Thome is my Homie

Happy Sunday Bunters! Good news! April is almost over and the Phillies are hanging near The Wriz's magic number of .500. Who knows how long Jim Thome will be out with his back issues. I know he got hurt on a routine play but I for one will miss him while he is out. He has started off the season slow, 2 for 18, 10 strikeouts. Many Phillies fans are ready to push Thome into the grave and kick dirt on him. Is he possibly shot? Sure. But if any player deserves to go out on his own terms, it's Thome. How soon we forget, Big Jim brought baseball back to Philadelphia. For those of you who started following the Phillies in 2007, let me lay some knowledge on ya.

Jim Thome was the biggest free agent signing for the Phillies since Pete Rose when he signed here in 2003. Jim chose Philadelphia over a bunch of other towns. This happened a few short years after Scott Rolen ran out of town for 'Baseball Heaven'. Free agents used the Phillies to drive their price up, then signed with the team they really wanted to play for. Everyone loves Cliff Lee, as do I, for flipping the bird at New York and signing here. Thome did that long before the Phillies were competitive. He brought energy back to the ballpark, and that was a tall order at the Vet. Whenever Thome was at the plate you had to watch. Plus, when he left he only talked about his time in Philadelphia in glowing terms. Some recent former Phillies can't wait to dis this town when they leave, Jayson Werth, Brad Lidge, etc. And those ingrates won a championship here.

Forget the fact that Thome has 604 career Home Runs as a 'clean' player. Forget the fact that he is a 1st ballot Hall of Famer. He was the shot in the arm that this franchise sorely needed. He opened the door and sold this city to future free agents. So next time you're at the ballpark, instead of booing, let's show Big Jim some love. All together now...THOME! THOME! THOME!

Keep It Classy Philly!
DB29

I Don't think Phoebe would be Proud

 

Editors Note**** I originally posted this 2 years ago on another blog. I thought it fitting to re-publish it today.

 

 

In much like the way I am amazed that adults without children visit Disney World or go to see Toy Story 3, I am stunned by the Phillie Phanatic’s popularity. This morning I was surprised to learn not only is the Phanatic getting sued, but he is the MOST SUED mascot. Really? People actually sue the Phanatic? I didn’t know you could sue someone for being an asshole.

Wait. What?

That’s right. I said it. The Phillie Phanatic is an ASSHOLE!

There are any number of reasons I could give you why I hate the Phanatic. That he uses the same boring routines game in and game out.(i.e. smashing the opposing teams batting helmet, the “Rocky” fight or the weightlifting skit) or the way T-Mac giggles like a retarded bowl of Jell-O whenever the Phanatic is on TV. Or the way he tries to force himself on unsuspecting fans by trusting his pelvis into their faces. Hey, I understand people can make their own sexual choices, but no means no even if you are a 300 pound green furry thing. But the real reason, I hate the Phanatic is much more personal.

I didn’t always feel this way. I remember when I was little begging my mom to buy me the weekly Phanatic figurine at Acme. We musta been really poor because they were like 99 cents, but I really had to beg.

When I was in high school, I took one of those aptitude tests. It said I was best suited for a career in sports management. My school passed this information along to the Phillies, who invited me to be part of their Explorers program. It was awesome. Every week for ten weeks I went to the stadium and learned about what goes into the day-to-day operations of the Phillies. As a special treat for completing the program, I was given tickets to a game, but told I need to be there at a specified time before the game. Much to my surprise and delight when I arrived I was informed that all those in the program would be taken out onto the field and announced to the crowd. One by one, we were announced as our name was on the scoreboard and our face on Phanavision. For some reason, the Phanatic singled me out. When I was announced, Wham! A smack to the side of the head. I mean it wasn’t like a Tyson blow to the dome, but not suspecting it; it was hard enough to foster resentment towards the tongue-hurling freak. But it doesn’t end there.

Four years later, I take this girl I had just started dating to a Phillies game. About the sixth inning, a commotion starts in our section. The Phanatic is at the top of the concourse. As my luck would have it, she loves the Phanatic. I start telling her the story and POW! That motherfucker does it again. I mean what are the chances. Do I look like some dickhead in the Galapagos Islands or something? So now it’s gone beyond resentment and is now full-blown hatred.

I hope the Phillies don’t settle out of court, and I end up on that jury. I do my damnedest to make sure the poor old arthritic lady who just wanted to watch a baseball game gets every penny she DESERVES.

BTW any one know the statute of limitations of a civil case involving assault?

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

the Philly 500

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

the Philly 500

THIS YEAR’S CATCHPHRASE!

-currently watching Doc pitch a gem. #cubiczirconia

-if the Phils lose to the Cubs DB29 is fired from the Bunts!

