‘Twas the Night Before Opening Day ‘16

Hoodwink’d                   by cj hood

‘Twas the Night Before Opening Day ‘16

 

  

FANS ARE SCARED BRO!

 

‘Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park

Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;

The bats were all hung by the helmets with care,

In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;

The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of a parade danced in their heads;

Mom in her Ruf jersey, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long Spring nap,

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to Citizen’s Bank I flew like a flash,

Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.

Phillies Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow

We got rid of that jobber; Ruben Amaro

When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases

An all new offense, don’t know their names nor their faces

With a brand new coach, hair slicked back and neat.

I knew in a moment it must have been Pete.

More rapid than the Eagles his courses they came,

And he whistled, and shouted and, called them by name;

“Now, Nola! Now, Morton! They came with a twist!

Now Eickhoff and that guy that broke Franco’s wrist!”

From the dugout! To the top of the wall!

They dashed away! Dashed away! Dashed away all!

As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricanes fly,

When Altherr broke his wrist; phans collectively cried.

Ben Davis and Murph were calling the game

‘Boy we miss Harry’; Oh! What a shame,

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Nola was set and took to the mound.

He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,

And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;

The Mets blew the Series; the ‘Gnats dug their own graves;

Marlins suck; at least we’re not the Braves.

Three up and three down as Chooch made the calls!

Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!

Las Vegas is saying we’re gonna get killed

If their play doesn’t kill us, Chick-fil-A certainly will

We’ve got Andy McPhail and Matthew Klentak;

We traded our stars and got prospects back.

We might be the duds of the MLB,

We’ll contend once again, just wait and see

We’ll struggle at first, I’m not going to lie yo!

But at least we open with that team from Ohio

I’m excited about Franco, Herrera and Nola

Philly’s best team? Wildcats at Villanova

If we played in October it would be such a shocker,

Maybe if Howard cleaned out his locker

But tonight we’re in first, like the rest of the teams

And all we can do is have positive dreams

Can’t wait til tomorrow; dress warm cuz it’s freezing,

“Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great season,”