Sunday, March 30, 2014

'Twas the Night Before Opening Day '14



‘Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;
The bats were hung by the helmets with care,
In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of a parade danced in their heads;
Mom in her Utley jersey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long Spring nap,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Citizen’s Bank I flew like a flash,
Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.
Phillies Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow
While Mets fans drank Piels; drowning their sorrows,
When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases,
A huge jumbotron, a Chooch and three aces,
With a Hall of Fame coach, so lively and kind,
I knew in a moment it must have been Ryne.
More rapid than the Eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Hamels! Now, AJ! Now, Kendrick and Lee!
On, Howard! On Rollins! And a healthy Utley!”
From the dugout! To the top of the wall!
They dashed away! Dashed away! Dashed away all!”
As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricanes flew,
With mitts in their hands, and Papelbon too.
Moyer and Stairs were calling the game
Boy we miss Harry; Oh! What a shame,
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Lee with his game scruff took to the mound.
He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,
And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;
McCann’s now in New YorkUggla’s straight up dirt
The tomahawk is played out; all your pitchers are hurt
Three up and three down as Chooch made the calls!
Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!
Around the league all the teams were conspiring
Braun is still juicing and Jeter’s retiring
Gnats fans went to games did not even care,
What about Miami? They still play baseball there?
Don’t sweat the Rangers, their pitching staff’s poo
Fielder is fat; F’ Beltre and Choo 
Brown hit homeruns, Revere did his thing,
Howard is back...the RBI king!!!
Chooch is back on the pills; this should be fun.
And Cole Hamels received his first ever Cy Young.
Spring Training was rough; could not get much worser
Ruff hurt his ribs and Galvis got MRSA.
Still the Phightans fried teams just like pancake batter,
Who we met in October did not even matter;
We took out the brooms; got them in four,
World Fuckin’ Champs, the Phillies once more.
Can’t wait til tomorrow; dress warm cuz it’s freezing,
“Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great-season.”

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Amaro, Amaro, I hate you Amaro!

Hoodwink’d ​​by cj hood
Amaro, Amaro, I hate you Amaro!

Yo yo yo Buntamaniacs! I wanted to give you a sneak peak of my brand new hit off of Phillies Bunts Records before it blows up on iTunes. ‘Amaro Needs to be Fired’ is sure to go triple platinum before Ryan Howard is out for the season. So click the Piano’s Man original version below and sing along with my lyrics. My version fits perfectly…believe me…I slaved over it all weekend. So, f’ Amaro and let’s get bunted!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

"Amaro Needs to be Fired”

Delmon Young, Mini Mart, Laynce Nix, just to start
Lou Castillo, Danys Baez, guys that were question marks
Dontrell Willis, Chad Qualls, John McDonald, Michael Young
Thome again, Abreu again, Senior Citizens Bank Park

JC Romero, Polanco, Roy Oswalt
we lost, Brandon Moss, Quintin Berry, Vogelsong how absurd
Got Pence, lost Pence, Howard’s got a new deal
lost Werth, lost Shane, in exchange for Marlon Byrd

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it

Pitching wins, no it doesn’t, remember the season that really wasn’t
2 more years of Ryan Howard, what a f’in crock
JA Happ, Dave Herndon, Worley, Mathieson
RAJ not qualified to wash the team’s jocks
now it’s twenty fourteen and still don’t have a winning team
Wilson Valdez, Ross Gload, Brian Schneider, all comode
Perez, Sardinha, Bowker, De Fratus
Bastardo’s hooked, Oswalt’s shook, Trouble in Clearwater
 
Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it

CJ Hood, Jay Wriz, Netfather, Bunt’s biz
Twitter, Facebook page, even gotta an Instragram
Twitter, Meet & Greet, all for Phillies baseball
a GM homicide is causing a fan suicide

Chad Durbin, Lannan, John McDonald, Pete Orr
Francisco, Castro, we all really hate you Rubes
Ezequiel Carrera, mucho dinero
Sarge out, Wheels to, T*Mac’s back with bigger boobs

