‘Gnats was superb which included bailing himself out of some sticky situations.  I guess pushing him back really did work.  Now that our #1 Ace is sorta kinda back we now have that 1-2 (#Lee ) punch we need.  Don’t forget Lannan looked sharp to, so now we just need KK to get his ish together.

 

1.Ben Revere:  He did it like this…he did it like that…he did it with a league issued bat!  Word to my 40oz!  Hitting is contagious, so with Revere being on fire Young, J*Roll and even D*Young are slowly following suit.  And don’t forget about Utley and the aforementioned Brown.  Could the offense be better?  Hells yes!  But posting 5 runs should be enough for our starters to solidify a win!  Anyone still miss Vance Romance?

 

So what do we do at the deadline?  I think we should sign Utley if the price is right.  I think if Rollins gotta deal then Utley definitely needs some consideration.  I know he’s injury prone, but he’s a solid bat and the face of the franchise.  He’s the Derek Jeter of the Phillies…losing him would hurt this team on so many levels. Once that deal’s done get some bullpen help.  If that involves trading M*Young or Chooch then so be it.  I love Chooch, but a juiceless Chooch is like a Playboy without the centerfold.  Once those 2 things are done I think we’ll be alright.  If the offense & Cole continue to produce and with Halladay & *cough* Howard coming back I think we could give the Bravos a run for their money.  And if the total opposite happens then fire RAJ immediately, just don’t blame me cuz I’m only a jackass off the internet.  Follow me on twitter @therealcjhood…let’s get ‘bunted!!!

The Untouchables

 

It’s often said that a teams most prized players are “untouchable” or that there is nothing you could get in return that would make it worth or while to trade them. As it becomes more and more likely that the Phillies run as a contender is over. Let’s take a look at the Phillies options on who can fetch some players who can help the club down the line.

Who’s untouchable? Well frankly, nobody. To say the Wriz don’t believe any player is untouchable is a slight exaggeration but only slight. If you can trade a player and get back more than you’re giving up they aren’t untouchable. In fact, there are only a few players in all major sports I’d consider untouchable. Lebron James is. Crosby or Malkin maybe, buy their propensity to get hurt makes it just a maybe.

Back to our boys. Right now, the closest we have to an untouchable player would be Cliff Lee, Dom Brown and Cole Hamels. Hamels is 2-11 and has a 4.58 ERA and makes a boat load of cash. He can go, but you want to buy low and sell high. I’m sure some GM’s can overlook his performance thus far as an enigma but enough to get what he’s worth I doubt it. Cliff Lee is having a very good year. He too makes a shit load, but a team in need of pitching help could give you some nice prospects. Dom Brown on the other hand makes peanuts and isn’t even eligible for arbitration until 2015, but opposed to Cole is he at his highest value now?

If the Wriz was in control, he’d be fielding calls for anyone in a Phillies uniform. The Phanatic, the ball girls EVERYONE! Fuck, I’d even trade pistachio girl if I thought it get me a player with some heart. Lord knows this team needs some. But just because I’m discussing it doesn’t mean I’m giving away the team either.  The way I look at it, Hamels, Lee and Brown can be dealt but only if I KNOW I’m getting the best of it. And that means Major League ready top prospects.

If you can find some to take JRoll, do it. I’d say the same for Howard but realistically you’d have to eat so much of that salary you’d end up looking like Jared before Subway happened. Even Paps will get you a nice return. A 14 million dollar closer is a luxury this team doesn’t need right now. Everyone else? I’m taking whatever I can get. Both Youngs, Chooch, KK and sad to say even Chase have to go to acquire the building blocks of the next incarnation of a contending team. I love Chase but unless he gives a major hometown discount and signs before the trade deadline, he’s gotta go. Reports say the Dodgers would sign him for 3 years 45 million. There is NO FUCKING WAY I’d be on board with that deal.

Back to Southern California?

 

Remember when everyone was all like “In Reuben we trust?” We’ll the Wriz didn’t and still don’t. I’m saying my prayers every night that he can prove me wrong otherwise this dreadful season is just the tip.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

 

PS Just the tip of the Iceberg, you sick fuck!

Papelbologna

Hoodwink’d                       by cj hood

Papelbologna

 

 

MY CLOSER HAS A FIRST NAME IT’S C-R-Y-B-A-B-Y!

