B.o.O.T.Y. (Bunter of the Year) Shakin’

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood

B.o.O.T.Y. (Bunter of the Year) Shakin’

Please forgive me if this edition of Hoodwink’d isn’t up to snuff, but I’m sitting at the computer in my tux waiting on the limo the Wriz sent me to receive my Bunter of the Year award.  When Wriz said it was going to be at one of Philly’s finest eateries I was thinking Osteria or maybe even Lacroix.  However, due to our budget cuts (thanks Corbett) I’ll have to settle for the Wawa on Walnut St. (Store #103 represent yo!).  Regardless, it’ll be a gala event filled with the ‘Bunts faithful eating all the beef jerky they could stuff down their pants while the cashier snorts bath salts in the mop closet.

I DOUBTED THE PHILS LORD JESUS!

-yeah I was worried…f’ u’z!

-Welcome back (offense)….your dreams were your ticket out!

-102 ya heard?!?

-remember when we used to have bullpen issues.

-I forgot to post this in March, but the Red Sox are the team to beat this season.

-the real Native Americans didn’t fall as hard as the Braves did.

-way to throw a game Yankees.

-Cholly in charge of our days and our nights!

-men throw punches not banana peels

-I hope Ibanez gets resigned as a DH

-the Bunter of the Year Award is actually 3 free Frosty coupons.

-Reyes pulled a Rupert Holmes….one hit and ghost!

-when Chipper Jones was a senior, Jesus was a freshman.

-if Vick was a Philly he’d be on the 160 day DL.

-that’s the way the cookie Kimbrels.

THE INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL FOR CHOKING.

-Phils will make the Cards fall quicker than Greg, Peter & Bobby.

-the Red Sox are like the 20 year old guys who hang out in the high school parking lot at 

 dismissal.

-Pence is the Pete Rose of this Phillies fans’ generation.

-Hoodwink’d should come with the Whitney laugh track.

-if not Rollins then who?

-the Bunter of the Year Award comes with a crown (royal) and a sash(a grey vid).

-I almost shatted my Aquaman Underoos when Herndon came out to close the show.

-De Fratus is French for “who the f’ is this kid?”

-how 'bout the Beasties getting nominated for the RNR HOF!

-Phillies/Rays WS or Phillies/Yanks WS or Phils/Rangers WS --> Choose your story line.

-Megan Fox makes me want to Pujols (that joke is GOLD)!

-FYI Pence:  Always take the points.

-Kornhole posted the Nude Stretchie Pants pic on his Facebook ten to many times.

-this NBA lockout is sure f’ing up my fantasy season.

-El Predicto:  Phils sweep the Cards…let’s get bunted!

YEAH…WE GET TO PLAY 3 MORE GAMES!!!

Bunts Blogger of the Year

^{It is the Wriz honor to name CJ Hood as Phillies Bunts Blogger of the year. I used several criteria including entertainment value, meeting deadlines and attendance at the Bunts Meet and Greet. This award could have been easily been given to anyone of the Bunts Bloggers and carries no cash value. It does, however, come with a special interview conducted by the world famous Wriz. So here goes:}

Ask Hoodie: BOTY edition



Last "award" previously won by Hood



Jay Wrizight (Wriz): Congrats, CJ. Were you surprised?

CJ Hood (Hood): Very much so. I’d like to thank some people though, without them this wouldn’t be possible: first off my savior the Lord Jesus Christ (who makes all blogging possible), my wife for dusting the computer desk every time I sat down to write Hoodwink’d, my kids, of course the Wriz and the rest of the ‘Bunts staff. Big ups to Kornhole & Eugene for taking the 2nd the half of the season off (kinda like the Mets did).

Wriz: Let’s get down to business then. Everyone knows you’re the world’s biggest Beastie Boy fan. More important to their success: Mixmaster Mike or the cowbell?

Hood: I am the biggest Bboy fan…been down since ’86. On that note, I’d have to say the cowbell. It works for cheap which is convenient cuz my man Mike D doesn’t like to open up his wallet if you know what I’m sayin. MMM on the other hand requires a pay check, food and the like. Plus we all know you can never have enough cowbell.

Wriz: Easier: teaching 3rd graders science or teaching Victorino the science of not popping up?

Hood: Even a 3rd grader knows not to swing at the first pitch ala Victorino and/or J*Roll. You need to work that count like Utley and Chooch does…word to Bill Nye! Quit poppin out yo!...we need you on base.

Wriz: More important to the Phillies Post-season success: the bats or the bullpen?

