MG3

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
MG3

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Elvis’ birthday…what do these days have in common?  They all are revered days of reflection deeply sewn into the fabric which is Americana.  Three years ago we added a 4th date to this honor roll.  This Sunday the Phillies Bunts community will gather to reflect on our publication’s successes in an event aptly titled Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Bill’s Revenge.  Parking lot K has become the Mecca for all things Phillies Bunts. There we will partake in oily sausage & brand-x beer frolicking with friends both old and new.  Nor sweltering heat, overpriced parking or the absence of Kurt Wilson will keep the Buntamaniacs away from this most gala of events.  And when it’s all said and done we hope that no one dies of heat exhaustion, high cholesterol and oh yeah, the Phils beat the Brewers.

MEET & GREET III GRAND MARSHALS

Topics that might be discussed on Sunday might include the recent article reporting the disdain big Cholly has for Martinez & Young.  Our skipper feels that RAJ’s moves are weaker than DB29’s knee spin.  This is interesting cuz you know that Martinez will eventually be sent back to Lehigh, but Delmon isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  So is this article legit?  I question the article’s validity because the day it dropped Young started and batted clean-up to boot.  Why would Cholly want to cause any problems in the clubhouse?  And while we’re on the subject of the 4-hole, when is ‘NL Player of the Week’ Dominic Brown going to get his just due?  Move Howard to the 5th spot and let him strike out there.  I know D*Brown’s was going to do well as soon as I dropped him from my fantasy team…it was inevitable yo!

I’ll admit that I rarely pay attention to any games outside of the NL East.  It wasn’t until I saw a tweet by Charlie Hustle himself Pete Rose that I realized how weak this division really is.

 

GET PETEY BOY OFF OF TWITTER AND INTO THE HALL OF FAME!

While we like to focus on the negative (lack of O, bullpen issues, injuries) the truth is we’re still in this.  However, sooner rather than later a team (most likely the Braves) is going to take off.  Splitting with the BoSox is ok, but we need to start winning series and copping sweeps before it’s too late.  Moreover, it’s time for our veterans to start producing the same the newbies are.  See you on Sunday…let’s get ‘bunted!

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty: Dizamn

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Dizamn

 

Get out of work early enough to watch Phils/Gnats on Friday. Feels great, no more work for 2 weeks, going home next week. Kendrick pitching, don't even cringe when I hear that now. Catch a solid internet stream with a WASH flavor with NO Wheels or T-Mac. Sounds like paradise right? Well through 5 it's a microcosm of the season. Every time we get near .500 it's bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Kendrick not throwing strikes and the Gnats getting lucky with us only 1 game behind them. Paper Chase out 2 weeks or more with an oblique strain. Phils bring up Mini-Mart. Can I start to cry now?

 

Even MiniMart's family cried when he got recalled

 

Sorry DGirl, Utley has seen his better days and this is his last year as a Phil. Howard is only a shell of his former productive self. He had 2 weeks where he hit close to .400 but now is lucky to make contact again on outside pitches that he used to feed on. Delmon Young is trying but really sucks. Michael Young has settled in to where I expected him to be with less homers. Chooch... DL. Rollins... now an average hitter with average power. Kratz solid behind the plate but shit bat. Revere should be in Reading. Dom Brown I think will improve some but basically he's maxed out on what he can do, he has no arm and slow in the field. I still really like Frandsen and Galvis, just hoping Freddy doesn't get tested again anytime soon. Nix had a run but is now bench fodder and nothing more.

 

The bullpen isn't worth mentioning, even Papelbum makes almost every outing an adventure. Reminds me of Lidge before he went buh bye. My head keeps coming back to the source of the problems, Uncle Chollie. He may own the most wins as the Phils mgr but 90% of that was blind luck. Made moves that the talent was able to back up but that no longer exists. Dube isn't worth a shit. When was the last time anything he said ever helped in game situations? Samuel should take all the $$$ he raped the Phils for and run back to the Dominican. Steve Henderson couldn't hit himself, how can he teach? Sandberg needs to be given the reigns ASAP so he can work his reclamation magic like he did in Lehigh. Ryno, pick me for batting coach if you want real results. Sorry, had to lol.

 

Netfather can do a better job than this guy

After everything above, only 2 games below .500(yes Fri down the tubes) and only 5.5 out of first. What does that tell you about the NL East? Let's say it all together boys and girls... NL East SUCKS.  Who knows, maybe by next week at the Meet'N'Greet, shit will turn around. And maybe I'll give birth to triplets too. So my prophecy for 2013 is SELL, anybody for whatever you can get. Who knows, maybe if they do they'll be competitive sometime in my lifetime. The time for serendipity for the past is gone. But what really pisses me off is I have the feeling RAJ may yet think this core can still do something. I have one last thing to say... Pat Gillick *please* come back for 2 years or so and steady the ship.