 

A lot of things have happened since I last blessed you with a Hoodwink’d ep.  On a personal note, former ‘Bunter, DB29 had another baby (he’s 2 shy of having his own reality show). I turned the big 4-0 (now I know how Netfather Bill felt in the 1960’s).  (Also, now that I’m older, I find that I’m using parenthesis a lot more). But more importantly, the Phillies got to .500 and 2nd place in the East…hell, they even were above .500 at one point.  Then they went on a road trip to play the ‘twin towers’ of the MLB (Twins & Brewers) and got schooled.  Next, they came home, almost swept the ‘Gnats & even copped the 2nd place spot again for 24 hours.  Some ‘Buntamaniacs claim this blogger jinx’ed the sweep cuz I made a broom reference on our Facebook page.  Get real…the Phils don’t need my help to blow a game…they got a whole cast of characters to take care of that bro!

 

We’ve also added another concern to worry about in our closer.  Papelbologna almost blew game 1 of the Gnats series, so he came back in game 3 to have at it again.  And success!  Then the cast of characters which is our bullpen paraded out and Ian Desmond clocked a granny.  At that point it was zzzz’s time cuz it would take this team 6 games to overcome a 4 run deficit.  And the icing on the cake, Papp is now playing the ‘blame game.’  He must know he’s on his way out at the end of July.  Other points of discussion include the derailment of the D*Brown hit parade, Howard’s slight progression at the dish (although he struck out thrice on Wed) but as long as we have Delmon Young to blame all is good (tongue planted firmly in cheek). 

 

 

THIS IS THE RAJ OF BOLOGNAS. #CHEAPANDGROSS

 

At this point I think we need to clean house starting with RAJ all the way down to Ryan Howard.  This team needs a facelift and I’m not even sure Sandy’s the answer cuz I’m not a fan of his skillz at 3rd base.  He’s sent more men home than Obama.  Neil Young has a better chance scoring at home than Delmon Young does.  It’s time to let go of the past and start anew.  I don’t have all the answers, but we’re downgrading while other teams make moves.  It’s been 5 years since we won it all…that’s 10 in baseball years.  The RAJ theory on ‘pitching wins games’ only works for the Phillies if those pitchers know how to hit.  Otherwise we’ll continue to lose 2-0 or 1-0.  So if you’re not going to clean house at least acquire an ace at the plate.  Bargain hunting at the MLB garage sales isn’t cutting it.

I remember when writing this blog was fun now I’m just trying to find different ways to say the same shit.  There won’t be any new news to report until the organization decides to create some.  Until then stay out of the heat….let’s get ‘bunted!

#MG3 #.500 #UGH

                           View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: #MG3 #.500 #UGH

 

Started to write this Friday, but held off because of circumstances not beneficial to the Phillies. The later it gets this afternoon the worst I get. Thurs night was to me a plateau to be conquered: over .500 finally and look out NL East. Nats behind us and ATL playing like bleh, couldn't ask for much more. Then comes the weekend...

 

Why is it that since 2008 we can't beat MIL consistently? Why do players like Aoki and Lucroy look like world killers? Why do our outfielders choke like a baby who swallowed a penny when anybody with speed is on base against them? Ok this last sentence I take back. Our outfield sucks, no range and no arms. I have no fix for this now or in the minors. Do I know what it takes? Yes, get rid of Howard's salary and I'll find us a competent outfield.

MVP Candidate

 

I had high hopes for the bats. Hitting is contagious and it started to spread until Friday. Between bats dying and Chollie's bizarre lineups I'm losing my anticipation for this season slowly but surely. Try as I might there are no bright spots or silver linings day to day like existed a week ago. Kratz gets hurt, Stutes forgets how to pitch, dead bats(save Brown, who has slowed down a tad), Howard(who won't listen to my advice... his loss) becoming a zero threat,  lack of a leadoff hitter(thanks Chollie) which leads to Revere hitting 2nd, no wonder I sleep like shit at night and smoke more than I used to. For a week that started out so full of promise and blew up like a car driven by John McClane what else could a sane person think?