Hood: da bats. Even our bullpen won’t be able to screw up a game that has enough run support. In Kendrick, Worley & Madson we trust; Lidge…maybe; Stutes and Bastardo…not so much.

Wriz: Bigger Surprise: Fat Joe’s (Blanton) 2008 World Series home run or Fat Joe’s (rapper) weight loss?

Hood: Fat Joe’s homerun. He gave new meaning to the saying "put your weight into it." Plus, fat to a rapper is like hair to Samson….weight loss diminishes your skillz. Just ask Kool Rock Ski!

Wriz: Bigger disappointment: Fat Joe’s 2011 season of Fat Joe’s Loyalty CD?

Hood: I haven’t listened to Jealous One’s Envy since the 90s, so I’m going to have to say Blanton’s 2011 season.

Wriz: Are you more likely to watch Nick at Nite or Wright on Reyes?

Hood: Daily News Live (PG answer) Blacks on Blondes (XXX answer) 

Wriz: You’ve made several old school wrestling references in your blogs. Which current Phillies would make the best wrestler and why?

Hood: Heavyweight Champ: Ryan ‘The Big Piece’ Howard; Intercontinental Champ: Big Daddy Shane; Tag Team Champs: Utley & Pence aka Illadelphia Hustlas; Women’s Champ: T*Mac bka Bitch Tits

Wriz: If you were a wrestler what would be your gimmick?

Hood: I’d be a hybrid of several grapplers: A huge presence like Andre; a heel like Iron Mike Sharpe; and the ladies love like Ravishing Rick Rude.

 

Wriz: Has you love life improved since your wife had control of the camera at your most recently attended game?

Hood: Funny you should ask. The last time we had coitus she exclaimed "Oh, Hunter." But I’m not even mad cuz previously I gasped "Oh, Ball Girl #2 next to the left field foul pole" by accident. Things happen in the middle of making sex.

Wriz: I received several emails blaming you for the Phillies recent troubles in Houston. What do you have to say for yourself?

Hood: What are you talking about bro?

Wriz: I defended you tho. "Sweeping the Astros was easier than one of those Teen Mom 2 chicks," was a great line back in April, but better bulletin board material in September.

Wriz: Tell me the truth. Do you like the Wriz more than the King Adrock since he obliged your photo request?

Hood: The King will always be a hero of mine although he was the reason I got thrown out of the backstage area. Although I know the Wriz is more generous with his beers than Adrock would ever be!

Wriz: Marry, Fuck, Kill. LA, Sarge Wheels.

Hood: Marry LA, Fuck Sarge (I’m into black tail), Kill Wheels (you’re welcome)

Wriz: Worse experience: Hurricane Irene evacuation or Service Electric threatening to drop your service if you called one more time about them not having CN8?

Hood: Both. I couldn’t watch the Phils in both scenarios. Big ups to my brother in law for hooking me with his Sling Box account. Now I can watch the Phils anywhere I go. That’s Sling Box kids…visit them at slingbox.com.

Wriz: We still have the postseason, but what’s your plans for the off season?

Hood: One word bro: TRAIN! I’m taking a noncredited blogging course at the local community college, so I can comeback in 2012 and defend my title!!!

Wriz: Well, congrats again on the award even though if Kornhole had shown up after June he’d a won.

<sup>While CJ Hood was named the Bunts Blogger of the year, I feel its also mportant to reward my fellow writers for all their hard work.

For DiamondGirl:</sup>

^{I know its not the Uts nuts you wanted but it'll have to do.}

^{For DB29, I cancelled your football package so you'll quit writing about the dumbass eagles and I also got you a gift certificate to Subway and a baseball glove with no webbing. Why? So you can eat and field like your boy.}

^{For Kornhole, I got you a GPS so you can find you way outta the alley and back to Buntsland. and also this:}

^{For Eugene and Netfather aka my fave spot starters, My sincere thanks for you hard work and a reserved seating spot at the next Meet and Greet.}

The Phillies are Class, New York is Ass

WOW! That's all you can say. Who new a month ago the last game of the season would have so much drama. The Phillies had it wrapped up for awhile but as a baseball fan how could the regular season end on a higher note? The Rays win in extras after being down 7-0 in the 8th inning. Joe Girardi should be ashamed of himself. The Yankees had a 1 run lead in the 9th, he has the greatest closer in the history of the game and he doesn't use him. Hopefully the baseball Gods pay back that smug ass clown in the playoffs. Sweet justice would be a Rays victory over the Yankees in the ALCS. By the time the game was over there wasn't a Yankees player on the field with a number under 50. Scrubs galore. Pena, Golson, Dickerson, Romine? Can anyone pick these stiffs out of a lineup? I know Greg Golson used to play for the Phils, but it seemed like Girardi was trying to stick it to the Red Sox. Bush league stuff with both New York teams today, the Yanks half ass it and Jose Reyes gets a bunt single then comes out of the game to win a batting title. Can we get an asterisk next to Reyes name?