-Wigginton is growing on me.

-We're not in last place anymore....for now!

-that West Coast stint was like a boner....long & hard

-this year’s team reminds me of something my wife often says to me...."who are you? it's like I don't even know you anymore."

-Happy BDay to the Philly Phanatic...love the Wriz!

-I'll take a 500 road trip with this MASH unit any day.

-ATTN: Hoodwink'd got the patent on the Phillies musical parodies...stop bitin!

-Jim Thome is tied with Dexy's Midnight Runners on number of hits.

-I've nicknamed our Little League pitching machine 'Contreras.'

-It's Sh*tty broke into Billboard's Top 100.

-the hat under the helmet look is boss! #pierre

-I watched the WB Mason commercials drunk and they're still stupid!

-Pay Hamels or trade him!!!

THEY SAY IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!

-Kirk Gibson looking at his binder like a 9th grade Geography student.

-I can't wait to play the 'Nats....is that wrong?

-I have a feeling the Wriz will be sleeping when I send this (9:20pm EST).

-and trade Utley to an AL team for a bat while you're at it!

-J*Roll where you at?!?

-I’m 99% done with this ep and still don’t have a title.

-Newt Gingrich is like the college freshman who keeps going back to the high school

dances.

-f’ it! bring up D*Brown!

-Fans of the Phils & this blog need to reread the Wriz' piece on Cholly's managing skills...or lack there of!

-Fletcher Cox sounds like an 80s porn star.

-B*Dawk’s a class act.

-Saw Netfather Bill had some sweet seats at Chase Field...the D*Backs really know how to treat their Senior Citizens.

-Mayberry should use a broom stick for the LOLZ.

-I think the Bunts should reimburse me the $13 I paid for the app to watch that allows me to watch games on my iphone.

-DMC retweeted It’s Sh*tty…no where to go from here.

-Meet & Greet in in one month........let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Magic Number

The more everyone keeps saying don’t panic, the more I want to panic. I know. I know. You can’t win the division in April or May. But you sure can lose one. Coming into the season, you’d have to be a fool to think it was going to be as easy as last year.  Howard’s Achilles was going to keep him out to May or even the All-Star break depending on who you asked. Every team in the division improved in one way or another.

Other than after their opening day victory the team hasn’t had a winning record. It’s been lose a few, get back to even, lose a few more, get back to even. It’s been my assertion, the team needs to play well enough that when the troops (i.e. Utley and Howard) arrive, they are within striking distance. Don’t let last year fool you 10 games back, isn’t really striking distance.

Normally, the Magic Number refers to the number combination of losses by one team and wins by another to clinch a playoff spot, but for all intensive purposes the Phillies magic number is 500 as in breaking even. Of course there are variables I cannot account for such as how well other teams play, or more importantly if or when the cavalry arrives. But if the Phillies can play .500 ball or slightly over, there won’t be a more favorable year for them to just squeak into the playoffs. First is the playoff expansion. A second wild card team may not be the most ideal situation since it’s a one game playoff, but if the rotation isn’t spent, Halladay, Lee or Hamels vs. whoever isn’t the end of the world. If you win that game, you actually get to start the divisional round with 2 games at home.

Ok but I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to the mediocre team that’s playing now. If you take a look at the last 10 years, a second wild card team would have made the playoffs with an average of 90 wins. The highest total would 93 wins and the lowest 89. And that doesn’t count the fact there were several division winner who had a lower win total than the wild card teams. So how long is it feasible to play .500 ball and stay within contention?

At the midway point if the Phils are 41-41, they’d need to win 62% of their remaining games to reach 90. August 1^st it jumps to 66% and by September its skyrockets to 82%. Basically, I give them until August 15, to be full strength and clicking on all cylinders to have a legitimate shot.

I can’t believe I’m hoping for .500 ball. Damn you, ghost of John Felske, Damn you!

See ya at the ball park!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

i swear i'm working on something

After 2 weeks of listening to people cry and whine about how bad the Phillies are, I finally actually got to see an ACTUAL game. These West Coast trips are pretty brutal on most Phillies fans but especially on me. The Wriz gets up for work at 2:30. Thats 2:30 AM. The past week, I only got to see one game and that was when I went out to check out a new sports bar, Buffalo Wild Wings. BTW that place blows. I had to ASK them to turn on the game.  For fucks sake, they had on the Sixers and The NY Rangers games. Then, when the UFC started they took the Phillies off the Big Screen and even the medium screens, we basically had to peer into the Kitchen to see what we could of the game on the 13 inch the Dominican bus boys were watching the game on.