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it

J Horst, Joseph, minors in a major land
Get Lee, trade Lee, Nationals invasion
Heyward’s in Atlanta, Staton Marlinmania
Freeman, Uggla, are NL East beasts again

No blogs from 29, Kornhole and Diamond Girl
Cholly fired, in that way, what else do I have to say

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it

Doc’s gone, AJ’s in, Chooch is on the pills again
Henderson, Ryno, Papp is a whine-o
Galvis out, Blanton souse, upheaval in the clubhouse
5K Wriz ran, theres no fans in the stands
Hamel’s hurt, Utley’s knees, on DL just cuz you sneezed
Howard’s wealthy, not healthy, ACL, not stealthy
J*Roll’s not in it anymore, lost the heart to lead and score
Ruff’s ribs, MRSA, I can't take it anymore

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
Even when he’s gone
His moves will suck on and on and on and on
And on and on and on and on...

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it


Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it

Amaro needs to be fired
Sucks like a deer tick
Ride the tails of Gillick
Amaro needs to be fired
The fans don’t like it
So we try to fight it





Thursday, March 20, 2014

Spring (t)Raining



I went into business for myself 4 and a half years ago. In fact it was the first time I even had 2 planned days off in a row. It was super stressful preparing to make sure my business was prepared for my absence but fuck it I was going to Spring Training for St Patrick’s Day no less!

 My big concern was that the trip was too short. Leave Sat & return on Tuesday. I worked on Saturday which meant a 2:30 am alarm. Luckily my man Dale, who would be filling in for me, worked with me. We zipped through the day and were done by 10. Two hours quicker than expected. Unfortunately, I needed the time to walk my boys and finish packing instead of taking a nap. Packing done, I dropped off my boys at Momma Wriz’s house and off to the airport. Finally, a vacation!

Now vacation hadn’t really started because I was beerless but we hit up the Chickie’s in the terminal to change all that. I know what your thinking but I would have loved to go elsewhere but the other “bar” had Coors Light, Miller Lite and Bud. Blah! So the thief got a bit of my money as I got the Victory Crabby Ale. After a few, we headed to the gate. The guy in front of us in line handed me 2 drink vouchers for the ride. Nice! He did the same for the guy in front of him but then the kid came clean and said he was underage. So rather than put them back in his wallet he said “Here’s 2 for the ride home.”  They came in handy as Southwest had Fat Tire cans as an in-flight option. Other than the old had who was asking the dumbest questions at the car rental counter and holding us up, our travel went on without a hitch.

We stayed at the Safety Harbor Resort & Spa. The rooms were really nice but finding your way around was like fumbling thru a corn maze. By the time we found our room, I was good for nothing. And I’d rather have gotten a good nights rest as our trip package included “Brunch with the Broadcasters” the next morning. I heard grumblings that the weather was going to rain on March 17. The news said 80% chance. No big deal, it rains all the time in Florida.

I woke up with plenty of time to get the brunch over at Bright House Field in our rent-a-car, just not in our rent-a-car that was dead. WTF?!?!?!!  The problem with having a dead battery at a hotel is that everyone that walks by has a rental and no cables, so I ran down to the lobby and BINGO! They have cables, but have no idea where they are. Fortunately, the hotel grounds crew had cables and helped us out. On our way, we got there a half hour late. They were going through the stadium giveaways, so we grabbed a mimosa and a plate and ate in the other room. Paul Hagen from the Daily News passed thru and said hello so that was cooler than seeing the Phanatic sunglasses anyway. A lady handed me my raffle ticket which I thought they’d give some of the freebees away.  Matt Stairs, Murph and TMac talked for a bit and then answered a few questions from the fans. All pretty generic except when Stairs said he “didn’t make enough to play everyday” He tried to save himself but the laughter just helped him drown. Then the raffle. Scott Palmer encouraged everyone to get out their tickets as the first prize was an autographed Chase Utley ball. “8-8-3-9-ohhhh-“  For fucks sakes just let it be 3 already! “Three!” BOOM! I won. Made being late worth it. The broadcaster stuck around a bit to talk, take pictures, and sign autographs.