 

As of today, 5/24, my flight hasn't been cancelled yet lmao. Why am I laughing my flight is 5 days away. DOH. Hoping to see you all in Lot K on 6/2.

 

 

                Bill S aka/netfather
 

Welcome Back

Hoodwink’d        by cj hood
Welcome Back

There’s been a lot of buzz on the internets in the past 24 hours about Chase Utley’s injury, but more so about his replacement on the roster.  Unfan favorite, Michael Martinez bka Mini-Mart, has been added to the roster much to the chagrin of my fellow ‘Buntamaniacs.  How much time Martinez will see most likely depends on how well Galvis does.  Both are great defenders, but Galvis’ bat is hit & miss and we all know Martinez’ steez.  Mini-Mart’s offense is about as shaky as the new Michael J Fox Show.  Why he was called up yesterday will forever remain a mystery. But like Pam Anderson’s Hep-C, he’s not going away anytime soon.  So, instead of whining like a b*tch, I’ve decided to welcome Martinez with open arms in a little parody once crooned by the great John Sebastian. It was this tune that became synonymous with John Travolta and eventually became the best thing to happen to him second only to gay ‘happy endings.’  So like it or not….welcome back.


Welcome back,
Utley’s oblique was your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To CB Park where the fans laughed about.

Some of the names have all changed since you hung around,
While our World Series dreams fade as you swung around.

Who'd have thought they'd bring ya (Who'd have thought they'd bring ya)
Up from Lehigh, we don’t need ya (Here, we don’t need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome Back Mini-Mart Cast:

RAJ as Woodman:

Mini-Mart as Mr. Kotter:

Freddy Galvis as Juan Epstein:

Ryan Howard as Freddie ‘No BOOM BOOM’ Washington:

Cole Hamels as Arnold Horshack

Netfather Bill as Vinnie Barbarino

Howie (does not go) Long

Hoodwink’d        by  cj hood         
Howie (does not go) Long                   

The Wriz recently texted me and asked me if I was still down with the B-Team…like there was any doubt.  I’d never go the way of DB, Kornhole and Diamond Girl.  I’m a ‘Bunter for life.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that I was leaving my legions of ‘Buntamaniacs (and/or Robin) starvin’ like Marvin’ for a Hoodwink’d blog.  So, here I is…back at the azz like Preparation-H.  Now prepare yourself to be put on blast!!!

 

RODNEY DANGERFIELD NEVER HAD TO EXPLAIN HIS JOKES!

FYI fellow ‘Buntamaniacs…when you see a disparaging post on Spacebook about Ryan Howard (or as my wife calls him Ron Howard) I’m the one that most likely posted it…so chew on that!  And while you’re busy dissing me on my sarcasm or lack thereof, keep in mind that your boy Howard bka Lil Opie Cunningham has the 5th most strikeouts in MLB.  That’s your clean-up hitter kids and this ish is mad weak!  Sarge called his swing pathetic when they got thumped by the Marlins 14-2 and later went on to say that ‘he’s in a slump’ during the current series with the Indians.  So stop boo hooing at the H-Double…numbers don’t lie bro!  He hit a game winning double in Arizona and half of Philly became semi-flaccid…that’s sad.  Again, he’s got a fat contract and hitting in the 4-hole…a game winning double should be the least we should expect.  He has no business batting clean-up, drop his ass to 6 or 7.  I hope we don’t end up selling in July, but I think it’s inevitable.  However, one thing is for sure….you’re boy Howie will be a Phightan for many years to come due to RAJ’s open check book.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy on a personal level (#nohomo), but Paper Lace (Google it) cranked out more hits ‘mang!  Show some pride Philadelphia…better yet recognize my award winning (BOTY ’11) sarcasm and gut busting wit:

 

 

I HAVE MORE FAITH IN THIS GUY IN THE 4-HOLE!

 

Now that I’m done putting my peeps on blast (I still love you ‘Buntamaniacs!) It’s time to focus on the positives.  We went out West and were more successful than DB29 was when he tried to be a soft porn actor (all his movies were very tasteful) (he doesn’t even read this blog anymore so who cares).  Frandsen, Brown and even Mayberrys’ bats are getting hot!  Pettibone’s making Halladay look like Hamels via Qualls.  We’re slowly clawing our way up the NL East standings. And last, but definitely not the leastest, the oily sausage is almost done pickling just in time for Meet & Greet III:  Netfather Strikes Back!  I’m looking forward to seeing my fellow bloggers (all 2 of them) including the Wriz’ shitty beard and riding around the K lot on Bill’s Segway.  Hopefully it stays dry and the Phils get the W…let’s get ‘bunted!