So, I wasn't going to miss the afternoon tilt today in the desert. Our boy, Bill S AKA Netfather, was in attendance. He picked a sweet game to go to, but I'm a little disappoined that he didn't streak across the BOB wearing nothing but a Bunts logo. Oh well, hopefully he got a pic for us wearing his bunts swag behind enemy lines.

I'm slowly working up something which I'll post tomorrow.

Hopefully, Bill comes thru like my man Dave did in Clearwater!

FREDDY! FREDDY! FREDDY!

Watching the world's greatest baseball team has been a chore lately. Corey Luebke mows them down like Koufax in his prime. Are you kidding me? The newly acquired bench players are showing why they were bench players in the first place. Other then Juan Pierre, have any of them impressed so far? The 1-2-3 inning offense is getting old quick. Will John Mayberry Jr. drive a ball to the outfield this season? How many times will they have 1st and 2nd with no outs and not score? As 'The Wriz' pointed out earlier this week, Charlie is never going to dazzle us with his 'X's and O's' skills but come on Chuck! Pick up the phone, Charlie, call some other National League manager and ask them to explain the double switch to you. I could go Negadelphia all day. I want to touch on the biggest, nicest surprise so far.

Coming in to the season, the Phillies asked a kid who never played much above the AA level to be their Opening Day second baseman. Plus, the kid was not a second baseman but a shortstop. Seems like a recipe for disaster. Freddy Galvis looks like the best defensive second baseman the Phillies have had since Manny Trillo. Trillo made all the plays and had the strongest arm for a second baseman I have ever seen. Freddy also turns the double play like Trillo and he has only played the position for what? A few months, and that includes Spring Training? Freddy has a strong arm for a shortstop; move him to the other side of second and Wow! The kid is making great plays with the glove every night. The one bright side, the Phillies going down 1-2-3 every inning is Freddy gets back on the field to flash the leather.

Something the Phillies could use, a few quick hits.

- Placido Polanco looks shot at the plate. His bat speed looks gone.

- Not that I'm worried but can Hunter Pence lay off the fastball up in his eyes?

- I fear Michael Stutes may have been a 1/2 a year wonder.

- Kyle Kendrick may get the respect he deserves now that he is in the starting rotation.

- The Nationals look like they are for real.

- Don't let their early success fool you, the Mets still suck.

- Guillen, Reyes, Ramirez, and Zambrano? Too many hot headed hispanics to win consistently.

- Did Freddy Galvis ask 'The Wriz' permission to wear 13? I haven't seen sweet moves by a player wearing 13 since 'The Wriz' pulled a sweet toe drag.

Keep It Classy Phily!

DB29

Raising Hell

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

Raising Hell

Yo! I’m still kinda pissed how last week’s Hoodwink’d turned out with the sh*tty fonts. I write all week from different places and then I do the ole ‘copy & paste-o’ and as a result it looks like a suicide note from a mental patient. Can’t Bill Gates fix this noise? All I got out of last week’s piece was a sympathy comment from DB29…there was some solid material in that ep….go back & check it!

As of Thursday, I saw zero games this week cuz my cable provider is garbage. I missed another poor series by our Phils to the San Fran ‘they might be’ Giants. Lee got me 17 pts in fantasy, but it could have been 27 if Cholly acted like it was 2012 & not 1992. I held back dissing Thome last week, but this week’s different. Don’t play him bro! I love him, but let him serve a mentoring role cuz at this point he couldn’t hit a beachball with a fat bat. While we’re talking about fantasy, on the strength of the Wriz, I started Jon ‘forget the H’ Lester this week. Well he got shelled and I dropped his ass in a fit of rage! Now I’m the laughing stock of my league…but still undefeated mind you!

All in all it’s been a rough week. The ‘youngest teenager’ died who got his start in Illadelphia. Not even Cialis could bring that Dick back! #AB Moreover, our Phils are going down harder than Columbian prostitutes. And like I said, my cable provider blows! So I decided to handle my rage like a man. Since my 9’s fresh out of bullets I decided to pick up the mic and get ill. 

KINGS FROM QUEENS

It’s Sh*tty

This speech is my recital, I think it’s very vital

To show the Phils, don’t be a dilz,

It’s Sh*tty is my title, he we go

It’s sh*tty not to show the Phils,

To show the Phils, I pay my bill

It’s sh*tty, sh-sh-sh*tty, sh*tty

I watch them late and even early, word to Vance Worley!

MLB co blacks them out, I’m dissed like Mr Furley

CSN is really sleazy, got me feeling queasy

3 channels show the Flyers, but no Phils, it’s really cheesy

It’s sh*tty not to show the Phils,

To show the Phils, I pay my bill

It’s sh*tty,

(How is it DB?)