 

It saddens me to have to write like this, but if you think about it I'm just following performance on the field. There's no longer much room for witty or funny commentary, because I take my baseball seriously. I believe last week was make or break for this season. Won 6 in a row, over .500 and ahead of the Gnats(lmao) and in position to decide their destiny. So we go 0-3 and look like shit doing it and lose players. Momentum gone, having fun during games gone, bullpen rallying like a drowning life guard. The optimists will say there's a lot of season left, but not enough to take charge and be a force. So with heavy heart I'm going to piss off DGirl, Robin, and a few others. It's time to sell starting with Utley, if he can come back to serviceable like the beginning of the season. There'll be plenty of interest in him and he should bring some decent future player(s) that will contribute. The Michael Young experiment started out great, but now he looks like an older veteran that can help certain teams in certain situations. Kratz and Chooch love them, but serviceable pieces to certain teams in the right situations. Since I can't get 2 weeks with Howard to straighten him out get whatever you can for him, even carrying half his salary this year and next. Brown and Mayberry get stays right now. Galvis will be Valdez for the next few years. Doesn't leave much, does it?

 

Of course everything depends on if/who goes and what we get back. I'm saying get used to the fact that the core of the last 6 seasons aren't what they used to be. I purposely left off pitching because I think with the right replacements we won't be that bad off. I honestly think Halladay is going to prove all naysayers wrong and be a beast again for a couple more years. That man doesn't know how to lose, or go down without a fight. Cliff, Cole, Kendrick, even Pettibone can be formidable. When the Phils clean house on the coaching staff and Sandberg takes over with a new pitching coach, who knows what may happen? Ryno in less than 2 seasons took the Iron Pigs from laughing stock to the top of the league, even with tons of callups. There's no reason to lose it, this is called evolution. Luckily we have the right man in place. If only Chollie will bow out gracefully... but that's another problem for another time.

 

And lastly #MG3... I had a damn good time. Kudos to Wriz and staff for the choice of sections with covered parking and location. Plenty of beer and food if you knew where to look. Plenty of good company. Was definitely worth the 2500 mile trip, even though it was the secondary reason lol.  ;)  Was great to meet all the Bunters, and tshirts were flying all over. Hopefully I get to do it again next year, even though it's my family's turn to come out west. No matter what next April or May I'll be at Chase Field in my Richie Ashburn throwback jersey rooting for my Phils. Since coming back from Dallas I'm still undefeated in games I attend against the Dbacks. But for anything written above management has the last say. I only wish I could get someone's ear who mattered for 5 minutes.

 

Let's get Bunted, looking forward to 2015 and the new regime.

 

                                Bill S aka/netfather

 

 

MG3 Recap

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
MG3 Recap

PHILLIES BUNTS BOARD OF TRUSTEES

Once again another Meet & Greet hosted by Phillies Bunts Inc. has come and gone.  And as promised it was bigger & better than ever.  It was nice to see some old faces as well as meet new acquaintances.  Meeting Netfather Bill was cool and seeing the extra Bunts shirts Wriz brought ‘fly off the shelves’ was overwhelming (we are printing more peeps)!  Of course, many road sodas were consumed which is always good and the Phils did come thru with the ‘W.’

However, this blessed event wasn’t all ‘hugs & kisses’ bro.  I should have known something was amiss when the first thing Wriz said to me was ‘hey did you lose weight.’  Then he proceeded to tell me in his best Chris Tucker voice ‘I’m gonna get you high today.’  I got 3 kids bro…I don’t put that stuff in my temple of a body.  Little did I know that he wasn’t trying to get me stoned, but elevate me into the Thermosphere (Google it!).  Watching a game at 50,000 feet is no easy task ie nosebleeds, ducking for air planes and getting kites stuck in your cheesesteaks are only some of the issues me and my NEPA Posse had to endure.  Now, when I was a young lad, my mom used to tell me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say then blog about it.  So, since I am a ‘momma’s boy’ I’m going to do just that:

10 Worst things about Meet & Greet III

10.  My boy Nick rolling in with a cooler full of adult beverages and no opener.  Good thing Timmy ‘I’m gonna pop some caps’ G. came thru.
9.  My boy Aaron insisting we didn’t need a GPS on our way down and getting lost 3 times.  Mapquest is the MySpace of navigation kid.
8.  Not enough ‘Bunts shirts to go around.  More people need to get ‘Bunted on a regular.
7.  The makeshift DJ giving us a choice between Billy Joel or Jimmy Buffet.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m Billy Joel down…he’s an honorary Beastie Boy for God’s sake.  But it’s tough getting your ‘game face’ on to Uptown Girl.  How ‘bout some Wu Tang son?
6.  The female photog who took pix of me either with my head cut off or stuffing my face with a fat Pat’s.  Nobody wants to see that!
5.  Sexpanther’s Wilt’s ‘Something or other Lehigh’ Beer.  It tasted like pickle juice bro.  High School kids wouldn’t drink that swill.
4.  I offered everyone in ear shot some of my suds, but no one returned the favor with a burger or even a hoddog.  If my weight falls under 250 ish could get hectic real quick.  Good thing I was packin some beef jerky.
3.  Wriz’ beard.  Have you seen this thing?  Squirrels wouldn’t nest in that entanglement.
2.  Sitting 4 rows from the top of CB Park while Wriz (and a gang of pigeons eating popcorn out of his beard sat at sea level).  I’m a former BOTY…how quickly we forget!