Semi-Phantastic Auction

 

 

If you’re reading this blog, you must have heard about the Phantasic Auction the Phillies are running. Basically, they put together a whole mess of items to bid on to support Phillies Charities Inc. Some of the great packages include a golf foursome with Phillies legend Mike Schmidt, lunch with Charlie Manuel, and trips to Wrigley, Detroit and Clearwater.

But you’re not reading this blog to find out about something you can just look up on Phillies.com. You’re here for hard hitting journalism and shit like that. So the Wriz went deep undercover to find out the things that didn’t make the cut.

Drinks with LA: Unless Warren Buffet loves the Phillies Radio broadcast, no one has enough to cover that tab.

Lunch with T-Mac: There were obvious concerns about the tab, but the reason it was scratched was the last time T-Mac went to lunch with a fan; the fan came out of it looking like Jim Abbot over the last pork chop.

Bird Watching with Mick Billmeyer: He doesn’t know a clay colored robin from Batman’s sidekick.  Apparently, he was just checking about broads with those binoculars.

 

A Fantasy baseball league with Ruben Amaro Jr.:  RAJ was so gung-ho on this idea. 11 spots at $500 plus a pop. That’s serious coin for charity. Then he heard it was a keeper league and bagged the idea because he doesn’t know shit about planning for next year.

Hitting Clinic with Ben Revere: The Phillies became worried the fan that won would be too busy getting autographs and checking out the Phillies locker room and  they’d forget to teach Ben how to hit.

A night in the Bullpen: No fan could stomach the stench. It stinks there.

Trip to the Barber with Wheels: This guy I was sitting near last night already won.

 

A private tour of the Majestic Store: Just show up. That place, once a zoo, has more employees than shoppers on a weekday game.

A night on the Town with Jonathan Papelbon: The Wriz was so gonna bid on this, but asked when he was going to do with the winner Paps said “Now I got backup, we’re gonna get our guns back from Obama.”

Golf foursome with Lenny Dykstra: He’s not a legend and he’s not due for a parole hearing.

A spot on the 40 man roster: When word got to RAJ that Jesse Biddle planned on using his signing bonus to win it. Raj pulled the plug and said he needed another 4 years in the minors.

Vocabulary lesson with Charlie Manuel: It ad been good and stuff like that.

Chess & Checkers Strategy lesson with Charlie Manuel: It fell through when everyone realized he could only make one move at a time and hope for the best.

Invites to Phillies Bunts Meet & Greet 3: The Wriz invites everybody. Show up June 2^nd. K-lot.

Throw batting practice: Chad Durbin already has that job.

Learn a change-up from Rich Dubee: No clue why this got cancelled. He can teach anyone a sick change. Of course that’s all he’s good for.

I also heard those Mexican dudes with the huge batting helmets tried to put them in the auction but Polanco confiscated his game used merchandise.

Theres still a few hours left on some of the auctions. The private hitting clinic with Chase is up over five grand. No idea how DiamondGirl is going to afford that.

See ya at the Ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Shoulda had a "Make a video with the Twins" auction.
CHA-CHING!



Mayday!

Mayday! Mayday!

Is it time to panic?

We are a month into the season and what have we learned? Not much. The lineup is still inconsistent, but is just now taking its intended shape. The starters will have strong outings and then an Andy Ashby-esque outing. We know the bullpen blows. That’s for sure. We know Durbin can do a spot on Chad Qualls impression. I know Wheels still likes to say “middle in” and “no doubles defense.” Howard looked like garbage but is starting to be the beast in the middle of the lineup. We know Uts looks like Uts of old but we don’t know if he’s to sustain this production and stay healthy the whole season.

The Wriz knows that the Indians are supposed to be shitty but fucking absolutely TROUNCED our boys last night. They lit up the Phillies pitchers for 7 home runs. SEVEN. Nobody on the Phillies have 7 for the whole year. Even Yuniesky Betancourt even has 6 and the Phillies cut his ass at the end of Spring Training.

 

I also know that the Phillies are supposed to get a big infusion of cash from a new TV deal but if they are so coveted why do they keep putting games on the Comcast Network. I can’t even get that shitball station in HD. I mean, they were getting bumped for Sixers games and they were probably the most unwatchable TV since MTV ran Silent Library.

I know every time a Phillies player does a commercial he turns to shit. See Hamels circa 2009 (ESPN the Magazine amongst others) Howard (Subway 2011) Pence (Liscio’s 2012), so fuck Kratz and Godshalls although turkey bacon is ok in my book.

 

We know many of the Johnny Come Latelys have found better things to do than hit up CBP, but that’s cool with me. The line at Alley Brewing is long enough. The Wriz recommends anything from Troegs. (Can I get a sponsorship deal?)

So, Is it time to panic? No, but the Wriz seems to think the 2013 isn't much more than a 3rd place team, but is still holding onto the fact he doesn't KNOW that.

See (a couple of) ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com