It’s sh*tty, sh*tty

(sh*tty, sh*tty)

In Philly, the girlies talk & want to know the ‘Bunts

They really hawk, but we just walk and tell them ‘wash their…hands’

And it’s a pity, cuz if the Sixers and the Flyers win

I’m stuck watching Real Housewives like to who knows when

It’s sh*tty not to show the Phils,

To show the Phils, I pay my bill

It’s sh*tty,

(How is it Wriz?)

It’s sh*tty, sh*tty

(sh*tty, sh*tty)

***DJ Net Father’s scratch solo***

***Diamond Girl & the Utley Chasers dance routine***

When I wake up gotta check my phone to see if they won

I’m not bitchin, but I’m snitchin, cuz I missed all the fun

People braggin on Facebook ‘bout the stand out star

FML, not LOL because it’s really FUBAR

A girl named Robin posts on Facebook almost all of the time

Won’t diss her or dismiss her cuz she’s in my rhyme

I ain’t lyin, Sixers dyin, THAT I see on TV

Bother my poor father, for the score, cuz he gets the Phillies

It’s sh*tty not to show the Phils,

To show the Phils, I pay my bill

It’s sh*tty,

(How is it?)

It’s sh*tty, sh*tty

(sh*tty, sh*tty)

Wheels wears a plug, y’all on drugs cuz you won’t carry the Phils

Til the Sixers f’ it up like morning after pills

It’s like that y’all, y’all, but I won’t quit

Being a fan, hot damn! cuz this is sh*t!!!!!!!

PS: My cable did show last night’s game….stayed up til 12:30. I hope Pence didn’t get hurt on that awkward slide. AND Wriz also told me to bench Worley this week….lost 25 fantasy points bro. We’re at CBP West (PetCo) this weekend…let’s get ‘bunted!!!

Can We Manage?

If there is one thing the Wriz hates to do, it is to admit he made a mistake.

I remember sitting in my normal Sunday Plan seats at Citizen's Bank Park in the unforgiving summer sun, cursing Charlie Manuel. I said there is no way he should be a National League manager. Not then. Not EVER. The country bumpkin didn't know how to double switch, a necessity for an NL manager. But it got even worse. I actually considered giving up my seats after a particular game against the Houston Astros in 2005. The Phillies and Astros were in the battle for the wildcard. Entering the bottom of the 9th, the Phillies trailed 4-2 and this is what happened:

PHILLIES 9TH: LIDGE REPLACED VIZCAINO (PITCHING); Bell flied to
right; LOFTON BATTED FOR LIEBERTHAL; Lofton singled to shortstop
[Lofton to second (error by Everett)]; Victorino grounded out
(first unassisted) [Lofton to third]; Lidge threw a wild pitch
[Lofton scored]; Howard walked; KATA RAN FOR HOWARD;

What the play-by-play from retrosheet.org doesn't  tell you is how inept Manuel managing was in that inning. As Dan Baker announced that Matt Kata was running for Ryan Howard, I figured he was the fastest bench player available. That Endy Chavez was unavailable due to some type of nagging injury.

  Rollins doubled to right [Kata to third];

As I watched the ball roll down the right field line I'm yelling, "Send him, send him!" Kata strolled into third standing up, the crowd was going nuts, the Phillies had the tying run on third and I was like, "FUCK Chavez would scored easy."  For those of you who had yet to catch Phillies Fever, Endy Chavez was the fastest Phillie I had seen since Jeff Stone. He had a lousy bat and was mediocre in the field, but my man could run like a degenerate gambler with an underpaid bookie on his tail.

CHAVEZ BATTED FOR WAGNER;
Chavez struck out; 1 R, 2 H, 1 E, 2 LOB. Astros 4, Phillies 3.

And there is was Chavez and all his speed stranded in the batters box by strike three. The Astros went on to win the final 2 games of the series and the Wild Card over the Phillies by one stinkin game. One fucking game!

Fast forward 3 years and on October 29th, 2008, Brad Lidge fell to his knees and moments later the frenzied crowd was chanting "Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!" My friend Doug turned and said, "What do you think of Charlie now?" "He's ok. He gets a pass," I responded. And there lays my mistake, thinking that fool could actually manage.

I like Charlie. I'd buy a car from him.

This year, more so than any other the Phillies NEED a manager who can actually manage, The upgraded bench is all for nothing if its not used correctly. Take last night for example. In the 8th inning the Phils are down 4-2. Pence grounds out, Wiggy follows suit. Manuel sends up Thome. There's 2 outs. Nobody's on and you're going to send up Thome to swing for the fences? He can't field and he can't run. Ok, where's the sense in that? I guess it's better to lose by one? I haven't studied the new tiebreakers in the new playoff system but I guess run differential ranks pretty high.