THE WRIZ WITHOUT HIS BEARD!

1.  DB29 prancing around in his ‘Bunts shirt when he hasn’t written a blog in over a year.  The only thing worse than that was another absence by DiamondGirl.  Netfather Bill could fly half way across the country, but she can’t drive across state?  Really?

At least there wasn’t any oily sausage this year…let’s get ‘bunted!

MG3

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
MG3

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Elvis’ birthday…what do these days have in common?  They all are revered days of reflection deeply sewn into the fabric which is Americana.  Three years ago we added a 4th date to this honor roll.  This Sunday the Phillies Bunts community will gather to reflect on our publication’s successes in an event aptly titled Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Bill’s Revenge.  Parking lot K has become the Mecca for all things Phillies Bunts. There we will partake in oily sausage & brand-x beer frolicking with friends both old and new.  Nor sweltering heat, overpriced parking or the absence of Kurt Wilson will keep the Buntamaniacs away from this most gala of events.  And when it’s all said and done we hope that no one dies of heat exhaustion, high cholesterol and oh yeah, the Phils beat the Brewers.

MEET & GREET III GRAND MARSHALS

Topics that might be discussed on Sunday might include the recent article reporting the disdain big Cholly has for Martinez & Young.  Our skipper feels that RAJ’s moves are weaker than DB29’s knee spin.  This is interesting cuz you know that Martinez will eventually be sent back to Lehigh, but Delmon isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  So is this article legit?  I question the article’s validity because the day it dropped Young started and batted clean-up to boot.  Why would Cholly want to cause any problems in the clubhouse?  And while we’re on the subject of the 4-hole, when is ‘NL Player of the Week’ Dominic Brown going to get his just due?  Move Howard to the 5th spot and let him strike out there.  I know D*Brown’s was going to do well as soon as I dropped him from my fantasy team…it was inevitable yo!

I’ll admit that I rarely pay attention to any games outside of the NL East.  It wasn’t until I saw a tweet by Charlie Hustle himself Pete Rose that I realized how weak this division really is.

 

GET PETEY BOY OFF OF TWITTER AND INTO THE HALL OF FAME!

While we like to focus on the negative (lack of O, bullpen issues, injuries) the truth is we’re still in this.  However, sooner rather than later a team (most likely the Braves) is going to take off.  Splitting with the BoSox is ok, but we need to start winning series and copping sweeps before it’s too late.  Moreover, it’s time for our veterans to start producing the same the newbies are.  See you on Sunday…let’s get ‘bunted!

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Dizamn

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Dizamn

 

Get out of work early enough to watch Phils/Gnats on Friday. Feels great, no more work for 2 weeks, going home next week. Kendrick pitching, don't even cringe when I hear that now. Catch a solid internet stream with a WASH flavor with NO Wheels or T-Mac. Sounds like paradise right? Well through 5 it's a microcosm of the season. Every time we get near .500 it's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Kendrick not throwing strikes and the Gnats getting lucky with us only 1 game behind them. Paper Chase out 2 weeks or more with an oblique strain. Phils bring up Mini-Mart. Can I start to cry now?

 

Even MiniMart's family cried when he got recalled

 

Sorry DGirl, Utley has seen his better days and this is his last year as a Phil. Howard is only a shell of his former productive self. He had 2 weeks where he hit close to .400 but now is lucky to make contact again on outside pitches that he used to feed on. Delmon Young is trying but really sucks. Michael Young has settled in to where I expected him to be with less homers. Chooch... DL. Rollins... now an average hitter with average power. Kratz solid behind the plate but shit bat. Revere should be in Reading. Dom Brown I think will improve some but basically he's maxed out on what he can do, he has no arm and slow in the field. I still really like Frandsen and Galvis, just hoping Freddy doesn't get tested again anytime soon. Nix had a run but is now bench fodder and nothing more.

