Kornhole Alley: Mr. Met Edition

Thanks for coming into my Kornhole. I want to thank Eugene for filling in last week and doing yet another exceptional job. Let’s get to bidness.

DOC HALLADAY IS A PUSSY

Yup. This so called machine couldn’t handle the heat. He’s soft. He asked Uncle Cholly to take him out of the game. Who the hell does he think he is?  Where’s his heart!? I don’t give a rat’s ass if he threw not one but two no-hitters last year, one being a playoff game, the other a perfect game.

The fact of the matter is this; he took himself out of a game, a game the team would eventually lose. Grow a set of balls and get back to me Doc when you’re a man again.

Obviously I don’t mean any of that. Doc is a beast, a machine if you will. But, if that was the Surfer “Cole Hamels” then this would be the conversation. This town hates Kid Cole more than Ryan Howard and Ryno is black. That’s really telling you something when racist white people hate a surfer more than a brotha!

GUEST BLOG SPOT WITH MR. MET

Hello everyone. I am Mr. Met! I was supposed to write in this spot last week but that dang Kornhole had to take a week off. Whenever the Philthies play the mighty Mets I will fill in and give my two cents, which is all the Wilpons have left in the bank account. (Cue the snare drum).

The Amazin’s are gonna make the playoffs. We are a team with a lot of heart. The Philthies on the other hand, they choke. Never has a Mets team choked like the Phillies did in 1964. How pathetic was that?

The Phillies most beloved team the 1993 version was loaded with some drug addicts… errr… steroid users like Pete Inkivikilgiaialsisia, Danny Jagsin, and let’s not forget the Phillies organization brainwashed our beloved Lenny into steroids also.

Compare that to our 86 World Champions! We had the best Pitcher in baseball and not once would Dwight Gooden ever consider doing a drug, and let us not forget about the one and only Darryl Strawberry another fine young man who knew to just say no.

The Phillies may have won the series last week, but remember this. A war is won over time not over one stupid series. In the end the Mets will knock off those choke artists Philthies and be on their way to yet another World Series.

TRADE DEADLINE

Thanks Mr. Met for that insightful analysis!

The trading deadline is upon us and though this team has the best record in baseball the fan base is screaming for the magician (Ruben) to pull another rabbit out of his ass hat. We went from the days of the great helicopter pilot Corey Lidle coming to us at the deadline to Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt.

So, the question is this!? Hunter Pence or Carlos Beltran!? If you ask me, I want nothing to do with Beltran. He is a scumbag Met and should continue pitching into Jose Reyes taint err tent.

Hunter Pence is not only THE guy to go and get but knowing that Ed Wade wants another ring I’m sure he will make this happen.

Here’s what I think it will take to get it done, and it’s not like its rocket science because it’s been rumored everywhere. The Phils will have to move either Worley or Dom Brown for Pence.

I know the fan base is up in arms because Brown hasn’t become the second coming of Willie Mays yet, if anything he’s been Willie Mays Hayes, but why would you give up on one of baseball best young prospects.

Vance Worley has been a guy I compared to Garrett Stephenson and J.A. Happ and I’m eating crow right now cause that dude has been down right nasty. I’m not saying Worley will be a stud for years to come but he is cheap and can be a serviceable #4 starter behind Doc, Bleepin, and Surfer for the next three years.

If I was the Rube, I’d offer Uncle Eddie, first base prospect Jonathan Singleton and one of the stud A-Ball pitching prospects. If he wants someone closer to major league ready then throw in Mayberry or Kyle the K or both.

It can happen and I think it will happen. I guess we’ll find out next Monday now won’t we.

THIS WEEK IN PHILLIES HISTORY

The Giants and Pirates UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! These two teams have our number and here’s hoping the team comes out and kicks some ass this week to avenge last season’s NLCS and the Pirates dominating ways period!

I think the Phils take 2 of 3 from Giants then lose 2 of 3 against the Fuckos.

Thanks for coming in my Kornhole this week. Stop back next week for more of this crap!

Who wants to pop my E-mail’s cherry? Kornhole@philliesbunts.com