We were able to go into the stadium and walk around and take pictures which was nice especially since we hit up the store before the crowds came in. It got mobbed once the gates opened. The day was nice bright and sunny. A tad windy but a welcome exchange for the freezing cold and snow of Philadelphia.  We stopped by the Tiki Bar before the game for some beers before heading to our seats for the game. We had great seats 12 rows behind the plate. I’ve never really considered Spring Training baseball the same as MLB but its great to hear the crack of the bat, pop of the mitt and the crowd roar again especially in the midst of this dreadful winter.


After the game, we hit up the Brown Boxer for dinner. It was a good place with a nice craft beer selection and pretty good food. Later, we hit up a couple of local bars in Safety Harbor BarFly and Nolan’s Pub. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Jon Taffer walked in either one. Both had good beer selections tho. At least Barfly had glassware. By the time we got back to the hotel the chance of rain for Monday had gotten to 90% and pretty much said it was going to be a washout.

Monday! St. Patrick’s Day. It wasn’t raining but the news was now calling for 100% chance of rain and a tornado watch. We took our time in getting ready hoping they’d just cancel the game, but about 11 we bit the bullet and headed over. By this time the heavy downpours had started. I suspected that they wouldn’t call the game about 2 so they could salvage whatever concession money they could. We went out to the Tiki Bar and between the wind and lack of cover getting soaked was inevitable. Worse yet, they didn’t have Guinness.  We braved it for a while but headed for shelter in the concourse. Of course we stopped at the Beers of the World stand for a Harp and a Guinness. I was able to catch up with an old friend and the nearby Victory Beer stand had Summer Love on tap. I saw one of the beer vendors from Citizens Bank Park doing his thing with a bucket of Lites. He said normally he could pay his rent for his 6 week stay with what he makes on March 17th but not this time. It wasn’t long before the “boos” rang out as they announced the game was cancelled.

Now what to do? We went back to the hotel but the indoor pools and Jacuzzi were off limits because of the lightning. We headed down to Nolan’s but they were closed. What kind of Irish bar doesn’t open until 5 on St Patrick’s Day?  Oh well, we grabbed a bite to eat and went there later. It wasn’t much better. Their entertainment was a guy with a guitar playing cover songs. He barely managed to squeeze in a U2 song. Meh. The fact they had a scantily dressed female leprechaun kinda made it worth it.

Tuesday morning, we went to Lenny’s. I’ve always heard it’s the place to go for breakfast in Clearwater. It was packed, but not much of a wait to get seated. There was a plethora of Phillies hats, shirts and jerseys amongst the patrons. You’d think you were in Philly. The food was great and the service was even better. It’s definitely a “must” if you go down.

One last stop before we hit the airport, Cigar City is a microbrew in Tampa. I’ve had a few of their beers before so I was glad to be able to make it there. No tours on Tuesdays but their tasting room was open so that was fine by me. They had 20 or so of their beers on tap and a few from other breweries. It was a good stop so good I was worried about them letting me on the plane. LOL

A quick stop at another airport bar and we headed back to Philly. Overall, it was a good trip. Expectations may have been unrealistic but it was totally worthwhile. I can’t wait for next year. Hit me up if you have any questions.

See ya at the ballpark (in Philly)!

Jay Wrizight
jaywrizight@yahoo.com 
 
 
 

Monday, February 3, 2014

And begin…


Hoodwink’d
And begin…

Well kids, the Super Bowl is over.  Pete Carroll is the 3rd college coach to cop the big win.  Next year it’ll be 4 coaches when Chip Kelly flies the Eagles to their very first title. Since football is over that means baseball season has officially begun….at least for me anyway.  I don’t watch hockey & haven’t watched the NBA since Jeff Van Gundy grabbed Alonzo Mourning’s leg and jazzed up his comb-over (I’m a Knicks fan).  So now it’s time to focus our attention to Clearwater and anticipate the most pivotal season the Phillies have had during the Citizens Bank Park era.  It’ll almost be like watching the final season of your favorite TV show cuz next year Henry Winkler won’t be the Fonz, but some old Jewish guy pitching reverse mortgages.  So sit back, relax & loosen your belt you Super Bowl party foodies & enjoy my pre-pre-season piece.
 