The Fightin' Phils win 102! New franchise record, that and they eliminated the Braves from the post season. Epic collapse. 8 1/2 game lead on September 1st. A Tomahawk Choke if there ever was one. Congratulations to Charlie Manuel, he passes the Gene Mauch, speaking of choking, as the all time winningest manager in Phillies history. Great job during this amazing run Charlie. Nice job keeping your integrity by playing to win, you could have laid down like the Yankees.

Did anyone else notice the Phillies/Braves game was 2 innings ahead of the Yankees/Rays game? The American league blows; let's hope the Phillies kick some American League ass in a few weeks. Speaking of blowing, what happened to the Red Sox? They couldn't beat the Orioles in a 3 game series? Another epic collapse. Glad to see it, the Sox fans may be the biggest douche bag fans on the planet. When they come to Citizens Bank Park they walk around with their heads up their ass. Screw you Red Sox nation, you make Mets fans look classy. Is it me or does Jonathon Papelbon look like he's blowing kisses to the batter before each pitch? He should have a fun off season after blowing that game. Boston may have a new 'Buckner'.

It's about to get a whole lot funner.

Keep It Classy Philly!

DB29

Its a Major Award!

There is always a lot of debate on who the MVP is or should be.  It’s funny that some writers will discredit a player because his team blows. If anything that should make it harder to put up the type of numbers required to have an MVP season.  Anyway, this week I’m giving out my MVP award for the Phillies.

Last year, I gave it to Wilson Valdez because I take the MVP at face value. It’s the player who is most valuable to his team. Last season, Valdez was the glue that held the Phillies together for most of the year. He put up numbers far beyond what he is probably capable to do on a regular basis and played stellar defense. I still feel the Phillies would have missed the playoffs without Valdez last year. My Valdez MVP story was such a good idea that fat slob Bill Conlin stole it and did the same article in the Daily News.

This year, much like last year there is no clear cut team MVP. A case can be made for several players. In fact, it is much easier to say they each won it for a month or two.

Month            Player              Avg                HR                  RBI                 SB

April              Polanco             .398                 2                     19                    3

May              Ibanez                .315                 7                     19                    0

June             Howard              .269                 5                     22                    1

July              Ibanez                .284                 7                      25                    0

August          Victorino            .316                 6                      16                    2

September    Pence               .310                 3                      17                    1

But the Wriz doesn’t take the easy way out I’mma make a decision in a minute but how about this fun fact. John Mayberry Jr hit .275 with 15 homers, 49 RBI’s and 8 steals. Jayson Werth went .233, 20, 58 and 19. Werth had 558 AB’s. Mayberry had less than half that at 262. In the immortal words of CJ Hood how about a slow clap for Young John Mayberry.

Even with his September struggles, the Flyin Hawaiian easily wins the team MVP. His numbers in the dog days of summer were just ridiculous. Besides August, he also hit .364 in July and scored 25 runs in June. For the season, he went .280 17 HR, 61 RBI, 19 SB and 16 triples and played his usual gold glove caliber defense.

As for the team Cy Young, you can make a case for either Halladay or Lee. Hamels might have been right there too had he not had the DL stint. Their numbers are so close it’s almost impossible to choose.

                      G  GS W     L      GS       IP         H      ER HR  BB  K          ERAWHIP

Roy Halladay	32	32	19	6		25		233.2	208	61	10	35	220			1.04	2.35
Cliff Lee	32	32	17	8		25		232.2	197	62	18	42	238			1.03	2.40

But Big Roy’s W/L gets him the nod. The Philly chapter of the Baseball writers gave the nod to Cliff. I wonder if this cost Halladay Cy Young votes? It’ll be interesting to see.

See ya at the Ballpark (for RED OCTOBER!!!!)!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com

100

Happy Tuesday Bunters!!!!!

There are two things I associate fall with: Playoff baseball and ridiculous seasonal allergies.
I am going full force into both at this very moment. One I am very excited about, the other not so much.