 

The bullpen isn't worth mentioning, even Papelbum makes almost every outing an adventure. Reminds me of Lidge before he went buh bye. My head keeps coming back to the source of the problems, Uncle Chollie. He may own the most wins as the Phils mgr but 90% of that was blind luck. Made moves that the talent was able to back up but that no longer exists. Dube isn't worth a shit. When was the last time anything he said ever helped in game situations? Samuel should take all the $$$ he raped the Phils for and run back to the Dominican. Steve Henderson couldn't hit himself, how can he teach? Sandberg needs to be given the reigns ASAP so he can work his reclamation magic like he did in Lehigh. Ryno, pick me for batting coach if you want real results. Sorry, had to lol.

 

Netfather can do a better job than this guy

After everything above, only 2 games below .500(yes Fri down the tubes) and only 5.5 out of first. What does that tell you about the NL East? Let's say it all together boys and girls... NL East SUCKS.  Who knows, maybe by next week at the Meet'N'Greet, shit will turn around. And maybe I'll give birth to triplets too. So my prophecy for 2013 is SELL, anybody for whatever you can get. Who knows, maybe if they do they'll be competitive sometime in my lifetime. The time for serendipity for the past is gone. But what really pisses me off is I have the feeling RAJ may yet think this core can still do something. I have one last thing to say... Pat Gillick *please* come back for 2 years or so and steady the ship.

 

As of today, 5/24, my flight hasn't been cancelled yet lmao. Why am I laughing my flight is 5 days away. DOH. Hoping to see you all in Lot K on 6/2.

 

 

                Bill S aka/netfather
 

Welcome Back

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
Welcome Back

There’s been a lot of buzz on the internets in the past 24 hours about Chase Utley’s injury, but more so about his replacement on the roster.  Unfan favorite, Michael Martinez bka Mini-Mart, has been added to the roster much to the chagrin of my fellow ‘Buntamaniacs.  How much time Martinez will see most likely depends on how well Galvis does.  Both are great defenders, but Galvis’ bat is hit & miss and we all know Martinez’ steez.  Mini-Mart’s offense is about as shaky as the new Michael J Fox Show.  Why he was called up yesterday will forever remain a mystery. But like Pam Anderson’s Hep-C, he’s not going away anytime soon.  So, instead of whining like a b*tch, I’ve decided to welcome Martinez with open arms in a little parody once crooned by the great John Sebastian. It was this tune that became synonymous with John Travolta and eventually became the best thing to happen to him second only to gay ‘happy endings.’  So like it or not….welcome back.


Welcome back,
Utley’s oblique was your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To CB Park where the fans laughed about.

Some of the names have all changed since you hung around,
While our World Series dreams fade as you swung around.

Who'd have thought they'd bring ya (Who'd have thought they'd bring ya)
Up from Lehigh, we don’t need ya (Here, we don’t need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome Back Mini-Mart Cast:

RAJ as Woodman:

Mini-Mart as Mr. Kotter:

Freddy Galvis as Juan Epstein:

Ryan Howard as Freddie ‘No BOOM BOOM’ Washington:

Cole Hamels as Arnold Horshack

Netfather Bill as Vinnie Barbarino

Howie (does not go) Long

Hoodwink’d        by  cj hood         
Howie (does not go) Long                   

The Wriz recently texted me and asked me if I was still down with the B-Team…like there was any doubt.  I’d never go the way of DB, Kornhole and Diamond Girl.  I’m a ‘Bunter for life.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that I was leaving my legions of ‘Buntamaniacs (and/or Robin) starvin’ like Marvin’ for a Hoodwink’d blog.  So, here I is…back at the azz like Preparation-H.  Now prepare yourself to be put on blast!!!

 

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NEVER HAD TO EXPLAIN HIS JOKES!

FYI fellow ‘Buntamaniacs…when you see a disparaging post on Spacebook about Ryan Howard (or as my wife calls him Ron Howard) I’m the one that most likely posted it…so chew on that!  And while you’re busy dissing me on my sarcasm or lack thereof, keep in mind that your boy Howard bka Lil Opie Cunningham has the 5th most strikeouts in MLB.  That’s your clean-up hitter kids and this ish is mad weak!  Sarge called his swing pathetic when they got thumped by the Marlins 14-2 and later went on to say that ‘he’s in a slump’ during the current series with the Indians.  So stop boo hooing at the H-Double…numbers don’t lie bro!  He hit a game winning double in Arizona and half of Philly became semi-flaccid…that’s sad.  Again, he’s got a fat contract and hitting in the 4-hole…a game winning double should be the least we should expect.  He has no business batting clean-up, drop his ass to 6 or 7.  I hope we don’t end up selling in July, but I think it’s inevitable.  However, one thing is for sure….you’re boy Howie will be a Phightan for many years to come due to RAJ’s open check book.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy on a personal level (#nohomo), but Paper Lace (Google it) cranked out more hits ‘mang!  Show some pride Philadelphia…better yet recognize my award winning (BOTY ’11) sarcasm and gut busting wit:

 

 

I HAVE MORE FAITH IN THIS GUY IN THE 4-HOLE!