Maybe Charlie can prove me wrong once again and maybe Juan Pierre and throw a one hop laser from the warning track that cuts down Michael Bourn tagging from third. You never know.

Maybe he better suited for this?

See ya at the ball park!

Jay Wrizight
jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Don't Hit the Panic Button!

Oh no! A 3-5 start. 2 straight losses to the New York Muts. The Flyers score more goals in a 5 minute stretch then the Phillies score runs all game. The sky is falling. Every call on 94 WIP is of the "Break this team up, trade this one or that one" variety. Everyone is so quick to trash this team that brought us such joy for 6 or 7 years. Negadelphia is in full effect. Everyone needs to take a deep breath. We are 8 games into a 162 game season. They have played less then 5% of the season. Are the Flyers out of a game when they are down 3-0 in the first period? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? There are some recent examples of why there is no reason to panic.

 

The Phillies have played poorly in April recently and have been fine. Last year was the first good April they had in a long time, 18-8. In 2010 they were 12-10 and in 3rd place. In 2009 they were 11-9 and in 2nd. In 2008, hey that year rings a bell, they were 15-13 in April and in 3rd place. All these years ended with at least a NL East Division Title. Last year the Red Sox were 11-15 in April. They missed the playoffs on the last day off the season. A few more Papelbon saves away from the post season. Their loss our gain. The Braves had a 10 game losing streak last year. They would have made the playoffs if they played the Muts in their final series instead of the Phillies.

If the Phillies can hover around .500 till the cavalry arrives, (Howard and hopefully Utley) they should be ok. Wigginton, Pierre and Galvis are not every day major league players. Hopefully one steps up till then. Freddy can play the field, maybe his bat stays hot. It's hard to go on a long losing streak with a starting rotation like this. There is a reason studs like Halladay, Lee and Hamels are called 'Stoppers'. Plus, we know RAJ likes to make deals at the trade deadline. He got Pence, Oswalt, Lee and Blanton all at the trade deadline. They all worked out to some degree or another. Don't jump off the bandwagon just yet. So, Bunter's, if I see you walking around on crutches at the 'Bunters and Bloggers Summit' on June 3rd, you better have a funny story.

 

Keep It Classy Philly!

DB29

WILSON!!!

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

WILSON!!!

THE REAL WILSON HAS A BETTER GOATEE!

-3-3 pheeeeew….

-how’s that new baseball team working out for you Miami? #fcastro

-when I think of our bench I can’t get TLC’s “No Scrubs” out of my head.

-Wilson (Valdez duh) > Herndon

-I thought I friended the Real Housewives on FB til I realized it was just Wriz & DB29

bickering about their season tix.

-Who's on first? #notmayberry

-Francisco > Nix

-Herndon's like Cousin Oliver...when he shows up shit gets hectic.

-Pence was safe, but Pierre was out!

-yo We Should Be GMs….stop bitin my style!!!

-I disagree with Guillen’s views, but I did like the idea of a Cuban Cigar giveaway.

-go white boy! go white boy! go! #presley

-RIP Chief Jay Strongbow

-Who's on first? #notgalvis

-Santorum – 0; internet porn – 1

-who’s going to the 3Stooges movie this wknd?

-Lassie’s a better actor than Pence. #breadpeddler

-I hate when Guillen talks Spanish & Cholly talks bumpkin.

-I loved Papelbon’s Lidge impersonation last night…spot on!

-how ‘bout a slow clap for Doc?!?

DID I DO THAT? #HERNDON

-Ibanez > Pierre

-I want to make a joke about Thome’s at-bats, but I can’t.

-HK gone, but not forgotten.

-I liked Republicans sticking up for millionaires better when it went by its original name.

#stockholm syndrome

-11 hits....it could be done!

-black cats, Jason Vorhees, Braves #fridaythe13th

-Kim Jong Un couldn’t get his rocket up…it happens. #nottome

-Congrats to the Beastie Boys for getting inducted in the RnR HOF this weekend.

-every time Robin posts on FB, I’m doing a shot. #joshhamiltondrunk

-hey Ragu: you ever get Laverne & Shirley at the same time?

-Pat is retiring, but ‘the bat’ will be active until 2052.

-I’d rather see Sarge do the post game interviews.

-trade Hamels for a bat.

-anyone else catch the reference in the title of D*Girl’s blog besides myself?

-Rollins, Pence & Victorino #solid

-Can’t Chooch catch EVERY game?

-‘Howard’s wound is so deep you could stick your fingers in it’ #dramarojr

-I don’t have Flyers Fever just yet, but I do have a strange rash on my upper leg.