IF THEY COULD GIVE THESE WAY ON JUNE 29TH I’D CALL THE SEASON A SUCCESS.

Pitching


What can I say about the 2014 Phillies that hasn’t been said on our Facebook page already?  The media outside of Philly has written us off years ago and long gone are the fair-weather fans of a few years back.  That means there’s only 597 of us left (hopefully 600 by the time this goes to blog).  Some of us are excited & optimistic while the rest of us are a little more realistic & pissed off.  We can all agree on the shitty job RAJ has done.  He wasted mad cash on a clean-up hitter who’s been MIA for the greater part of 2 seasons & a pitching staff that hasn’t gotten us far into the post season.  We’ve gone from 5 aces to 2 aces & a 3, 4, 5 all off suit.  Now, that’s a hand worth folding. I have faith in Cole & Lee until July when it’ll just be Cole.  But that won’t be enough to get us to the post season.  I am interested and a little excited to see what Cuban export Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez could do.  However, I’d be more excited if CB Park instituted a ‘Cuban cigar giveaway’ in honor of his debut.  So that leaves us with 2 1/2 solid pitchers and KK at least til July.  AJ Burnett’s available…I don’t want him!  But let’s be honest, he’d definitely fit in to our mantra as of late:  “Philly is the last place ball players go before they retire.”  The bullpen came on strong at the end which is nice.  Bastardo’s back, drug-free, with a bloated paycheck that has become the norm for this organization.  If Bastardo & Adams could rebound & Papelblown gets his act together this piece of the puzzle should not be as a big of a question mark as years past.

Offense


There are always exceptions to the rule that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  There have been older athletes that have had great years just at the time everyone thought they should have already hung it up.  However, when your team is full of these ‘old dogs’ it doesn’t leave much hope.  The last 2 seasons our offense has been offensive. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again and expecting different results.  That is where the ‘14 Phillies are at right now.  The scenario that would need to play out is: Chase staying the course he was on last year, Chooch to pick up where he left off at the end of last season & (prodigal son) Marlon Byrd to do what he did in NY & Pittsburgh at the 5 spot for us.  I really like Revere and think him & Asche will both have solid seasons.  I feel that D*Brown outkicked his coverage last year and his homerun production will be a shell of what it was in ‘13.  However, if the final piece (the Big Piece) doesn’t come thru yet again this will all be for naught.  You all know my disdain for Howard (the player not the person…actually the contract), hell he even blocked me on Twitter.  So it should come as no surprise to my fellow ‘Buntamaniacs when I say that I’m expecting zilch from Howard this season.  As a result of the latter, I think it’ll be more of the same in 2014.

Wrap-it-up

We all cried last year when Cholly got the boot and I’m sure we’re all pleased he’s back as the ‘assistant to the traveling secretary.’  I wanted to hate Sandberg, but found it difficult when we started winning.  I loved the fact that he gave J*Roll a must needed kick in the behind.  I think Ryno is better equipped to handle these vets than Cholly was which leaves us with some glimmer of hope.  A lot of things need to fall into place in order for the Phillies to reach the post season in 2014.  I think the Gnats are the team to beat, but we can definitely give them a run for their money.  I’ll be back in a month or so with my pre-season blog, info about our new Phillies Bunts tshirts & some Meet & Greet IV chatter.  Until then…let’s get ‘bunted!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

It's Been Baseball Weather Out Here for Weeks


    View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  It's Been Baseball Weather Out Here for Weeks
 
 
During the past week, Epstein's Mom practically commanded me to do my first piece of the season. Maybe because she needed to feel like spring was coming. That's when it hit me... it's been baseball weather here in AZ for WEEKS already. Hint: check Wed's expected high.  :D
 





Enough people on FB have seen me post similar, but her request almost slapped me in the face earlier today. I was driving down Indian School Rd on the Phoenix/Scottsdale border when low and behold I saw two uniformed teams playing a game on a nicely landscaped field behind a Jr High. Then coming home, 100 yards across the street from my front door where the SF Giants practice, I heard the sounds of what sounded liked catchers mitts and wood bats. Low and behold there looked like an organized practice for some team. The Giants aren't due here for 2 weeks or so, and only one of three fields was being used, but IT WAS BASEBALL for the second time today. Is that an omen or two or what?
 