 

Now that I’m done putting my peeps on blast (I still love you ‘Buntamaniacs!) It’s time to focus on the positives.  We went out West and were more successful than DB29 was when he tried to be a soft porn actor (all his movies were very tasteful) (he doesn’t even read this blog anymore so who cares).  Frandsen, Brown and even Mayberrys’ bats are getting hot!  Pettibone’s making Halladay look like Hamels via Qualls.  We’re slowly clawing our way up the NL East standings. And last, but definitely not the leastest, the oily sausage is almost done pickling just in time for Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Strikes Back!  I’m looking forward to seeing my fellow bloggers (all 2 of them) including the Wriz’ shitty beard and riding around the K lot on Bill’s Segway.  Hopefully it stays dry and the Phils get the W…let’s get ‘bunted!

Semi-Phantastic Auction

 

 

If you’re reading this blog, you must have heard about the Phantasic Auction the Phillies are running. Basically, they put together a whole mess of items to bid on to support Phillies Charities Inc. Some of the great packages include a golf foursome with Phillies legend Mike Schmidt, lunch with Charlie Manuel, and trips to Wrigley, Detroit and Clearwater.

But you’re not reading this blog to find out about something you can just look up on Phillies.com. You’re here for hard hitting journalism and shit like that. So the Wriz went deep undercover to find out the things that didn’t make the cut.

Drinks with LA: Unless Warren Buffet loves the Phillies Radio broadcast, no one has enough to cover that tab.

Lunch with T-Mac: There were obvious concerns about the tab, but the reason it was scratched was the last time T-Mac went to lunch with a fan; the fan came out of it looking like Jim Abbot over the last pork chop.

Bird Watching with Mick Billmeyer: He doesn’t know a clay colored robin from Batman’s sidekick.  Apparently, he was just checking about broads with those binoculars.

 

A Fantasy baseball league with Ruben Amaro Jr.:  RAJ was so gung-ho on this idea. 11 spots at $500 plus a pop. That’s serious coin for charity. Then he heard it was a keeper league and bagged the idea because he doesn’t know shit about planning for next year.

Hitting Clinic with Ben Revere: The Phillies became worried the fan that won would be too busy getting autographs and checking out the Phillies locker room and  they’d forget to teach Ben how to hit.

A night in the Bullpen: No fan could stomach the stench. It stinks there.

Trip to the Barber with Wheels: This guy I was sitting near last night already won.

 

A private tour of the Majestic Store: Just show up. That place, once a zoo, has more employees than shoppers on a weekday game.

A night on the Town with Jonathan Papelbon: The Wriz was so gonna bid on this, but asked when he was going to do with the winner Paps said “Now I got backup, we’re gonna get our guns back from Obama.”

Golf foursome with Lenny Dykstra: He’s not a legend and he’s not due for a parole hearing.

A spot on the 40 man roster: When word got to RAJ that Jesse Biddle planned on using his signing bonus to win it. Raj pulled the plug and said he needed another 4 years in the minors.

Vocabulary lesson with Charlie Manuel: It ad been good and stuff like that.

Chess & Checkers Strategy lesson with Charlie Manuel: It fell through when everyone realized he could only make one move at a time and hope for the best.

Invites to Phillies Bunts Meet & Greet 3: The Wriz invites everybody. Show up June 2^nd. K-lot.

Throw batting practice: Chad Durbin already has that job.

Learn a change-up from Rich Dubee: No clue why this got cancelled. He can teach anyone a sick change. Of course that’s all he’s good for.

I also heard those Mexican dudes with the huge batting helmets tried to put them in the auction but Polanco confiscated his game used merchandise.

Theres still a few hours left on some of the auctions. The private hitting clinic with Chase is up over five grand. No idea how DiamondGirl is going to afford that.

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Shoulda had a "Make a video with the Twins" auction.
CHA-CHING!