For only the third time in Philadelphia Phillies history, we have a 100 win season.



It’s a beautiful thing. What makes it even better? We got that win against Atlanta, aka the Tomahawk CHUMPS.

I don’t think Shakespeare himself could have written a more poetic ending. The Braves are already in a playoff of sorts with the Cardinals… only this one is an attempt at MAKING the postseason. Ha ha hee hee ha ha ho!


There are only two games left to the regular season friends. Two games against the Braves. Now, all we can do is wait to see who will enter Citizens Bank Park on Saturday, October 1st for Game 1 of the NLDS. A few options are on the table, especially depending on winner of the Braves or Cards "playoff" to see who fills the wildcard spot. As far as who I think will get that final spot - I have a pretty good feeling that it will be the Cards. With all of our boys healthy and ready to play, our flat offense is coming back to life and I dont think Atlanta is going to be ready for it.

Leggoooooooo!

Just incase you were wondering how the playoffs will be played out:





Have a great week! I will be back on my A-game next week I promise. Its hard to be witty when your head is in the clouds.

-xo DiamondGirl215

Flip the Switch

All together now! WHEEEEWWW! We can all breath again. The Phillies offense wakes up. Roy Halladay didn't forget how to be the best pitcher in baseball. Hunter Pence didn't forget how to catch a fly ball. The Phillies defense isn't as bad as it has looked in the last week. Step away from the edge of the bridge. Make room for the Eagles fans. The Dog Killer's broken hand = broken season. Three games in and the Dream Team looks more like a nightmare. Watching an Andy Reid lead team is like watching the same movie over and over and expecting a different ending. The Phillies are a veteran team, the oldest in the Majors. Five straight division titles, if any team can 'Flip the Switch' and turn it on in the playoffs, it's this team. There is no need to worry, save that for Sundays when your watching the Birds.

The 1987 Twins lost 5 in a row after clinching the AL Central, they went on to win the World Series. I like the Phillies chances in the NLCS, Halladay, Lee, Hamels, Halladay, Lee, vs the D-Backs. The D-Backs are the 2007 Phillies, a good young team that isn't ready for a deep playoff run. Kirk Gibson is probably going to win the NL Manager of the Year. He has done a great job and is very deserving. I just see the D-Backs as a team that will be happy to have made the playoffs. Does anyone think the Phillies can't handle the Brewers or Braves in the NLCS? The Braves should hang on to the Wild Card, unless the Phils put a hurting on them in the final series.

Charlie ran out a Split Squad Spring Training lineup for a bunch of games last week. I'm the biggest Phillies geek I know after Jay Wrizight and I'll bet 'The Wriz' never heard of Erik Kratz before last week. Uncle Chollie must have bet 10 large on the Mets yesterday, how else can you explain the fact that he brought David Herndon into the game yesterday? That's a sure fire way to make a 3-0 lead evaporate. Let's calm down, pay no mind to what happens the rest of the pre playoffs season. Hit the fast forward button, let's play some meaningful baseball. Pardon me, CJ Hood, let me quote Billy Joe Armstrong, "Wake me up when September ends".

One more thing, the new rule in the NFL where every scoring play is reviewed stinks more than my feet. Keep Instant replay out of baseball, why give Joe West more ways to screw up a game?

Keep It Classy Philly!

DB29

Risky Biz

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood

Risky Biz

 

8 IN A ROW….WTF?

 

Just put that best MLB record on the shelf 

I'm staring at the TV all by myself 

This week’s Phils ain 't got the same soul 

I like that time when we were on a roll

Don't talk to me about a hangover

I got the rabbit’s foot and 4 leaf clover 

In ten minutes I'll be dead on the floor

I liked it more when we were on a roll

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Still miss the time when we were on a roll

Nervous fans are being called assholes

oo

I reminisce about the days of old 

When the Phil didn’t lose 8 in a row

Don’t wanna hear they got swept by the Nats 

I'd rather hear they closed Geno’s and Pats

There's only one sure way to get me to go 

Start playing some offense yo!

Call me a worry wart, call me what you will 

Say I'm not a fan, say I need to talk to Dr. Phil

5X Champs don’t lose 8 in a row

I liked it more when we were on a roll

(Wheels solo dance in his tighty whiteys)

I’d rather bang without birth control

Then see Chase hit in the 3 hole 

I reminisce about the days of old 

When the Phightans were on a roll

I really needed some self control

As I watched the Nats chew us up like Skoal

Remember when the franchise record was our goal

When the Phils were on a roll (3x)

Still miss when they were on a roll.