-email Karen@comedycabaret.com and tell her you want to see cj hood at the Comedy Cabaret.

-Mets are getting spanked this weekend….let’s get ‘bunted!!!

MIA @ PHI

Ay dios mio.

The opening day/home opener hoopla has come and gone; in its wake lie a completely UNEXPECTED 1-3 record. Sunday’s bullshit ending (thanks, Herndon) coupled with yesterday’s loss with Hamels on the mound seemed to have sucked the life out of so many of our fellow fans. While it was understood that our offense was depleted, I don’t think anyone would have
thought 2012 would start off being so {INSERT NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE OF YOUR CHOICE HERE}. I think the title of this article sums up what’s going on: the Phillies are HURTING with the Big Piece and Chutley MIA.

What the Phillies have in experience, they are lacking in power hitters or solid infield play. So, where does that leave us? While I am not ready to sound any alarms, it’s not all glitter and unicorns for me this season. I have the Phillies coming in just over 90 wins this year; my guess will be 92. The silent bat issue has plagued us since last year, and we all remember how that turned out. Silent bats = early postseason exit. It’s a fact, no matter how great your pitching rotation is. Of course, pitching IS our strongest suit, and it kills me to think that the likes of Halladay, Lee, Hamels and Worley can’t get some freaking run support. And here’s another nightmare scenario to consider - what happens if one of them go down? THEN WHAT? On the positive side, I think Chooch is gonna have one hell of a year. (Side note – is it me, or did Chooch put some lbs on over the winter?) Hamels will earn that contract he’ll get mid-season… cha-CHING! I think he could be the strongest contender for the Cy Young. Yes, I remember saying that last year but I am saying it again. I think the games will be a lot less exciting than what were used to, but if the Phils can re-adapt to some small ball play, we will be OK. Coming in at 92 games isn’t the end of the world. We’ve been so, SO spoiled since 2008.

Roy Halladay (1-0, 0.00) is pitching tomorrow night at CBP against the Marlins Josh Johnson (0-1, 4.50), so I have a feeling the Fightin’s will log their 2nd “W” of 2012. It’s a start, right? Baby steps…

God I can’t believe I am saying that about this team. I almost want to punch myself in the face for even THINKING that.

No worries guys - MY Chase Utley will be ready to go if the need arises!

Have great week Bunters!

-DiamondGirl215

Opening Day Hangover

The Fightin' Phils opened the season with a win. Halladay had to be Halladay to make it happen. We also got our first look at Cinco Ocho. Jonathon Papelbon lived up to the bill. 1-0? We will take it. You wait all winter for Opening Day, what follows? An off day. I get why it's necessary, if Opening Day gets rained out they can't reschedule it for sometime in August. It is a let down none the less. So, what is a rabid baseball fan to do when the season is so fresh and you want more baseball? Watch some other games. Unfortunately, Friday was an American League heavy schedule. As most Bunters know, I am not a fan of the American League. I am already dreading next year’s realignment. It will mean Inter League play every day of the season. Opening Day through game 162 will feature at least 1 Inter league matchup. I guess it's time to see what the American League is all about.

First game I checked out was the Yankees/Rays. How can the first game of the season last 3 hours, 44 minutes? This was a 9 inning game! The Phillies and Pirates game went 10 last night and was only 3 hours 15 minutes long. One big reason is over managing. Joe Maddon used 5 pitchers in 2 innings. Mind you, the Yankees never got a runner to 3rd base in either inning. It wasn't like his pitchers were in trouble. I know managers get paid to play the matchups to their advantage, but the American League is out of control. Also, the catcher mound visits seem to happen 3 times more often then your typical National League game. I thought Jorge Posada retired? The whole game seems like it's in slow motion. Batters and pitchers both move like Philadelphia trash men waiting for OT to kick in. It's a joke.

Some other observations:

- Albert Pujols Bobble head day is Tuesday. They didn't wait very long, did they?

- Raul Ibanez went yard and had 4 RBI's. Would a 1 year deal here been so bad?

- Mark Trumbo can't play 3rd. I guess when you give Albert Pujols a half a billion dollars he is going to play first. Trumbo had a great rookie season with 29 bombs. I see a lot of DH games in his future.

- If Bruce Chen is your Opening Day starter, I don't like your chances. The Royals will be the same old sad sack team again this year.

- Balkin' Bob Davidson calls every check swing a swinging strike.

- I think all Fox Sports stations have a couple of hot chicks that handle their social media. You can Face Book or Twitter these shanks and ask them questions. I would love to read some of the unedited ones.

Charlie gets, as Eugene puts it, 'A Laminated Hall Pass' from me. But I got to ask. Did anyone else wonder why he pinch hit for John Mayberry Jr. and not for Freddie Galvis last night?