Now, my problem is how do I work the Phillies into all this? Several of the Phillies contingent are in Clearwater now, and have sent posts, pics and tweets back already. How do I compete with that? Do I badmouth all the over 35 signings, or the career bad pitchers signings, or Ruin Amaro himself? Do I bitch about Ruf getting screwed over again before camp even starts? Do I go back to my last blog of the year last September and tell you all I nailed almost every point I made? (Well I did LOL). Do I point to the above picture and gloat about it while most of you are freezing your balls of? (Wait, I've been doing that for weeks already too haha). Do I try shaming Diamond Girl into actually writing something now that she's graduated? Do I beg DB29 or Kornhole to suck it up and get back here where they belong?
 
And then it came to me, after looking at my calendar that has all of my vacation days for this year(picked last year between 9/30/13 and 10/12/13) and realizing HEY... if the Meet'N'Greet IV is going to be the last Sunday in June, I HAVE THE ENTIRE WEEK OFF following it. Here I was all down because I couldn't attend my second HOF induction with my mates from 67/68 on 6/6/14 but hell I've already been there & done that 8 years ago. Now I'm all pumped I might be able to make MNG4 as long as my brother will be home so I can mooch a place to stay for free lol. I swear this just came to me in the last hour or so. Being old means you have to regroup memories/ideas/thoughts almost daily to survive these days lol. And just maybe I can stay for the game this year, cause I fucking hate ATL with a passion(it's personal for me going back to 1968). Thanks to CJ Hood for pushing suggesting this date so he could be with his sons on their bday, which we discussed at length a few days ago. Yes, I wasn't planning on coming back this year but WTF money was made to be spent and I have some family to catch up with too... right now who knows but things are looking way more up than yesterday.
 
Oh, if you're pissed I haven't picked the opening day lineup or "roasted" Ruin Amaro or spelled out why Cody Asche should start at third, tough shit. This whole blog became a revelation as it unfolded and at this moment I'm in a much better mood than I was this morning. I'll leave you guys with this gem: a shot in the dark, Mike Adams overcomes successful shoulder surgery to again become a dominant 8th inning setup man. We need him desperately. And out of the blue Mad Dog can suddenly throw like a mofo again to take over the 7th inning chore. Hey WTF, it could happen lmao.
 
 
                                                Bill S aka/netfather

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Been a Lonnnnnnnnng Season

View From the Left Coast by a Lefty:  Been a Lonnnnnnnnng Season
 

I've spent a couple of weeks thinking about this, my last piece of the year. I actually started out three different times to write it, and each time drew a blank on the direction it would take. Earlier CJ nailed a good way to end, with awards. Seeing as how that's no longer available, I'd like to accept my Globetrotter trophy by thanking Southwest Airlines for *NOT* cancelling my flight this year after I had to book my vacation seven months in advance and pray the M'n'GIII would fall during my stay. I don't think I'll be making it back home in 2014 so that pressure is lifted. Next year it's time for my family (and anyone else interested) to trek to AZ to see me. So if anyone who reads this decides to brave the desert just PM me on Facebook and I'll do what I can to accomodate. Something to consider: the Phils are in town here April 27-29(Fri-Sun) and our annual Scardefield outing will be that weekend. My kids seems to enjoy me spending $300 on tickets so they can sit around and bullshit and up some pics to Facebook. I usually have to guess who's going to fork up the $11 for a hot dog and beer but I digress.
 