Running Scared vs. What Me Worry?

Hoodwink’d    by cj hood

Running Scared vs. What Me Worry?

HAVE THE NL EAST CHAMPS BEEN LOOKING LIKE A COUPLA BOOBS AS OF LATE?

-Congrats to the Phils bka the 2012 NL East Champs!

-Big ups for copping home field advantage!

-but, f' whatcha heard.....(mutiple) losses still suck!

-I was the one who texted the Wriz to ask if he was nervous....come at me!!!

-I might be covered in 'worry warts', but "Anonymous" is covered in g-warts.....you know the time!

-Shine Sweet Freedom.....shine your light on me!

-I don't mind the losses as much as I do the lack of offense.

-calm down 'Nats it's the Lehigh Valley Pigs!

-multiple losses in a row make me madder than Mad's Alfred E Neuman (Neuman, Neuman, Neuman)!

-The Phils have done more changes (in the lineup) this week than Facebook.

 

SOME PHILS FANS ARE AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER IN A BOWL OF HOT SAUCE!

-i want to shake the hand of the guy who poured champagne down Wheels' pants.

-does day/night really need to proceed doubleheader?

-At least Ibanez & Mayberry are sticking to the game plan.

-Spy vs. Spy ie Oswalt vs Worley.

-Billy Crystal is a pompous ass!

-Does the Majestic Clubhouse sell Kratz jerseys?

-Our Lady of Injuries....pray for us.

-is the kornhole closed for the season?

-Gregory Hines greatest vehicle was History of the World Part I

-Francisco is trying to prove his Werth!

 

IF MY COLLAR POPS BACK INTO MY TSHIRT YOU’RE IN BIG TROUBLE MISTER!

-Pence has a bumpkin grin....you know you're thinking the same thing.

-How many times did Wheels say “Danny Espinosa the Philly killer?”

-the bullpen has had more lineup changes than Menudo.  I was expecting Ricky Martin to pitch the 7th last night.

-the NL East Champs hats suck!

-Josh Beckett?  more like Josh Wrecked It!

-”What’s Brown doing here?”

-my boy Rerun just hooked me up with a sweet Doobie Brothers boot! 

-how many Beastie Boys references can you count in this blog?

-i'm not scared nor cool as a cucumber, but somewhere in between......let's get 'bunted! 

Worry Warts

It’s funny. Some people just need a reason to worry, it seems. I had gotten a plethora of texts this morning asking if I was nervous, worried or afraid. My answer: nope. Facebook friend’s statuses were filled with doom and gloom. You people realize that we are rooting for the Phillies and not the Red Sox or Braves, right?

Now, if I was a Red sox fan, I’d be slamming my fist down on the panic button. They already lost 2 of three to the mighty Baltimore Orioles. The Braves, who were said to be trying to rest their big 3 relievers thru September, are using them EVERY game just trying to stay afloat. Not to mention, Jurrjens and Hanson are still on the disabled list.

The Phillies on the other hand have clinched home field throughout the playoffs. Before the season, I thought they’d get 99 wins. They have 98 now and still have 8 games left.  Who knows what Charlie is thinking, but my plan would have been to rest the starters as much as possible. Then, the last week, play the starting lineup so they can get their timing down only spelling players for injury.

I know they haven’t been hitting, but in the same aspect they starters have only completely filled the lineup once. Oh yeah, they won that game 9-2. I reviewed the lineups starting with the first loss to the Brewers. During those 15 games, they have averaged a lineup with 5.8 starters. (I did, however, include Young John Mayberry as a starter and did not differentiate when he played first or CF so the number should actually be lower.)  Only Shane, Polly and Pence had started more than 10 of those games. Howard and Utley and even JRoll have been hurt but most likely would have been in the lineup had it been necessary.

Don’t forget, they are in the midst of the 33 games in 31 days with no days off stretch. And just finished the most brutal part in which they played 8 games in 6 days. I know it doesn’t make for the most exciting baseball but the Phillies have accomplished everything of importance in the regular season. They won the division and clinched home field. I know 102 wins would be nice, but not at the expense of being able to win 11 games in October. The most important thing now is to be healthy and ready to go in the postseason. Personal and team records can be sacrificed for a ring. A big, shiny, World Mother Fucking Champions ring.

I’m going to the jeweler to get sized, you comin'? Or are you gonna bite your nails and worry like a little bitch? Man up!

See ya at the ball park!

Jay Wrizight

jaywrizight@yahoo.com