Keep It Classy Philly!

DB29

Fortune Teller

Predictions are kinda like that broken clock thing. Eventually, you’ll get something right.  My 2010 predictions were pretty spot on which inspired my best 2011 prediction which was that my 2011 predictions would “shit the bed.” Not too far off, but I did nail a few things. I said Tommy Hanson and Jay Bruce would breakout. Bruce did. Hanson was well on his way (10-4 at the break) until he got hurt and only managed 26 IP in the second half. I correctly said Hellickson would win the AL CY and that Heyward would be a huge bust. Check and Check. I said Kershaw was the dark horse candidate if the Phillies aces split votes. That was some Nostradamus type shit right there as Halladay and Lee finished second and third respectively.

But enough about last year, the Wriz proudly presents his 2012 best guesstimates:

Over/Unders

Chase Utley games played-- 81. UNDER

Ryan Howard games played-- 81. OVER

Vanimal wins—12 ½. UNDER

Papelbon saves – 40 ½. OVER

Pierre bunts for base hits—7. PUSH

Hamels deal—5/130 mil. OVER WAY OVER

Pence avg--.310. UNDER

Young John’s HR—19. OVER

Doc’s W’s—19 ½. OVER

Lee HR’s 1 ½. UNDER

Polanco’s New Era size—8. TOO EASY

Fat Joe’s ERA 4.25—UNDER

I believe the Phillies season hinges on 3 things: small ball, John Mayberry Jr. and Joe Blanton. Small ball to compensate for the lack of power. JMJ to protect Pence. And Blanton well to show he’s no Bob’s Big Boy but the legit ML pitcher he’s capable to be. If 2 of the 3 produce, the Phillies will win the East for the 6^th consecutive time. If one produces, they win a Wild Card spot. Zero and we will remember what Flyers training camp is like.

NL Predictions:

MVP: Hunter Pence, Phillies. Maybe I’m just being a homer, but he produced in HOU with nothing. So being the man here should be a piece of cake.

Cy Young: Halladay, Lee, Hamels. I can’t pick a Phillie for both MVP and CY.  Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers.

ROY: Yonder Alonzo, Padres. He can flat out hit.

Biggest Bust: Ryan Braun, Brewers. He has something to prove. Sadly, without PED’s he won’t be able.

AL Predictions:

MVP: Miguel Cabrera, Tigers. He’ll have a year bigger than his waistline. Fielder won’t that’s impossible.

Cy Young: Felix Hernandez, Mariners. The King will retake his throne.

ROY: Yu Darvish, Rangers. Darvish and Matt Moore will be neck and neck all year but the Rangers will be better than the Rays giving Yu the W. (I wouldn’t be at all surprised if one or both are in the Cy Young discussion come September.)

Biggest Bust: Yoenis Cespedes, Athletics. He’s not MLB ready... yet.

Miscellaneous:

-Nyjer Morgan won’t finish the season so he can play Pookie in New Jack City 2.

-Brewers games at CBP will be dominated by “U took steroids” chants.

-Josh Hamilton will be sober…..during games. He’s no Darryl Strawberry nor a Red Sox reliever.

-The Marlins are a powder keg, but Jose Reyes is too lazy to light the fuse. Thankfully, Ozzie and Hanley will fight over who gets to do it.

-The WS Champion Cardinals would finish no better than 4^th in every division, but their own. The NL Central cellar dweller should be relegated to AAA.

Phillies Bunts

1. 2012 is the year the Bunts explode so tell your friends about us so you seem extra cool because you’re in the know. (Vegas won’t take odds on that prediction because is more of a known fact!)

2. CJ Hood uses the blog as a launching pad, gets a Comedy Central special but misses the gig to wait in line when tickets finally go on sale for the Beastie Boys next tour.

3. Kornhole will write ONE blog without bashing the Mets. It will get him fired.

4. DiamondGirl will have her belts and shoelaces taken away when Chase retires mid-July

5. Bill S will meet the love of his life at the Bunts Meet and Greet, get married and move back east. She however was hoping for a long distance relationship and will serve him papers before Red October.

6. Bob Ross will paint a new back round for the blog in honor of the House of Funkhousers return to commenting on the Bunts.

** No DB29 predictions as he’s on suspension for stealing The Wriz material spoiler alert material. (See Wriz 2011 prediction piece and DB29 2012 piece)

See ya at the ballpark!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

Afternoon Delight

Happy Thursday/Friday Bunters!

*** Note: This entry was supposed to be published last night, but the Blogger App absolutely sucks ASS :( or maybe your amazing author was a little too tuned up to be able to properly post from a smartphone. You decide.***

WELCOME 2012 BASEBALL!!! After a long, boring winter our boys are finally back.

