Phlippin' Out!

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood

Phlippin' Out!

This is a rant: F’ English & proper grammar!

I was hired by this illustrious company as an LOL Man and I love it.  Making dick jokes is my thang!  My FB friends can attest to that.  Save the bball knowledge to DB & the Wriz.  However, it's not always sunshine & roses in Camp Hood.  If you asked if “I was mad bro?", I'd say “F’ Yeah...I'm pissed."  So upset that I'm forced to breakdown and write this edition in paragraph form like a commoner.  No jokes, no cute pictures…nothing.  Before I put heads on blast lets get one thing straight...I'm a fan, not a phanatic.  There is a difference.  I love the Phils, but I am smart enough not to drink the kool-aid and think everything the Phils do is copasetic. I'm not scared, I don't need a dog and I am a true fan.  AND BEGIN...  

I told you last March that the Phils didn't need another Ace, they needed a bat.  I love Lee, but they had a good starting rotation with Doc, Hamels & Oswalt.  Blanton got hurt, Worley stepped in and things were even better.  Except for the hitting.  As I watch this series w/the Cards all I can think about is Cody Ross & Howard getting caught looking.  I know that was last year, but have things really changed? Hells no!  This year it’s not Ross, but Rossesess: Freese, Pujols, Berkman, Theriot et al.  And on our side: JRoll, Jimmy Rollins and J. Rollins.   That'd be it.  Any coinky dink that JRoll is in a contract year? 
  

Ryan Howard aka Mr. RBI, bully of the Mets, Nats & Marlins...who cares bro?  That's like winning a medal in the Special Olympics...straight up retawded!  Howard is not worth $121 million.  Howard homeruns or strikes out...there's very little in between.  And don’t blame the Howard Shift…learn to pull the ball.  Is he clutch?  Like PE crooned "Can't Truss it!" Pitchers walk Pence to get to him.  WHERE ELSE DO YOU SEE THE 3 HOLE HITTER GETTING WALKED TO GET TO THE CLEAN UP BATTER? Would we walk Pujols to get to Berkman….f’ no!  Rookies wearing pink tutus isn’t embarrassing, going 0-? in your hometown is.  Bench Howard and let the squirrel bat clean up.

Heads are saying to relax cuz we got Doc tomorrow.  We could have Jesus pitching and it won’t make a difference if only 2 of our guys are hitting.  Edwin Jackson beat us and now we have to face Carpenter!

Even if they win tonight, the problem is still there…it’s been there all year.  Great pitching could easily get you through the NL East, but that’s about it.  I say trade Hamels for a solid bat.  I’d say the same about Rollins, but there aren’t a lot of shortstops available right now.  

I don’t want to see any of these homegrown heroes go, but enough is enough.  

At this point it doesn’t matter which playoff team won 102 games during the regular season and who made it in as a Wild Card.  Have the Phils reached their plateau for this era?  They got knocked out of the NLCS in ‘07, won the Series in ‘08, lost the series in ‘09 and lost the NLDS last year.  Most of this team have their rings and their contracts, but do they still have the heart?  The hunger to win?  I guess we’ll find out tonight.  LET’S GET PHUCKIN’ BUNTED!!!