Sightless

By Monday night, Spring Training will all be but over. Our Fightin Phils will have already made the trek back north for the final 2 spring games, otherwise known as the On Deck series. It’s a Bush League money grab if you ask me but whatever that’s not my purpose for writing this. My purpose? The top things I didn’t see this spring.

9. I didn’t see any great strategic moves by Charlie. I know its spring. You get the guys their work so they are ready when it counts, but this is the year Charlie has the bench he wanted and the year he’ll need it most. ****If*** Charlie can double switch and move players around on the diamond during the game, bolstering the bench could pay huge dividends. (Obviously, that’s a monumental “if”)

8. I didn’t see a lefty impress to earn a bullpen spot. The Phils only had Bastardo in the pen for the playoffs and he hasn’t been dominant since early August. Dontrelle Willis looked awful and was sent home. Jake Diekman looked good but was sent down.

7. I didn’t see the best staff in the majors dominate like it has to for the Phillies to dominate the NL East. Of the starters, only Lee has an ERA under 4.00. Papelbon has looked good. So has the perennial whipping boys, Kendrick and Herndon. KK has an ERA of 0.00 and a WHIP of 0.54. Somebody buy me his jersey already!

6. I didn’t see a seagull soil Wheel rug. Now, that’s disappointing.

5. I didn’t see hear Jonathan Papelbon’s entrance to his new music. It’s been of the most talked about topics of the offseason. As a Dropkick Murphy’s fan, I’ve been particularly interested in his choice to replace “Shipping up to Boston.” I do like the fact that he’s waiting until they come north to use it.

4. I didn’t see Heidi Hamels once. She’s smoking hot and the only person I know more ditzy than DB29. Oh that reminds me…

3. I didn’t see Cole Hamels sign a new contract. I’ve said all along if they came north and Cole didn’t have a new deal, he’s gone. The Dodgers situation is cleaned up and you know the Yankees would love to throw a boatload of cash at him. Wear the shit outta your #35 jersey now because next year, it could be a dish rag.

2. I didn’t see a Hooters girl take a nasty hop off her silicone fun bags. The Wriz likes T&A as much, if not more, than the next guy. The old dudes at AT&T Park have more skills and agility. I saw a kid getting an autograph from one of the Hooters girls. I looked on EBay but no dice. It would have looked great next to my K&A Ladies of the Night trading cards.

1. I didn’t see Uts or the Big Piece step in the batters box. The thought that this could continue until July or longer is the reason the Wriz cries himself to sleep.

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com