So now, what's left to hash out? I think it's a foregone conclusion that Sandberg will be made the perm manager. To me he's shown signs he has a plan. Now if only RAJ had a plan this coming winter could be productive. If I had my druthers there would be some way for the Phils to rid themself of Howard's contract and Chris Wheeler in one fell swoop. That alone would brighten the horizon and bring hope to a disenchanted franchise and it's fans. But with neither being reality let me offer a few moves to be made. First, re-sign Chooch at a hometown rate. We need him one more year for a lot of reasons. Second, someone needs to review all the video on Kendrick... to note how he went from bum to dependable and now seems to be returning to his former self. That same person can also research Hamels video for mostly the same reasons, but in opposite directions. Cliff Lee has earned his annual trek to Arkansas no problema. But third, this is one that will make me very unpopular... I think we part ways with Doc. His desire and effort are not in question, but I personally think he may just say phuckit because he can't perform to his own standards. He doesn't need to prove to anyone, in Philly or anywhere, what he has accomplished. But I also don't think there's enough left for his pride to let him continue as a major league pitcher on the elite level. I know I couldn't do it when I threw my arm out and lost any hope of a major league career. But I still played another five years, just never pitched again because I could hit as well as anyone. I know, I know, nobody cares but it *IS* my opinion lol.

Now for the kids. I'm excited to see Ruf and Asche start next season as major leaguers. I'm excited for the return of Ben Revere. I want to see Dom Brown come back and be as consistent as he was this year. I want to see Bunts CEO The Wriz become excited for another new season and anticipate more contributions from him <ducking>. I think Galvis has to start the year on the roster as well. If we can perfect his relief pitcher technique I can finally let go of Wilson Valdez. I wish Maikel Franco was ready, boy we could use his bat. I hope Tommy Joseph is free of concussion symptoms and they decide where he should play, cuz the boy has talent. Rupp looks like he can be capable but we stick with Chooch and Kratz. I'm definitely planning on following Jesse Biddle as best I can from out here, he's the next order of intrigue.

Ok now, any moves to be made? I think we fire RAJ before he gives away too much for Mike(I refuse to call him Giancarlo) Stanton. I feel much better now about Chase returning than I did 2+ months ago. Rollins we're stuck with, I say move him down to 6th in the lineup. Maybe then he'll wake up when he realizes he's no longer an offensive threat. Once again I offer my services to the Phillies to teach Ryan Howard how to hit. Sitting in FL in his $7MIL mansion he isn't learning shit except how to collect a guaranteed pay check. Now, I wish I had an answer for the bullpen. At least Diekman and Rosenberg have shown some improvement. But it's going to take more work than the Seaside Heights boardwalk and I don't have answers. Sad to say my expectations for next year = 3rd place NL East.

So there you have it sports fans, the ranting and ravings of a crazed old man who resides 2500 miles from CBP. I wish it was better, but in some weird way this piece seems to mirror the Phils season. In, out, lucid, incoherent... we got it all. Once again let me thank all the peeps I met at M'n'GreetIII, it was a blast. Wriz, I know I've done better and hopefully, like the Phillies, it'll show next year. CJ you get Bunter of the Year hands down. As of today, 9/13/13, I turn my attention and hope to Chip's offense and the opening of Flyers training camp. But that's for a different piece. My hat's off to all you Bunters who keep the Phaith. May we continue to exchange views on Facebook. Chow til 2014.

 

                                Bill S/aka netfather

Friday, September 13, 2013

da Bunters



Hoodwink’d    by cj hood
da Bunters

Now that the season is basically over I figured I’d spend my last blog of the season focusing on the positives of the year.  Sports, tv, movies, hell even porn, has their own annual awards gala…so why can’t we?  So today, on the thirteenth day of September, two thousand and thirteen in the year of our Lord I present to you the 1st Annual Phillies Bunts Awards bka da Bunters.


ELECTRIC SEX HAS NOTHING ON DA BUNTERS!!!