The baseball Gods were kind to me as the Phillies started their season out here on the Western side of PA. If you were in attendence you may not have even noticed you weren't in Philadelphia; Throughout PNC Park, vibrant red and white shined through an otherwise dull sea of yellow and black on a gorgeous, atypical April afternoon in Pittsburgh.

The Pittsburgh fans were at the usual best - craptastic. I had NO idea that the Pittsburgh PENGUINS were out on the field against the Phillies...

"Wait DiamondGirl. What the hell are you talking about?!"

Everywhere we went throughout PNC Park, I was met met with "LETS GO PENGUINS". I was quite confused, because I thought that April 5th was opening day for baseball. Instead, i was met with their lame Pens cheers, coupled with "F*ck the Flyers". Hey, that's all fine, well and good but we're here for baseball, morons. Not that any one of them gave a shit about the Pirates. I did try to do my civic duty of letting them know they were here for something other than blowing Sidney Crosby.

Despite kicking off the season in baseball's version of hell, it was a glorious day to see Roy Halladay go 8 innings, and witnessing Jonathan Papelbon in Phillies pinstripes for the first time.

I thought I'd share a few of the creative zingers overheard from yesterday:

"Hey look! Pap-smear!" (yep, when Papelbon came out to the mound).

"Phillies suck!" (wow. i mean, really?)

"Boy I tell ya, I like that Huntingdon, West Virginia. They have a lot of stuff down there. They got an Applebee's and everything." (No, I'm so serious. I heard this).

"Chase Utley, don't be a dick." (Check the photo below of that zinger)

"This Pittsburgh water sucks. There's nothing like cold, Philly bathroom tap water right from the spigot." (ahhhhh, Miss South Philly with that one)

"Hey guys, it's cute that you actually filled the ballpark today." (my Phillies companion.This was meet with blank stares and the sound of crickets chirping)

Hope you all enjoyed opening day!!!

LETS GO PHILLIES!!

- DiamondGirl215

Here's a few pics from yesterdays game:

THE NIGHT BEFORE OPENING DAY ‘12

Hoodwink’d by cj hood

THE NIGHT BEFORE OPENING DAY ‘12

AT LEAST HE'S NOT ON THE D.L.

'Twas the night before Opening Day, when all through the park

Not a creature was stirring, not even a lark;

The bats were hung by the helmets with care,

In hopes that the Phillies soon would be there;

The fans were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of a parade danced in their heads;

And Mom in her Pence Jersey, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long spring nap,

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to Citizens Bank I flew like a flash,

Tore up 476 and almost near crashed.

The Bunts staff was blogging like there was no tomorrow

while Mets fans drank Schlitz; drowning their sorrows,

When, my wondering eyes saw the mound and the bases,

A new jumbo tron, a Chooch and four aces,

With a stout old coach, so lively and jolly,

I knew in a moment it must have been Cholly.

More rapid than the Eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Hamels! now, Worley! now, Blanton and Lee!

On, Galvis! on Rollins! and hopefully Utley!

From the dugout! to the top of the wall!

They dashed away! dashed away! dashed away all!"

As dirt kicked up before the wild hurricane fly,

The Pirates an obstacle? now that is a lie,

So onto the diamond the coursers they flew,

With mitts in their hands, and Papelbon too.

McCarthy and Sarge were calling the game

Boy we miss Harry; Oh! What a shame,

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Doc Halladay, emerged, and took to the mound.

He was dressed in a throwback, from his head to his foot,

And the strength of his arm could throw a shot put;

AJ’s eye in a patch; McCutchen’s hair like a mop

We Are Family no more; all Karsten’s throwing is slop

Three up and three down as Chooch made the calls!

Two strike-outs, a pop-out, and only one ball!

The Yankees were buying like Corbett was cutting

Hamilton was drinking while A-Rod was strutting

Braves fans went to games did not even care,

Tony LaRussa retired to spend more time on his hair;

Ozzie’s in Miami, Jose Reyes is too,

But so is Lebron, that place is a zoo

Pence hit homeruns, Polanco looked great,

Howard returned before the AllStar break

Chooch was an AllStar before it was done.

And the Doctor repeated as this year's Cy Young,

Bastardo delivered and so did Worley

As did Shane and Pierre and Jimmy Thome.

The Phightans scored runs as Fielder got fatter,

Who we met in October did not even matter;

We took out the brooms; got them in four,

World Fuckin' Champs, the Phillies once more.

Can't wait til Thursday; dress warm cuz it's freezing,

"Good Luck Philadelphia, and to the fans a great-season."