Rookie of the Year Award:
Darin Ruf.  Ashe may be hot as of late, but I think Ruf was more solid overall.  He’s got the swing and the power to become a heavy hitter in the league.  I’d love to see Howard get his walking papers and Ruf get the 1B job.

Humanitarian Award:
The Wriz for using his entanglement of a beard to house lost & abandoned kittens. Well deserved.

Don’t Call It A Comeback Award bka Pill Poppin Player of the Year Award:
Tie: Chooch & Galvis. I never understand your post game interviews (and either does Murph), but I do understand solid at-bats.  Unless we could get a key piece in return, I think we should re-sign Chooch.  I think Galvis should start next year, maybe at 3rd, if we trade Asche for lets say Giancarlo ‘don’t call me Mike’ Stanton.

Kornhole Blogger of the Year Award:
DB29.  He still sports our swag but pens in invisible ink
(Honorable mention: Diamond Girl)

Michael ‘King of Pop’ Jackson Bunter Vanguard Award:
Jimmy Rollins.  Stop swinging at the first pitch bro.  At lease Sandberg had the bells to sit your ass down.

 
AND YOU THOUGHT I GOT HIGH LAST SEASON!!!

F’ed in the A’ Award:
Sir Charles Manuel.  Your time may have been up, but the organization still didn’t have to treat you like a Canadian coin in a Pepsi machine.

Napoleon Complex Award:
Ruben Amaro Jr.  You straight up clowned this team and as a result on slow decline since ’09.  You doled out cash like it was Monopoly money and we got fat cats like Howard riding the pine.  Manuel is gone and you’re next if you don’t get some bats up in here and mend the bullpen. So do it!!!

Globetrotter Award:
Netfather Bill.  He missed his flight last year (but at least tried), so he tried again this year with much success and attended M&GIII.  Although he was out of uniform he did attend and traveled across the country to be there.

Turn Around Bright Eyes Award:
Ryno Sandberg.  Manuel got pushed out faster than an Octomom baby, but irregardless (not a real word) the Phils have somewhat turned it around in their last 60 games.  Whether this was just one of those baseball trends or not we’ll never know, but my vote is to retain him for 2014.
Side note:  I hope the organization holds a Charlie Manuel Day so we can properly say goodbye.

Bench Player of the Year Award:
Kevin Frandsen.  My man hits walk-offs, can play any position and has a dirtier helmet than Peter North.  I hope he sticks around for a while.

 

“THANK YOU FOR THIS PRESTIGIOUS AWARD.”

Mad Bro? Award:
Big Pun C. Dude, we appreciate your input…we really do, but why you so mad?  Every time there’s a light hearted LOL post on FB you gotta get all ‘Moody Judy’ on us.  Lighten’ up mang…Howard will be back next year.

Buntamaniac of the Year Award:
Despite the shitty season, our fine little organization blew up in 2013.  And as we welcome all to our family there are a few Buntamaniacs who are always supporting our cause.  So this accolade goes out to a few peeps: Robin, Timmy ‘the leg’, Lori, Sue, Missy, Robert, Joe, Mary and Al.  Thanks for making this season somewhat tolerable. 

Phillie of the Year:
D*Brown was a baller for the first half and earned his first all-star game, but it’s not him.  Lee was also an all-star but he didn’t cop bling either.  Cole? You would think, but nope.  Then who could it be you ask???
Ben Revere:  He’s a positive influence on and off the field and was a solid bat up until he got injured in a game that shouldn’t have gone as far as it did.  He’s back now in Clearwater and I think he’ll be a stud for us for years to come.

And there it is kids, if you’re not happy with the results than comment below or on Spacebook.  And if you didn’t get an award, like Pee Wee Herman would say, ‘I meant to do that.’  Have a good off season kids: Say your prayers & eat your vitamins.  Hopefully my last blog next year will be in late October after a Phillies WS win! Catch me Fri; Oct 4th headlining the END OF SUMMER COMEDY TRAIN REK show at Daly’s Irish Pub in Northeast Philly @ 8pm…let’s get ‘bunted!